Stuffs

Here are some pictures that prove I can't always take Daya out in public.

We wen t to Petco for cat food and found this guy.

Costco now sells teenagers.

....and Central Park Discovery shared my Carousel painting on their Instagram!

Adventures in Blind Plein Airing

I met with Jin on Friday after work to see if I could pull off a painting.

What I discovered is that I REALLY don't like being out in busy environments unless I have to.
My vision is too compromised, and I'm not kidding at all about that. It's kind of scary.

I also can't see to paint.
This painting is rather terrible;
I could not see through my cataract in the upper right corner.

We were in Sheep Meadow and a park guy started kicking everyone out around 7:30..... I didn't have the people in yet and I have never rushed like I was rushing. (I do not ever work plein airs in studio after. So it had to get finished or remain unfinished.)  We did end up getting kicked out of Sheep Meadow.

Whether I was rushing, struggling to see, or a combination of both, this painting is not good.

I think I need to just take a break until after my surgery. It's not enjoyable, and too much of a struggle.
I would rather struggle with painting issues than vision issues.

Also, I think my cataract has gotten worse since my last dr visit.  It's also magnified in glasses.
I'm so glad this is getting taken care of.

8x10 oil

Girls Nite

Nicole is moving to Boston so I came out of hiding to meet up for mani/pedi and wine after work.
It was really nice to get out.

Now my nails are green.......

...and silver green.

Timing for things is good, going out with Nicole brought a solution to a problem that reared its head earlier today with dance.

Daya is doing a solo this year and she hated... and I mean HATED the song her teacher chose.

Teacher was unwilling to change it, Daya was unwilling to listen to it, so I ran it past Nicole.
She had a listen, agreed that it sounded weird, and suggested using a different version that wasn't a live version.  It worked, problem solved, teacher and Daya are happy.

It's an Ani Difranco song..... she either sounds fabulous or like complete trash.  So I don't blame Daya for not liking it; I didn't either.  But the other version I found really is quite nice.

Dance Stuffs

It's July double-digits!
I'm so over these stupid glasses.

Of course work got super-busy, which is unusual for July.

Daya sent me this video from her dance intensive today. They had a guest teacher.

She likes it so far.  While she doesn't find it especially challenging technically, it's still fine and she knows there is a lot she can get out of the program.  The are 2 other kids in her class who are going to Laguardia. And three from her studio, but one is in the high school group.

Also in case I didn't mention this before- it is allllllll free.

Vegetable Week

Well it has been a week since I last posted.
Daya has been home all week, and she turned into a vegetable.

Full-on teenage brain-rot.

I’m afraid that with the combination of heat and really not being able to see, it has been contagious and I have been a semi-vegetable as well.

This past weekend Daya and I were both stuck in a mind-numbing pit of total laziness. Both of us were only semi-functional.
Work has been busy and I saved all my thinking functionality for that. We had to go to Target and it took us both 2 ½ days to muster the willpower to do it.

********
Today Daya started the first of three summer dance intensives… this first one is 4 weeks long, and it is free. Aside from being an excellent program run by the NYC DOE, it is free and that is my favorite thing about it. Have I mentioned it is free? Breakfast, lunch, classes, all transportation, free!!

Leotards and shoes are not free but she already has those. This morning was orientation and they told us the program is funded through the DOE and also privately. Apparently Tony Bennett is a large contributor and sometimes he comes to the end performances. ABT runs the dance portion. There are 360 kids total, divided into middle school and high school for each of the studios: visual arts, string and brass instrumental, vocal, theater, film, and of course dance. They said over 900 kids auditioned (for all studios).

Since Daya was in 8th grade as of June, she is in the middle school dance studio.
So hopefully she will remember how to use her brain again. She will be dancing from 9-3 every day.

But most importantly it is free AND I can turn off the AC.

********
I’m so over these glasses.

They are heavy and ugly and I really can’t see. My visual acuity in glasses is significantly worse than contacts, but that is normal.
The best vision I can get is with a hard contact lens.

