Saturday Plein Airing

Today I went out plein airing... and got a late start. I decided to go into the park at 96th street again so I could get away from the crowds... usually the lower part of the park is more crowded and touristy.

Since it's labor day weekend, Saturday, and beautiful weather, I wanted to go somewhere a little quieter. It still took me way too long to find a spot. Part of my problem was getting a late start- I didn't get into the park until after 3pm and there isn't too much time for good light. The other thing is the views up here aren't as good- pure landscape ok but I also wanted a Central Park feel. Up here you can easily find spots of just landscape that could be anywhere. So I guess my intention was split and that made it more difficult.

I ended up here, it is above the reservoir and baseball fields:

There was a walking/bike path in front of where I was standing. A few people came over, all of them super-nice.  A young couple from Florida came over, the man used to paint in high school and I think seeing me paint made him miss it.  I hope he starts painting again.

Then another man came over, he had been riding his bike and he stopped to come see the painting.  As it turns out he is a photographer, and he asked if he could take some pictures.  This has happened to me before, and if people ask nicely I tend to say yes these days. (Sometimes people do not ask but I'm out in that environment so it's just part of it.)  Anyhow, he was SUPER nice and had really amazing eyes, so I said yes.  He took a lot of pictures.  I gave him my card and he said he would send some to me.

As far as painting goes, I brought my yellow ochre and accidentally my lemon yellow. I don't seem to properly know how to use lemon yellow.  It's one of those colors I think is fantastic but I when I use it everything is so acidic. 

I keep getting in my own way while painting.  I'm trying too hard to just relax and flow. 
Trying too hard never works.

8x10 oil

Setup:

Here is a wonderful stripey sky at Central Park West looking west down 97th street.

The Dance Doctor

Daya's hip has been hurting a lot.
So instead of a sports medicine doctor, we went to the Harkness Center for Dance Injuries at NYU... I didn't even know about them until the Steps intensive!
Dancers who are also doctors.

They moved Daya's legs around and poked at her and asked her questions and she talked Dance and they talked Dance and I lost most of it...
Except that her hip is really inflamed and it has to do with needing to use different muscles.

Six weeks of physical therapy twice a week will fix it.
And bonus they said things will be easier and she'll be able to jump higher afterwards.


For the first and only time in her life Daya was conscious of wanting her feet washed after being in her street shoes, so while the doctors were out she used the sink.....

******
I told Beth about the Art Parent Association lady.
She said something to me that I needed to hear, it's really an important thing:

Take yourself seriously, then everyone else will too.

Now, I already know this, but I needed to hear it.
And even though I do take myself seriously, I could go further with it.

Sketchbooking

Tonight for the first time in a while (too long) I went to the art evening with the Reuters journalists.
As always it is such great energy.

I didn't want to do anything too serious, and I didn't have any specific plans.  It is an instructor-led session but very informal, people can do what they want. But I figured I'd do a sketchbook page in pastel based on whatever Leah was demo-ing.
She did leafless trees, so I made some up.
It was a nice meditation.

I think I am going to start using my gouache sketchbook for pastels, I just can't fall in love with gouache like I wanted to.  I'll still use them now and then I'm sure, but I'm transitioning to pastels instead.

Moleskine book, 1 hour.
Nupastel, Aubergine Colourfix primed

The Rooms Were Hard to Find

They really were.

I'm feeling exhausted after orientation. Too much info and too many people.

The Art PA won't let me join them. Oh well I had to try. They did spend about 20 minutes specifically asking people to help and volunteer.... and I really am genuinely interested in what they do. Also, I know people. But I did get on their mailing list which is good because I want to go to the exhibits.

I wish I had actual art credentials. Even though my corporate job involves a lot of design work it isn't really considered an art career. Although my commercial art degree is well- suited for it and did specifically get me where I am. Art school did work out for me.

I would love to be a guest speaker for the art kids, they love having those and were asking if people know anyone. But I'm not sure what credentials I could offer to sound... I don't know, professional. "Local Painter who went to Pratt and knows a lot" probably won't work.

Feeling down about my art life is not useful or good. But I kind of do feel like that. Is the defining factor of your value as an artist really about it paying your bills? The statistic of people doing this is 1%.

