An Important Update

Today I went to the office and made tea like I always do, and to my surprise, someone found budget somewhere and got more small spoons for the office.

No more shovels!

They are a good size and have a good weight to them.

I have a lot of spoons and don't need more, so if these disappear it won't be because of me.

********

I guess I gave Janae a jade plant in college and wrote her a letter.

She was going thru old stuff and found it. This must have been around 1996, prob my second year at Pratt.

I think I wrote a very nice letter!

Attendance

Daya's school sent home a note about her attendance, which is odd because she almost never misses school.

The school was condescending enough to write a letter to the principal on my behalf which I had to sign.

I prefer to write my own letters, thank you.
I even included a nice flow chart for my non-linear letter/

Letter from the FBI- UPDATE!!

OMG!!!
Check THIS out!
The FBI is personally following up from the first letter!
I'm so lucky!

This must be really serious and important.

***********

Federal Bureau of Investigation
Counter-terrorism Division and Cyber Crime Division
J. Edgar. Hoover Building Washington DC
JAMES B. COMEY

Attention Beneficiary,

I LOVE being a beneficiary!

Records show that you are among one of the individuals and organizations who are yet to receive their overdue payment from overseas which includes those of Lottery/Gambling,Contract and Inheritance. Through our Fraud Monitory Unit we have noticed that you have been transacting with some impostors and fraudsters who have been impersonating the likes of Prof. Soludo/Mr.Lamido Sanusi of the Central Bank Of Nigeria, Mr. Patrick Aziza, Bode Williams, Frank, Anderson, none officials of Oceanic Bank, Zenith Banks, Kelvin Young of HSBC, Ben of FedEx, Ibrahim Sule, Dr. Usman Shamsuddeen and some impostors claiming to be The Federal Bureau of Investigation.

The Fraud Monitoring Unit!
This is serious!

Ben of FedEx,

I KNEW it was Ben of FedEx!!!

The Cyber Crime Division of the FBI gathered information from the Internet Fraud Complaint Center (IFCC) on how some people have lost outrageous sums of money to these impostors. As a result of this, we hereby advise you to stop communication with any one not referred to you by us.

Thank you for being soooo trustworthy!!

We have negotiated with the Federal Ministry of Finance that your payment totaling $5,900,000.00(Five Million Nine Hundred Thousand Dollars). will be released to you via a custom pin based ATM card with a maximum withdrawal limit of $5,000 a day which is powered by Visa Card and can be used anywhere in the world where you see a Visa Card Logo on the Automatic Teller Machine (ATM).

I could totally use that 5 million.

We guarantee receipt of your payment.

Whew!

This is as a result of the mandate from USA Government to make sure all debts owed to citizens of American and also Asia and Europe which includes Inheritance, Contract, Gambling/Lottery etc are been cleared.

The USA Government is soooo amazing! What a great mandate!

To redeem your funds, you are hereby advised to contact the ATM Card Center via email for their requirement to proceed and procure your Approval of Payment Warrant and Endorsement of your ATM Release Order on your behalf which will cost you $350 Usd only and nothing more as everything else has been taken care of by the Federal Government including taxes, custom paper and clearance duty so all you will ever need to pay is $350.00 only.

Phew.
I know this is for reals because all those extra zeros are missing.  

Note this that you are the person who will pay the $350 before your ATM Card can be delivered to you so if you know that you will not pay for the delivery of your ATM Card do not reply back

Well, who wouldn't reply and send cash?  This is obviously legit.

Mr.Wayne Collins (ATM Card Center Director)
ATM locations at Plot 84, Ajose Adeogun street, Victoria Island,
Zenith Heights, Lagos, Nigeria.

ATM Card Center Director Mr.Wayne Collins
Email: ( mrwayne_c at yahoo.com  )
Phone : +2348100388929

Do contact Mr.Wayne Collins of the ATM Card Center via his contact detail above and furnish him with your details as listed below and also ask him for the payment information you need to send the $350 Payment Warrant and Endorsement fee :

FULL NAMES: __________________________________
DELIVERY ADDRESS FOR ATM CARD: __________________

******

SEX: _______________

Um..... no thanks?

DATE OF BIRTH: __________________
OCCUPATION: __________________
TELEPHONE NUMBER: _____________________
EMAIL ADDRESS: _____________________

On contacting him with your details your file would be updated and he will be sending you the payment information in which you will use in making payment of $350.00 via MoneyGram or Western Union Money Transfer for the procurement of your Approval of Payment Warrant and Endorsement of your ATM Release Order, after which the delivery of your ATM card will be effected to your designated home address without any further delay, extra fee.

