Drawing

My drawings tonight were not too great, but here is the 45 minute pose.

Graphite.

Memling, Resolved

The curator wrote me back!

It was an extremely nice note.

He said the renovations are still ongoing and they have made many difficult decisions about which paintings to display.  He also said they are rotating the collection and everything should be back on view end of 2022 or early 2023!

My Favorite Memling is Gone

Today I went to see the Goya show at the Met before it closes.

It's a good show- a little grim but that's Goya.

It was worth seeing.

The European paintings wing is now open after renovations, so before I left the museum I went to visit my favorite Memling, Young Woman with a Pink.

She was not there.

I looked and looked and looked and felt very sad.
So then I looked her up online and sure enough, she is labeled "removed from view".

This is terrible.

I looked up curator names and chose one not so much randomly, but because it was the first one I found.
Then I sent an email asking why is my favorite Memling gone and can they please put her back?

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I took Daya out to celebrate getting into Move NYC, because it is a Big Deal and worthy of celebrating.

We went to the same restaurant and sat in the same place we went to celebrate her getting into LaGuardia.

Geisha in Central Park

I have been a part of a Meetup group Central Park Plein Air painters since October 2010.....and today I painted with them for he first time!

It is run by a local artist named Greta Lood. She's a very good painter.
We were supposed to have a geisha model who never showed up, so Greta put on the kimono and modeled for us!

11x14 oil

I painted on my Yellowstone box today.

My friend Grace, who I met last spring when Daya auditioned for the Manhattan Youth Ballet summer program (feels like 10 years ago!) also joined.  We met two new friends today!

The whole day was just lovely and wonderful.

We went for a long walk afterwards.

AND THEN...

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This evening I received a phone call from Move NYC.... 

Daya got in!!

This is a Big Deal and I'm SO PROUD of her!!!

This is the program description, from the website:

The cornerstone of MOVE|NYC| is its tuition-free, Young Professionals Program. The Young Professionals Program is a year round Conservatory Prep & Mentorship Program for New York City teenagers, ages 13 - 18, who demonstrate exceptional potential for a career in dance. The Young Professionals Program identifies talent at every stage of it’s technical development, from beginner to advanced, and provides critical access to opportunities for mentorship and training which prepare each young dancer for admission to collegiate conservatory programs post high school. 100% of our graduates have matriculated to prestigious college/conservatory programs.

This robust program consists of:

• Summer Intensive (In Person)
• Winter Intensive (In Person)
• Year-round 1-on-1 Professional mentorship (With Co-Founders & Artistic Directors and leading artists in the professional field)
• Year-round 1-on-1 Peer mentorship (Young Professionals are paired with recent alumni who attend collegiate dance programs)
• Monthly Master Classes
• Professional Development (Career Management, Leadership Seminars, Resume Building, Public Speaking Workshops)
• College/Conservatory Prep (Senior Audition Solo coaching, Professional Headshots, College Application Guidance)
• Professional Live Dance Performance Viewing
• Year-round performance opportunities (Through the Young Professionals Ensemble participants will have a plethora of traditional and non-traditional performance opportunities across New York City)

....and it is completely FREE!

Central Park Boathouse

 My friend Grace texted me on Friday evening asking if I wanted to paint with her in Central Park today.
Of course I said yes!

We went over near Bethesda Fountain. It was too noisy and it really got on my nerves after a while.

But we had a nice view of the boathouse.
8x10 oil

Very rare pictures of me painting:

It was chilly and I wore my XXXL Dollar Store black mens' shirt which is large enough to fit over my big North Face down winter coat.  So I am basically wearing a tent.  But it does keep paint off my jacket.

Stardew Valley

Stardew Valley is a fantastic game that was created completely by one person.

There is a lovely video on Youtube about it:

How Stardew Valley was Created by One Person

These quotes are so powerful I had to capture them.

ESPECIALLY this:

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Stardew Valley is one of my all-time favorite games.
Daya loves it too, and we used to play together back in the days where she would still do stuff with me.

I originally found it in an article about how our personalities reflect in the way we play games- the author of the article (which I cannot find) had the flu and had to stay home.  She got bored and got Stardew Valley to relax, and the way she played made her realize just how much of an insane workaholic she was and it really made her self-evaluate.

There were comments after the article.  One person said Stardew Valley really helped them through a period of intense anxiety in their life.

I read that and immediately purchased the game.

And, just like that commenter, this game really did help me in a very significant way through some tough anxiety.

It is slow, soothing, cute, calming and fun- so much so that I have recommended it to therapists for other clients who need to rest their minds.  I have told others going through tough anxiety about it as well.

But beside that, it has a wonderful creation story, which makes me love it even more.

(My farm is called Pineappleville and I have blue chickens which are awesome.)

Resolving Unresolved Stuff

I started this painting....... last month? 

Yes, I think last month.

It's something I have wanted to paint for a long time, years actually, and I just lost all my motivation.

It wasn't fun anymore.
But.... I still want to finish it.

It's been bugging me enough that I thought I should either just finish it or toss it.

But neither of those things felt right.

Then I realized it was all about just making a decision one way or another, and I could make any decision I want, as long as I make one.

