Goodbye 2019

This year ends, this decade ends.
2019 was a lot of change.

But overall in a personal sense, this year I have done extremely well.

Over the whole year, I have felt good significantly more than I have felt badly.
I have remained artistically motivated all year as well....despite the lack of studio work (for another year *sigh*) I have experienced extraordinary growth with my on-location work.
It's important to acknowledge ourselves we have made a shift, when we have done well.

Doing the gouache stuff- while not my primary medium and not my primary goal of work output- has really strengthened my on-location skills.  It's been really fun, too.  I have learned so much.

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I got an award at work!
Even though I am on vacation, I'm checking my email and was pleasantly surprised to see I got a small award for a project I did that supported a very large new sales contract.  That's a nice way to end the year.

There will be more change at work over this year- but it is good change and I'm glad about it.

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Daya is in high school and doing well there.
She starts summer auditions--- next weekend!!

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So here are my 2020 intentions:

*Practice happiness throughout every day
*Drink a lot of tea
*Paint some pictures: on-location and in-studio.  I really need to get back painting in my studio.

I have been sort-of unofficially evaluating my work as a whole over the year.
This is really easy to do on Instagram!
It's important to look at work all together vs individually.
I have some definite consistencies and patterns- but I'd like to move beyond some of them especially in regard to color. I'll probably take more classes at Art Students League; new perspective and approach is so important and I need that.

I signed up for the 30 Faces in 30 Days challenge through Sktchy.
This will be good practice.... and I have no idea how I will keep up with this daily.  I have reserved a small new sketchbook.  It will not only be good for new perspective and practice, but also using a lot of the media I don't normally use. Mix things up a little.

My Will Weston figure drawing workshop is in a few weeks- I'm so excited about that!!!
(He teaches figure drawing at DreamWorks.)

Happy New Year, Happy New Decade!
I intend for things to keep getting better and better.

Sunday Trains and Sweet Rolls

Every year the MTA runs the Nostalgia train on Sundays in December.
I like to go; it's fun.

The city is really, really, REALLY crowded this year.  Everyone is here for the 2020 New Year celebration. The holiday train was packed.  It's usually fairly full but this year was just ridiculous.

So I don't have a lot of pictures but that's ok.

I got myself the Elder Scrolls cookbook for Christmas.
Daya just rolls her eyes at my geekiness.
The book is really lovely, unexpectedly nice actually.  There are some really nice recipes in there.
It's more useful and practical than I expected.

But of course the first thing I had to make were the signature Skyrim sweet rolls.
They came out really nice.

Two Cats

Furball and Isis being friends.

Unwrapping

We had a small Christmas this year, and Daya got her tension rod.

The cats helped, too.

The Tree This Year

Daya had a chiropractor appointment last night *** and then she wanted to look around at Capezio.
Then I wanted to see the tree at Rockefeller Center and it was SO CROWDED oh my gosh where did all these people come from and WHY were they here on a MONDAY?

The tree is lovely though.

***
Daya wants to go to the chiropractor.
Since I'm way past my insurance deductible and don't have to pay I said fine ok whatever but it's not a miracle cure.
She said my back still hurts.
I said I know, you have to do Pilates like your doctor and physical therapist said...and your home PT program.
She said I want to go to the chiropractor.

Chiropractors are fine I have nothing against them, they have helped me before but I don't think it is the solution she is looking for.  Her physical therapist said no-- it won't hurt but won't really do anything either- Daya has to do her home program.  I'm pretty sure she does some of it sometimes- but not all.  Actually from what I gather she mostly does the things she doesn't have to get out of bed for.

Last night was our second appointment with a different practitioner in the same office.
I liked the first person more.

The lady who saw Daya gave a whole- obviously rehearsed speech- which really came across to me more like a marketing pitch that everyone gets.  Daya is 14 years old and she went through the whole spiel about spinal degeneration in our 60s.  Showed models and everything- talked about all the awful things that happen if we don't get chiropractic adjustments.  I'm not buying it, because I have had chiropractic treatment before (several times actually) and NEVER heard a speech like that, ever.

