topiary cats

topiary cats

Sunday, June 28, 2015

A Letter from the FBI

So, I got this email.

Absolutely NOTHING is more real and genuine than this letter.  I had better pay attention.


From: "Mr James B Comey"
Date: June 15, 2015 at 3:40:34 PM MDT
Subject: Federal Bureau of investigation (FBI)

Mr. James B. Comey


OMG it is official

ATTENTION: Beneficiary,

Wow! I am a generic beneficiary!

We the Federal Bureau of investigation (FBI) through our intelligence monitoring network has discovered that the transaction that the bank contacted you previously for was legal.

I has discovered you are the Best Ever! Unless my intelligence monitoring network (aka Spam folder) failed...surely not.

Recently the fund has been legally approved to be paid via United Bank of Africa Nigeria.

Definitely legal.

So, we the Federal Bureau of investigation (FBI) Washington Dc,

Yeah I forgot where the FBI is headquartered. Thanx for the reminder!

in conjunction with the United Nations (UN) financial department have investigated through our monitoring network noting you that your transaction with the UBA Bank of Nigeria is legal.

Even more legal if stated more than once.

You have the legitimate right to complete your transaction to claim your fund $4.7 (four million seven hundred thousand united state dollars)

It is like playing the lottery without playing!

Because of so much scam going on internet.

Yes so much scam. A damn shame isn't it!

We the Federal Bureau of investigation decided to contact the NORTHEHILLS COURIER DELIVERY SERVICE in Lagos, Nigeria for them to give us their procedures on how to send this money to you without any further complain or delay.

Awesome! I like NORTHEHILLS COURIER DELIVERY SERVICE! They are way better than FedEx.

We just got an information from the Zenith Bank and they have loaded your $4.7 (four million seven hundred thousand united state dollars) in ATM MASTER CARD and submit to the NORTHEHILLS COURIER DELIVERY SERVICE for immediate delivery to your doorstep.

Cool!! An information like that is not to be ignored!

You are required to choose one option, which you will be able to pay and also convenient for you, for quick delivery of your parcel containing your ATM CARD and other two original back up documents.

Not one but TWO ORIGINAL backup documents!

Service Type | Delivery Duration | Charges/Fees
------------------------------ ------------------------------
Premium Express (24hrs Delivery)
Mailing $200.00 00.00
Insurance $150.00 00.00
Vat $100.00 00.00

TOTAL $450.00

$450(Four Hundred and fifty US Dollars Only).

Yes please I want this one. 
Those extra zeros were to keep me thinking, I do appreciate that.

........................... .............................. ..........
Special Express (2 Days)
Mailing $180.00 00.00
Insurance $70.00 00.00
Vat $150.00 00.00
TOTAL $380.00 00.00

$380 (Three Hundred and Eighty US Dollars Only).
.............................. ..............................

I chose that first one.

Economy Express (3Days)
Mailing $100.00 00.00
Insurance$150.00 00.00
Vat (5%) $50.00 00.00

TOTAL $300.00 00.00

$300 (Three Hundred US Dollars Only).

Please see first choice already selected.
.............................. .............................. ........

You are hereby required to advice us, on your parcel delivery option by filling in the required form stated above.

I adviced you! :)

Please note that the deadline for claiming your fund is exactly 48 hours after the receipt of this
email. After this period, your fund will be return back so take note.

Moreover, this is some tracking number of beneficiaries that received their payment through us and via northehills website (www.northehills dot com/home).

A real website!

We request that you reconfirm your mailing address to ensure conformity with our record for immediate dispatch of your parcel to you. Only valid residential/Office address and postal address are certified Ok.


------------------------------ ------------------------------ -
Receiver's Name: .......
Address: ................
Tel/: ...................

Delivery Information/ Parcel Description
------------------------------ ------------------------------ -----------
Delivery Terms: International Delivery
Condition of Delivery: Priority Delivery
Consignment Note No: MI 49866-2110
Color of Parcel: ...Brown.
Total Weight: 2.1 kg
Total Net Weight: 1.7 kg

The parcel is brown! I shall look for a brown parcel!

We are here to protect you from any problem till you receive your package;

I do need protection, thanks! 
Will you protect me from any problem after I receive it, too?

you can as well get in touch with the NORTHEHILLS COURIER DELIVERY SERVICE assigned to deliver this financial package to your doorstep. Below is the delivery company's contact information:

Directors Name: Sir. Scott Nelson

Sir? Cool!

Email: mrscott_nelson at

OMG you Yahoo!

Looking forward to hear from you as soon as you receive this message.

Best Regards,
Mr. James B. Comey.
Federal Bureau of Investigation
J. Edgar Hoover Building
935 Pennsylvania Avenue,
NW Washington, D.C.
20535-0001, USA

Aww thanks! xoxoxo

1. Is anyone receiving such an email really that stupid?
2. Why are these kinds of emails STILL circulating?  Is it because they worked at some point?
3. Is anyone receiving such an email really that stupid?
4. Why didn't my intelligence monitoring network pick this up?

Come to think of it, I should have returned all those Publisher's Clearing House mailings back in 25 years ago. Damn.

TRUE STORY: When I was a kid, way back in the pre-internet days, I answered the phone one evening.  A man was on the other end, informing me all about the Canadian Lottery.

I kept him on the phone for about a half hour, leading him on, because he had a really funny accent.

The Cana-di-en Lott'ry!  It's the BEST IN THE WOR-LED!

When I told him, after letting him go on for a half hour, that we weren't interested, he got REALLY pissed off.



  1. Thankfully I have never had one of these emails or scams presented. How weird that they are still pfishing. Another scam I just read about was some person from another country tries to purchase one of your paintings. Sends a check for way too much money and then wants you to deposit it and send the painting along with a check that is the over payment. Geez. Do they think you are really that stupid??

  2. Yippee! You are going to be rich, RICH!

  3. I read this website about people who bait these people. It was hilarious.

    Oh, I found it.


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