So, glasses suck.

I’m ok getting around in places I know.
I can work ok but with occasional slight difficulty.
The thing I have a lot of trouble with, aside from seeing any small details, is focusing on details in the larger environment.

Because of this I decided it is best for me to lay low and stick to places I know. Basically, I won’t go anywhere I don’t know by myself.
Picking out details is really a challenge and I’m relying half on vision and half on memory.

I was going to wear my right contact lens in the evening and patch my left eye, but that lasted 2 days. I can’t see well enough and it’s too boring because I can’t do anything. So I started just wearing the right contact along with my glasses when I’m at home.

I haven’t painted but I probably can.
Being a vegetable has been more of an impediment to that at this point. (I think.)

This Thursday I'll probably go paint with the journalists after work, just to set that time and space aside and make myself do something.

Adjustment

So I'm a few hours into glasses and it is a huge adjustment.
They are very heavy, I already have a red line on the bridge of my nose.
I also need to get them adjusted, so will have to do that today.

I need to figure out sunglasses..... will try some of those clip on ones.

My cataract- while noticeable in contacts and also without any lenses- is more pronounced.
I think it is still getting worse than even earlier this year.

I really can't see very well.  I'm ok to get around and work but I could not, for example, drive in glasses. Definitely not.

In the evenings I plan on wearing my right contact and patching my left eye, so I don't have to re-break in my contact in that eye and also to give my face a break from these heavy things.

There isn't anything I can do about my glasses, and people trying to make suggestions on how to improve them is annoying because it's all just basic stuff that would have already been done if possible or practical, or their "helpful solutions" don't make any sense. It's the lenses which are a problem, because of the prescription. There is only a a little that can be done about that, which has already been done.

So it's a month and a week, I know it will all work out for the best and this is something to just get through.  It has to be done sooner or later and sooner is better.

I haven't  been in glasses since I was 11, and then very briefly after my retina surgery when I was 13.
It's amazing that, all these years later as an adult, I feel very conspicuous.  It was hard having these thick heavy glasses as a kid.  People were very unkind.  I won't experience that now as an adult, but isn't it strange how feelings come up that are essentially irrelevant in the present.

Last Day of June

Well, it is the last day of June which also means my last day in contact lenses, at least on my left.

I was going to go out painting yesterday but I just needed a lazy day at home.
Earlier today I was visiting a friend, and maybe I'll paint later in my studio.  Or not, I don't know.

Tomorrow will be interesting though.

More Central Park Painting

I went painting after work.
Since I din't get to see Jin last weekend, I asked her if she wanted to come hang out while I paint.

I knew she would say yes because she's always down for sitting somewhere for a few hours and sketching.  We had a nice time,  I did an oil, she did a watercolor and then all the lightening bugs came out.  The park was beautiful.

It would be amazing to go paint a nocturne there with the lightening bugs.
Jin is down for dong that, too.

This is near the baseball field sorta in the area of Columbus Circle in Central Park.
8x10 oil, about 2 1/2 hours.

Tuesday Smatterings

This morning Daya woke me up at 4:30-something to tell me the news that Dr. Mars is stepping down as principal at Laguardia. (This was not worth waking me up for...)

It made the Wall Street Journal.

I am glad that Daya's high school years there won't be shadowed by this negativity and controversy.
But as the article says at the end, Dr Mars and her policies really haven't had a detrimental effect on the phenomenal ability in that school.

*****
Also, Daya made a cake on Sunday. From scratch. She was very proud of it and it really is a lovely cake.

I asked her if she took a picture of the cake and she said no.  So I said I was going to.
To which she said, "When you put it on your blog make sure to say I ran out of frosting."

I was surprised she mentioned my blog... she knows about it but doesn't read it because I won't let her.  It isn't something we really talk about.  She remembers the weirdest stuff sometimes,  she remembers things I told her maybe once a long time ago.

So the fact she mentioned it means she wanted me to put it here, so I did.

