Unicorn Synchronicity

I'm a little behind on my blog, I have some updates from Halloween etc but they'll wait.

Because something very major happened today.

This afternoon my landlord called to offer me a new apartment.

A big 2 bedroom, in the same building.

It's on the top floor so no upstairs neighbors.

This eliminates a massive stressor and anxiety I have been living with for 20 years.

Noise from upstairs especially- and also the courtyard behind me- have caused me a lot of distress over the years.  My current neighbors now are ok, they are just doing normal life stuff but I hear it.  (I can even hear the guy upstairs peeing.) I just tolerate it because you just kind of have to.  It's the music-blasting that really wrecks my nervous system...not normal living noise. I still have PTSD from my neighbors from 2019-2022 who BLASTED their music, drums and bass taking over everything.
My current neighbors don't do that, I have no complaints against them.

But I still live in anxiety of what if they move and I get loud music blasters again?

And I just deal with the overhead noise.

In this new apartment... no one is above me.

It's an end of hallway apartment so I don't really share most of my walls with anyone.

It is a quiet apartment, and I am probably the quietest person in NYC so that fits.

It is a unicorn apartment and I happen to be a unicorn so that fits, too.

My rent will go up by $200 a month, but I can afford it.
I can make it work.

It's worth it.

I will be paying $600 below market rental value, and right now I'm paying about $300 below market rental value. It's rent-stabilized.

If Daya stays here she'll help with expenses too. That'll also be good for both of us.

I'm not going to worry about the rent.

I am always provided for.

And I get to keep everything I love about living here- I am happy in the building, it's well-managed, I love the location...all of that remains the same. And it won't cost me anything to move, aside from needing some things for the new apartment.

It is in my landlord's financial best interest to get me out of this apartment, and he knows I'm not going anywhere on my own.

So he made me a really good deal.

He'll gut-renovate, raise the rent to the legal rent instead of the below-market preferential rent I pay, and charge more for this one-bedroom than what I will be paying for a brand new renovated bright big 2- bedroom apartment on the top floor.

************

I'll give him my decision on Monday, yes, and I'm ready to sign the papers and give the security deposit.

FREAKY THING: This came exactly to-date 20 years since I moved in here.

My first reaction when he called was extreme overwhelm.

But it's just such a good offer.

***********

Daya has been INCREDIBLE.

She wants to step in and take over all the things that scare and overwhelm me and that i just don't know how to do.

She knows how to do those things AND she likes doing them!

She told me I'm not alone this time.

She is gentle with me in my fear and anxiety and stress.

She also said this changes the way she thinks about living with me- I know she hates this apartment and it does hold a lot of years of hard history. I understand why she doesn't want to be here.

*********

On a personal note, I have been doing some intense internal clearing since mid-September.

I have been working with an energy healer who I have worked with since 2021- basically to clear energies that have been stored in the body. Release.

It works. 
I have cleared abandonment- personal and generational (that took 3 sessions), effects of my circumstance on being a mom, emotional effects of my eyes on my life, and I have one session next week in which I'm going to clear the stored energy I hold in my body from parenting from 2015 to present. And we'll do a final sweep and then I'll need a break, it's a LOT.

I feel different in my body and my frequency has definitely shifted higher.

I feel less dense, I feel space where those old emotional energies were.

But I'm ready to let go of old outdated life things and step into a new life phase- I just didn't expect my dream apartment- literally- to come with it!

So, this massive shift comes at a time that makes sense.

This move is a MASSIVE clearing out.

Also financially, I'll give Daya the last college tuition payment next month and then I'm done.

The new apartment makes some major dreams come true:

1. I will have my own bedroom, WITH A DOOR! That's been my DREAM!!!

2. Noise eliminated- no upstairs neighbors or worries about who might move in.

3. The second and larger bedroom will be my studio and guest room (probably).  I will have an actual dedicated studio room!

I want space for Daya, but she's insisting on this.  We'll make it work.  It's going to be fine.