My career pays for 100% all the rent and bills and also dance$$$ BY MYSELF, and lets me paint too, so why do I feel diminished? Was it because when the Art PA lady found out I don't paint for a living her face changed to disinterest? I guess even painters are nothing without credentials.

Well she was very interested in the canvases I have to donate.

******
Daya has her locker. It is a bottom locker so she plans to switch it. She got stuffs for her locker and set it up today.

Around 96th Street

They say it takes 2 people to make a painting- the person painting it and someone to tell them to stop.
That kind of happened today and it really was perfect timing.

I went up to 96th street on the west side and found a good spot.
While painting I mostly got in my own way.  Too much thinking. Had to remove and re-do the entire right side of the painting. Am struggling with eyes but the sun was not glaring down which made it a little easier.

Right at 2 hours in an old man (80s, he told me) came over to chat.  He told me I am amazing which I really appreciated because I wasn't feeling amazing.  There are some really cool elderly New Yorkers around and I like when they stop by to say hello.

So anyhow he stopped by right when I really needed to stop painting and so the timing was perfect.
We chatted for several minutes.
Daylight was fading and the light on my panel was dim so I had no idea what the painting actually looked like:

I thought it might be a disaster.  No way of knowing until I got home.

But the evening was just so nice and i felt like walking so I went all the way down Central Park West from 96th to 59th st, then walked across Central Park South to get the train home.  It was the perfect time and weather to walk and absorb the city.

The clouds were pink.

I passed AMNH and thought of Drusilla.

And then when I went home I looked at the painting.

It is not my best effort but also not the complete disaster I was anticipating.

What I need is to return to yellow ochre.
I have been using only cadmium yellow and it is too.... yellow.  I prefer yellow ochre for variation in my greens.

6x8 oil

Vision Stuffs:
I am still being patient.
It feels like a whole lifetime has passed since surgery.

Colors look different through my new lens.... everything is very slightly less yellow.

As we age our eye lenses do yellow, and my new lens is clear (with UV protection!) so whites are brighter.  It's very subtle but I do notice it.  So now my color vision will never go yellow... one less thing to worry about!

Today I took the subtle color perception test again, which I always get a perfect score on, 

(Apparently I am a tetrachromat and have four types of cones for color perception.)

The good news is that I'm still getting perfect color perception scores.

So just waiting for the other weird stuff to settle.

Managing Expectations

Last night I got the Laguardia update email with everything that is going on this week, including orientation.

There are a few days of orientation broken down by studio.
Art and Dance are on Wednesday.
I'm telling you, Daya will just never get away from paint.

The orientation section of the email ended with this:

Students should go to their assigned rooms after they check in.  The rooms may be hard to find.

No further clarification followed.
I do appreciate well-managed expectations.

Painting Again

Well.... today I decided to go out and paint and see how it went. Time to face it.

I was nervous.  It took me a while (too long) to find a spot, but being in the park was nice at least.
Mostly I was looking for a spot where I could stand in the shade, not too close to other people, with a decent view.  There were a lot of people in all the good spots so it took a while.  Sometimes people put their bikes in the good spots too, and that is irritating.

But I found a good enough location and set up.  A little bit into the painting the (LOUD) drums started.  I didn't realize I was so close to Bethesda Terrace... I put up with it but was feeling really rattled by the end and I couldn't wait to leave.

My vision is a challenge to work around.  It was mostly fine at the start but I couldn't see by the end, hardly at all.  Too much light in my eye.  I wanted to put bikers and a horse carriage in but I just couldn't see by the end to do it.  Plus the drums. I did take a break a little less than 2 hours in but it didn't help my vision.  At the end I had to coordinate between reading glasses and distance viewing.
And then I just couldn't see through all the light. So, challenges.

Painting is hard enough without having to coordinate around eyes. It's much harder to get into my zone, it almost felt like my beginning days where I was really just learning how to coordinate my gear and that was half the experience of being out. It's much nicer to be able to just focus on painting.

Since I do have that GARIN BAKER (!!) workshop coming up very soon, I need to re-acclimate and coordinate and figure it out.  I'll have to go out a few more times. But hopefully my eye will settle down more and this won't even be an issue.

8x10 oil Central Park.

Drusilla recognized the location which is astounding.... it isn't far from 72 and 5th.

10 Years or Something

Yesterday was my 10-year Pleinarriversary.
10 years ago yesterday I went out and did my very first plein air painting.

