Relic

I have a neighbor who smokes and sometimes their smoke comes into my apartment, which I find to be highly disgusting. It's not all the time, and not every day.  It's not an issue when the AC is on, and less of an issue when it's cold and breezy out.

My windows are open pretty much year-round except when the AC is on.  I like fresh air.

To counter the smoke I bought a big can of smoke odor neutralizer, and when they smoke I spray it out the window.

Then I aim Fran the Superfan (my wonderful industrial floor fan) at the window for a few minutes and this takes care of the smoke odor.

It's annoying but effective.

But the plastic tip of the can came off, and I can't find it.

I don't understand why I can't find it, because there is an extremely limited area for it to have gone, unless a cat batted it around.

I took a flashlight to the floor and under the heater.

It's not as bad as you might think down there, partially because I have cleaned it thoroughly somewhat recently and it's not a place where "stuff" ends up.

But I found this under the heater, it has been hiding for probably 14 years:

I thought I was done finding these things..... 14 years ago.

I still have NOT found that damn cap and I'm really annoyed about it.

And I don't know where else to look.

Gingerbread Season

I had a doctor appointment today......... I hate going and haven't been since my 2019 surgery but I suppose an annual physical is a good idea so I did it. Also I think I'm anemic again so need to get that checked.

I have a new doctor on referral from a friend and she's amazing!

Daya forgot her ipad and begged me to bring it to her....she has rehearsals for Knickerbocker pretty much all week until late. So after the dr I went west to MMAC to bring her ipad because regardless of what my teenager thinks, I am a good parent and am even nice sometimes.

On the way I passed toe Columbus Circle holiday market, and that means Drusilla's favorite gingerbread!

I got gingerbread for her and me (they were out of girls), and chocolate chip cookies for me and Daya. (See note above about sometimes I am nice.....) I left a cookie for Daya with the ipad, shipped gingerbread to Dru, and went to Trader Joes.

We had a nice pink sunset.

And also, completely unrelated, my cats were snuggly.

Furball is so fat!

Partial Paint

I partially painted my room.
It needs to be done in sections; it is a huge job.

The walls in my room have never been painted since before I moved in.

It's that standard flat white paint.

15 years old.

It looks so dingy.

The landlord offered to paint my apartment several years ago but I declined because it's such a huge job and i would have to move everything all at once.

Plus, I don't want that awful flat white paint.

I put on white semigloss.

There were still scribbles on the wall from when Daya was a toddler.

They were done in water-washable Crayola markers and absolutely nothing would get it out of the wall, not even several Mr Clean Magic erasers.

I was a little sad to paint over it but it had to be done.

I also partially painted the ceiling.
(I used flat ceiling paint for that.)

This will brighten up the room considerably and also cover up the damage I did when I went nuts last summer and put acoustic foam on the ceiling to try to block out the neighbors.
(It did not work, do not do it.)

Positive Nonviolent Discipline (PRT)

PROLOGUE
This is a really rambly ranty post. I set out intending to be concise but that didn't happen.

START RANT
A friend of mine shared this Facebook video.
I watched it once and I can't watch it again, it has got me so upset.

PLEASE take a moment to look at these pages which are a starting resource to change understanding of corporeal punishment and learn non-violent approaches to dealing with conflict and discipline.

http://www.slideshare.net/srjojofma/positive-discipline

http://www.hands.org.gy/files/Parenting%20Handbook.pdf

http://www.nonviolenceeducation.com/nonviolentdiscipline.html

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2719514/

https://suzukiassociation.org/news/25-nonviolent-discipline-options/

It is NEVER ok to hit a child. 

There are far more effective ways to correct 

and manage your kid. 

Hitting them is "justified" violence and bullying.

It is abusive.

Nothing, absolutely nothing will ever convince me otherwise.
This video really hit my nerves and my heart on so many levels.

*********
I don't believe in punishment.
I DO believe in consequences.
I DO believe in discipline.

Punishment is making someone suffer because they did something "wrong" so they have to be intentionally hurt because of it.

Consequences are the natural outcome of one's actions, positive or negative.

