"If you want your acrylics to look like oil paintings,
then paint with oil!"
and
"You're not going to get an Old Master effect by
using latex."
-Stefan Baumann
I went to Blick last night because the Derwent Metallic Paint Pans are FINALLY here in the US and are on sale.
I don't need them but I need all the shiny things so....
Well, I also found a pad of Mi Tientes grey-tones.
Which I got because I'm thinking about my cathedral paintings. This is nice paper for those.
But--- the textured side of Mi-Tientes should not even exist, it is so terrible.
Literally everyone hates it.
It is also the "front" of the paper.
And I used it by mistake on my last cathedral painting. Ugh.
BUT I GOT SMART!
I marked every single sheet of Mi Tientes from my old pad and the new pad so I will never again use the horrible textured side by mistake!
So I heard from the landlord.
And also the girl who runs the office wrote me, she listened to the videos I sent and said "That is crazy."
The landlord spoke with the tenants and they told him they are moving! I guess he didn't know!
WOW THIS IS THE BEST NEWS EVER!!!!!!!!!!! I sure hope it is true!
Ohhhh I have been desperately praying for this for three years................
I might be in for a few noisy weeks. I'll have to deal...it will be much easier to take knowing they will be leaving.
Please send the Best Upstairs Neighbor vibes you can muster, I really, desperately need a break after these past three years which have been enormously stressful and distressing.
I deserve a break, and some peace.
I'm tired of long-hauls.
I deserve a nice home, some peace, and just a break in general.
I deserve to move out of hardship into a better life experience.
I'm having trouble with the upstairs neighbors again.
The noise.
I hate noise....but it is more than that, it is the sheer inconsideration.
There has been so much banging around up there, and it has been hard to live with.
They are so loud!
I haven't said anything because what can I really do...what can anyone do....except- I really, really think they are not in compliance anymore with carpeting.
Sharp impacts, things dropping and rolling around, so much furniture scraping and banging...that can't happen on a carpeted surface. Also, they haven't vacuumed for a long time, and they used to, after the landlord told them to carpet a while ago.
So before proceeding with the landlord I asked the super if he has been up there recently- and what is the carpet situation?
He says he thinks they have an area rug, but not covering the rooms.
They are supposed to have 80% of their floors covered.
He said he would speak to them.
Is that why they BLASTED their awful music again last night?
I made 2 videos for the landlord and called the police.
Their music is audible outside my front door even over the lobby music downstairs.
And its not nice music, it's loud angry mean music.
And then I had trouble sleeping because I don't deal with conflict well and I feel..... wow, guilty? nervous? wrong? (???)... for calling the police and saying something again. I don't actually know what the emotion is, to be honest. Like I'm in the wrong for speaking up about a true disturbance.
I did grow up learning I was supposed to suffer through things rather than speak up, so I guess it's that.
The disturbance is very real, it is ongoing, and I have every right to say something about the music volume and the carpeting, yet I feel so nervous about it.
It's a young couple up there...they had a baby.... I know music impacts babies, and I wonder if angry blasting music impacts the baby... none of my business of course, but I'm genuinely curious. (Maybe it would cry less? It cries a lot but some babies do so who knows?)
I really, really wish they would move.
And that I get a nice quiet neighbor upstairs.
Honestly, I need a break from crap and I'm so tired of absolutely everything.
Lisa gave me a great idea. (Thanks!)
I have added email subscription.
It's on the right in the sidebar, fairly prominent.
Just enter your email address.
You'll then get an email with a confirmation link, to prove you are not a robot.
The time range for emails is 9am-11am eastern time.
Hopefully it won't go to spam.
I am going to keep this link public but shut off all RSS feeds, so I won't be on Bloglovin of Feedly anymore. But you can still visit and get updates.
I'm pretty sure it's all working properly because my test worked.
The RSS feed will end March 1st.
If you subscribe and it doesn't work, please email me at hildewintera at yahoo dot com.
As always thank you all for your wonderful presence and support!
A GOOD THING
My bank called me, someone from the branch, and it took me over a week to return the call.
I'm sure glad I did, wow!
My bank called to tell me I am pre-qualified for an installment loan.
I have been seeing this on my account for a while but ignored it because I don't need a personal loan for anything. The last thing I want is more debt.
But then I saw my FICO score, and it said I could raise it by taking out an installment loan.
And my bank keeps offering me a loan.
SO...... why not?
I figured I'd go in, borrow a small amount, not spend it, and just pay it off early and push up my credit.
.....
That's not what happened.
As it turns out I took out a MUCH lower-interest loan that was enough to pay off ALL of my high-interest debt plus extra!
So I did it. It was a good offer, a good decision, win-win all around.
I never would have done this if the branch person hadn't called me.
I am really ready to go out of hardcore survival into thrival.
I have never known anything except survival.
While it will take me a while to pay off the new loan, it is a set, fixed path and I feel good about it.
********
LISA where are you? Did you see my blog settings note? I hope you are ok, I also left a note on your blog.
********
CONFESSION TIME
So.......... I'll preface this one by saying I have never had a weight issue in my life.
I have always been small and skinny, But I have also been off meat since I was 16 which cuts out a whole lot of fast food. And I'm not really a fast food person anyhow. I also don't drink soda. I prefer salty to sweet, if I have to choose. A large percentage of my diet for many years has naturally been protein and veg.
That being said, I never worried about the relatively small amount of junk in my diet, because you have to live, too.
This is probably the main reason I maintained my pre-pregnancy weight solidly until July 2019.