Cool!  I'm such a fan of the no extra fee.

JAMES B. COMEY
DIRECTOR
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE
WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535

Note: Disregard any email you get from any impostors or offices claiming to be in possession of your ATM card,

I will disregard impostors!

you are hereby advice only to be in contact with Mr.Wayne Collins of the ATM card center who is the rightful person to deal with in regards to your payment and forward any emails you get from impostors to this office so we could act upon it immediately.

Excellent!


Help stop cyber crime

YES., we must stop cyber crime!!!!!

*******************************

I'm starting to feel like my intelligence is being insulted.

Is anyone really this stupid?

Dear God

Dear God,
Well, here we go again. I have an unresolved situation that is not in my hands to resolve. It is weighing me down.  It makes me sad.  So, I have to give it to you, no matter the outcome, whether it means yet another loss or not.  What will be will be, and I have to trust that no matter how baffling and awful it is, it will work out for my highest good, and the highest good for all involved, because your hand is involved.

So, I officially am letting go and putting this situation in your care.  The one thing I will not do is strike back with intent to hurt, no matter what. Please help me maintain a gentle spirit and embody compassion for all living things, including myself.

Please help me to remember those times where I really had no one and nothing, no matter where I looked, and remember that I came through it and everything will be ok.

Thanks.
xoxo
j

*********
7 of Swords (reversed)

Swords are mental challenges, and all things mental. Thoughts, intentions, etc. Reversed, this could mean "cleaning up your act", changing old thoughts and patterns.  Crime does not pay, Taking that first step that you know you need, with the right timing. Acting on good advice. Self-sabotage- realize and stop it.

A Letter from the FBI

So, I got this email.

Absolutely NOTHING is more real and genuine than this letter.  I had better pay attention.

**************

From: "Mr James B Comey"
Date: June 15, 2015 at 3:40:34 PM MDT
Subject: Federal Bureau of investigation (FBI)

OFFICIAL LETTER FROM FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION FBI
EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR FBI FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
FBI.WASHINGTON DC.
Mr. James B. Comey


FBI SEEKING TO WIRETAP INTERNET


OMG it is official


ATTENTION: Beneficiary,

Wow! I am a generic beneficiary!

We the Federal Bureau of investigation (FBI) through our intelligence monitoring network has discovered that the transaction that the bank contacted you previously for was legal.

I has discovered you are the Best Ever! Unless my intelligence monitoring network (aka Spam folder) failed...surely not.

Recently the fund has been legally approved to be paid via United Bank of Africa Nigeria.

Definitely legal.

So, we the Federal Bureau of investigation (FBI) Washington Dc,

Yeah I forgot where the FBI is headquartered. Thanx for the reminder!

in conjunction with the United Nations (UN) financial department have investigated through our monitoring network noting you that your transaction with the UBA Bank of Nigeria is legal.

Even more legal if stated more than once.

You have the legitimate right to complete your transaction to claim your fund $4.7 (four million seven hundred thousand united state dollars)

It is like playing the lottery without playing!

Because of so much scam going on internet.

Yes so much scam. A damn shame isn't it!

We the Federal Bureau of investigation decided to contact the NORTHEHILLS COURIER DELIVERY SERVICE in Lagos, Nigeria for them to give us their procedures on how to send this money to you without any further complain or delay.

Awesome! I like NORTHEHILLS COURIER DELIVERY SERVICE! They are way better than FedEx.

We just got an information from the Zenith Bank and they have loaded your $4.7 (four million seven hundred thousand united state dollars) in ATM MASTER CARD and submit to the NORTHEHILLS COURIER DELIVERY SERVICE for immediate delivery to your doorstep.

Cool!! An information like that is not to be ignored!

You are required to choose one option, which you will be able to pay and also convenient for you, for quick delivery of your parcel containing your ATM CARD and other two original back up documents.

Not one but TWO ORIGINAL backup documents!

Service Type | Delivery Duration | Charges/Fees
------------------------------ ------------------------------
Premium Express (24hrs Delivery)
Mailing $200.00 00.00
Insurance $150.00 00.00
Vat $100.00 00.00

TOTAL $450.00

$450(Four Hundred and fifty US Dollars Only).

Yes please I want this one. 
Those extra zeros were to keep me thinking, I do appreciate that.

........................... .............................. ..........
Special Express (2 Days)
Mailing $180.00 00.00
Insurance $70.00 00.00
Vat $150.00 00.00
TOTAL $380.00 00.00

$380 (Three Hundred and Eighty US Dollars Only).
.............................. ..............................