Daya is 14 years old with a specific dance-related issue, we don't need to be talking about spinal micro-trauma over decades.

So then this lady went through her whole speech about ALL THE PROBLEMS and then of course said 2x a week for 5 weeks.

When I said no, I'll do through the end of the year, she argued with me.
Which I didn't like. It felt like a sales person not taking no for an answer.
Then of course my teenager who knows everything argued with me about it.

Daya has just been through 2 months of VERY EXCELLENT physical therapy for this (and her hips), the back issues were addressed and documented and xrayed, PT and MEDICAL DANCE DOCTOR said Pilates. So no, chiropractic treatment is NOT her primary plan of care for this situation.

And she didn't really even feel better after either appointment.  So I'll do a couple more until the end of the year but I'm not doing a 2x a week for 5 weeks thing.  Nope.

Sometimes it seems like no one gives a crap that I am 1) the parent and do actually know a few things and 2) the payer-of-the-bills.

So yes my perspective absolutely counts.  If my child needs care she will get it.  But not everything is necessary.  I'm not going to go around looking for different solutions to fix the issue because Daya hates Pilates.  I certainly don't need people arguing with me about it.

I think we have reached a point with this situation where it's up to Daya to help herself, and she does have a tendency to want to hold on to problems and get angry instead of embracing solutions.

She has been provided with tools and resources and care, but she has to do the work and there is no substitute for it.  That, combined with the past 2 months of medical care, is why I'm not sold on the chiropractor,  And after everything I have provided, and we are talking top-quality specialized care, I resent being argued with about it.

Studio Soapbox

I'm about a year behind on my studio painting.
It's hard to stay inside when I can go out... but I really should have more recent studio work, I should finish the series I started last year.  And do more.
I don't do enough.

This year I incorporated gouache painting for the sole purpose of "doing more", and that was a fantastic thing to do.
But none of it is studio work.

******
I look at a lot of paintings in a fairly wide range of media and style.
Sometimes this is good and sometimes it isn't.
Sometimes it is inspiring and sometimes I have to stop looking at painting after painting.

There are some artists that stand out to me because they have a unique perspective, or they are just so technically excellent they command attention.  Some are both.

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I'm tired of paintings that are just transfer-copies of photographs.
They are just re-interpreted uninspiring images in an image-saturated society.
Blah blah blah.
They show every little detail and leave nothing left for me to discover or fill in.
I find myself mentally dismissing them because they don't have what I'm looking for to admire in a painting. I want to take it further.... I haven't really achieved this yet but I'm trying to think past what I can currently do. 

This is where the studio comes in.

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Making a good painting has to be more than "This is a nice photograph, let me copy it."

Good artists who work from photographs must think beyond the photo.
There are people who successfully do this, but they all have good training.
This is not a beginner thing, though it is where too many beginners start.
There has to be thinking behind it, something personal. Not just making a copy.
They know how to compose, they understand how to use color, perspective, they know how to make it theirs.

I want to construct my own images.
If I need photo ref, it is to support the image- not be a basis.
The concept comes first- any reference is there to support it.

******
I'm thinking of this I guess because I saw a post on a forum of someone's 12 year old granddaughter who painted a large painting as an exact copy of a rather terrible photograph.
Same-size grid.
Full size photo taped up next to the easel.
Copy-transfer.
Copy copy copy.

Everyone says "What a talent!"
I say "How dreadful, PLEASE get this kid working from life!"
OR copy other paintings.
You can learn a hell of a lot by copying master paintings.

Do that. Copy those to learn.
Don't start out copying (usually bad) photographs.

Sunday Plein Air

I didn't want to just stay in all day, and I wanted to give my new boots a try so I went out painting in Central Park.