This is a big deal to me, a really big deal, and it passed and I can't even connect with it properly.

I did not spend the day the way I have been planning to for the past several months.....
The plan was to go back to the same spot and paint it again. That did not happen.
But I did spend the whole day in New Jersey for my friend Beth's birthday party.
It was very nice of her to invite me and was a very nice time.

Beth and I met thru social media, probably a pastel group. She is an awesome painter.
As it turns out she also went to Pratt, but graduated many years before me. So we have kept in touch and it was lovely to see her.

A friend of Beth's was at the party, Janine- and they also had one of my teachers, the legendary Dave Passalacqua.  Beth went to school with George Pratt who was also one of my teachers, and Garin Baker who is also currently a legend.

I will be studying with Garin Baker next month for a NYC at night plein air workshop.  It runs 6-10 pm on all four Thursdays on September.
I am REALLY hoping my eyes are up for it.
It's GARIN BAKER so I don't want to suck.

I thought I would be back painting by now.
I can't work myself up to do it, not with my eye still being not-right.  I'm going to call the dr this morning just to ask if the SUPER BRIGHT EVERYTHING, the bubbles of light arcs, and the wavy vision are somehow normal, maybe a side effect of the prednisone drops I am still taking?  I hope?

Gaynor Mindens & Harsh Light

aka 4 cotton balls and a band-aid.... (what Daya puts in her shoe for padding these days...)

Well of course Daya needs new pointe shoes again and she wanted yet another brand and yet another fitting.  Her ballet teacher from last year, Ms Robyn, happens to work at the Gaynor Minden shop and we scheduled a fitting appointment which took a whole entire hour.

I do not know how anyone buys pointe shoes online or without a fitting.  I really don't know.
Not unless they're older and their feet aren't changing. These shoes are at least $100 and often more (hers today were $135 but we got a Steps summer intensive discount which helped a lot) so getting the fit wrong is expensive!

She is so fortunate to live in NYC, which is the dance capital of the world.

Daya's feet seem to change every single time she gets a new pair.  Pointe shoes are a whole entire universe of variations, which no one appreciates or cares about unless they are a dancer. (I do not care about pointe shoe variations. But I care about things like how long paint takes to dry so I can't talk.)

Dancers are their own entire subculture of humanity.

********
I'm going to talk about my eyes, well one of them, some more because this is my blog and eye stuff predominates right now.

There is still a lot of junk floating around my eye but as of yesterday it was improved enough to stop using the high contrast dark background accessibility settings at work.

And now.........as of yesterday........

Everything is WAY TOO BRIGHT.  All light is too bright.
It all gives me a bit of that retinal after-image like when you look at a light that is too bright and then can't see afterwards.  All lighting conditions.

All light is just so harsh and glar-ey. Too harsh.  Even through sunglasses.

I'm hoping it isn't positive dysphotopsia which I learned about courtesy of Google.
I am hoping it is a temporary effect of less-than-usual amounts of light hitting my left eye over the last couple of weeks.

I am deeply hoping it just resolves itself with some time.

Additionally now that I am starting to use my left eye more normally, I am having a really hard time adjusting to no close-up focusing.  I need some kind of multi-focal solution that isn't reading classes.

I want a contact lens.  I want to try several contact lenses. I'm totally happy to keep wearing a hard contact lens, especially if it isn't a mandatory one, which it would not be.  Old habits die hard sometimes; I'm still trying to take a contact lens out of my left eye but I can't because there isn't one.

I have to keep reminding myself that I had to have this surgery, it will be ok, it was only a matter of time no matter what. That cataract started growing fast.

I'm afraid to paint in case I can't do it properly anymore because my vision is so different, mainly with this harsh glar-ey light situation. I'm afraid to try and not be able to see properly to do it.  That's not something I want to face. I'm scared because there was a blue thing in the corner at Steps yesterday and I couldn't see that it was blue through my left eye.  Maybe it was the lighting I don't know, everything else seems fine with color but I could not see that blue and it was bright. I'm scared that the after-image all light gives me won't go away.

But the cataract was already really interfering with my painting so......

Monday will be 2 weeks since surgery and I'm hoping time will resolve this glare.

Last Day at Steps

Here is a picture of Daya at her Steps performance tonight.
It was awesome, I loved the dance.
I'll post the link when I get it.