I always want her to have a place here, a nice space too.

This is very overwhelming, but amazing.

I think my art will dramatically benefit from it as well, with new expanded space.
I feel so constricted in my studio right now.
It's time to grow and expand.

My cats are going to freak out, and I have to figure out how to get Furball into the new place....

All 4 burners on my stove will work! (2 burners on my stover never worked from day 1. I live with 2.)

My fridge won't be falling apart!

This is AMAZING!!!

Also I will have an actual living room and I truly have no idea what to do with a living room.

Daya's job is to figure that out tho.

She's awesome like that.

49

Oh man how did that happen.

I'm working today which is fine.

Maybe I'll take a walk later and go vote early.

Later this evening I'm meeting Daya for dinner which will be nice.

Otherwise it's just a Thursday.

I hope this new age-year is a good one for me, with positive change, new stories, and continued stability in these strange and difficult times. I wish good things and positive thoughts for myself.

3

Wow, I'm three years on the hotline now!

No one stays on the hotline for three years.... except me.

At the start of my three-year anniversary month last night, I was on shift.

It was very busy.

Luchetti & Franca & David

back in August when I painted Little Island at Francis' event, he had a raffle.

There were 2 Luchetti sketchbooks in the raffle.

I did not win them, or anything.

But I had never heard of Luchetti before and I was very intrigued.

It's a new company, and they are primarily designed for watercolor people, which I am not.

But their hot press version is good for mixed media.

If primed with GAC 100, it's fine for oil.

And the paper is thick enough that it would work for egg tempera.

I needed a Luchetti sketchbook.

Then the Via, the small travel-size one went on pre-order, and I got that too.
They are gorgeous books and I will love working in them.

I do have plans for these books... there are studio studies I want to do, but informally.

It is my goal to use these 2 books during the dark cold season for practice.

***********

Today I had nice brunch plans with Franca.

Then I dragged her to Blick, because I needed the GAC 100.

After Blick we went to Rizzoli so Franca could get her mom some books in Italian.

Her mom likes romance books.

I found a book called Lezioni di Chimica- Lessons in Chemistry- that I thought Franca's mom needed but Franca vetoed it. 

She got this book about being abandoned instead!'

(The Days of Abandonment)

*********

After visiting with Franca I went to Brooklyn because my painter friend David Nakabayashi was having an open studio and sale prices to clear space.

It was good to see David, it's been a while.

His wife Jenni and the dog Cholla were there too.

We're still talking about painting Times Square again.  

Also, right now David has an artist residency on Governor's Island, so we talked about painting there too.  I always like painting with David.

I got to visit one of my favorite friends, Transmission Elk.

And I adopted 2 paintings for a steep friend discount.

David's paintings are amazing. Now I have three- he gave me one years ago from an event we painted at together... an oil painting he did with a Sumi-e brush which is just ridiculous... but he made it work.

I think these 2 paintings were from a show he had a while back at Viridian Gallery.

They are unsold from 2021... well until now.

David Nakabayashi

Hiding from Sept 11 Stuff

I am hiding from the world today.

It's the 25th anniversary of 9/11, and I want nothing to do with any of it.

MAYBE...maybe... if I feel like it, I'll paint over at Jamaica Bay tonight but I'm not sure.

Last year on Sept 11 I had such a bad and unexpected PTSD attack, and I just want to lay low this year and stay away from all of it, including social media and the news.

I'm feeling ok but also strongly feeling the need to tune everything out.

I can't believe it has been a year since last year already.

Ok I know that statement sounds dumb but I feel like last year 9/11 was ... yesterday.

So, maybe I'll go out and paint later, we'll see.

Small Weird Fish & The Bonkers Day

I have a crazy couple of days at work because of a rather chaotic live event I was called in to support.

And by chaos I mean CHAOS.

Well, I'm not involved with the chaos, thankfully.

My involvement meant I had to be in the office at 8am.

The commute is about an hour and 20 mins.