I also got some of these sole warmers.  Painting in the cold is generally ok with the right clothing except for my feet.

It wasn't actually that cold- about 45 degrees which isn't too bad.  I didn't even wear my gloves.
New boots are great, the sole warmers are great.  If it's really cold out I might need 2 in each shoe though.

I felt them when I was walking around, not so much when I was standing still- but when I started moving around again the heat was really strong.

It took me a little while to find a good spot, I was feeling a little fog-headed but it was still good to get out.
The light was nice.
6x8 oil, about an hour and a half.

I should probably post a better picture of this painting, maybe I will remember later.

Solstice

I needed new boots for Very Cold Weather and Daya needed a new coat for Very Cold Weather.
So we went down to Union Square and accomplished all our shopping goals, along with a hot cider from the holiday market.

It was a nice day.

Holiday Ramblings

I'm not really a big fan of the holidays but I still like to put a tree up.
I'd probably like the holidays better if I had places to go and people to see, away from here, and they were people I liked being around and there was cool holiday stuff to do.

*****
Daya is done with school until January 2.
I asked her if any of her friends are around and she said no, they are all away on winter vacation.
I said all of them? and she said yes, they all have money and go to warm places.
That's one of the problems with dance.... it's true that most of them really do have money.

I know she's not ok with having nowhere to go, staying home all the time, just us.
She isn't upset with me, she just doesn't like the circumstance.
She compares her life to her peers and finds it lacking.

I also wish we had places to go and people to see.
It's terrible to feel like your best isn't good enough.
It hurts.

*****
Inevitably- and I need to get better about this- I tend to think of my family around this time.
This holiday stuff is inflicted on everyone everywhere, it's so in your face no matter where you go so it's just hard to avoid it.

Last year I had a hard time around the holidays and while I'm slightly dreading the long stretch of it this year, I'm hopeful that it will be unexpectedly pleasant.

A friend who ended our friendship in end of 2016- early 2017 has reached out and invited me and Daya for Christmas Eve.  I said yes.

******
I'm often around parents, since I am one.
The parents I am around for the most part are well-educated and very involved with their kids.
(I guess the involvement part is especially true at LaGuardia because these kids absolutely cannot do what they do at the level they do it without serious parental support and involvement.  It's just not possible.**)

Especially now we are in High School and college stuff is everywhere.
The support these parents give to their kids is astounding- and it is the most normal thing in the world.

It is impossible to be going through this- both as a parent and observing others- and not think back to my own parents when I was at this stage in my life.  It is so vastly, dramatically different.
The way these parents care for their children is so vastly different.  It is taken for granted to take care of their children.

Daya might only have one parent but she got a good one-  and that is so preferable to two crappy ones.

******
** Yeah I got to go to Pratt despite massive resistance and a fight against it which lasted for years after I graduated. There were strong feelings that I was very selfish for going to Pratt and the people who felt that way let me know about it, a lot, for a long time.  None of the parents I am interacting with think their kids are selfish for going to good schools, it is quite a contrast. They are proud and excited and happy.

My mother was willing to take out the parent loans so she could "live vicariously"... I didn't care what her reasoning was, it was my way out.  I had grants and scholarships and my loans, too. And I worked through college.  (She was supposed to be putting money aside monthly per the divorce agreement from when I was a toddler but when it came time for college there was nothing.)

Whatever her reasoning- whether it was about me or not- and no matter that it was the only college I applied to (bad idea), and no matter that I had limited help and no backup plan, I do appreciate that support, it was enough and it got me through all 4 years of tuition.  Art school worked out for me and I have a great job situation as a direct result which has flowed directly to my own child's benefit.

Visual arts is different from the other arts in that you can do a lot more with a lot less. Otherwise, not only is serious parent involvement logistically necessary, but it is extraordinarily expensive. Instrumental, drama, vocal, dance..... visual arts is very cheap in comparison!!

