My Idea of Hell

Daya lost a hairpiece for dance...her duet.  And it is a hard one to match color-wise.

We both felt awful, so I told her teacher I'll go look for something in the Garment District- which is where the original hairpiece came from- since I'm over there all the time anyhow.

On an intellectual level, I understand there are a lot of people whose idea of heaven would be going through every shop in the Garment District looking at fabric and buttons and brooches and ribbons and appliques and trimmngs and sequins and God knows what else.  All the things one could possibly need for their creative fabric endeavors.

I understand people come from all over the world to do this; I have seen them.  They look happy, excited, in sewing/fabric/things-fabricky-heaven.

Since I am deathly allergic to anything sewing and fabric related, I am NOT one of these people. Thus, it is a sad fact that I don't really appreciate the Garment District. At all.

Which is why the 2 1/2 hours I spent yesterday combing through every single trimmings store- the big ones and the holes in the wall- was sheer hell. I went to easily 10 or 11 places before I stopped.  Ms Victoria said she found it somewhere in a bin in a hole-in-the-wall shop...she *thinks*.

This is what I found:

I have no idea what the old one looked like, and I just had a really blurry picture to go off, and her teacher's guidelines.  So after texting Ms Victoria, I bought 2 of these for her to see in person...and she thinks they are the same one and they will work!

I am so relieved I don't have to go pack and go through bins and bins of appliques again!

Competition

Competition was this past weekend...again. We were there Saturday and Sunday.
Everyone did a great job, it's very difficult to do what they do.  I'm proud of Daya and I'm proud of the whole team.

There are some very notable differences between our studio and some others that were there.....while we do compete, our studio isn't about getting trophies (even though we get a ton of them). It isn't the Studio of Egotistical Awards.  I love the studio so much.... it is run by people who care about people and dance as an art.  The teachers also are very careful to not have the kids dancing in inappropriate costumes/songs/choreography, which we see a LOT at competition.  Even our kids have commented about other studios' numbers being really inappropriate! I have seen some nauseating things at competition. And a lot of it is cheesy and silly to be honest.

What isn't cheesy or silly is the stage experience and the judges' critiques, which are important.
And it is fun for the kids, so it is worth going to, once or twice a year.

The parents aren't insane either.... we are of course supportive and proud of our kids, but I don't think any of us qualifies for Obnoxious Dance Mom.  Thank goodness. I wouldn't have Daya in a studio like that anyhow.

And we saw some really obnoxious people, and there was some extremely not-cool behavior towards us from other studios- backstage and in the stuff/waiting/changing area.

These moms come in with huge trunks that open into portable wardrobes.  I call them wardrobe forts.
They bring changing tents. (we used jackets and a couple of moms holding a bedsheet)

These dance moms are mean, entitled, snobbish, and their entire identity is their daughter's dancing.  A group of them literally started setting up at our studio's table as if we weren't even there.  Their kids are mean backstage too. One mom had a jacket with...I forgot the kid's name so I'll invent a name... TANYA'S MOM in big letters on the back.  I'm not kidding.

I told Daya I need a jacket that says DAYA'S MOM in huge letters so I, too, can be a good dance mom.  She was appalled, rightly so.

If I ever did something like that I think Daya would move out.

Invading Studio's

Wardrobe Fort in a Trunk

Well anyhow, two dances were invited to compete in August for an invitation-only event for highest scoring numbers only.  Daya was in both those dances.  I'm not sure yet if we are going, still waiting for everything to be figured out.

Daya and Ms Victoria

Things that Take Time

I'm still going through the sadness of loss, and there is nothing for it but time.
I still just need time and space. There isn't anything to talk about, and I don't want to talk.
There isn't anything to do either, except to know things have been much worse and keep doing the things that I do. My dreams are usually bad now, but hopefully that will pass too, in time.  I'm taking it slow, allowing, and giving it space.

I have my next Topiary Cats series.  It is a very good one.  My easel is all set up, I even have the ideal paper ready to go, I just haven't been able to start yet.  I could keep doing these forever probably, or as long as the ideas keep coming. And they don't seem to be stopping.