So in that spirit, she got a 92 on the Algebra regents and a 98 on Science regents which was the highest score in her class.

Painting with Sid

Sid came to visit me and we went out painting all day.
I got two paintings done, it has been a long time since I did 2 paintings in one day!

Here is the first, about 2 hours right on the edge of The Ramble.
10x12 on a panel Sid made for me.

We walked around and eventually ended up down at the Carousel.
This took just under 2 hours, a year ago it prob would have taken me three hours.
I'm very happy with this painting, it is difficult plein air subject matter

8x10 oil

******

I ordered a new computer and another monitor and a new desk.

My old desk was a relic from my first apartment.  My ex found it on the street in perfect condition.

It had storage and was made of wood and - while a nice desk to be honest, it has run its course and I am very glad to be getting a refresh.

Of course I'm still messing with my old system, I got some different error stuff last night that looks somewhat promising, but what I'll end up doing is just putting the hard drive in as a second hard drive into the new system.  The drive itself is fine according to the gazillion CHKDSK commands I ran.  I know the disk is fine, but Windows is a total mess.  It hasn't been right since I upgraded to Windows 10 from 7, and I think a recent update just killed it.... which is consistent with the repair loop I am stuck in.

All in all it is ok, I knew this was coming. When I am up and running I'll feel good about the whole thing. It will be nice to have a gpu that is actually compatible with Windows 10 that doesn't require a dedicated desk fan blowing on it so it doesn't overheat due to the incompatibility.

Also, I now want a mug that says:

                                                           bootrec /fixmbr

                                                           bootrec /fixboot

                                                           bootrec /rebuildbcd

Goodbye FrankenPuter

I spent 13 hours trying to get my computer to boot.
Cannot.
Need new system.

... have been avoiding this for about 2 years.

Ft Tryon Solitude

Yesterday Jin texted me there is a plein air thing in Inwood that spans three days for the summer solstice.
I couldn't go because I was at the art students league workshop, but since I was planning ot paint today anyhow, I went up to Fort Tryon park.

When I got to the park I did not see any other painters, so I just chose a spot and set up to paint.
When I was almost-but-not-quite-done a lady came up to me who happened to be the organizer of the event!  The person I had been looking for.  It was nice of her to come find me, especially since she didn't know about me!

There is more painting tomorrow in Inwood, and i'll go up and paint, maybe find some more people.

I brought my galkyd lite but I am not sure if I like it or not.This is always my issue when I try using an actual medium instead of solvent outdoors. I can't decide if I like it.

11x14 oil

Yellowstone Box

******
So now that Daya is graduating 8th grade she's officially a grown-up and everything I say annoys her.
Seriously, I came home from painting today and was in a good mood, I said hi, because I want to interact with my teenager and chat but she just got annoyed because she doesn't like my good-mood voice. Which stings, I don't want to be annoying for just being myself.

In her perspective she thinks I think she's 7 years old.
I do not think she is 7 years old but she doesn't understand that one can be light and still be a grownup.

She wants to be all Dark and Serious all the time, and I miss her.  I miss her being fun and goofy, she is with other people, just not me anymore. Daya has a fantastic sense of humor and I love her goofy fun self.... but I never see it anymore, I miss it and that makes me sad.

Graduation

Daya graduated 8th grade.
It rained.  A LOT.

She's somewhere over here.

I somehow always look old next to Daya.

We went out for sushi afterwards.

Pretzel Comfort

Daya has a bunch of Regents exams this week, so I thought it would be fun to go see The Secret Life of Pets 2 last night.  (we both liked it,)
There were 4 people in the theater including us.

She was standing like this while waiting for the train.
I guess when you are a human pretzel, this is comfy.

Totally Turquoise

I needed to de-stress tonight so I made a turquoise color chart.
Am annoyed that my Blick brand PG50 leans ever-so-slightly bluer than my WN and Williamsburg PG50s.

Also wish my Gamblin Phthalo Turquoise leaned greener like my Vasari.

Painter problems.

