Fort Jay, Governor's Island

I could paint on Governor's Island every single day for a year and still not run out of cool things to paint.

David and I met on the 7am ferry over to paint.

We both thought Fort Jay was a fantastic spot.

There were two- actually three- paintings where I was standing.

I intended to do two but it was SO COLD.

I was dressed warmer than I have been yet this season but it wasn't enough.

Actually on the way over I was hot... but for standing still I needed my wool unders.

Temp was 50 but with the wind felt like 38.

I really did think it would warm up a bit but nope.

Davisd was also freezing.

Here is a strange painting of Fort Jay. I want to go back to that spot and paint the amazing tree.

8x10 oil

My panel was Pebbleized....

*****

Pebbles is fine, for the most part, except for being really B12 deficient.

I'm supplementing and tracking her weight at home.

*****

I have still been feeling this intense anger.

It's complex and multi-faceted and isn't just about me.

The vet bill just really zapped it, like I got electrocuted or something.

It's been waking me up at night.

I haven't been sleeping well, unusual for me, except for Weds night when I knocked out for 10 hours, I have been up at 4am all week.

A plus to that was waking up at 4am to make the 7am ferry was easy today.....

So anyhow before I left this morning I paid off the bill because I have to clear the energy.

While painting the anger towards my friend M finally coalesced and I got the words I needed to say.

In fact, it became so pressing I had to write and send it even before getting home.

So, after I got off the GI ferry, I stopped in the waiting room at the Staten Island ferry to compose my words and send them.  There is a problem in the friendship, something he does, that I have explained and asked several times that he doesn't do, but it makes no difference.

He either needs to respect my request in this matter or I will let the friendship go.

Either way is fine with me, and I needed to finally do this to start releasing this anger.

I am hoping the combination of these things will start to break it up.

It's a lot of energy so I don't expect anything immediately, but over the next day or so I hope to feel better.

Violation

1. I don't know if the stupid bots fucked off yet but that post had about a third of the traffic I've been getting lately so I'm feeling hopeful.

2. I took Pebbles to the vet Tuesday evening. She's ok, it's just routine.
She got an exam, urinalysis, 3 year FVR/CP vax, and senior bloodwork "Health Check Plus" with B12 and folate check. All of these things are medically appropriate. 

At no time did my vet use fear or try to upsell me on anything.

The bill is $902.

NINE HUNDRED AND TWO DOLLARS
just to take my senior cat to the vet for
BASIC ROUTINE CARE.

Again, NINE HUNDRED AND TWO DOLLARS.

This is just not right.

It's shocking.

It's more than I paid for her echo 6 years ago, and more than I paid for her ultrasound 2 or 3 years ago.

And it's not my vet's fault.

It's not the clinic's fault.

Actually the staff are suffering badly too and I'd bet more than my outrageous vet bill that my vet is underpaid and being treated poorly.

The receptionist told me their ownership is charging THEM for services the labs don't charge!

Do I know where the money is going?

Yep, I sure do.

They are private-equity owned by AmeriVet.

There's not a big ownership chain to the top, and it's headquarted in Abu Dhabi.

This means profits from my small local neighborhood vet clinic

ARE GOING TO THE MIDDLE EAST.

The receptionist also told me they recently got a call from ownership mandating they raise all their prices that day immediately, in addition to what seems like quarterly increases.

This isn't a new problem, it's been going on in vet care and so many other sectors of society for years now.  It's just getting worse. Basic everyday living and society is being plundered and looted... in this case to bring profits- again- TO THE MIDDLE EAST.

This is where we have arrived as a society and even basic vet care is truly no longer accessible for me.

I did put money aside for this visit but this is beyond what any normal person like me can do for basic care.

I feel so deeply violated and there is no other word for it.

This system is intentionally and deliberately exploiting peoples' heart energy, and that activates a great deal of rage in me.

If I take Pebbles back in a year, assuming she's still around, this same appointment will likely cost A THOUSAND DOLLARS. Yes, it's going up that fast.

I cannot.

Can I pay this bill?

My savings will take a hit but yes.

And I need to just pay it off immediately even though I have 6 months interest-free to do so, because I can't have this energy hanging over me, I need to clear it.
It's so toxic to me.

Will I do this again?

No.  I can't.

I simply can't.

And before anyone wants to think in their head problem-solving ASSVICE, just stop it right now.

