Siena Drawing Issues

Today several boathouse friends met up at The Met.

Kedrin and I can spend hours there, and indeed we were there for 6 hours.

Everyone else arrived and left at various times.

There is a Sienese show from the 1300s up right now.

It's all religious stuff because that's all they were allowed to paint.

It's also all egg tempera!

Back in those days, perspective and realistic representation wasn't developed yet.  3-d sculpture was more advanced; painters were still working out the 3D optical illusions on a 2D plane.

Also, because everything was religion the physical world, material objects, emotions, etc just weren't important. It was all about the afterlife and transcendence.

People were still greedy and materialistic, but the afterlife was the focus of the times.

Anyhow, sometimes they couldn't draw very well, as seen in this angel:

Aside from freakish drawing issues, the show was lovely and it's nice to see egg tempera on significant display. A lot of these pieces are small and the detail is extraordinary.

The Easel Amputation

Kedrin came over and we took 7 inches off the easel mast!

It's much better.
I can raise the tray higher and have the same functionality sitting or standing.

Hand saw and palm sander.... and Pebbles....

Alone Together

Yesterday I was mostly not doing great like at all even though everything is actually ok.

Daya and I met up at 3pm at H Mart on Northern Blvd, which is a HUGE Asian supermarket.

Then we walked home because that's what we do.

I probably still can't really say this but Daya loves her super long walks in the city and she's just like me with that... neither of us gets tired walking, we can both go forever..... I might be the only person she can tell she walked 15 miles to and back from Lincoln Center to Brooklyn and I'll just say that's a nice walk.  Because I have done similar so many times myself and I understand the peace of city floating.

Anyhow this child ate NINE sushi rolls again and said it's nothing.

I ate three and as of the writing of this blog post next day 11:01am I am still not hungry.

3 rolls                                       9 rolls

We had a nice little Thanksgiving alone together and it was simple, non-traditional, quiet, and wonderful.

Last weekend when we met Daya's aunt...Daya told me I said something that stuck with her and she's been thinking about it... I don't even recall saying it.  She said I told Janine we have always been alone together.

It's true. It's exactly what we have always been- alone together.  

I am so happy for our strong connection.

It's ok that I annoy Daya sometimes, that's what moms do.

But she knows I support her and more importantly- I respect her.

Then I made her watch Planes Trains and Automobiles and she liked it because who doesn't love that film.

******

I have a stack of paintings that are dry and in the varnish pile.

This year I have done 47 plein airs, and I'll prob do a few more in December.

I also have several egg temperas and a few junk studio practice paintings I destroyed.

On the new easel I have a 14x18 painting in progress, and it's coming along.

I am far more self-judgmental on studio paintings than I am with plein air; it's an interesting observation.

*******

Kedrin is coming over later for the Easel Amputation and movies.

I am making lentils.

It starts.....

Not pictured: onions

Just Stuff

On Sunday evening we met with Daya's aunt and the meeting went very well.

It was more intense for me than for Daya; I have trauma from everything and she just doesn't feel connected, which is completely understandable.

Going was the right thing to do.

Her father sure has been up to Some Shit, including Daya having several more siblings I didn't know about and he takes care of none of them. The difference though, is that everyone is over in SA together and connected and Daya and I are the only ones who have been alone. The Other Shit that I was told (and I'm sure there is even more) was Really Bad but I'm not going to write about it here.

Pretty much everyone (including all his children) thinks he's a piece of shit and the anger runs deep towards him over there.

I can say the same here.

It's very validating.

It's so validating that people finally believe me that what happened wasn't me doing something or being somehow unacceptable.

He really threw me under the bus when things happened and none of it was even true, and people believed him. He'll tell any story to make himself look good.

It's also validating for Daya to hear it.

She knows I have told her the truth.

I don't keep any secrets from her and she has a right to know.

If she ever doubted, now she shouldn't.

So I have been processing a lot but it's good because it's finally overdue to have some positive aspects to this whole situation.  Nothing can change what I (and Daya) went through, but maybe going forward there can be a new and positive aspect.

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I'm having a not-great mental health week. By not-great I mean bad.

Part of it is the stuff i just wrote about, maybe it's the holidays a little bit, but it's two other things for sure.

1. Netflix has a new documentary called Buy it Now.  Everyone should watch it, even though it will upset you for days and mess your head up. But it is a moral obligation.

I knew about 60-70% of what they talk about on at least a basic level, and I have been saying for years the blame and responsibility for the MASSIVE amount of waste and plastic produced has got to come off consumers (mostly) and go onto corporate and government responsibility.

