Unicorn Synchronicity

I'm a little behind on my blog, I have some updates from Halloween etc but they'll wait.

Because something very major happened today.

This afternoon my landlord called to offer me a new apartment.

A big 2 bedroom, in the same building.

It's on the top floor so no upstairs neighbors.

This eliminates a massive stressor and anxiety I have been living with for 20 years.

Noise from upstairs especially- and also the courtyard behind me- have caused me a lot of distress over the years.  My current neighbors now are ok, they are just doing normal life stuff but I hear it.  (I can even hear the guy upstairs peeing.) I just tolerate it because you just kind of have to.  It's the music-blasting that really wrecks my nervous system...not normal living noise. I still have PTSD from my neighbors from 2019-2022 who BLASTED their music, drums and bass taking over everything.
My current neighbors don't do that, I have no complaints against them.

But I still live in anxiety of what if they move and I get loud music blasters again?

And I just deal with the overhead noise.

In this new apartment... no one is above me.

It's an end of hallway apartment so I don't really share most of my walls with anyone.

It is a quiet apartment, and I am probably the quietest person in NYC so that fits.

It is a unicorn apartment and I happen to be a unicorn so that fits, too.

My rent will go up by $200 a month, but I can afford it.
I can make it work.

It's worth it.

I will be paying $600 below market rental value, and right now I'm paying about $300 below market rental value. It's rent-stabilized.

If Daya stays here she'll help with expenses too. That'll also be good for both of us.

I'm not going to worry about the rent.

I am always provided for.

And I get to keep everything I love about living here- I am happy in the building, it's well-managed, I love the location...all of that remains the same. And it won't cost me anything to move, aside from needing some things for the new apartment.

It is in my landlord's financial best interest to get me out of this apartment, and he knows I'm not going anywhere on my own.

So he made me a really good deal.

He'll gut-renovate, raise the rent to the legal rent instead of the below-market preferential rent I pay, and charge more for this one-bedroom than what I will be paying for a brand new renovated bright big 2- bedroom apartment on the top floor.

************

I'll give him my decision on Monday, yes, and I'm ready to sign the papers and give the security deposit.

FREAKY THING: This came exactly to-date 20 years since I moved in here.

My first reaction when he called was extreme overwhelm.

But it's just such a good offer.

***********

Daya has been INCREDIBLE.

She wants to step in and take over all the things that scare and overwhelm me and that i just don't know how to do.

She knows how to do those things AND she likes doing them!

She told me I'm not alone this time.

She is gentle with me in my fear and anxiety and stress.

She also said this changes the way she thinks about living with me- I know she hates this apartment and it does hold a lot of years of hard history. I understand why she doesn't want to be here.

*********

On a personal note, I have been doing some intense internal clearing since mid-September.

I have been working with an energy healer who I have worked with since 2021- basically to clear energies that have been stored in the body. Release.

It works. 
I have cleared abandonment- personal and generational (that took 3 sessions), effects of my circumstance on being a mom, emotional effects of my eyes on my life, and I have one session next week in which I'm going to clear the stored energy I hold in my body from parenting from 2015 to present. And we'll do a final sweep and then I'll need a break, it's a LOT.

I feel different in my body and my frequency has definitely shifted higher.

I feel less dense, I feel space where those old emotional energies were.

But I'm ready to let go of old outdated life things and step into a new life phase- I just didn't expect my dream apartment- literally- to come with it!

So, this massive shift comes at a time that makes sense.

This move is a MASSIVE clearing out.

Also financially, I'll give Daya the last college tuition payment next month and then I'm done.

The new apartment makes some major dreams come true:

1. I will have my own bedroom, WITH A DOOR! That's been my DREAM!!!

2. Noise eliminated- no upstairs neighbors or worries about who might move in.

3. The second and larger bedroom will be my studio and guest room (probably).  I will have an actual dedicated studio room!

I want space for Daya, but she's insisting on this.  We'll make it work.  It's going to be fine.

I always want her to have a place here, a nice space too.

This is very overwhelming, but amazing.

I think my art will dramatically benefit from it as well, with new expanded space.
I feel so constricted in my studio right now.
It's time to grow and expand.