More Eye Things

I had my yearly appt with my retina doctor last Tuesday and I didn't write about it, but I'm going to for my own documentation.

She answered a lot of questions and in general made me feel better about things, mostly.

Thing One: I still have a teeny tiny hemorrhage in my left eye, but she isn't worried about it. Says it's probably still from surgery.  I have another eye dr appt in March so we'll just wait until then.

Thing Two: I am using my multi-focal contact in the left eye, and it is much, much better than soft lenses but I do have light scatter- significant light scatter- and I don't wear the lens at night at all.
During the day it is fine and it is good at work as well so in that sense it is successful. I asked my dr about the light scatter and he said he didn't know... It's also a neuro-adaptive adjustment to switch between close range and distance.  I guess there is always some compromise in distance vision.

I asked him if the lens is correct and this is just how they are, or does it need an adjustment? He said it could be either one, give it a little while.

I have just received the bill for my new lenses- the right one (high minus correction only) is not a multifocal and costs $60 which is normal.

Oh my gosh the multifocal lens is $200!! I'm very careful with my contacts but losing this one would be pretty bad.  And I'm not getting a backup; it is too expensive.  But it is still less expensive than glasses and I can wear this same lens for at least a couple of years.

I can wear it plein airing but for indoor sketchbook work I don't wear it- distance is too blurry due to either the lighting or switching back and forth all the time. I have been using half-size readers instead to look back and forth which is a better solution for optimal vision while arting indoors.

Thing Three: Flares. I still have flares on certain lights. I would love for them to go away completely. Maybe they are lessening but if so but it is too gradual to notice.  So I asked my retina dr about them and she said it could be a phenomenon of the implant...which could also be causing the light scatter off the hard lens. And I still have occasional bubbles circling the perimeter of my eye... the photopsia.  My implant is made of acrylic.  I asked her if  the material made a difference (some implants are silicone) and she said no.  She also said an acrylic implant is much better for someone with retina issues, silicone would not be advised for me.

The flares might go away or I might have to live with them.  A lot of people have many months' adjustment after surgery; I guess I'm one of them. The good news is it often does get better over time so I will remain hopeful because I don't like the flares.

She also said even if it was available for me, a multifocal implant would have made me crazy and I would have made them take it out.  She said that has happened with some of her patients who insisted on a multifocal implant.  She said that people with retina issues can't ever find the right place to focus.

So all those what-ifs floating around in my mind were laid to rest, I know the implant is the best one currently available to me.  My retina doctor was extremely pleased and surprised at how good my vision is after surgery- she said outright she wasn't expecting such a good result. My left eye- with NO correction! reads 20/50 plus 3 on the 20/40 line.

I asked her if there is still time for my eye to settle down further after surgery, even though three months is considered healed and she said yes,  So that's good.

I'm DONE with eye stuff until March.  I'm not dealing with it anymore. I'm tired of it.

****
I can't believe I did that night time plein airing a month after surgery! My vision was still really messed up and I wasn't adjusted or healed!!  It was much worse than what it is now!  I can't believe I did that crazy night painting!

PT Graduation

Daya "graduated" from physical therapy tonight.
She even got a tshirt.

I would really like a break from all the medical stuff; it's been quite enough this year.

Superlative

Daya needs new shoes AGAIN and I'm sticking it on my blog because I always need to look back as a reference point. She had to go on flat in her pointe class last week.... those Gaynor Mindens did NOT last longer--2 months!!!-- and she didn't tell me until after she couldn't wear them anymore.

We started at Onstage.

They are so amazing there. So. Amazing.  But they had no shoes for Daya, yet knew the shoe she would probably need (and they were correct!)...so they did not charge us for the fitting and we went up to Bloch......... (where I wanted to go in the first place to get the shoes she had over the summer that she liked...)