Next week she will be dancing at Manhattan Youth Ballet.

Showcase

I think I need multifocal contacts, well I want to try them in any case.
This is an adjustment, I can't see anything up close at all....like my phone. I knew that would be the case but you never really know til you experience it.

It isn't like I went from great vision to worse vision, but it really is a change and I haven't gotten my head adjusted to it yet.
Still grainy, I have to be patient.

*******
Here is the link to Daya's performance at Steps last Fri.
She has another one tomorrow.
In this video she is in the second dance, the Pink Panther one.  She starts in the middle chair.
All the dances are really good and are only a week's work.

Fact of the Day

Fact you probably did not know:
Prednisone eye drops taste REALLY bad.
Now you know.

Eyes and sinuses and throat are all connected, so a few minutes after putting this stuff in my eye I can taste it at the back of my throat and it is AWFUL.

ANOTHER FACT: Moxifloxacin the antibiotic drop (which I don't have to take anymore) does not have a taste to it.

I think Moxifloxacin would make a fantastic name for a pet rat.

****
I went back to work today and am glad to be on my routine.
Except that I really can't see.
Vision is foggy and very grainy.
So, I spent some time this morning setting up the accessibility features on my work computer.
I need a dark background high contrast display.  Because of the graininess in my vision reading text on a white background is very difficult, but is much better with white text with a dark background.  As long as I can read I can work, so it will be ok.

I'm having a lot of trouble reading my phone even with high contrast and large font.
I can invert the colors for a dark background..... the setting says it is "smart" but it is not so smart.... images in Safari and also Instagram are also inverted.  The "smart" setting is supposed to not invert photo colors but it still does so I'm not bothering.

**********
ALSO
Aside from not painting I haven't been in ESO much.
Tonight I checked back in with my trader guilds.

PacoHasPants from Rawlmart (the best bad-pun guild out there) sent me this status:

I'm officially a superhero!
It's a good feeling when people are nice.... it's not even necessary to know them in real life.
People being awesome and nice is just..... nice.

(I know this is extremely geeky.)

20/50

 My doctor appointment was quick and I’m reading at 2050 through very foggy vision

I just have to deal with it until it clears and I am going back to work tomorrow
 Dr wants to see me back in one month

Daya is at steps for another week this week and they moved her up to the senior level which she is the youngest in

 There is a sophomore at Laguardia named Nadia who Daya met at Ailey last year and they are together at steps now this week
 So it’s cool there’s another Laguardian there and it’s cool that Daya already knows her
 I hope this is a good week for her especially with a friend that she already knows and being in the more advanced level

Sunday

My vision is still foggy today but it is definitely better than it was yesterday

Any improvement is a wonderful thing and I’m very hopeful that I will be OK on Tuesday because I really do have to go back to work

Even a little fogginess is OK as long as I can get by to read for the most part it will be fine and I’m definitely reading better today than I was yesterday

I have a doctor appointment tomorrow  lare morning and we’ll see what he says but I’m very happy that there is some definite improvement today for the first time since last Tuesday

Steps

 I made it up to steps last night and really enjoyed Daya’s show

 It wasn’t a formal performance it was a showcase and only ran about a half an hour

Getting home was scarier because of the crowds I can’t get banged or pushed but Daya helped me on the way home which was  good and a lot safer
 It wasn’t as crowded when I went up but we came home during rush hour 3 times Square which is extremely crowded

This sucks

It’s Friday morning and my eye is still exactly the same as they were on Tuesday

Daya has a dance performance tonight up at steps and I’m going to make the trip it will be very interesting I think I can make it if I give myself extra time and I’m very careful

Accessibility life

This morning I thought my vision had cleared a little bit I was seeing through dark strands of stuff  without cloudiness but within about 5 to 10 minutes  after waking up it was just as fogged up as it was last night and has remained so all day

So no change between today and yesterday

I have to sleep upright and it is so uncomfortable

Aside from screen readers dictation and screen magnifiers one of the best things about digital technology is that when you forget what day it is your phone will always tell you

I’m hoping tomorrow will be better than today vision-wise because then it will be a little bit less boring

This is all very confining and very boring and it stinks I hope it is over soon

I do have to say it’s a very very good thing that I am in  good  physical shape so that I can do things like use the strength in my legs to get up and down because I can’t bend over it would really be a problem if I was physically not able to maneuver