My cats are going to freak out, and I have to figure out how to get Furball into the new place....

All 4 burners on my stove will work! (2 burners on my stover never worked from day 1. I live with 2.)

My fridge won't be falling apart!

This is AMAZING!!!

Also I will have an actual living room and I truly have no idea what to do with a living room.

Daya's job is to figure that out tho.

She's awesome like that.

49

Oh man how did that happen.

I'm working today which is fine.

Maybe I'll take a walk later and go vote early.

Later this evening I'm meeting Daya for dinner which will be nice.

Otherwise it's just a Thursday.

I hope this new age-year is a good one for me, with positive change, new stories, and continued stability in these strange and difficult times. I wish good things and positive thoughts for myself.

Pastels in Luchetti Via

Years ago Sid sent me a second cigar box rigged up for portable painting.

I have used the first one he sent for oils and gouache, but the second one- which is very nice- has been sitting in my studio.

I put it to good use as a mini pastel box.

The top and bottom and lined with memory foam, and the palette holds everything down nicely. there is enough space between the lid and the palette to hold a few things.

I also looked around in my pastel cabinet and found this nice set of 30 Rembrandt half sticks.

Apparently I ordered them June 1, 2016.

10 1/2 years ago, dang... good thing they last forever! (oil paint does too.)

*******

Tonight I wanted to paint but nothing too serious, or long, or formal.

My new Luchetti sketchbooks really are perfect for this, and they'll be pastel books for now.

I'm really glad to be working in pastel again, even if it is small and casual.

Here is the first spread from my little Luchetti Via.

The first one I did a few weeks ago on my overnight shift on the hotline.

The second is from tonight.

Gapstow Bridge & How I Made Central Park Much Better

Janae and I met up to paint in Central Park today.

We ended up at the iconic Gapstow Bridge.

I have painted here many times but not for a while.

Despite my hesitation to be in such a crowded area of the park on a Saturday, it was good vibes all around.

Gapstow Bridge is one of those places I revisit from time to time as my painting evolves.

I have painted there in all seasons, in hot summer and snowy winter.

It was good to be back.

This is plein air number 50 for 2026, my personal yearly goal is met.

I am very happy with this painting.

5x10 oil, 2 1/2 hours

Janae took this pic of me painting.

******

There are these weird cut-off metal post things near Gapstow bridge.

They are extremely dangerous.

I tripped twice!

Children run around there!

I really should call 311 about it, and I almost certainly will, on Monday.

In the meantime, I made it better and I hope no one gets oil paint on them.

It's Williamsburg Cadmiums, and they take a while to dry.... the turquoise was a nice added touch for additional visibility.

This is the weirdest use of leftover paint....

The For-Reals Really Last After-Work Painting for 2026

I know it's the third time I'm saying this, but this is for reals the last after-work painting for 2026.

The other day I made a super-janky-boathouse-worthy panel carrier for some 5x10 cradled wood panels I got. (I thought it would be a fun size. It is.)  And honestly, I wanted to test it out.

I made it out of a Dr Bronners refill box, tape, and velcro. 
Because I am very lazy I didn't measure anything.

It's pretty awesome, but I wanted to see if it was ok enough to transport panels without smudging them.

Success, my painting got home and out of my wonky panel carrier just fine!

So I went to the office then after, I went over to Elevated Acre at 55 Water to paint Brooklyn.

This is a 1 hour painting.  I finished around 5:30, and sunset was 6:02.

So, it really had to be fast because of the light. 5x10 is smaller than 8x10 and the size does make a difference.

Super-quick sketch to start, just to establish placements.

I was going to put the ferry in from Pier 11, and would have if I had more time but it's ok.

The light goes so fast right before sunset.

I'm counting this one as 49 for the year, one more to goal which I will meet tomorrow.

****

View from the office... it's a 360 view but I always sit on the north side of the tower.

Brooklyn and Manhattan Bridges.

******

I walked over to 55 Water on no particular route, just general direction.

Since I'm so familiar with the Financial District, this is always fine.

Anyhow, without deliberate intention, I ended up going east on Maiden Lane, which is nearby but not a usual path for me anymore.

And there was 125 Maiden Lane, where I worked when I was pregnant with Daya.