I chose that first one.

Economy Express (3Days)
Mailing $100.00 00.00
Insurance$150.00 00.00
Vat (5%) $50.00 00.00

TOTAL $300.00 00.00

$300 (Three Hundred US Dollars Only).

Please see first choice already selected.
.............................. .............................. ........

You are hereby required to advice us, on your parcel delivery option by filling in the required form stated above.

I adviced you! :)

Please note that the deadline for claiming your fund is exactly 48 hours after the receipt of this
email. After this period, your fund will be return back so take note.

Moreover, this is some tracking number of beneficiaries that received their payment through us and via northehills website (www.northehills dot com/home).

A real website!

We request that you reconfirm your mailing address to ensure conformity with our record for immediate dispatch of your parcel to you. Only valid residential/Office address and postal address are certified Ok.

Ok!


DELIVERY DESTINATION INFORMATION:
------------------------------ ------------------------------ -
Receiver's Name: .......
Address: ................
Tel/: ...................

Delivery Information/ Parcel Description
------------------------------ ------------------------------ -----------
Delivery Terms: International Delivery
Condition of Delivery: Priority Delivery
Consignment Note No: MI 49866-2110
Color of Parcel: ...Brown.
Total Weight: 2.1 kg
Total Net Weight: 1.7 kg

The parcel is brown! I shall look for a brown parcel!

We are here to protect you from any problem till you receive your package;

I do need protection, thanks! 
Will you protect me from any problem after I receive it, too?

you can as well get in touch with the NORTHEHILLS COURIER DELIVERY SERVICE assigned to deliver this financial package to your doorstep. Below is the delivery company's contact information:

Companies Name: NORTHEHILLS COURIER DELIVERY SERVICE .
Directors Name: Sir. Scott Nelson

Sir? Cool!

Email: mrscott_nelson at yahoo.com

OMG you Yahoo!

Looking forward to hear from you as soon as you receive this message.

Best Regards,
Mr. James B. Comey.
Federal Bureau of Investigation
J. Edgar Hoover Building
935 Pennsylvania Avenue,
NW Washington, D.C.
20535-0001, USA

Aww thanks! xoxoxo

**********
WHAT I WANT TO KNOW:
1. Is anyone receiving such an email really that stupid?
2. Why are these kinds of emails STILL circulating?  Is it because they worked at some point?
3. Is anyone receiving such an email really that stupid?
4. Why didn't my intelligence monitoring network pick this up?

Come to think of it, I should have returned all those Publisher's Clearing House mailings back in 25 years ago. Damn.

*********
TRUE STORY: When I was a kid, way back in the pre-internet days, I answered the phone one evening.  A man was on the other end, informing me all about the Canadian Lottery.

I kept him on the phone for about a half hour, leading him on, because he had a really funny accent.

The Cana-di-en Lott'ry!  It's the BEST IN THE WOR-LED!

When I told him, after letting him go on for a half hour, that we weren't interested, he got REALLY pissed off.

HAHAHA

Dear Tourists

Dear Tourists,
You have all been doing something very annoying lately.  You have been walking verrrrry slowly around Times Square with your phones on top of selfie sticks.

As much as I genuinely want you to enjoy this wonderful city, please understand THAT YOU ARE SLOWING DOWN TRAFFIC IN A MAJOR OBNOXIOUS WAY AND YOUR PHONE ON THE SELFIE STICK LOOKS FUCKING STUPID. 

I was perplexed about this new trend of selfie sticks in Times Square that has popped up.  Because I really can't imagine that so many people would actually own one of the things.

Oh, but Friday I found the source:  I had to wait almost 10 minutes (seriously) to take this picture because the tourist couple looking at them took that long to decide which one to get.

 Yeah, WALGREENS.  Way to go.

TIP TO TOURISTS: Do not buy sushi from Walgreens.  Just.... NO.

NO.  VERY VERY WRONG

Love and hugs and sparkly unicorn hearts and kisses and
GET OUT OF THE WAY!!!,
J

PS I'm almost never this grumpy.

*****
Oh WAIT-- it is Mother's Day.  Was I supposed to post something for Mother's Day? Or thoughts about motherhood?  And I posted Walgreens sushi instead?

Every day is mothers day because I am a mom every single day.  There ya go.

Have a happy one!