So I decided to put it aside until July.
July was a bit random, there is no specific reason for it, but I feel much better better because it has a resolution in my head and no longer bugs me or takes up space.

9x12 oil

.

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I mentioned I bombed plein airing when I went to CT.
But I still felt there was something I'm supposed to get from the painting.

So I unpacked the leftover paint, set out some new paint, and spent some time with this wiped-out painting.

I did not look at any reference but rather relied on my visual memory and just... finding what I needed.

So, as far as being a "good" painting, successful, it isn't.
Which is completely fine. I don't care. Painting isn't always about making good paintings, though it sure is nice when that happens.  We learn more from bombs anyhow, so actually they are more valuable in that respect.

Ken Goshen spoke about this in class the other day, about not caring if you make a good painting or not, just do it and whatever happens is fine because it doesn't really matter.

But I did have a few things to learn from it and I can carry it over next time I am faced with a similar painting situation. I also have a few things I need to look up to see how others handled it.

6x8 oil

Drawing!

Here are a couple of drawings from tonight.
7 mins and 20 mins are graphite and the 1 hour is pastel.
(I unearthed a set I forgot about and wanted to use it!)

My arm started to ache so I just took it easy.

Moderna #1

 A new vaccination center opened a few blocks from me, so I finally got an appointment.

It was very well-run and efficient, and also friendly.

I am a needle wimp so this really made a difference in stress-reduction.
The registration lady looked at my year of birth, and while holding my ID looked at me and said "Really?"

I said yep and she said you look so young!

:)

The shot is unpleasant, they stick it right in your upper arm muscle, but it is also over in seconds.

Then they watch you for 15 minutes to make sure you don't faint, have an allergic reaction, or die.

None of those things happened.

Second dose is May 12.

********
When I got back to my building, my landlord was in the lobby.
We chatted for a few minutes, very friendly.  

He is a good guy, and I am really fortunate to have a good landlord.
My upstairs neighbors are moving out April 30!

?

Is it an intrinsically human thing to want to be understood?
At least on some basic level by people who know us and people we love and care about?

We are all focused into our unique perspective, and can't/shouldn't relate to everything others experience, and that's fine. It is good for people to be different. But ..... maybe we can know some people better than others, even if we can't necessarily relate to them.

And I do know better that non-artists will never understand artists.
Even if those non-artists have their own creative dabbles.
Not everyone who dabbles in paint is an artist.

Where am I going with this?

I don't consider my painting to be a "hobby".
Even though it doesn't pay my rent.
(It does pay for itself sometimes, which is nice.)
It's a vocation.
Not a hobby.

I HAVE to do it. I came into this life with it and it drives me and defines me.

It often is hard work, and it isn't "a shame" that it isn't always enjoyable.
It takes a lot of practice, training, time, problem-solving, and a stupid amount of my life and headspace.

I am no different from any other artist in this regard, we all tend to say the same things and experience the same things. Pretty much all artists I have had this conversation with say painting is quite stressful, and non-artists are very surprised by this.

I'm talking about artists, not non-artist hobbyists and yes there is a difference.

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Definition of Hobby:
An activity done regularly in one's leisure time for pleasure.
"her hobbies are reading and gardening"

And-----

Google says:
"Is sleeping considered a hobby? Yes, it is! A Hobby is a regular activity done for pleasure, which takes up your spare time and doesn't pay you money and you don't have to be a professional for it."

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Um, this is EXACTLY why I feel diminished if someone calls my painting a hobby.
To put it on the level of an activity that requires no skill, no training, no dedication.

Painting can be a "hobby" for some people but they probably do it because they find it relaxing, and I have never encountered an artist walking the artist life path who thinks painting is relaxing.
That's not why we do it. And that is not "a shame".

I think I just really hate the word hobby.
It's too casual and too broad.

Do I have something I consider to be a hobby?
Yes, gaming.

But painting and all that goes into it is a vocation.
You don't go to college to study a "hobby".

I think it is an artist/non-artist difference.

************
I asked Carey what she thought of the word hobby in relation to art because like me, she is an artist, a lifelong vocation, and it doesn't pay her bills.

She says:
Honestly, it's always bothered me, though I also think it maybe shouldn't be that big of a deal because most people just don't get it and you likely can't communicate why to those types. I guess maybe it's also an ego thing, though, as to why it bothers me.

Artists get it in such a different way than non-artists.
This is why artists NEED other artist friends.

I appreciate her response so much because...she gets it.

Connecticut

On Friday evening after work I got on the last train to Boston, got off at New London CT, and went to visit Cathy.  Her friend passed away and she was feeling bummed out and asked me if I could come visit.  Of course I said yes. I'm glad to keep Cathy company.

Going up Friday night worked out really well- even though my train was an hour late. I got into CT at 11:30pm.  I just went to sleep right when I got to Cathy's.  But this is significantly better than coming in Saturday morning because neither of us has to wake up early.  Cathy is nocturnal and prefers being up late at night, so picking me up late is more comfortable for her.  Win-win.