I think??? I was on the 9th floor.

(I also worked in 55 Water occasionally, same company, but at that time I was mainly at 125 Maiden.

There was a time where I had building access to 125 Maiden, 55 Water, and 100 Wall.)

I'm really glad to be back in the Financial District instead of Times Square.

There's a thing I do when I find myself in places like this that I was in during significant and difficult times in my past- my current self tells my past self that everything is going to be ok.

I have several spots like this around the city.

But it's been years since I was in front of 125 Maiden, despite being in the vicinity all the time.

There is something nice about revisiting from a different and much better place in life.

Getting Dusty Again

I was back on Governor's Island today for our annual Downtown Boathouse picnic.

Yesterday was SO COLD, I wore my merino wool unders today and- depite the weather being similar...?? I was too hot!

Oh well.

Since it appears I am incapable of going anywhere without paint, but today was not a day for oils, I brought my new Luchetti sketchbook and some pastels.

Last Sunday on my overnight shift on the hotline I brought my Luchetti Via (the little Luchetti) and some pastels and I did a mini made-up landscape which I haven't posted anywhere yet. I have missed working in pastel but haven't wanted the commitment of a full painting.

The sketchbook is perfect. It's filling a gap I have been looking to fill for a while now.

Both my Luchettis are hot press and this paper seriously will take anything.

This is a one-hour painting, 8x16.

I used those Sennelier pencils I got last year and my travel set of Nupastel.

Next time I'm bringing Unisons, oh yes I am.

I primed the paper with clear gesso which is very nice for pastel- it's a rough surface, different than regular white gesso.

The surface texture was good but I struggled with the white of the paper... I never work on white with pastel.

Those Senn pencils are hard-pastel and are kind of only good for blocking in those under-layers...well, my experience with them, so far. Nupastel is softer and has to go on top of these senns.

I do not consider this part of my personal 50 plein air a year goal... that's for standalone oils only.

When I got home I had this BRILLIANT! IDEA! to mix raw pigment right into the clear gesso for a nice toned-but-still-transparent-ish surface for pastels.

This is freaking brilliant.

I have so much raw pigment because of egg tempera.

It's nice when mediums cross over and help each other.

I think of soft pastel, oil paint, and egg tempera as first cousins.

I have used grated pastel dust in several egg tempera paintings, now egg tempera helps my pastelling!

******

The picnic was fun and it was nice to see my friends.

Martin drove the golf cart loaded up with everything back to the ferry when it was time to leave.

Kedrin sat in front with him, we piled so much stuff onto that golf cart.

Aimee and I sat on the back- on our knees on precariously secured bungee-bins and held onto the cart for dear life.  Martin avoided most of the potholes. Sharp turns were another story....

It was more fun than a roller coaster could ever be- and possibly more dangerous- who needs Six Flags when you have the boathouse?

******

My friend M still wants to be friends.

I had to... once again.... try to explain with a psychology article why offering unsolicited advice is not a good thing and is NOT helpful...I'm honestly still not sure he really gets it.

He also said no one ever told him this before- so it really might be a new concept to him which explains why he's so fucking dense about it.  So, I have to give him grace and move on.

But I won't tolerate it anymore in our friendship.

In other relationships I just tell people outright I'm not looking for advice or analysis, and it's always fine. No conflict.

I also have to remember I have the benefit of the hotline training and experience (which seriously is HUGE)- being around more people than he is, and the caliber of people I am around is generally very high-quality, intelligent, very educated, and especially on the hotline- very emotionally intelligent. 

While I have stated my requirement, I also will give him grace and the chance to... not do it anymore.

He says he understands I don't like it. (Finally, how many times can you tell a person...)

Fuckin A, it's a good thing this is a text-only relationship.

I couldn't do it in-person.

Fort Jay, Governor's Island

I could paint on Governor's Island every single day for a year and still not run out of cool things to paint.

David and I met on the 7am ferry over to paint.

We both thought Fort Jay was a fantastic spot.

There were two- actually three- paintings where I was standing.

I intended to do two but it was SO COLD.

I was dressed warmer than I have been yet this season but it wasn't enough.

Actually on the way over I was hot... but for standing still I needed my wool unders.

