I have decided……

…. That I am going to figure out how to paint from a kayak this season.

it is going to happen.

I cannot use oils, I don;’t think the setup would work at all, and pastels should not go anywhere near water.

But watercolor could work!

I got a small Winsor Newton set…. And I’m going to figure out a kayak setup.

Positive Nonviolent Discipline (PRT)

PROLOGUE
This is a really rambly ranty post. I set out intending to be concise but that didn't happen.

START RANT
A friend of mine shared this Facebook video.
I watched it once and I can't watch it again, it has got me so upset.

PLEASE take a moment to look at these pages which are a starting resource to change understanding of corporeal punishment and learn non-violent approaches to dealing with conflict and discipline.

http://www.slideshare.net/srjojofma/positive-discipline

http://www.hands.org.gy/files/Parenting%20Handbook.pdf

http://www.nonviolenceeducation.com/nonviolentdiscipline.html

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2719514/

https://suzukiassociation.org/news/25-nonviolent-discipline-options/

It is NEVER ok to hit a child. 

There are far more effective ways to correct 

and manage your kid. 

Hitting them is "justified" violence and bullying.

It is abusive.

Nothing, absolutely nothing will ever convince me otherwise.
This video really hit my nerves and my heart on so many levels.

*********
I don't believe in punishment.
I DO believe in consequences.
I DO believe in discipline.

Punishment is making someone suffer because they did something "wrong" so they have to be intentionally hurt because of it.

Consequences are the natural outcome of one's actions, positive or negative.

There are, of course, times when a person must be disabled of their ability to commit acts which hurt themselves or others.

But I want to talk about children right now, not adults, not criminals.

*********

The child in the video was definitely needing correction and guidance, and he's probably a smart-ass but beating the crap out of him is just awful.  That's not going to solve anything.  He'll learn that when he is an adult it will be ok to hit others smaller and younger (or his girlfriend/wife)

He has also learned that he cannot get help or protection, that because he is a child he can be bullied by those in authority.

This is a horrible message at best, and a very dangerous one at worst.

AND- No one is willing to assist the mother in learning better parenting skills.  

She doesn't know any better.  She needs help too!!!

*******
It certainly is very possible to be a parent instead of a friend and never hit your kids.
I'll never be parent of the year (or even parent of the day) but I do think Daya is a great kid and she pretty much listens (almost always on the important stuff) and we don't have a lot of "discipline" issues. We DO communicate a whole lot and I never hit her.  I can't even consider it, not even hypothetically. I don't mind being scary but I can't stomach the thought of hurting her.

Perfecting the Terrifying-Lazer-Mom-Stare-of-the-Apocalypse is imperative.
It's ok for kids to be a little bit afraid of their parents. But not because they will get the crap beaten out of them.

Daya absolutely HATES the Terrifying Lazer-Mom glare.
I'm so good at it that several times she has stopped whatever she was doing just because she didn't want "The Look".

I am good at being non-violently scary.
Daya regularly tells me I am scary.
But I never hit her, ever, and I never will.

PLEASE DO NOT HIT YOUR CHILDREN

http://www.slideshare.net/srjojofma/positive-discipline

END RANT

EPILOGUE THOUGHTS
During the writing of this blog post Daya was in the bathroom and she knocked over the cup that has all my makeup brushes. I went in to see what happened.  It isn't worth getting mad over.  Accidents happen, it's not a big deal. Daya had to pick everything up, and when her friend goes home she has to wash all my makeup brushes.  I'll show her how and then she has to do it.  That's all.

All kids need guidance and correction in order to (hopefully) become decent human beings who are an asset to society. When I need to, I take away privileges such as electronics or computer time. Daya lost her $20 metrocard so she had to pay for it with her allowance.

If Daya starts having academic problems in school due to either skipping school or not doing her work, she knows dance will be the first thing to go. (She got a straight A report card so I am not too worried about school)

Occasionally (not often) I get REALLY MAD at Daya.
She remembers these times much better than I do.
I was furious when she lost her phone this past May. Because she didn't follow the phone rules I must have gone over about a thousand times...., (Keep your phone charged, keep it in your purse when you aren't using it)  So, yeah, I was really furious. And I said so and she sure knew it but I never even thought about hitting her.

***********
Yes is yes and no is no.
As parents we definitely need to make threats sometimes...the trick is to never make a threat you aren't willing to follow through on. And TALK to your kids.  Communicate with them in an age-appropriate way.