This was especially fun because I was on the hotline last night and the trains were messed up coming home, so I didn't get to bed until almost 1am for a 5:15 wake up.

Also, I got the best present ever for Daya upstate!

She also needed a few grocery items, so I put together a nice care package for her.

The plan was to stop over at Juilliard after work.

I packed everything and was very mentally organized, because being prepared is one of my superpowers.

I was SO prepared!

AND I left right on time!

*********

As the 5 train pulled out of Grand Central, I realized I FORGOT MY LAPTOP BAG.

My work phone was in there too, because of course it was.

Wow.

I have never done THAT before!
It was the weight of Daya's care package.

That's why I didn't register something was missing.

Usually when I forget something important, I notice right when I get outside.

But the physical weight of everything felt right so I just didn't notice.

Well, there was nothing to do except complete my trip to the office, tell my manager that I f'd up, and go home and retrieve my laptop bag.

I said to my manager, I f'd up.

And he didn't even care... he said don't worry about it, go home and get your laptop and don't stress or rush. Wow, it wasn't a big deal at all!

Ironically, if I had put my work phone in my regular bag, I could have just used that and not had to leave.  So I left and came back and all was well. I was back by 10am.

Timothy was in from LA to help with the event.
I told him I forgot my laptop and he just started laughing.

*******

So, I got Daya the best present ever.

She likes stuffed animals and has several in her dorm room.

I saw this plushie rainbow trout and knew she had to have it.

There was a larger one too, but I couldn't fit it in my pack, so I got the small one.

I call it Small Weird Fish.

Since I brought it to work, I showed my colleagues- including my manager and Tinothy, who also collects stuffed animals.

The unanimous professional consensus is that the fish is "F*cking Awesome" and "Epic".

Timothy and I took a selfie with the fish.

Daya likes the fish.

Name is pending.

Angry Cats & The Jerrys Box

I'm home.
The Amtrak ride was a little over 8 hours, longer than the ride up.

It's because I took a different Amtrak line.  I took the Maple Leaf line up, which goes to Toronto.

Coming back I was on the train that starts at Chicago and physically splits into 2 trains at Albany.

The half of the train going to Boston left first, and the NYC people had a long layover in Albany.

But although it was long, it was probably the most comfortable Amtrak journey I have ever had!

After Syracuse- an hour into the trip- I had 2 seats to myself for the entire ride!

******

Last Thursday, one day before I left for Rochester, I did a refill order of panels and a few other things from Jerrys.

Free shipping, 5-7 business days.

Perfect.

It arrived Saturday late morning.....!!!!!! What??

So, my box was sitting for a couple of days...I was mildly concerned about it, but it was fine.
Thankfully!

All of this is plein air refills.

I ordered 30 panels and I have 9 remaining.

That's kind of funny because that sunflower plein air was #39 for 2026!

****

My cats are upset with me.

I dreamed about them on my second night away.

I was gone one more night than probably I should have been, plus four full days, but I need to live and not be completely cat-trapped.

This trip was my fifth trip away this summer.

Five trips since June... that's a lot! 

It has all been good, but I need a break from multi-night trips for a little while.

I think my head needs a break too.

So, now that Labor Day is over, the summer is informally over.

I have to work Fridays now!

My mindset will switch to Fall, and I'm not really ready yet.

Summer went by so fast.

It has been a wonderful summer and a disappointing summer all at the same time.

I guess that's life sometimes.

Jimmy & Jackson & Upstate

My friend Teresa, who I have been friends with for almost 25 years, lost 2 very special cats.

It's the kind of situation that needed a gift painting.

Of course I left it to the last minute...and last-minute for oil painters means factoring in lots of drying time.

This is about a 10-hour painting, and I had to do it all at once over about 48 hours because it's a wet-in-wet painting, no dry layers. I needed to do it while the paint was still open.
Both cats showed up very strongly at the beginning of the painting, they were very happy about it, then about halfway through they disappeared.