Temp was 50 but with the wind felt like 38.

I really did think it would warm up a bit but nope.

Davisd was also freezing.

Here is a strange painting of Fort Jay. I want to go back to that spot and paint the amazing tree.

8x10 oil

My panel was Pebbleized....

*****

Pebbles is fine, for the most part, except for being really B12 deficient.

I'm supplementing and tracking her weight at home.

*****

I have still been feeling this intense anger.

It's complex and multi-faceted and isn't just about me.

The vet bill just really zapped it, like I got electrocuted or something.

It's been waking me up at night.

I haven't been sleeping well, unusual for me, except for Weds night when I knocked out for 10 hours, I have been up at 4am all week.

A plus to that was waking up at 4am to make the 7am ferry was easy today.....

So anyhow before I left this morning I paid off the bill because I have to clear the energy.

While painting the anger towards my friend M finally coalesced and I got the words I needed to say.

In fact, it became so pressing I had to write and send it even before getting home.

So, after I got off the GI ferry, I stopped in the waiting room at the Staten Island ferry to compose my words and send them.  There is a problem in the friendship, something he does, that I have explained and asked several times that he doesn't do, but it makes no difference.

He either needs to respect my request in this matter or I will let the friendship go.

Either way is fine with me, and I needed to finally do this to start releasing this anger.

I am hoping the combination of these things will start to break it up.

It's a lot of energy so I don't expect anything immediately, but over the next day or so I hope to feel better.

Violation

1. I don't know if the stupid bots fucked off yet but that post had about a third of the traffic I've been getting lately so I'm feeling hopeful.

2. I took Pebbles to the vet Tuesday evening. She's ok, it's just routine.
She got an exam, urinalysis, 3 year FVR/CP vax, and senior bloodwork "Health Check Plus" with B12 and folate check. All of these things are medically appropriate. 

At no time did my vet use fear or try to upsell me on anything.

The bill is $902.

NINE HUNDRED AND TWO DOLLARS
just to take my senior cat to the vet for
BASIC ROUTINE CARE.

Again, NINE HUNDRED AND TWO DOLLARS.

This is just not right.

It's shocking.

It's more than I paid for her echo 6 years ago, and more than I paid for her ultrasound 2 or 3 years ago.

And it's not my vet's fault.

It's not the clinic's fault.

Actually the staff are suffering badly too and I'd bet more than my outrageous vet bill that my vet is underpaid and being treated poorly.

The receptionist told me their ownership is charging THEM for services the labs don't charge!

Do I know where the money is going?

Yep, I sure do.

They are private-equity owned by AmeriVet.

There's not a big ownership chain to the top, and it's headquarted in Abu Dhabi.

This means profits from my small local neighborhood vet clinic

ARE GOING TO THE MIDDLE EAST.

The receptionist also told me they recently got a call from ownership mandating they raise all their prices that day immediately, in addition to what seems like quarterly increases.

This isn't a new problem, it's been going on in vet care and so many other sectors of society for years now.  It's just getting worse. Basic everyday living and society is being plundered and looted... in this case to bring profits- again- TO THE MIDDLE EAST.

This is where we have arrived as a society and even basic vet care is truly no longer accessible for me.

I did put money aside for this visit but this is beyond what any normal person like me can do for basic care.

I feel so deeply violated and there is no other word for it.

This system is intentionally and deliberately exploiting peoples' heart energy, and that activates a great deal of rage in me.

If I take Pebbles back in a year, assuming she's still around, this same appointment will likely cost A THOUSAND DOLLARS. Yes, it's going up that fast.

I cannot.

Can I pay this bill?

My savings will take a hit but yes.

And I need to just pay it off immediately even though I have 6 months interest-free to do so, because I can't have this energy hanging over me, I need to clear it.
It's so toxic to me.

Will I do this again?

No.  I can't.

I simply can't.

And before anyone wants to think in their head problem-solving ASSVICE, just stop it right now.

Switching vets for many logistical reasons isn't an option for me, and also yeah I'm not a dumbass and I have checked around at other vets in my area and they are either physically inaccessible, closed, or it's the same situation.

I have been with my current vet for almost 20 years.