Daya stayed home. I have zero issue leaving her home alone for a couple of nights.  She did great in October and doesn't mind at all.  I would like to bring her with me next time, but it depends on dance.
But it is really nice that she is old enough I have the option either way.  And I'm sure it was nice for her to get a break from me.

*******
Cathy's husband, Mark, is not nocturnal and whenever I am visiting I join him for his morning walk in the woods with the dog.  On Saturday morning I brought my painting gear and stayed in the woods.

I found a nice spot.  Last time I painted in the woods it was just so magical, and I was hoping to experience that again.  I figured- I'm here in the nice woods, I'll listen to the woods while I paint.

My painting started out well enough. I even thought- this is going to be a good painting.  I felt it.
And then........ I bombed.  I mean I REALLY bombed.
I was working 6x8, which should take me less than an hour and a half, tops.
2 hours later I was less than half done, had wiped out the top twice, and just called it.

Holy hell, what happened?????

On the walk back, I think I figured it out.
My head got SO LOUD.

SO. LOUD.

So loud I couldn't paint!

And I just didn't think to put something on to listen to.

Well, there is learning in all experiences, especially our failures.
I did keep the bottom of the painting because I like it.
And I think I will work on the rest at home with my leftover paint.

**************
I did get to visit with Cathy's rats and cats, which is always fun.

Dizzy came to sit with me, but Rusty was already there and Dizzy doesn't like Rusty.
I have no clue why she would come sit next to a cat she doesn't like then get mad at him for being there, but that's what happened.

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Sunday morning Mark and I went for a walk to a 300 year old farmhouse ruin in the woods.

Deer poop

I had a really lovely weekend with Cathy.

Pebbles and Isis were glad to see me because they wanted food, and they enjoyed smelling all the new smells I brought back.

(Furball was scared of the new smells.)

Celebrity Psychic & The Alienist

Tonight we had a fantastic model: Richard Lael Lillard.

(instagram @richardlaellillard)

Richard is a: former Vegas dancer/Freddie Mercury impersonator, he's a celebrity psychic & medium, Satanist, and super hilarious with a ton of style! And his mom is his best friend!

I hope he models for us again; he is so freaking cool.

1 hour pose, graphite

20 min pose, graphite

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This month's reading is The Alienist.

I haven't read it and I think it's also a movie which I have not seen.

It is about a serial killer here in NYC in the 1880s.

You know what?

As messed up as things are today in many respects, they are also SO MUCH BETTER.

The historical element is just wonderful, but also horrible.

I have read other historical fiction books set in NYC and also have had a little exposure to the history here- not as much as I'd like, but it was REALLY squalid.

The tenements were no joke.
It was filthy- probably those long-dead residents would think our modern filth is clean by comparison.

I know the human race has a long way to go in terms of treating each other well on a very basic level, but in many basic areas we have come a long way. I think more exposure to this kind of history would make people appreciate what we have today a lot more. Because it was definitely NOT better, not by a long shot.

Sunday Drawing with Furball

I didn't do anything today, not a thing, except go to drawing.

So I guess that's something.

20 minutes

charcoal

1 hour

graphite

Furball and Isis were in the window.  Furball thought drawing was more interesting than whatever was happening outside.

St Pat's Week 9

I was really debating whether or not to go to St Pat's today.

Just couldn't get myself moving, even though I did get ready to go out.

Then my friend texted me to see what I was doing.

Then a lady I met while out painting a few months ago messaged me over Instagram saying she was going to sketch at St Pat's...... that was the boost I needed, and the timing was pretty great, so out toe door I went.

I had a really nice time talking to Catherine. She actually stayed and sketched with me the entire 4 1/2 hours!! 

We learned about St Monica, who is the patron saint of disappointing children.

Here is the painting I did, 9x12 pastel on Mi Tientes.

Hudson

This week is spring break, and I thought it might be nice to get away for an overnight.
Daya likes thrift shops, and Hudson has that, so we went.

The weather was not good, it rained Thursday and was very cold on Friday.
I did not bring any paint!

Hudson is cool, but it isn't the same without Drusilla.
Daya doesn't like my company, so there wasn't a lot of good conversation.
Also we had a fight.
I don't think I want to travel with Daya again for a while, not until she is ready to be friendly to me in general.

We went to the old cemetery, which is pretty fantastic.
I like the civil war veteran section.

A Hudson kind of thing to find around the cemetery:

Sadie was absent for her show.

Flower Kraut is still there.

So is Vasilow's but we didn't go.

Alpaca shop.

Park Bench at Second Show.

Daya got some shirts and I got a pair of cool earrings.

Hotel Room at The Wick, it was nice.

Bathtub not great but passable.

Le Garmin breakfast, I broke my no starch rule with their eggs benedict with potatoes.

We went to Antique Warehouse, which Daya loved.

She got a few shirts which she is very, very happy with.

I found an iPhone from the 1800s.

And also this old iPad.

Old easel.

Cat and mouse game.

Carousel horse.

Another one.

I like this painting, but mostly the paintings there were utter crap, rubbish, or both.

Taxidermy peacock.

Daya was upset to find something she recognized from her childhood in an antique market-

an ipod mini:

I bought this awesome tea towel at Tradewinds.

I also got quite a lot of tea at Verdigris.