Even though this is a rainbow bridge painting, the cats and Dru (thanks Dru!) felt no rainbow things were needed.

9x12 oil

Pebbles wanted to pose with the painting:

*******

Today I took Amtrak up to Rochester to see Teresa for the weekend.

It's a long train ride- about 7 hours- but since I brought oil paint, I didn't want to deal with the hassle of airline security.

The train trip is a lot longer but was cheaper than flying and is generally no-stress.

Teresa loved the painting.

She lives in a gorgeous area, right on Lake Ontario, and she isn't too far from the finger lakes region.

In the evening we took a short walk around one of the parks, I forgot which one it was but it's nice wetlands.  I do get into nature a lot but what I almost never get is large open space-- which I miss sometimes and I really enjoyed upstate.

Minnie

******

I stayed in Teresa's basement.

I LOVE Teresa's basement!

It's my kind of space- a little weird and very comfortable.

It has 4 main large rooms plus I'm not sure how many secret rooms!

The secret rooms are awesome!

Also there is a disused claw foot bathtub with cellos in it, a pencil sharpener in the bathroom, a whole entire extra kitchen, a piano, and a very old computer that Teresa holds on to because it has a large collection of Steely Dan on it.

It is good to see my friend and have a bit of an environment change.

Panel Pile

It's September...already!

Wow!

Even August went by fairly quickly...

It doesn't feel like September, and in general time has felt... strange, different.

Accelerated in a strange way.

And if you want to hear something really odd--- I have only told this to Palma--- the way I make boiled eggs changed.  I like medium-boiled eggs, where the yolk is just set.

For MANY YEARS-like since pre-covid- same pot, same water, same type/size of eggs, same burner on the stove- everything- exactly the same only now it takes 10 minutes instead of 8, and that was an odd discovery.

It's possible that I'm crazy but I don't think I am.

In fact, I bet lots of other people have noticed little stuff like this and never mention it to anyone, unless they are fortunate enough to have weird friends who get it.

Anyhow.

It's September and the summer was good but strange at the same time.

Not everything happened that I was hoping for, and I didn't get everything done that I wanted to, but it's not worth stressing over.

2026 has been exponentially better than 2025 was, it's rumbling along on daily routines and I'm ok with that. I have had a lot of internal growth, personal stuff, shifting, and I know that never ends, but it has been intense lately.

It also appears I have painted through most of my panels...again.

Next week I'll have to do a Jerry's order... I'll be travelling (and painting) again this weekend.

Surfing Instead

Our whitewater rafting trip got cancelled last-minute.

The river conditions weren't right.

So, I'm not going away this weekend after all.

It's a mixture of disappointment and relief.

Aimee, Anthia, and I were supposed to go and we all had Friday off work.

Aimee didn't want to waste the day, she wanted to do something, learn something new, so she suggested a surfing lesson.

I have never been surfing before... so why not?

I like to try new things!

Also it was still cheaper than what I would have paid for the car rental.

Aimee and i went down to the surf beach, Beach 69 at Arverne  (Rockaway) and Anthia joined us later.

I am NOT a surfer.

I'm glad for the experience but I didn't enjoy it enough to want more, like I do with whitewater kayaking.

Also, I came away from it with a bruised rib, which will take a while to heal.

Getting out far enough was incredibly difficult.

I don't know, I like boogie boards but I'll leave the surfing to others.

I also planned on painting but the weather turned so I didn't.

I got a new beach tent.

Last-Century Cactus

Janae has been going through stuff and she found this:

This is from Pratt, probably our second year when we had to take photography.

So 1996-1997-ish.

I Remain Bewildered.

Back in March I had such a strong impulse to run the Chase Corporate Challenge.

No idea why I would want to do that.

Well, it was tonight.

The 2 friends I was supposed to run with didn't show up.

I am NOT a runner.

I can walk indefinitely, I can kayak for hours, I can do a very respectable weighted jump rope workout, I can swim fast laps for a long time, but I am NOT a runner!