I AM NOT THE ONE WHO SHOULD HAVE TO FIND THE SOLUTION TO THIS.

********

I am on an ongoing text thread with 2 college friends.

We mostly discuss painting and cats and sometimes our kids.

One of these friends, we'll call him M, is... let's say.... aligned very differently than I am, and also in an outspoken and extreme way.

I am ok maintaining the relationship as long as he doesn't throw his nasty opinions in my face, which do spill out of him and I stop the conversation. While I don't respect his stance on things, I also believe we need connection energy in the world right now because disconnection energy is just too strong and too prevalent.

In the text thread I mentioned the bill and the reasons for it.

He is the kind who will immediately launch into basic level context-clueless ASSVICE that everyone can think for themselves about. 

(This is the kind of thing that immediately pisses me off, and I'm already mad about the vet bill and my loss of accessible vet care which also means I won't have cats anymore after my three transition out. And that's a whole big upset I need to relegate to the background of my emotions, as it is not my current situation.)

I have previously asked him not to do this several times but he just can't comprehend not doing it, I guess.

I mentioned the private equity ownership issue and his response to it was so...... there really is no other word... ignorant of the situation that's been happening all around the country and I was a bit shocked.

(He actually said there must be laws against that, must be a NY state thing. Wow just wow.)

So I told him he should educate himself on the effects of private equity ownership on society and he got SO ANGRY.  I don't give a crap.  Be angry.  He's clearly not used to someone- especially a woman- (yes he's like that) telling him he's uninformed.

And he kept texting and the more he texted the more he revealed his ignorance, truly.

While saying "I know how private equity works!"

I removed myself from the conversation and I can't interact with him right now.

I'm too angry.

*******

So, I'm trying to move through this intense anger.

I will, it will settle and I'm doing better today than yesterday.

And it's ok for me to be angry, I'm just allowing it.

I initiated a transfer from savings to cover the bill, so I can clear this and move forward.

Bloodwork results for Pebbles are still pending.

Stupid Bots F Off

This blog is under copyright as stated at the right for many years, nothing here can be used in any way for any reason without written consent from me, but the bots are ignoring that.

I don't grant permission to any bot crawler or AI to train from my content, but somehow in today's world that doesn't matter. It's frustrating and pisses me off.

I have always been careful about my blog privacy settings.  

There are a few readers but barely anyone, and that's fine with me.

Since my algorithm post the bots have come in full force, despite this blog opting out for many years from web crawlers and google search.

I am a firm believer in respecting human rights and privacy, and none of that matters to the systems of the internet anymore.

It should matter. Humans matter more than robots.

Basic respect matters.

So, AI bots, fuck off and get off my blog.

You don't have my permission to be here, but I know even though I'm directly telling this to you, you will not have any respect for me (or anyone else) and you'll continue your insidious robot violation ways.

Again, fuck off.

Meatpacking District

There's a lady I recently found out about who is a very good plein air painter- and also at my intensity- who invites people to paint with her.

I was going to paint today anyhow but didn't pick out a location, so I just joined her group and went to her location in the Meatpacking District.

This painting took 2 1/2 hours and kind of melted my head, it was a bit intense.

There is a LOT going on.

A good mental workout!

When I started the painting I reverted to a linear layout- which I realized quickly wasn't working at all for me. So I ditched that approach and did the mental shift to working only with shapes, mixing the paint as I went.

I think this is the way to go for me, especially for buildings- seeing everything in shapes of color, no lines. It's definitely more enjoyable.

As is normal for me, although this is an alla prima oil painting, it's worked in three layer-stages.

I knew at the start the mural was the focal point, and so is the only area of the painting at full chroma.  Everything else is colored grays.

A stupid bus came along and parked in the lower right so I had to improvise that area from memory.

Whatever.

8x10 oil

Beginning block-in:

****

This morning when I was packing to paint, I realized I'm almost out of the Gamsol I bought last November. (which was maybe a half gallon)

And I'm still mad that I can't buy a gallon jug anymore.

So after painting I walked over to Blick and bought eight (8) of the largest size Gamsol bottles which comes out to 2.11 gallons.

It cost about $167.

In 2022, 2 gallons would have been around $110.