There are, of course, times when a person must be disabled of their ability to commit acts which hurt themselves or others.

But I want to talk about children right now, not adults, not criminals.

*********

The child in the video was definitely needing correction and guidance, and he's probably a smart-ass but beating the crap out of him is just awful.  That's not going to solve anything.  He'll learn that when he is an adult it will be ok to hit others smaller and younger (or his girlfriend/wife)

He has also learned that he cannot get help or protection, that because he is a child he can be bullied by those in authority.

This is a horrible message at best, and a very dangerous one at worst.

AND- No one is willing to assist the mother in learning better parenting skills.  

She doesn't know any better.  She needs help too!!!

*******
It certainly is very possible to be a parent instead of a friend and never hit your kids.
I'll never be parent of the year (or even parent of the day) but I do think Daya is a great kid and she pretty much listens (almost always on the important stuff) and we don't have a lot of "discipline" issues. We DO communicate a whole lot and I never hit her.  I can't even consider it, not even hypothetically. I don't mind being scary but I can't stomach the thought of hurting her.

Perfecting the Terrifying-Lazer-Mom-Stare-of-the-Apocalypse is imperative.
It's ok for kids to be a little bit afraid of their parents. But not because they will get the crap beaten out of them.

Daya absolutely HATES the Terrifying Lazer-Mom glare.
I'm so good at it that several times she has stopped whatever she was doing just because she didn't want "The Look".

I am good at being non-violently scary.
Daya regularly tells me I am scary.
But I never hit her, ever, and I never will.

PLEASE DO NOT HIT YOUR CHILDREN

http://www.slideshare.net/srjojofma/positive-discipline

END RANT

EPILOGUE THOUGHTS
During the writing of this blog post Daya was in the bathroom and she knocked over the cup that has all my makeup brushes. I went in to see what happened.  It isn't worth getting mad over.  Accidents happen, it's not a big deal. Daya had to pick everything up, and when her friend goes home she has to wash all my makeup brushes.  I'll show her how and then she has to do it.  That's all.

All kids need guidance and correction in order to (hopefully) become decent human beings who are an asset to society. When I need to, I take away privileges such as electronics or computer time. Daya lost her $20 metrocard so she had to pay for it with her allowance.

If Daya starts having academic problems in school due to either skipping school or not doing her work, she knows dance will be the first thing to go. (She got a straight A report card so I am not too worried about school)

Occasionally (not often) I get REALLY MAD at Daya.
She remembers these times much better than I do.
I was furious when she lost her phone this past May. Because she didn't follow the phone rules I must have gone over about a thousand times...., (Keep your phone charged, keep it in your purse when you aren't using it)  So, yeah, I was really furious. And I said so and she sure knew it but I never even thought about hitting her.

***********
Yes is yes and no is no.
As parents we definitely need to make threats sometimes...the trick is to never make a threat you aren't willing to follow through on. And TALK to your kids.  Communicate with them in an age-appropriate way.

You CAN reason with an 8 year old.
You CANNOT reason with a toddler. They do need immediate feedback but they don't need the crap beaten out of them, ever.

*********
I had a notorious troublemaker child over once, he was acting terribly. I informed him his mother was goig to know about it.  This child (he was 7) looked me right in the face and said "What's she going to do? Smack me and yell and say not to do it again? I don't care. It's not going to work. I'll just do it again."

This was a child in desperate need of enforced boundaries.
His mother once yelled herself red in the face at him for 20 minutes about how he wasn't going on an easter egg hunt, then when he calmed down she started packing his things to go.

I said "What? You just spent 20 minutes telling him he can't go."
She said she would feel bad if he missed out.
And she regularly hit her child.
Real effective.

Childproofing

When babies get mobile and start creeping around, then walking, people usually childproof dangerous places.  I put a lock on the bathroom cabinet under the sink, which was a source of constant toddler obsession.

Daya broke through the first lock so I got a better one which worked great.  She still remembers that lock!

Now that she is much older, we don't need to childproof anything.

Um, except that we do.

Because of the stupid cats.