Switching vets for many logistical reasons isn't an option for me, and also yeah I'm not a dumbass and I have checked around at other vets in my area and they are either physically inaccessible, closed, or it's the same situation.

I have been with my current vet for almost 20 years.

I AM NOT THE ONE WHO SHOULD HAVE TO FIND THE SOLUTION TO THIS.

********

I am on an ongoing text thread with 2 college friends.

We mostly discuss painting and cats and sometimes our kids.

One of these friends, we'll call him M, is... let's say.... aligned very differently than I am, and also in an outspoken and extreme way.

I am ok maintaining the relationship as long as he doesn't throw his nasty opinions in my face, which do spill out of him and I stop the conversation. While I don't respect his stance on things, I also believe we need connection energy in the world right now because disconnection energy is just too strong and too prevalent.

In the text thread I mentioned the bill and the reasons for it.

He is the kind who will immediately launch into basic level context-clueless ASSVICE that everyone can think for themselves about. 

(This is the kind of thing that immediately pisses me off, and I'm already mad about the vet bill and my loss of accessible vet care which also means I won't have cats anymore after my three transition out. And that's a whole big upset I need to relegate to the background of my emotions, as it is not my current situation.)

I have previously asked him not to do this several times but he just can't comprehend not doing it, I guess.

I mentioned the private equity ownership issue and his response to it was so...... there really is no other word... ignorant of the situation that's been happening all around the country and I was a bit shocked.

(He actually said there must be laws against that, must be a NY state thing. Wow just wow.)

So I told him he should educate himself on the effects of private equity ownership on society and he got SO ANGRY.  I don't give a crap.  Be angry.  He's clearly not used to someone- especially a woman- (yes he's like that) telling him he's uninformed.

And he kept texting and the more he texted the more he revealed his ignorance, truly.

While saying "I know how private equity works!"

I removed myself from the conversation and I can't interact with him right now.

I'm too angry.

*******

So, I'm trying to move through this intense anger.

I will, it will settle and I'm doing better today than yesterday.

And it's ok for me to be angry, I'm just allowing it.

I initiated a transfer from savings to cover the bill, so I can clear this and move forward.

Bloodwork results for Pebbles are still pending.

Stupid Bots F Off

This blog is under copyright as stated at the right for many years, nothing here can be used in any way for any reason without written consent from me, but the bots are ignoring that.

I don't grant permission to any bot crawler or AI to train from my content, but somehow in today's world that doesn't matter. It's frustrating and pisses me off.

I have always been careful about my blog privacy settings.  

There are a few readers but barely anyone, and that's fine with me.

Since my algorithm post the bots have come in full force, despite this blog opting out for many years from web crawlers and google search.

I am a firm believer in respecting human rights and privacy, and none of that matters to the systems of the internet anymore.

It should matter. Humans matter more than robots.

Basic respect matters.

So, AI bots, fuck off and get off my blog.

You don't have my permission to be here, but I know even though I'm directly telling this to you, you will not have any respect for me (or anyone else) and you'll continue your insidious robot violation ways.

Again, fuck off.

Meatpacking District

There's a lady I recently found out about who is a very good plein air painter- and also at my intensity- who invites people to paint with her.

I was going to paint today anyhow but didn't pick out a location, so I just joined her group and went to her location in the Meatpacking District.

This painting took 2 1/2 hours and kind of melted my head, it was a bit intense.

There is a LOT going on.

A good mental workout!

When I started the painting I reverted to a linear layout- which I realized quickly wasn't working at all for me. So I ditched that approach and did the mental shift to working only with shapes, mixing the paint as I went.

I think this is the way to go for me, especially for buildings- seeing everything in shapes of color, no lines. It's definitely more enjoyable.

As is normal for me, although this is an alla prima oil painting, it's worked in three layer-stages.

I knew at the start the mural was the focal point, and so is the only area of the painting at full chroma.  Everything else is colored grays.

A stupid bus came along and parked in the lower right so I had to improvise that area from memory.

Whatever.

8x10 oil

Beginning block-in:

****

This morning when I was packing to paint, I realized I'm almost out of the Gamsol I bought last November. (which was maybe a half gallon)

And I'm still mad that I can't buy a gallon jug anymore.