I walked half and ran half, time was 43:58 for 3.5 miles.

And I made sure to finish at a full run.

It hurt my left knee.

Our shirts were the most plain low-effort boring shirts there!

So, honestly I have no idea what that was all about, it was very weird.

Usually when I get an impulse like that it makes sense but this one doesn't.

I'm glad I did it, it's definitely checking off "do something new", but I'm baffled at the initial strong impulse.

WHY?

20

Today is my 20 year anniversary at work.

20 years.

It's weird, I can't possibly be that old, and I know it's also a huge blessing.

Actually, it's not uncommon at my company.

There are a lot of us who have been around forever- lots of people there even longer than me.

Honestly, I'd like to stay until retirement, until it is my choice to leave.

That would suit me just fine.

Soiree

The annual Samaritans soiree was tonight.

It was kind of full of.... finance bros.

I don't like loud crowded-with-strangers events, and I felt out of place at the start.

It's my third one though, so I knew what to expect.

But then one of the other volunteers I am very friendly with (I'm friendly with everyone on the hotline) decided I was going to mingle with her and talk to people.  

She is SO GOOD at the soiree, I was so impressed!

And I ended up having a lot more fun than I thought!

One of the awesome benefits to doing this kind of volunteer work is... the other volunteers. 

There are AMAZING people who come through the hotline, and it does a lot to counterbalance the whole "people suck" experience of life. Because not everyone sucks, and I'm around a lot of those people and it is restorative for faith in humanity. And a lot of them are 20-somethings. 

They're so awesome, truly.

I donated a painting, the wildflowers one from last September.

It brought in $300. Ok, not bad.

It's a $400 value so that's ok.

It's good when paintings can help an important cause.

Escape

For the last 2 weeks, since I got my jury summons, I have had a lot of feelings, and I have been trying to get them out of my system before having to go in and plead my I-REALLY-can't-do-this case.

I went into that courthouse SO angry this morning.

I couldn't shake it.

What an awful feeling to be forced to do something like this, to derail your whole life- against your will.

They told us we would be there 9-5 until May 22.

Oh my god, NO.

After waiting for almost 3 hours, it was my turn to express concerns.

The lady wasn't having it.

Didn't care about work problems it will cause, because work will pay for it.

Didn't care about the list of work stuff I would miss.

Didn't care about the hotline, which jury duty absolutely would conflict with.

Didn't care about a 9-hour crisis response overnight shift that would conflict.

Didn't care about 2 after-work appointments I scheduled in March.

Didn't care about my 20 year work anniversary.

Didn't care about scheduled vacation days.

Didn't care about the vet appt I have for Pebbles early May.

Didn't care about after work social plans I made in March.

I had everything laid out in a word doc.

I was annoying.

I acknowledged I was annoying, but this was truly such a huge problem for me.

I said I can't do all the days, I said these are the days I absolutely HAVE to be out early.

She said no more than 2 days off.

I had to choose the day after my 9 hour overnight shift on the hotline- physically impossible (and unreasonable) for me to do both, and my scheduled vacation day May 22.

That's all she would give me.

I said I can't change these appointments, what do I do?

She just shrugged, that's your problem.

All she wanted to know was if I was staying or coming back in October.

I stayed.

I was so mad, I think I had smoke coming off me.

It's not right.

I do MORE THAN 500 HOURS A YEAR in volunteer community service.

360 of those are on the hotline, and I think my service to society is of much greater benefit on the hotline than it is in Grand Jury. GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK!!!

******

They started calling names to go across the street to the main courtroom.

They did not call everyone's name.

They did not call my name.

Other people asked about that, and they said just wait, they will call more people later.

Then they sent us to lunch at 12:40, said come back at 2.

I sat under a tree and read, and tried to just ground and relax.

There were pigeons. I love pigeons.

These 2 are clearly friends, and I shared some of my lunch with them.

I went back at 1:30.