We couldn't remember the name of the shoe she liked, and there's one she doesn't like that I had to replace----- I know Bloch had her on file at one point but they couldn't find it... so I searched my blog and couldn't find it here either SO HERE IT IS:

We spent about an hour and a half trying on shoe after shoe and none of them were good for her until we finally arrived at the same shoe she had over the summer.

You would absolutely NOT believe the amount of variations in pointe shoes. Hundreds, easily. It's astounding.

I get to do this all again in 3 months

Not pictured: jet glue.

I Love to Wait Around

I worked a double volunteer shift for Cinderella, selling raffles and concessions.
Because I was working both shows, I was asked if I could stay in-between so we didn't have to break down and set up again.

Well, I'm the BEST person in the world to ask to literally just sit around and wait for a while... because I can paint!

Waiting is never boring when you can paint.

Here's a little gouache painting in my sketchbook, outside of the concert hall, I guess about an hour.

I really enjoy the volunteering; I got to see /hear the other cast (there are 2), and I met some cool people.

Cinderella

We saw Cinderella tonight....... it was astounding.
I mean, we knew it would be amazing but seeing it still is just.... amazing.

These kids are absolutely incredible, and it really was on the same level as Broadway.

Observed in Gouache

I observed Parent Observation Week for dance in gouache.

Ballet:

The room they do Modern in is beautiful... and all classes have live musicians.  It's really magical.
I love LaGuardia; it's such a special and unique place.

Homework Help

Daya asked me to help her with homework!!
She almost never asks me, so when she does I am happy.

The help she needed was...... "Mom can you please draw a rat on my Japanese homework?"

Well, homework help comes in all forms, and I am more than happy to draw rats, so here was the first one which was deemed too small:

The larger rat:

All I want for Christmas is........

..... a tension rod???

******

After some nagging Daya finally sent me her Christmas list.

It's short and bizarre:

CHRISTMAS LIST
-COSTCO VANILLA ICE CREAM
-https://www.amazon.com/Rod-Desyne-Spring-Tension-Round/dp/B01M9DT7KT
-Indy Truly Wireless Skullcandy Earbuds - Bluetooth True Wireless Earbuds - Shop black
-https://www.nike.com/t/converse-chuck-taylor-all-star-high-top-unisex-shoe-xX439O black 7.5m/9.5
-CAP SLEEVE | Gaynor Minden black m
-spending money
-surprise me :D

*******

1. She's not joking about the ice cream.
2. I have no idea why she wants..... a tension rod.....????
3. Earbuds = her airpods were stolen
4. She has so many shoes already...
5. Idk what the Gaynor Minden thing is, I have to go and ask them.
6. Money (sigh)
7. Surprise me- I'm going to get her custom socks with Pebbles on them.

*****

Who the hell wants... a tension rod... for Christmas????

It was kinda cold outside

.... but not too bad.

Really a very nice day to go out and paint- good overcast light, no wind.

A few people stopped by- one lady who lives in Toronto but is originally from Hungary stopped by, she is in NYC for the first time and we chatted for a bit.  I like to be really welcoming to visitors.

I was in a kind of hard-to-reach spot but it didn't stop a group of 5-7 tourists to settle down for longer than I was comfortable with.  I gave it a few mins but when they weren't moving I sent a well-placed stink-eye and they got the hint.  Really, it's nice that they are just so enthusiastic about what I'm doing and I appreciate that so much- but it was breaking my concentration.  Because of where I was they were physically too close.

But I really love that people love that I'm out there painting.

I had a great view overlooking Bow Bridge.

The water was hard because it was completely changing back and forth every few minutes... it went from dark with reflections to light with no reflections.  I left it for later in the painting but then had to choose a scheme and just go with what I could remember and design it.  I'm not thrilled with the water, it could be better as far as design but whatever.  (Clouds do this too, sometimes the light goes back and forth between two completely different settings and you just have to choose one and remember it.)