Tacos. Paint, and the Tunnel of Dark Death

Yesterday I went out painting in Riverside Park for a change.

I got off the train at 96th street and out of nowhere felt really hungry.
I was thinking about that while walking west, and then encountered this wonderful place which was awesome and perfect:

Then I went into the park and got a little lost with how to get where I wanted to get, and Drusilla helped because she is permanently UWS no matter where she lives.

My re-configured schlep worked extremely well and I am very happy with it.
I stopped using palette paper and in my large box am using the palette directly in the box.

It all worked very well.

11x14 oil, about 2 hours

I had traveled down the park from 96th street down to 78th street.
As I was walking out I found this Tunnel of Dark Death:

I wondered if I could go through it.

To be honest I kind of wanted to.

As I was standing, texting Dru to see if I could go through it, a Lost Tourist Group was wondering the same thing.

They went in.

They came back out quickly.

A super-friendly park ranger with a headlight hat drove by and gave them super-friendly directions to get out of the park.

They were the exact same directions Dru gave me.

He said hello to me and I told him I like the headlight hat.  I told him, gesturing, "You could even go in there with that!"

He said that's exactly what it was for because the headlights on his park vehicle didn't work in the tunnel.

I still kind of want to go in there.

I also want a headlight hat.

***********

I couldn't interact with Daya from Thursday afternoon until Friday night.

I was too angry and upset.

I needed space.

We talked and are moving on from this, and I think- even though I had already told her clearly- now that she wasn't in the middle of her own inner conflict she was able to hear me.

I did write a (polite) note to the studio about it, I didn't think it would do any good and I was correct.

No one is willing to look at this from my parental point of view, no one cares that I clearly said no, several times again on Thursday both to Daya and to her teacher, no one acknowledges that there is any issue, and pursuing it further is completely pointless.

There is nothing further I can do.

I can't and would not do something like pull Daya out of competition, that would be a super-shitty thing to do and I won't do that.

Today is Sunday and I'm still feeling upset.  

The only remedy for it is to stop thinking about it.

Yet it lingers and feels unpleasant.

Awards

Despite being so angry and upset about the rehearsal stuff I never consented to, I still took pictures at awards.

Whatever.

I'm feeling grumpy.

I have to be very careful when I'm feeling grumpy because it reflects right back to me in all kinds of strangely unpleasant ways.

So far I have been rained on when getting off the train, my ID wouldn't scan, my computer was not the way I left it last night and I had to close all my programs and restart, some stakeholders for a project did a ridiculous management escalation to chase a course they sent materials for TUESDAY.... and that was all before 9am and pre-tea.

So I have to be careful when my energy is off. I have to get it together.

*****
The reason I'm grumpy is because I am feeling quite angry.

Dance.

Remember that response to the last-minute rehearsal trying to get Daya to go while in the middle of getting ready for Prom?  After I said no? "Daya cannot go to a dance rehearsal in the middle of getting ready for Prom."

It has happened again.

They have a series of rehearsals this month, also kind of last minute, and I said Daya can't go for June 6 (Prom) and tonight.

Last night Daya asked me why I said no to tonight's rehearsal.
She has her honors society/awards ceremony tonight.
There is a dress code.
She needs to be clean and presentable.
Rehearsal ends at 6 and this ceremony starts at 6:30.
And she has to be changed and clean and travel and she will have no time between after school and the end of awards to eat anything......

So her teacher yesterday told Daya it would be really good if she could go to rehearsal today EVEN THOUGH I SAID NO and Daya is hell-bent on going to a 2 hour rehearsal before the ceremony and I'm too exhausted to argue.

But I'm angry because last time I was aware, I'm the parent here and I don't like being dismissed and undermined concerning my child BY OTHER ADULTS.

I'm just pissed off that no one (other adults) seem to give a crap AGAIN about anything I say (regarding my child) if it isn't the answer they want to hear.  I feel totally undermined.

Sunlight Horror

I went out painting after work today in Central Park.
I had Specific Goals.
Good Goals.