Prices are going up so fast, that's why I decided to buy a 3 to 4 years' supply of solvent.

I require clean solvent to paint, and if you know me for 5 seconds you'll know I paint A LOT.

While I almost never (these days) add thinner to my paint, I can't make cleaning brushes between colors without solvent work well for me. Plus I don't like pigment going down the drain, I'd rather it goes in the solvent which settles and self-cleans.

I need the quantity because I always have solvent in the process of settling. 

I have 2 dump jugs and 2 metal solvent cans which I let dry completely between uses.

One is always ready to go, which is what I require for my severe plein air addiction.

I lose solvent to some minor spillage, but mostly it is soaked up by my oily rags when I wipe the brush after rinsing between colors. Larger brushes go through more solvent too, and I have been using larger brushes lately.

Today's painting is number 47 for 2026, three more to meet my personal goal of 50, I can definitely do that, and of course I plan to do as many as possible.

My Algorithm

I turned off all the deep spy settings on my iPhone a long time ago, so Safari doesn't know what to do with me. YouTube thinks I have a large dog, unmanageable curly hair, and a problem sleeping.

Not sure why it thinks any of those untrue things but ok.

This is all fine by me.

The other day I mentioned this to Kedrin and she was quite cross with me at not only neglecting to mention this imaginary large dog I supposedly own (she is a fanatical dog person), but even worse- I never even named it!

I'm a dreadful person, it's true.

Today I came across an article about how to find your Amazon algorithm, and that it knows deeply weird stuff about you based on your buying habits.  The article hinted that the stuff Amazon knows about you is probably very embarrassing.

Obviously I had to have a look at that.

(You can too- click on your profile/account/

under ordering and shopping preferences, go to About You.)

Amazon says I:

*have a cat (three but ok)

*regularly replenish senior cat supplies (true)

*read across genres but prefer fiction (true)

*swim and do water activities (true)

*workout at home (true but not so much lately)

*go camping and hiking (true)

*wear sunblock regularly (every single day even if I stay home)

*paint in oil and other mediums (obviously)

and my favorite....I:

*prefer professional grade art supplies

Oh yes I sure do prefer professional art supplies!

And that's it.

I'm actually ok with this algorithm because it's what anyone who knows me even a little would know about me.

Amazon doesn't suggest enough "professional-grade art supplies" though, but probably because I generally don't buy them there.

Maybe I would if it bothered to show them to me, like Jerry's does.

(Actually probably not. I love Jerrys Artarama.)

Back to Egg Tempera & The Tarot Show

Today I went back to egg tempera class, resuming work on a master copy portrait I started earlier this year. It's so good to be back.

The painting is in serious triage but it's ok.

It was a streaky mess when I left it in April, and all these months it has done absolutely nothing to improve itself.

Since this painting has no interest in self-improvement, it looks like I have to do all the work.

My understanding of layering values has evolved and it's getting a repaint and is already looking significantly better- but it needs work. The painting had absolutely no business being as light as it was at the stage it is at.

*******

Today is the last day to see the tarot show at The Morgan Library.

I really wanted to see this show before it closed.

I tried to go yesterday after painting but the line to get in was literally down the block.

I could not handle that kind of crowding, so I said NOPE and went home.

Doug was talking about it in class too, he saw it and it was very crowded when he went.

Janette also saw it and sent me pictures.

The prayer book of Michelino da Besozzo is in it...!!! and I have a facsimile of this book which I have loved for many years.

More than anything, I wanted to see this book in person.

The tarot stuff is cool too.  I used to collect decks for the art, I still have all of them.

But I had to go today, because it's the last day.

While there was no line down the block (thank goodness), it was insanely crowded.

I don't do well in crowds, so I basically blew thru the exhibit and photographed everything of interest to look at more closely later.

They are sold out of the catalog and I had to order it for later shipment.

There was even a long line to get into the gift shop.

Hey, it's great that so many people are interested in art but the Morgan Library could have handled this a lot better with admission.

Also I should have gone earlier but it likely wouldn't have made much difference.

Because of the crowding, the exhibit was not enjoyable at all but I'm still glad I made it.

Here are the pictures.

Some of the Dali Thoth deck originals were there.