For a while now I have personally made efforts to reduce plastic waste, especially single-use plastics.

I'll keep my phones for years... until they are obsolete beyond repair and replacement.

It really bothers me... and I'm getting more and more bothered.

Even in my art I am very conscious of waste, for years now.

Even though the fine art world in all honesty is so tiny compared to everything else.

When I plein air my total waste is 2 pieces of biodegradable palette paper.

Almost 0% of any pigment goes down the drain.

I re-use my solvent for YEARS.

I recycle old clothing for oily rags and use it until I just can't anymore.

My paint tubes are metal, except the caps but I can't control that unfortunately.

I would like for Gamblin to switch back to metal and glass jars, and I might email them about it (again).

Acrylic painters, by the way, are pouring tons of pigment AND PLASTIC down the drain.

Acrylic paint is PLASTIC.

Oil paint is just plant oil (linseed, walnut, poppy, safflower) and pigment.

2. Rent.  My rent went up. I got the new envelope yesterday. And they accidentally gave me the wrong one, for the people above me who have been here like 2 years.

18 years in a rent-stabilized apartment and I'm $160 less a month than they are.

(I don't know when their next increase is though)

And their place is new and renovated--- my apartment is old... either original 80 years old or from the early 1990s. I live very simply; nothing about my place is fancy. It's just a basic 80 year old NYC one bedroom apartment.

This bothers me... I have always known I'm not far from market value here.... even though people think because I'm stabilized and have been here so long my rent must be really low.  It isn't.

I'm absolutely terrified at rent increases and cost of living going forward.

And I'm in a GOOD situation... and it's like this.

Housing costs in the future scare me more than anything else.

The rent increases terrify me.

I have anxiety attacks over this that last for DAYS.

I'm in one right now.

I'm trying to remind myself that everything is still ok, I can afford the rent, I really am ok...

I'm so scared for the future.... with housing costs and the destruction of the planet... because over the last 20 years it's gotten exponentially worse and no one is stopping the business practices and overproduction and waste that's fueling sales and profit-driven businesses that do not care after they sold you whatever.

And Gen Z for all their "Consciousness" "Sustainability" and "Awareness" and some of the biggest problem contributors with their consumerism.  SHEIN. TikTok.  Influencers. Fast Fashion. Uber Eats and delivery. They say all the right words and do nothing in actual practice to live a more environmentally sustainable life. Then complain about anxiety and despondency over it.

*********

Today is Thanksgiving and Daya is coming over later and we will have a quiet nice day.

I don't feel like doing anything except hiding from the world.

Snow Painting & Things Coming out of the Woodwork

This past week has been very strange, basically Daya's aunts overseas (not her father thank goodness) have come out of the woodwork to contact her. One of them is in NY for a few days on business.

It was extremely triggering and I needed time to process and settle.

I'm ok now.

But their intentions are good and interestingly-- and this says a LOT- they haven't been in contact with him for years, for "numerous reasons"...... He was very close with his family so he really must have been up to Some Shit over the years. Well, I don't know and I don't care as long as I have no connection in any way with him.

Daya is an adult and can make her own decisions.

But because it's a very strange experience for Daya, she doesn't feel a connection to them at all, and she has been up to her eyeballs in rehearsals and performances, the honest truth is that the initial connections wouldn't have happened without my assistance. Daya can be unresponsive if she doesn't know what to say and she's so busy. She did ask me for help.

And no I don't have to do it.

But I do think it is the right thing.

I don't know how interested Daya is in establishing and maintaining a relationship with them, but that's her choice. I'll help if she wants me to, but aside from that it's not my place (and they haven't asked) to tell them anything about her.

We are meeting one aunt later today and Daya does want me to come with her, so I will do that.

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Yesterday I went up to Thendara Mountain Club, it is near Tuxedo NY/Bear Mountain area for a boathouse volunteer trip. There is snow so of course I painted it.

8x10 oil on Canson paper

Painting time about an hour and a half

Temps were cold but still above freezing.

I only brought lavender spike oil and the CCS Lean medium, probably didn't need both.

As much as I love my linen panels my winter equipment is a lot heavier, so I used the paper instead, it is significantly lighter. I also left my solvent jar at home. Any extra weight to shed is good.

I do prefer my solvent jar to clean brushes but honestly it's optional; I can do without it.

My feet did not get cold! At all! Boot-coats, electric socks, toilet rug, and extra warmers for the win! Gear held up well.... I hope to paint subzero again soon and see how long I can last standing out there!