****
A few days ago Sid told me about a painter named Michael Chamberlain.
He is amazing.  His paintings are a perfect blend of simplicity and design.... he is a design genius.

So of course I have been binge-watching his youtube channel.

I find his approach a good balance to what I have been doing lately, and a good evolutionary progression.

Ever since I saw David Nakabayashi's Union Square painting last year, I have been painting scenes.  I've been happily challenged with that, and I can do it, but they are scene paintings not design paintings.

Design paintings are a whole other level, a higher level.

So I want to zoom in a bit and look at abstract design and shapes in the composition.

That was my goal today.
I used a primary palette (quinacridone red, lemon yellow, ultramarine plus cerulean) just to make things simple on a 6x8 panel. I kept the painting to 5 distinct values. Clean brushwork.  Minimal time (1 hour, 15 minutes). Intentional composition of abstract shapes. Simple.  Less is more.

Throughout the painting I felt very controlled and it was good.  I had good control of the paint and my brush.  I kept my goals in mind and learned quite a lot. 

But the painting is meh. It's not my favorite.

This is how it looked when I was painting it:

Then I thought, it's dark, I should look at it in the light.

And that's when the horror began:

OMG!!!

I freaked out.

Michael Chamberlain (rightfully) says you don't really know how the painting came out until you get home, so I decided to wait and look at it on the easel under my daylight spectrum lamp.

It passed the easel test. It's still not my favorite but it isn't a horror like it looked in direct sunlight.

So... all goals were met and in that way it is successful but this is still a meh painting.

*****
Today on Instagram I saw an artist (need to find out who it is) that has this as his biography line:

"I have 99 problems and painting is like 86 of them."

This is genius and exactly how I felt today.

Re Configuring the Schlep

Plein air gear rambling ahead.
It's boring. But I have to document my plein air stuff.

**********
I love my large plein air setup so much but.... the schlep.
It is a hard schlep and I have been trying to figure out how to make it better.

My awesome Yellowstone box weighs 7 lbs and my awesome heavy duty tripod weighs about 6 lbs.
So I'm 13 lbs in with no other gear. (this is also a $600 setup)

Remember, I walk everywhere and have subway stairs and train-standing etc to deal with.
No car to carry my load.

Because my box doesn't fit in my backpack, I have been carrying it separately and that is not my favorite.  Not at all.

So I started looking at other setups, other configurations.
I don't want to get another pochade box... well actually I do want a Bitterroot Lite but that's almost $400 so.......now is not the time for that.  I looked at a lot of the other plein air products out there and none of them appeal to me like my Alla Prima Pochade boxes, which are ingeniously designed.

Besides, my large setup is so sturdy I am basically windproof.
I LOVE being windproof.

So, no new box.  What else can be streamlined?  My dang paint weighs a LOT.  I need to consolidate that...again.

My backpack. My backpack! I'm using a laptop backpack and it probably weighs a pound or 2.
I could get a new lightweight bag that is large enough to carry the Yellowstone!
So off to Amazon I went.  Hiking backpacks, other packs.  I found backpack airplane carry-ons that would fit my box. Then I looked at the weight.  Nope.

Then....then I found THIS.

It has the right dimensions and weighs 7 ounces. And is only $18. WOW, this might work!

AND I ALREADY HAVE ONE AT HOME 

THAT HAS BEEN LANGUISHING IN MY STUDIO 

FOR ABOUT 8 YEARS.***

This year has been freaky-bizarre with stuff that has been in my studio for YEARS that is finding new purpose.

The Yellowstone box fits in it beautifully and there is room for all my other stuff too.
I think this will work.  I tried it on.  It's good.

Test run happens Saturday.

WHY DID THIS TAKE ME SO LONG?

*****
I bought this bag at..... maybe the museum of natural history, idk why I remember that, I could be completely wrong... it was back in my early days of plein airing when I was using my first 9x12 box and figuring everything out. I remember taking it out once and not liking it with the 9x12 box.  The dimensions and shape of that box are different and it just didn't work. I forgot about the bag completely until I recently came across it looking for my camera batteries before recital.