*****
Card today Come Together (reversed)
Well, that's crappy.  :(

My interpretation: separation, broken partnership, end of love, no love, nothing lasts forever

Booklet says: "Love needs to be shared." Reversed:  unbalanced love connection, withheld intimacy, lack, emotional depletion, pouring water into empty wells,

Well, it's also somewhat encouraging...it also says "What is truly for you will never walk past you or require this much energy."  "True love will always find its reflection in another."

ok.

Bubble Wrap

Dear All NYC Residents,

It is commendable that you give your child something non-electronic to occupy them on the subway.  But for Gods' sake BUBBLE WRAP IS A VERY VERY BAD IDEA.

Seriously, what are you thinking?? FFS, NO!!

Love and hugs and venomous glares,
j

A Letter to Myself from 1995

When I was a senior in high school, I wrote myself a letter, which I came across by chance yesterday.

I was supposed to open it on my birthday in 2014 but since I am a superstar I messed up and thought I was supposed to open it on my birthday in 2016.  I am a few months late.

Here is most of the letter, in which I respond to myself.

28 Feb 1995

Jessica,
By plan you're ** years old. It should be Oct 29th, 2014.  Well I am a little late on that, sorry, got the year wrong.... Next century, 19 years later.  Well, right now it's 9:39pm. You (I) got off work at 9:00.  

Gypsy's here while I am writing this.  As of right now, I'm a senior at Milton High School. My plans for the future include going to Pratt Institute in Brooklyn which is definite, and eventually becoming a Walt Disney animator. Yep, I wanted to get into animation.  I used to make flip books on the pages of textbooks.  I still like to make things move.  In TV productions I have been producing newscasts.

Right now I'm wondering where in life I'll be when I read this 19 years from now. I want to know what job I'm having (one that didn't exist in 1995!) and if I'm married. I was....not anymore though.

Do you still talk to Scott?  Yes  How about Janet? Yes we are Facebook friends. I was out of touch with both of them for many years though.  

I'm listening to the soundtrack to Cats.  Gypsy is cleaning herself. 
How much do you think you remember about right now? Well, if you ever get any insane notion that you want to go back to high school, forget it. I hate it.  It's oppressive.  I'm surrounded by immature imbeciles.  Work is a drag.  I still have to ride the bus when I can't bum a ride. It sucks.  Remember you were so depressed.  You hated your home life.  Are your relations with Mom any better?  No, we have had no contact at all for years and I like it that way. How about Christine? She changed her name years ago and we haven't had any contact for years.  

Did you keep your paintings and other artistic work?  I have my AP art slides.  Remember Mrs Jennings and all she did for you?  Yes, of course.  

Well, I'm not sure what else to say to you.  I get the feeling that you'll want to read more than what I've already said to you.  Although I've been thinking of this letter for a while, I'm still not sure what to say. Maybe I'll add to it.  There is so much I want to know.

Do you love yourself yet?  Yes.

Be there for your husband and yourself. And especially God.  

Well, bye for now.

Jessica

PS what about your wonderful GHP friends?
I'm not in touch with anyone from GHP.

****

My cat Gypsy.  I remember bringing her in for show and tell in nursery school.  She died halfway through my Freshman year in college.

Best cat ever

Dear God

Dear God,
Regarding our earlier chat- I am officially requesting a repair or exchange due to unforeseen defects of a dire nature.

Please either repair current or exchange out for similar in a manner that does not harm anyone in any way.  If repair/exchange is not possible I would like a refund in the form of painting energy and inspiration, but I would really prefer a repair or exchange.

Please repair/exchange ASAP.

Also, I am officially stating that Enough is Enough.

As always, much love and gratitude, even when I am bad-tempered and sulky.

xoxo,
J

Dear God and Guides and Angels

Dear God and Guides and Angels,

I know I can be a real pain in the ass.  I don't listen very well, I am stubborn, and when I am upset I get very upset at all of You especially.  And I am impatient,  And snarky. And short-sighted.  But those are the problems with being human.

Thanks for being so understanding, even when I am not.

Love,
J

Dear God

Dear God,

I do believe that everything happens for a reason.
I also believe that our thoughts create our reality and we attract according to the intentions we send out.
I believe that love is stronger than fear and will transmute it if love is allowed into places of fear in our hearts.
I believe in a higher universal intelligence and the inter-connectedness of all things.
I believe if we are open and receptive we get our resources and Signs when we need them.

And then sometimes I get really pissed off at You.

Like lately.

WHY disrupt me from my nice bubble of existence, then throw some (admittedly very good) resources at me, just to say "Oh, well, nevermind after all."