One night sometime last year, I woke up in the middle of the night to a scary horrible smell.  I went into the kitchen to discover that Pebbles had turned the stove on. I have a gas range.  I had left a pan on the burner with a plastic spoon in it- which completely melted.  And I know for a fact it was Pebbles.

So I childproofed the stove with those knob covers.

Now, I have to childproof the freezer because of Isis.  She has opened the freezer several times, my chocolate ice cream being the latest casualty.  I know it is Isis because I have seen her do it.

The cats are far worse than Daya ever was.

Haha!!

Daya's Name

I often get asked about how Daya got her name.  It's a good story.

While I firmly believe that everyone should name their babies after me (Carey), I myself would not do that. It is much better to have someone else name their child after you.  But I was pregnant and the baby needed a name.

I certainly didn't know what to name a baby.  I did know Daya was a girl (I knew that at 2 weeks and I was correct), so I thought about girl names.  A name is a gift- it is important.  I did have certain criteria- I wanted it to begin with either a D or a J, it had to be uncommon (at least in my culture) but not obnoxious, and it had to have a good meaning.

Being completely at a loss, I decided to ask the baby what her name was.  Maybe she would tell me.  So I asked, and I waited to encounter a name- not just once, but several times. I was on alert.  And that is exactly what happened.  I encountered Daya at work, when I was doing some training.  It was the last name of the training host.  And then I heard it in my midwife's office.  And then- the Gayatri mantra found me.  The last word of the mantra is "dayat"- which is a conjugation of the Sanskrit word daya.

So, the baby's name was Daya.  I did not tell anyone her name until after she was born.  Not even her father, but he didn't care anyhow.

In Sanskrit, Daya means divine kindness and mercy.   In Hindu culture, it is a very popular name.

Daya is one of the five fundamental teachings of the Sikh religion.

It is a very powerful spiritual name.  It is her gift, and also her lesson.

Daya at the Temple of Dendur

Today Is Wednesday

I have another sinus infection. Stupid stupid sinus infection. This one isn't from Hell though- it just hurts a lot and is very annoying. At least I am (mostly) functional and don't have a fever and am not at Death's Door like last time.

My neti pot is my BFF. Did you know that using COLD water in the neti pot instead of warm feels even better? It gets the gunk out and takes all the pain and pressure away. If you have sinus issues try it.

And friends, here is my Wednesday Lament:

Over the weekend I picked up some wonderful, fresh, thinly sliced Meunster cheese from the deli, and a box of Wheat Thins to go with it. And I cannot enjoy either one. Why not?

I went off all dairy due to the stupid sinus infection, so cheese is off the menu.
As for the Wheat Thins...well, Daya stole them. The whole box. I looked and looked and can't find them. It's been 2 days.

:(

Daya Draws!

Firstly, Lisa over at Flying Colors sent me a gift!!! I have a beautiful print of her e-Stamp!!!! It is GORGEOUS. I called Lisa to say thank you and we had a lovely conversation. She is one cool lady. THANK YOU LISA!!

Daya has started to draw actual things instead of just scribbling. She is very proud of her work and insists that it is put on the wall. She's drawing airplanes and faces...the faces are so funny; I love them.

:)





Look at this one.



She did it right after I finished the Sundew Faerie with all that sticky dew.

Daya is so clever.

Preschool: Found

Today I visited a local preschool and really liked it. So Daya is set to start on Feb 15th. $715 a month!! (Checking account, pls see note from yesterday thanx) Yikes. But that's actually a good rate compared to other preschools. They provide home-cooked food, and there are other vegetarian kids there so they're familiar with it and it's no problem. She'll be doing arts and crafts, music and dance, and they put on a show for the parents twice a year. This will be really good for her. Daya is an extremely smart child...and it really is the right time to move her into preschool. I know she'll love it. She'll love being with the other little children too.

I told Daya's sitter today that she was starting preschool and she was totally supportive and knows it's time. The nice thing is that I can still bring Daya over to her anytime I need to. It's good to have backup.

On my way over to visit the school a group of junior high boys was messing around on the sidewalk and throwing snow. One of them slammed into me and I told them to watch it. They then proceded to follow me for two blocks throwing hard-packed snowballs at my head. Even when I was at the entrance to the nursery school with the door opened! The ladies there saw what was happening and we called the police. After I went inside we saw them throwing snow at other people, and also at apartment windows. Seriously, isn't there a whole lot WRONG with this?