8th Grade Drama Showcase

Daya didn't want me to go to the 8th grade drama showcase because she said it was really bad.
The students wrote all the skits (there were too many) and the theme was bullying.

It was about what you might expect from drama-prone 8th graders.

But Daya did very well.
She acted in one skit and wrote another that she didn't act in.

Street Fair

Street fair happened today and this closes out the dance season for the year.
We made it through.

I'm looking forward to our next phase.

Canoes Near Bow Bridge

I wanted to paint larger, so I brought out my 11x14 box.
It is the loveliest box/tripod in the whole world to work on but oh it is such a schlep.
Heavy. And I walked around too much being indecisive.

In the end I settled down right by Bow Bridge and painted the canoes on the water.
This painting took three hours, and I was very non-deliberate about the back foliage.  It is suggested instead of meticulously rendered. That saves a ton of time!!!

I used my atrament black (which is a very dark black-green) but because of it I did struggle with the color in this painting. But I experimented a little and learned a lot.

Overall I am happy with the results but I have a lot of thinking to do about approaches.
It really is nice to work larger.

11x14 oil

********

A lot of people took my picture. Some people took a lot of pictures.
I used to REALLY not like that and I still don't but now I just accept it. It's the location.  There are things I have to put up with if I want to paint in certain places. There is nothing I can do about it.
People think I am cool, which is cool I guess.

Not only does it really suck when people are looking at you and your painting is in the Ugly Phase, but they take a picture of it, too!

One girl took my picture then came up to me to tell me. (Many people ask first which I appreciate.)
She offered to send it to me. I was really caught off-guard by it, my mind was just so engaged in the painting I couldn't process what she was saying.  I know that sounds stupid but I get so focused and tune everything out.  Anyhow, I declined because 1) it caught me off-guard and i didn't know how to react and 2) I didn't want to give out my phone number even though I know she had good intentions... idk, it was what went through my head.  I think she was a little upset, she sounded a little upset.  I felt bad about that, it really wasn't a rejection.  Maybe I should have said yes.

Prom

8th grade Prom was a full-out affair.
They were at a formal event venue, it was Very Formal, certainly not like the 8th grade dance Ihad in the school cafeteria.

Hair, outfit, alterations, nails, the works.
It was expensive and I had to take care of a lot of the details which was a bit tiring.

But this was Daya's very first actual formal affair, and she looked great and had a good time.

'

Her hair held up for two whole hours and I had to iron it again myself before we left.

These are pictures Daya took and posted on her Instagram account.

********
Fun story about dance and Prom.....
Competition is at the beginning of August and the studio was trying to get some rehearsals together before school ends and everyone leaves for camp.  There was no school on Thursday (Prom day) and they emailed everyone Tuesday afternoon to schedule an hour and a half rehearsal because they just found out there was no school.

I said Daya can't go, she is getting ready for Prom. They could have her in the morning before she goes to the salon but not after.

They emailed me back saying double check with her that she can't make it, it wont be a sweaty rehearsal and her hair should hold up (HAHAHAHAHAHA) and she should still have plenty of time (um no)....

And I had to write them back saying Daya cannot go to a dance rehearsal in the middle of getting ready for Prom.  I really had to write that.

I love the studio but honesty that was completely ridiculous.  The only proper answer to "She's going to Prom" is "Ok have a great time!" .... not try to still get her in a dance rehearsal.

Recital 2019

Every year recital comes, and I'm back doing the same stuff with a lot of the same people in the same place and it feels like no time has passed at all.

This year was Daya's last year doing full-out recital, next year she will only do team stuff.  No more 7 costumes.  No more $200 on dance pictures.  I love that we got to do it, but I'm looking forward to the scaled-down stuff next year. 

It was long, we were there for almost 11 hours. (That will not change next year.)

Here are a couple of pictures.  I didn't take them, one of the other moms did.