 So I am appreciative of my physical strength but I am so so bored

Postop

 I’m writing this post with dictation because it is a lot easier and I wish I had remembered it yesterday

 My postop is fine but I can’t see my vision is completely fogged up and I am off work until next Tuesday i do have some pain but the doctor is very happy so I am not worried about anything
My eye is still dilated from yesterday it’s been more than 24 hours and through the fog and the dilation and the junk in my eye I’m reading 2070 on the vision chart
 As my eye heals this vision will get even better and I’m really looking forward to that

 I can only navigate  completely memorized routes and being visually impaired to the point of legal blindness is a completely different world than clear vision even if a little blurry it’s just completely different

 I wandered the subway wearing dark glasses but my routes are memorized so I made it to my appointment I don’t have to wear the eye shield anymore so getting home was a lot easier

 The doctor expects the junk in my eye will clear out fairly quickly within the next few days it is blood from the surgery

I am very very very very very bored being at home not really being able to do anything

Digital technology is wonderful and amazing and so is dictation technology this really does make things a lot easier

 I am looking forward to full recovery very soon and in the meantime will try to not get even more bored than I already a.m.

Femtosecond Lasers

This post contains cringey eye surgery details.

I got home a bit before noon.
My dr said the surgery went perfectly. He was very pleased.

I was awake and remember the whole entire thing.
After prep I went in the laser room. The incisions are done here, like a cookie cutter (said the nurse). They said it would take about 5 minutes.
I think maybe it took longer, like 5 years.

The laser part was really really REALLY freaky scary. I think they should sedate people during it but they don't.  It doesnt hurt.  You get drops and drops and drops and more drops and it does not hurt when the laser does its laser thing

I was for reals legit SCARED. They put a thing in your eye to keep it open and the laser machine comes down and suctions over your eye HARD.And they hold your head still.
There are a lot of greyish round shapes and then funny black shapes when the laser starts the incisions. I probably wouldnt have minded it if I was sedated.

Then after that hard scary part was over I went into the OR  and they asked me for the millionth time to verify I understood what they were going to do.

Then the very nice excellent sedation started and they put me under briefly so I was unaware of the injection into the back of my eye.  Dr had to do this to paralyze the muscle so the eye could stay still. Then i was more awake and they told me the injection was finished which made me very happy.

For the rest of the surgery I was very aware of everything.  All I saw were moving gray and white shapes. The sedation was not enough to make me sleep but I was in a very relaxed state and to be honest it was all very lovely and pleasant and enjoyable.  I would totally do it again.  As long as I had something for the Femtosecond Laser.... That was really really not nice.

I have drops to take for weeks and an eye shield.
As of right now I cannot use my left eye at all.  I'm still dilated and paralyzed, and I have FREAKY CRAZY double vision. It's really bad.  So I'm using a screen magnifier and my right eye to make this post.

I cant do a whole lot right now.  Dr said the double vision is temporary and normal because of the injection.

Thank goodness because it does render me solidly non-functional. My eyes feel weird, like they are off-kilter.  The angles in my left eye are all skewed, it's freaky. There are 2 of everything at opposite slanted angles.

****
Daya started her intensive at Steps today. I'm glad she is occupied.
I do need help this week and  hope she'll be lovely about doing the dishes.

I can't bend over, I can't lift, I can't get water in my eye tonight, and I have not been this blind since my right eye ran solo when OI had my retina surgery.

My phone is on the largest font possible which sort-of helps and I might make Siri do some read-aloud work too.

I got this cool high-fashion jewelry at the hospital:

Competition!

Getting ready in NJ.............

Ms Shauna was very kind and gave me a VIP badge. I was able to watch the dances from the teacher seating area- right behind the judges!

I still had trouble picking Daya out but it was so much better than being anywhere else!!

This is the only picture of me in existence as an adult in glasses.

Daya took stupid pics of herself when she was supposed to be taking my picture.

They made the Final Five and then got 3rd place overall 

in their category!!

On the way home we passed by the building where I will be having my surgery tomorrow.

Friday on 30

Well, we made it through July and today is my last day at work in these glasses.
There is big corporate news at work which included a champagne party on the 30th floor.
So that's a nice way to end the week and also this whole 5 weeks.

I don't ever get tired of the view.