That was the month I was stuck at home because I couldn't see, because I had to be out of contact lenses for a month before my cataract surgery. And I REALLY could not see.
My June 2019 physical was normal, then I went for my pre-op in July 2019 and I had gained six pounds! In ONE month!!!!!!! I know why too and I'll get to that.......
Covid lockdown has been pretty terrible, and like everyone else in the world I absolutely took refuge in my most-loved but worst-ever foods. But for the most part my weight held steady until.... it didn't. But it didn't get too far.
I absolutely REFUSE to have a weight issue.
It's partly for health but I'd be lying if I didn't say it is also vanity.
I don't need to be unhappy with my body in that way.
So, 5 1/2 weeks ago I cut out ALL sugar (yes even in my tea) and basically all carbs and starches.
I am down 7 pounds.
I do not feel any different being off sugar, and that's probably because I never had a sugar problem to begin with.
This is what did me in, my crack, my ultimate weakness............
My grocery store was out of Lays recently and I got another brand and...they were passable but not the same, not even good enough to want to buy them again if needed.
It got me thinking.
There must be something in Lays that is addicting, like a chemical addiction- even though the ingredients are simple.
I googled it.
Turns out I'm right, but I couldn't find anything about addicting chemicals in Lays specifically.
It also turns out that potato chips are literally one of the absolute worst foods to eat, they contribute to fast weight gain, and- very specifically- are as addicting as hard drugs!!!!!!
Wow.
Also, I'm not alone.
(According to this article I'm weird! "After years of being addicted, I don't have a single favorite kind of chip. I really don't care too much, as long as I'm able to eat them. But there's one flavor I'd really prefer not to eat: the basic, salted variety. People who buy that stuff are weird.")
There are scientific articles, Reddit threads from people seriously seeking help, news articles, research........ potato chip addiction is a real thing.
I have been on strict food restriction for 5 1/2 weeks, I mostly feel just fine and am dropping my small amount of extra weight.... but even after all these weeks I'm still thinking about potato chips with way too much longing and fondness.
But I absolutely REFUSE to come out of covid lockdown needing to drop potato chip weight, and it does feel better to have the discipline and keep my body in healthy shape.
But oh man, potato chips...!
This post is just a bit of a Life Update.
I did start a painting tonight but it needs a lot of work before being ready to post.
********
So, I'm a little weird.
If you know me you'd probably agree, but there is a lot of stuff I don't talk about.
Or even blog about, but it's more likely to end up here than in conversation with anyone.
I'm not going into the background of how this evolved, let's just leave it at one thing leads to another, but today was the 4th and last week of energy healing sessions I have had to clear my heartwall.
It is a modality called Emotion Code by Dr. Bradley Nelson.
I never heard of it until very recently, again, one thing leads to another.
And this blog is non-commercial, meaning I have no interest in promoting anyone, not even myself , since I don't promote or tell anyone about this blog.
But this is important to me personally and it was intense.
So, I had my heartwall cleared by a lady named Lee Mudro.
It took 4 1-hour sessions.
******
I have therapied everything. 9 years of therapy.
Therapy is not what I need anymore.
It does nothing. I don't need to talk.
I run out of things to talk about. Quickly.
I'm past the point where individual therapy is useful because I already have clarity.
Therapy gives clarity but it doesn't necessarily clear the energy.
** I would do therapy with Daya in a heartbeat but she won't and it's her choice.
But.
Despite all the therapy there are things that I can't seem to shift.
Major life patterns.
It's an energy thing.
So I had my heartwall cleared and it was intense.
I didn't know how it really worked until I went through it.
And... although I'm a believer in "alternate" modalities, I myself am always looking for validation to trust it. And it happened twice in very specific ways that Lee could never have known.
And honestly all of it made sense to me, and I agree with everything that came up to be cleared.
Nothing was a surprise. There were a few things that were interesting, but not surprising.
It takes three days for the energy to really clear, so it will all be really gone Sunday afternoon.
But I feel lighter.
I do need more work, I know my body is holding other things that need clearing.
So I will do that.
I need to move from survival to thrival.
That is my new theme.
My whole life I have been just trying to keep my head above water.
I want to shift into something better.
Although this blog link is publicly accessible, although not available to search engines, I don't ever share the link anymore, not for several years now, and only a few people read it that I am aware of.
But it is out there on Bloglovin and if anywhere else, I'm not aware. I think just Bloglovin.
Sometimes I still get spam comments but not too often.
Anyhow I have been thinking, especially now that Daya is older, to limit access.
My paintings (without commentary) are on Facebook and Instagram, and my website.
But I am still going to blog here as normal.
***********
Daya does know about this blog and has never given me any indication of discomfort.
The last time she made mention of it was when school started this year and she wanted to see all her first day pictures and was upset that a few weren't on here... I have since added them.
I'm going to give it until March 1, but in the meantime please email me at hildewintera at yahoo dot com if you wish to keep reader access, because I have to add your email to the reader list and send an invitation.
OR- Lisa I think this may only impact you- I might keep the link public but stop the Bloglovin feed.
Last time I did that you said you had trouble accessing.
So you would have to come to the link directly instead of how you usually get here, if it is different.
But email me anyhow.
*******
I'm pretty sure the spam comes from Bloglovin and it's really the only public place that people can find this link. I removed it from all my profiles everywhere a few years ago.
But it's mostly a privacy thing and I have to consider Daya since she's on here a lot.
I know a couple of you are still (amazingly) coming back here after a whole bunch of years, and I want to say thanks for your presence and support!