Stefan Baumann has been hugely inspirational to me. I listen to him a lot. He is good for me.
I have a lot of growing to do, and I'm so slowed down artistically by circumstance but at least I'm working, I never gave it up.

I also took almost all the paintings off my walls and retired them. By that I mean I literally took over 100 paintings off my walls.  The bare walls looked strange.  This past weekend I put the stack of new work up that has been sitting on my drawing table.  But there is still a lot of empty space on my walls, and that is ok, I'll just put new work up there to fill it.

Today I also decided to get back to figure drawing.  Drawing New York has regular sessions, and l'll start going.  They are a good group- I have been out with them a couple of times before.  Plein air is great but I feel unbalanced without figure work.  I miss it terribly.  It has always been a goal of mine to get back to it once Daya was old enough.  And I have a lot of time while she is in dance.  Plus I need to get out and do something around other people. I need to force that into my life.

Topiary Cats: The Gravity Towers

I started this series at the end of December. There are two of them I was unsure of and was going to re-work a bit, but then I decided to leave them as they are. Originally I wanted to name the series Jenga Towers, and I submitted a use form to Hasbro, but the first response was a corporate runaround so I decided not to bother.

All are 8x10 pastel on Richeson sanded paper.

Artist Blocks

Sky Blooms

Moon Pool

Glass Tower

Falling Dust

"What Should We Do?"

(Return of the Venus Fly Cats)

Ice Float

Rigger Mortis

I forced myself to go out painting today.
Which was a good thing, it is better to get out.  And if I'm going to force myself to go out, why not paint?

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I'm ANGRY today. It hit me this morning.
I know it is a normal part of processing but it still really stinks.

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Painting.

I went to Central Park.

Today I took a Colour Shaper with me to remove paint.  Some people use Q-tips, I never liked them because I kill the Q-tip too quickly and you can really only use it once anyhow. Too much garbage. But a Colour Shaper....miracle thing.  Why didn't I start bringing one out with me years ago.  I have with pastels, but never oil. This is another instance in which I am just really, really slow.

So I painted an 8x10 and it was cold but not severely cold.
It is a boring painting color-wise...I almost did the whole scene from the ground but then I thought the branches were really cool so I just did that.

My rigger got a workout and I'm afraid my painting is suffering from a bit of "rigger mortis".  Oh well.

Plein air is really, really, REALLY difficult and I go out and do it, I'm out there working, so I don't get down on myself about this stuff, not too much anyhow. I learn with every painting. So many people who want to do it don't because they are too afraid. It's true that it is overwhelming, hard, stressful, and scary but that's what makes it special.

The light on the trees was really wonderful.

Corner of 5th and 65th. 

I cut off the last word...

I'm glad we have a building that says this.

This is the colour shaper I used today-  has a good edge and good points, which are important.
Pictured with Stabby, my proportional divider.  Stabby is so sharp it is a bit dangerous, I always have to be careful.  Getting stabbed is NOT fun. Trust me.

Views from 30

Daya came to the office which was a good coincidence since there was an event on 30 for girls and making video games.  So she went and had a nice time.  She also made a really adorable game with a fat purple cat named eggplant.

We both went to yoga after work.

The New Years ball is right outside the window.

It changes colors.

Grey Spring

April has started with snow, rain, and dreary gray.

Branwen left early and Daya is now stuck at home with ELA homework and SHSAT prep.

SHSAT is the specialized high school SAT which is required for entry into the specialized high schools in NYC- there are 9 of them and she will apply to 2. Laguardia for dance and the math one.

So Daya has to start preparation now for the test in November.  She could probably take it today and do fine but she wants to do better than fine, so she needs to study.

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Sometimes the right decisions are the hardest decisions. Even when it knocks all the wind out of you, even when it throws you right back to square one.  An adjustment that will take time to process.  Sometimes being the best isn't good enough after all.

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Spring Break isn't very much fun.

Spring Breaking

This week is Spring Break for Daya, and Branwen is Spring Breaking with us.

I'm immensely thankful for her company right now as these are hard days and it is good for Daya to have someone to be with.

We dyed Easter Eggs and also the counter.