If everything happens for a reason, would You please mind explaining it?

Because nothing is making a whole lot of sense right now, it is just making me very sad, and all I want is to go back to my nice bubble of existence where I don't have to worry about certain things. Things I was not looking for, haven't been asking for (lately), things I did not seek out.

So why put me through it? What is the lesson here? What is the point, the purpose? Because as far as I can tell it's not really benefiting anyone. At least not right now. So why now? Please very kindly explain Your divine timing.  I do not like mixed signals.  Not from other people and certainly not from You.

I need some serious help here from You.  You started it, so please finish it.

Unhappily and angrily yours,

J

Friendly Letter

Dear Sinus Infection from Hell,

I need for you to please die right now. You have been an exceptionally rude houseguest for the last six days. You told my excellent immune system to fuck off, then you completely ignored my army of antibiotics. You even refused to make friends with my neti pot.

To add insult to injury, you went and said Hello! to my left eye so I cannot wear my contact lenses. Result: not only am I sick but I cannot see. This is unforgivable.

You made me miss Cactus Monday, see visions in my fever, miss work, not be able to paint, spend a lot of money at the drugstore, and rendered a three year old and a cat as the only functioning members of the household. Because of that last bit, I will have a mountain of housework to do when I finally kill you.

Sinus Infection from Hell, you suck. Not only did you do all those things, but then you got lonely so you invited Aunt Flo to join the party because you know she can't resist stuff like this.

Sinus Infection, I am going to kill you. I am very serious about that. You cannot live here. Because I am going back to the doctor this afternoon and he will give me meds that even you cannot dodge. You cannot win. You will die. I will make sure of it.

Murderous thoughts, love, and kisses,
j

Friendly Letter

Dear Neighbors That Keep Flooding My Kitchen,

STOP IT OR I WILL FREAK THE FUCK OUT AT YOU. If the water coming out of my kitchen drain is from your dishwasher, use the correct fucking soap. NOT dish detergent. If my floods are from your illegal washing machine, get rid of it, suck it up and pay the $1.90 to wash and $1.90 for a half hour in the dryer like the rest of the building. Yes it's highway robbery and I totally understand but that's no excuse for you to flood my kitchen.

I do not want your waste water or your soap bubbles in my sink or on my floor or on my counters. GOT IT?

Love and kisses,
J

Dear God

Dear God,

Thank you for the difficult days when my heart gets very tired. It's easy to be happy and blissful and spiritual when days are good. But life isn't always as such, and it's days like today that I can really see and know how strong my connection is. Thank you for the experience of being able to connect when feelings are tough. Thank you for the contrast that enables me to know my true nature, even when juxtaposed with other things within.

I know that the true testament to faith, and applying the strength of a spiritual fundation happens when we are faced with adversity, whether circumstantial, physical, or emotional. Thank you for being such a strong presence that I can rest in when life gets weary.

Thank you for giving me peace and calm when I am feeling down.

Love,
J

Dear God

Dear God,

I understand and accept that there are some things I am very good at, and some things I am very bad at. That's just fine with me.

I also understand that sometimes in life I will be called to do things that I am very bad at. But...please, why does it have to be algebra? Please help me understand why I still get the answer wrong when I plug all the right numbers in the right places in the right formula...pretty please help me out on ths one.

Because I have a lot of formulas in my near future.

So I need a lot of help. Quickly. The test is on Thursday.

Love and kisses,

J

Christine

Dear Christine,

If you are reading this you should give me the green ring because I am still mourning the loss of my favourite shirt. It is not fair for you to get both.

If you do not give me the green ring it proves that you are a cankerblossom.

Your loving sister,

J

Dear God

Dear God,

I'm not perfect, but I'm a decent person. I've given a lot to people: time, energy, and money without asking for anything in return.

I am requesting a refund for certain large amounts of energy that turned out to be for something that was defective but I did not know it was defective. So I please need all that energy refunded to me.

Anyhow, I would please like this refund of energy in the form of a large sum of cash. Immediately, or as soon as possible would be really great, via a means that does not harm anyone in any way. That would be really fabulous.

I deserve this refund because I am part of You and I do good things. I am eternal, immortal, universal and infinite, and fun to be around most of the time. My capacity for abundance is unlimited.

Thanks for the amazing things You've done for me so far, they are all appreciated, even the things I don't know about or haven't happened yet. (But I have to ask what's up with that one thing?? You know which one...) Oh, and thank you so much that Daya wasn't twins. (Do I thank You for that too often?)

You're the best.

Love and kisses,
J