2pm rolled around, nothing.

3pm rolled around, nothing.

Around 3:45 the court people came back and said they have everyone they need, we're done, we'll get a certificate of service that is good for 6 years.

OH MY GOD I ESCAPED!

I do not know if the lady did something, put my name in a different pile or something, and I know it's her job to not care about peoples' lives, and I know she's heard everything....

I think the Universe had my back.

I'll never know for sure, but as I left I said a very happy thank you to that lady, and she was very friendly and I think??? she winked at me.

I was SO relieved, and walked home from court which took about an hour... I feel like my body is holding all the energy from it, still, and I need a little time to shake it off.

Kind-of Spring

Last night I was on the hotline, and it was the first time I left my apartment since Sunday afternoon.

That's one of the reasons the hotline is good for me; it forces me to leave!

This is definitely a work-from-home issue.

Honestly I probably had 2 more days of not leaving my apartment in me.

Now I might not leave again until Saturday.

Yesterday was the first time since Thursday I didn't work late.

I am slammed at work and will be into April.

But it is good and I don't mind.

I'm making updates on a huge project I did 5 years ago.

It's work that has been most of my career but I haven't been doing much of for a while just because of natural job evolution. So, I have had to remember how to do my job!

I have been mentally engaged at work in a way I haven't been for a while and I'm enjoying it.

It's refreshing.  Also, I built some damn good files in 2021!

*******

March is going quickly and I'm glad. I wouldn't mind jumping straight to May, to kayak season.

I came home in a midnight thunderstorm last night and it's still dark and raining now.

So it's a dreary day and today I feel a little weird, a little off, slightly wobbly, but everything is ok.

********

Every Spring I go to Sephora and get a new lip gloss.

And sometimes a new fragrance.

It's a nice way to feel new and refreshed.

This year I got one of these (09 Maple Glaze) and it's perfect.

It is not even a little bit sticky and it stays on.

I also got this fragrance, which is amazing.

********

So, I feel ready to be out and about and feeling good.

I'm preparing for the warm season, preparing for camping, preparing for kayak season.

*******

Here is a pile of cats, just because.

Time Sync & Blizzard

TIME SYNC, or lack thereof....

On Saturday when I was out preparing for the upcoming blizzard, I realized what the weird feeling I have been feeling for the last week or so is: I am out of sync with time. 

Just slightly, but enough to feel it.

You see, I know for a fact with every fiber of my being that it is already March.

I know it is already March on a cellular level.

Um, except it isn't.

Yesterday in egg tempera class Valentina and I were talking about this, and she understood it completely.

She said she is also out of sync with time right now.

Then after class I went to the hotline and I was talking with H-- and she also is out of sync with time!

So, it's not just me.

I know an eclipse just happened and I normally don't pay attention to (or care) about stuff like that- and we also have Fire Horse Lunar New Year and in general there is a crazy amount of energy flying around.

I am actually still hibernating, but not as deeply as before.

It's still not time to fully wake up and emerge.

I am still in a bit of a holding pattern.

This past week I have had some wrinkles in my energy- I am in general feeling great, but a couple of energy pebbles hit me in the face.  Both are minor and not a big deal but I feel them more intensely I think because my mood is so good, the energy difference is much greater. Anyhow, everything is fine.

I have worked them out.

I feel like I am slowly coming out on the other side of a major internal transformation, and it dawned on me that last year (from November 2024) I have come through the end of a huge long-term life cycle.

Maybe 2. Whichever the case, energetically I am coming into a new chapter, a new phase of my life.

It's silent- all my external structures are in place, this is all internal shifting.

********

I LOVE SNOW!

I LOVE THE BLIZZARD!

Yesterday I left class and had a lot of time before the hotline, so I went for a nice 40ish block walk.

NYPL, main branch....

The Morgan Library

New snow on old snow!

Kedrin said she wanted midnight snow pictures.

Since I was out in the blizzard at midnight coming home, I sent them.