Thankfully I won't habe to be out right when school lets out. The kids are awful on the subway too. It's disgusting. One of my close friends is a high school math teacher...I have no idea how she does it.

I can't believe Daya is starting school!!!! Seems like she was just born. It went by fast.

Preschool

It's time for Daya to start preschool. Which for me means more monthly expense and less convenience.

I have been putting it off but finally came to the decision last night/this morning. While her current daycare situation has been very good, very convenient, and inexpensive, there is one issue which I am done trying to resolve over there. Perhaps it's for the best that I reached my breaking point and the Universe is telling me something- that it is time for a change.

My issue is this: Daya's diet. The sitter feeds her, which is a blessing. However, she eats so much white starchy stuff over there it totally negates all my efforts to have her on a whole grain healthy diet. She eats so much at the sitter's that she doesn't want to eat when she gets home. Problem: chronic constipation. Long-term ongoing. The solution is not medicine- it is a dietary change.

I don't even know how many times I have asked the sitter to limit to one starch a day. And feed her less so I can feed her at home. And stop giving her bread. (that's white bread in addition to white pasta and white rice all in one day) Just last Friday I asked her AGAIN to completely stop giving Daya any bread. Yesterday I asked what Daya ate- and bread was on the top of the list. I even brought a loaf of whole wheat bread (which Daya eats at home) and the sitter gave it back to me saying "She doesn't want it.".

It is NOT healthy for my child to have one traumatic poop once a week. (On weekends, when I am giving her extra fiber go figure) It is NOT good that the sitter completely ignores my requests repeatedly. I've had the conversation too many times. I am not going to have it again. I am done.

At home I do add extra fiber to her food, but the problem is that 90% of what she eats is not provided by me. I am angry, I am frustrated, I am done with it. I have to rule out diet to see if there is another underlying medical issue, which is proving impossible in the current circumstance.

OK I am done ranting. Am visitng a school tomorrow. Will resolve issue. Thank you for reading my vent.

And BTW did you know that NYC is INSANE when it comes to preschool? Did you know that it is very common for people to pay upwards of $30,000 a year to send their kid to preschool to pee on the floor and take a nap? I cannot fathom it. I think it is a NYC thing. Even if I had that kind of money I wouldn't do it.

PS Dear checking account, pls magically create extra funds. Love and kisses, J

Cactus Monday

I did a little more work on the Stape G faerie. But even after sitting down and painting for a while, I still really did not feel like it. So hopefully she will be finished sometime this week. Perhaps on No-Computer Tuesday or No-Computer Thursday.

The Stape G. Faerie says Happy Cactus Monday!



Not pictured yet: the flies.

My No-Computer days are devoted to reading, art, and playing with Daya...although she insists on that last one all the time. I went around my bookcases and pulled out a bunch of interesting-looking books. Some of them I have already read, some I will read cover to cover, and some I will read in bits and pieces.


Not pictured:
*Eat, Pray, Love
*Your Three Year Old: Friend or Enemy
*Soul Coaching
*Space Clearing A to z
*If I can forgive So Can You
*Past Lives Present Miracles
and of course
*12 Secrets to Highly Creative Women

Daya wanted to take a picture with the books.


OOH and I almost forgot! It's Delurking Day!

Merry

Daya made out exceptionally well this Christmas.






That table you see in the humungous box in the back there took me over 2 hours to put together. I now understand parental revenge and called my father to apologise for every crappy thing I ever did.

Daya is sleeping right now. So I took the opportunity to organize her crayon box. Because I had to. I also might have colored a page in one of her coloring books.

There is nothing...nothing quite like the smell of a new box of Crayola crayons and Playdough. I love Playdough. Um...so does Daya.



I hope your holiday, whichever one you are inclined to celebrate, is bright and full of love.

Sister

My sister didn't get lost going around Manhattan all by herself; I am so proud of her.