You CAN reason with an 8 year old.
You CANNOT reason with a toddler. They do need immediate feedback but they don't need the crap beaten out of them, ever.

*********
I had a notorious troublemaker child over once, he was acting terribly. I informed him his mother was goig to know about it.  This child (he was 7) looked me right in the face and said "What's she going to do? Smack me and yell and say not to do it again? I don't care. It's not going to work. I'll just do it again."

This was a child in desperate need of enforced boundaries.
His mother once yelled herself red in the face at him for 20 minutes about how he wasn't going on an easter egg hunt, then when he calmed down she started packing his things to go.

I said "What? You just spent 20 minutes telling him he can't go."
She said she would feel bad if he missed out.
And she regularly hit her child.
Real effective.

Daya's Name

I often get asked about how Daya got her name.  It's a good story.

While I firmly believe that everyone should name their babies after me (Carey), I myself would not do that. It is much better to have someone else name their child after you.  But I was pregnant and the baby needed a name.

I certainly didn't know what to name a baby.  I did know Daya was a girl (I knew that at 2 weeks and I was correct), so I thought about girl names.  A name is a gift- it is important.  I did have certain criteria- I wanted it to begin with either a D or a J, it had to be uncommon (at least in my culture) but not obnoxious, and it had to have a good meaning.

Being completely at a loss, I decided to ask the baby what her name was.  Maybe she would tell me.  So I asked, and I waited to encounter a name- not just once, but several times. I was on alert.  And that is exactly what happened.  I encountered Daya at work, when I was doing some training.  It was the last name of the training host.  And then I heard it in my midwife's office.  And then- the Gayatri mantra found me.  The last word of the mantra is "dayat"- which is a conjugation of the Sanskrit word daya.

So, the baby's name was Daya.  I did not tell anyone her name until after she was born.  Not even her father, but he didn't care anyhow.

In Sanskrit, Daya means divine kindness and mercy.   In Hindu culture, it is a very popular name.

Daya is one of the five fundamental teachings of the Sikh religion.

It is a very powerful spiritual name.  It is her gift, and also her lesson.

Daya at the Temple of Dendur

How to Get Everything You Want for Christmas

My 5 year old basically got everything she wanted for Christmas. But not because she is some super-angel child (which she is most of the time) or any successful wheedling tactics.

No, she did it the old fashioned way and wrote a good solid list for Santa. She even put in there (somewhere) "tea for Mommy".

This list, however, was a little non-traditional, guaranteed to get Santa's attention. She used the back of a piece of paper that was floating around my apartment...the color reference I used when i painted Twilight...

Whatever works, right?

How To Traumatize Your Cat

My daughter has a purple unicorn marionette.
It got terribly tangled.  The task of untangling it fell on me, by default.

Untangling it took over an hour.

When I was finished, I played with it  near the cat, who is sitting next to me on the couch.  At first, she was curious.  Then, she realized THIS THING IS ALIVE! and freaked out- screaming and hissing!

My cat does not think it is funny but I do.

Here is the scary cat-terrorizing unicorn.  Kitty hissed three times during the shooting of this photo.

Plein Air 32

We spent the day in Central Park and had a wonderful time. I did a little painting while Daya played in the grass.

For today's painting I used 2 new colors- Indian Yellow and Maganese blue. I like them very, very much but also think the addition of cadmium yellow would have made more variations in the greens.  I was really trying to go for masses and impression over details.

Alizarin crimson, Indian yellow, Maganese blue, French Ultramarine, and Titanium white.

6x8 oil on panel

Daya got her face painted:

Kindergarten!

Daya started kindergarten today! She is there right now. It is a half day, so I have to pick her up in a couple of hours. She has been so excited, I have been freaking out. They grow up so fast, it's both sad and exciting.

Plein Air 31

I am so glad it is September. PRT was wonderfully uneventful this year, I am very glad about that. Now i can look forward to the weather changing and the days getting shorter.

School starts this Wednesday. I am really nervous. The school is not great at communicating, and i finally got the registration confirmation with this schedule... making me wish more than ever that I had other schooling options.



Scary. This from a SCHOOL.

Today I went with my friend to Central Park. It was a lovely day. Everyone is out of the city on account of Labor Day. I did one little painting. I have painted often enough in Central Park now that when I walk around I recognize my previous painting spots! I fondly passed by three of them today.

6x8 oil on panel, half hour