So after painting I walked over to Blick and bought eight (8) of the largest size Gamsol bottles which comes out to 2.11 gallons.

It cost about $167.

In 2022, 2 gallons would have been around $110.

Prices are going up so fast, that's why I decided to buy a 3 to 4 years' supply of solvent.

I require clean solvent to paint, and if you know me for 5 seconds you'll know I paint A LOT.

While I almost never (these days) add thinner to my paint, I can't make cleaning brushes between colors without solvent work well for me. Plus I don't like pigment going down the drain, I'd rather it goes in the solvent which settles and self-cleans.

I need the quantity because I always have solvent in the process of settling. 

I have 2 dump jugs and 2 metal solvent cans which I let dry completely between uses.

One is always ready to go, which is what I require for my severe plein air addiction.

I lose solvent to some minor spillage, but mostly it is soaked up by my oily rags when I wipe the brush after rinsing between colors. Larger brushes go through more solvent too, and I have been using larger brushes lately.

Today's painting is number 47 for 2026, three more to meet my personal goal of 50, I can definitely do that, and of course I plan to do as many as possible.

My Algorithm

I turned off all the deep spy settings on my iPhone a long time ago, so Safari doesn't know what to do with me. YouTube thinks I have a large dog, unmanageable curly hair, and a problem sleeping.

Not sure why it thinks any of those untrue things but ok.

This is all fine by me.

The other day I mentioned this to Kedrin and she was quite cross with me at not only neglecting to mention this imaginary large dog I supposedly own (she is a fanatical dog person), but even worse- I never even named it!

I'm a dreadful person, it's true.

Today I came across an article about how to find your Amazon algorithm, and that it knows deeply weird stuff about you based on your buying habits.  The article hinted that the stuff Amazon knows about you is probably very embarrassing.

Obviously I had to have a look at that.

(You can too- click on your profile/account/

under ordering and shopping preferences, go to About You.)

Amazon says I:

*have a cat (three but ok)

*regularly replenish senior cat supplies (true)

*read across genres but prefer fiction (true)

*swim and do water activities (true)

*workout at home (true but not so much lately)

*go camping and hiking (true)

*wear sunblock regularly (every single day even if I stay home)

*paint in oil and other mediums (obviously)

and my favorite....I:

*prefer professional grade art supplies

Oh yes I sure do prefer professional art supplies!

And that's it.

I'm actually ok with this algorithm because it's what anyone who knows me even a little would know about me.

Amazon doesn't suggest enough "professional-grade art supplies" though, but probably because I generally don't buy them there.

Maybe I would if it bothered to show them to me, like Jerry's does.

(Actually probably not. I love Jerrys Artarama.)

Back to Egg Tempera & The Tarot Show

Today I went back to egg tempera class, resuming work on a master copy portrait I started earlier this year. It's so good to be back.

The painting is in serious triage but it's ok.

It was a streaky mess when I left it in April, and all these months it has done absolutely nothing to improve itself.

Since this painting has no interest in self-improvement, it looks like I have to do all the work.

My understanding of layering values has evolved and it's getting a repaint and is already looking significantly better- but it needs work. The painting had absolutely no business being as light as it was at the stage it is at.

*******

Today is the last day to see the tarot show at The Morgan Library.

I really wanted to see this show before it closed.

I tried to go yesterday after painting but the line to get in was literally down the block.

I could not handle that kind of crowding, so I said NOPE and went home.

Doug was talking about it in class too, he saw it and it was very crowded when he went.

Janette also saw it and sent me pictures.

The prayer book of Michelino da Besozzo is in it...!!! and I have a facsimile of this book which I have loved for many years.

More than anything, I wanted to see this book in person.

The tarot stuff is cool too.  I used to collect decks for the art, I still have all of them.

But I had to go today, because it's the last day.

While there was no line down the block (thank goodness), it was insanely crowded.

I don't do well in crowds, so I basically blew thru the exhibit and photographed everything of interest to look at more closely later.

They are sold out of the catalog and I had to order it for later shipment.

There was even a long line to get into the gift shop.

Hey, it's great that so many people are interested in art but the Morgan Library could have handled this a lot better with admission.

Also I should have gone earlier but it likely wouldn't have made much difference.

Because of the crowding, the exhibit was not enjoyable at all but I'm still glad I made it.

Here are the pictures.

Some of the Dali Thoth deck originals were there.