I'm continuing in the *awesome* change of not doing a solvent-thinned underpainting, courtesy Garin Baker.... I really scrubbed that first covering in with a cheap hog bristle brush- NOT my Rosemarys!! The nice thing about this is the paint sets up in about 10 mins and is easy to work over.

The paint feels just so very nice, perfect texture and body, it feels the way only oil paint can feel. It's addicting, the way oil paint feels on a brush. It's installation and sculpture.  I was happy this worked in cold weather; oil paint is much, much stiffer in cold weather and looser in the heat.

Stapleton Kearns says it reflects the weather and this translates to the painting; he's right.

This one took 2 1/2 hours, 8x10 oil.

Daya in Charcoal

I have been in the mood to draw.

When she was younger, Daya used to get so mad at me every time I started a new painting and it wasn't of her! Well- I have been meaning to do another portrait of her for a long time now.

This one went a little more slowly than the last one- over 6 hours.
But it was nice to sit at my easel all day.

The lighting in my ref was weird, top-down, I probably shouldn't have used it.

I love the simplicity of basic materials.
9x12

Set-up Tweaks and a Llama

Thanksgiving yesterday was nice, we were at Jackie's and had a lovely time as always.

Today I put a tripod mount on my 5x7 cigar gouache box.... and put it on the wonderful adorable mini tripod that just arrived.... isn't this fabulous?  It is the perfect height for me to sit on the floor and paint!  Much more comfortable.

Crinkly cat toy for size reference:

In the afternoon we went to see some friends from the dance studio.
Great food, great company and silly games like Llama lineup..... the girls thought they were too old for it.... until the suction-cup things came out of the box.

Here is Daya being a llama.

Aux Trois Crayons

Wetcanvas, the dinosaur site that it is, is still cranking along with fits and hiccups.
The annual portrait swap is still happening, though sadly not the huge event it used to be.

I haven't participated in several years but I thought it would be a nice thing to do.

And I'm in the mood to draw.
I need so much practice and review of anatomy.

So here is my swap partner this year, a nice man named Michael.  I used the trois crayons approach, meaning "three crayons (pencils)": black, white, and an earth red (sanguine).

I used black charcoal, white charcoal, and an earth red pastel pencil.
Maybe for the next one I'll use some nice conte.

There is a lot of allure in the power of simple tools.
Simple basics can do so much.

This portrait took about 3-4 hours.  I'd like to practice and get that time reduced even further.

A few years ago something like this might have taken me around 8 hours.
The black and white portrait swap I did of Clive many years ago took me about 12 hours if I recall correctly (I could search up the old blog post but am too lazy), so I'm getting the time down which is a good thing.

Gouache and The NYC Transit Museum

I wanted to get both myself and Daya out on Sunday.
Daya wanted go to the NYC Transit Museum in Brooklyn, so I said ok.
Which was a really fantastic idea because -- what a cool place to paint!

There are things there that Daya likes to do, like lift the wheelbarrow full of rocks.

Daya also spent quite a lot of time trying to jump the turnstile without making it click.
This kid takes the train every day yet she wanted to go play in turnstiles!

As it turned out- due to cold and rain and a birthday party, the transit museum was very crowded with kids.  I didn't mind but Daya got tired of it, especially since she couldn't do her favorite thing- drive the MTA bus.

I asked her if we will have to come back so she can drive the bus and she said yes-- so I'll have to bring paint again.  Maybe we should go on a nice-weather day when it isn't so crowded with parents needing to get the kids out and about.

Daya looking all Brooklyn.

I decided to paint in this old train car from 1933.
Daya got bored and went home!

Part of the reason for my bringing paint was to test tweaks in my setup.
Instead of using dry paint in pans, I switched to wet paint with a pencil tin case as a palette.
It worked well but the white paint slides down so I need to lay it out on the bottom next time.

IND R-4 “City Car”. 1932-1970s. Gouache in sketchbook.
About an hour and a half.