She does, however, torment Daya quite a lot. They fought over ownership rights to Daya's stuff. The big argument was over Daya's Tinkerbell DVD. To be more accurate, the big fight was over the empty DVD case. Blood was drawn, actually. MY blood.

Sister claims it was an accident. Should I believe her? She did, after all, pay for a very nice dinner. And I discovered that raspberry frozen margaritas do wonders for nasty lip cuts that are also swollen. It stopped bleeding hours ago, doesn't hurt nearly as much as it did, nor is it swollen anymore but unless my sister reads this blog while she is here I'm still going to milk my injury for all it's worth.

Here is the best pic ever of my sister:





We're getting more snow tomorrow.

Update

The meds don't seem to be working. They should be doing something by now right?

This thing is getting worse. I feel worse. It is in my eyes now. I'm STILL running a low grade fever- that's the only thing that's sort-of improved.

I'm supposed to go back to work today but I have to go back to the doctor.

Will catch up on everyone's blogs when I can put my contacts back in.

PS Aunt Flo sends you all love and kisses and snuggles.

Stuff

1) Daya is still sick. The fever is gone but it turned into a bad head cold. I carried her off to the sitter half asleep in her PJs wrapped in a blanket. There are advantages to having a sitter right down the hall. I am extremely grateful.

2) My sister is coming to visit!!! Because I am awesome I am sending her an unlimited weekly metrocard and a map. Then I am turning her loose to gallivant around Manhattan by herself. She'll have to figure out the rest and try hard to stay out of trouble because I don't have bail money.

3) I bet my sister's friends are totally jealous that she gets to gallivant around Manhattan and get free lodging for 5 whole days! Actually, *I* am jealous. I want free lodging too!

4) Smoke detector update: It was mostly dead after all. It still screeches. It got mad at me when I put the battery back in, but I made good on my threat to remove the battery if necessary and it is now behaving. (With a working battery inside)

5) I am leaving right this very exact second to meet my friend Jackie for lunch at the Olive Garden. Unlimited breadsticks and salad! With soup!!

6) Bye!

AED.29

One more day to go! Tonight I did a little more work on the Lithops Faerie.



I took Daya to the Central Park Zoo today...a quick trip; I wanted to get out of the house and walk around a bit. No place like Manhattan to do that. We visited the polar bears but then Daya got realllly sleepy and I discovered she was running a fever. So we went home and both uf us slept for 4 hours. Around 7pm she was still running a high fever. I gave her some medicine and now she feels better.

Except it's 11:26pm and she's WIDE AWAKE.

And I've got that surreal feeling that comes from too much sleep and odd sleep schedules.

Daya is upset that the cat just used the litter box...she's got a strange idea that cat is using *her* potty. The things three year olds get flustered about. It's NOT helping the surreal feeling.

Here is the polar bear.

AED.28

I started painting the Lithops Faerie. It's not much to look at...just the basic colors blocked in after transfering the drawing to watercolor paper.

That lamp I got for my drawing table is wonderful. Makes it so much easier to just sit down and work. I'd love a new chair and drawing table. I've been working on this table since high school...it's a little rickety. (Except in college...all the dorm rooms were equipped with pretty decent and BIG drafing tables) But still, I am so glad to have something to work on! :)



Mary kidnapped Daya for the day and took some beautiful photos. My daughter is the Queen of Hair.

AED.27

A Lithops Faerie sketch.



I hope you had a nice Thanksgiving. We spent the day with a friend and her family. It was a very nice time and Daya had a blast.

AED.22

How deeply unfortunate for the Stape. G* Faerie that she attracts legions of flies. I'll definitely have to add some in the painting.

It stands to reason that she's a little weird.

She'll look good painted, I think.



Also, I found *fingerpaint bubble bath* in the drugstore yesterday!!! This stuff is so fun I might even use it.



PS My bathtub is clean but never ever looks it cause it's at least 50 years old. I have tried everything believe me. One day I will have a beautiful new shiny claw foot bathtub. Until then we make due with what we have.

*Stapelia Gigantea

AED.18

How come no one told me how wonderful and FUN these zentangle thingies are???



Here are a few pics from Daya's third birthday: