Kitty Isis says hi

She does this a lot while I'm working when she wants something.

It's very effective.

Kind-of Spring

Last night I was on the hotline, and it was the first time I left my apartment since Sunday afternoon.

That's one of the reasons the hotline is good for me; it forces me to leave!

This is definitely a work-from-home issue.

Honestly I probably had 2 more days of not leaving my apartment in me.

Now I might not leave again until Saturday.

Yesterday was the first time since Thursday I didn't work late.

I am slammed at work and will be into April.

But it is good and I don't mind.

I'm making updates on a huge project I did 5 years ago.

It's work that has been most of my career but I haven't been doing much of for a while just because of natural job evolution. So, I have had to remember how to do my job!

I have been mentally engaged at work in a way I haven't been for a while and I'm enjoying it.

It's refreshing.  Also, I built some damn good files in 2021!

*******

March is going quickly and I'm glad. I wouldn't mind jumping straight to May, to kayak season.

I came home in a midnight thunderstorm last night and it's still dark and raining now.

So it's a dreary day and today I feel a little weird, a little off, slightly wobbly, but everything is ok.

********

Every Spring I go to Sephora and get a new lip gloss.

And sometimes a new fragrance.

It's a nice way to feel new and refreshed.

This year I got one of these (09 Maple Glaze) and it's perfect.

It is not even a little bit sticky and it stays on.

I also got this fragrance, which is amazing.

********

So, I feel ready to be out and about and feeling good.

I'm preparing for the warm season, preparing for camping, preparing for kayak season.

*******

Here is a pile of cats, just because.

Deep Winter Hibernating

I have been hibernating.

All of January and so far all of February.

This hibernation period will likely last at least through the end of this month, maybe a little bit into March.

It is deep winter right now.

Time to settle, rest, shift, recalibrate, regenerate.

I am shifting and regenerating.

Overall, I feel amazing inside and out, and I am thoroughly enjoying this short hibernation phase.

It's a very special time and I will look back at it fondly with appreciation.

It makes sense to come into hibernation after last year.

Last year was very intense, and a rest and recalibration is good.

I have been doing very deep inner work, every day.

I feel like I am exactly where I need to be, doing exactly what I need to be doing, preparing internally to go wherever I am supposed to go. 

I feel so good. 

And that's very intentional, it's not an unknown random thing.

I need to do this inner work, and while I am doing all the things I need to do like work, the hotline, maintaining my apartment, and also keeping in touch with friends, I feel like I'm in a nice safe bubble of time and space that is exactly what I need to germinate new seeds.

It's a little weird because I am mostly home alone all the time, sometimes for days without going out, yet I don't feel isolated or lonely. This time is so calm and peaceful and I'm finding things deep in my psyche that are saying it's time to shift to new growth. 

This deep winter hibernation is wonderful.

It's like a long ongoing meditation.

And when it ends, whenever that is, I will be ready for it to end.

***********

Daya and I are fine, right back to how things are supposed to be.

If she ever writes another stupid no contact note, I'm going to have trouble taking it seriously.

We are not even a month into the Juilliard semester and she has needed stuff from home, food, and yesterday her phone screen broke so I'm helping her with that too.

Being a parent is REALLY WEIRD, even when your kid is an adult.

***********

As of today, I haven't painted for almost 2 weeks.

That's a long time for me.

I think the painting part of me also needs to hibernate and rest.

Between weather and schedule, plein air painting has not been possible yet this year.

That's why going to class is good, it keeps me painting even if I'm not painting at home or outdoors.

I do have a commission that's been hanging over me but it's not coming out right. 

Dru helped, said it's not that bad, and I haven't touched it since.  

It should be an easy painting but I also can't really paint right now.

Even in class the painting I'm working on is currently a bit of a slog... but it doesn't matter. 

There is no time limit on it, no deadline.

I would like to get that commission done and shipped, but I also want it to be good, and I can't paint right now so it has to wait.

Last year I did 59 plein air paintings... plus whatever studio work. 

FIFTY NINE!

That's a LOT. 

My internal painting systems have shut down for internal maintenance.

This does happen, it's ok.

The weather is now paintable weather, and I'm planning to get out tomorrow and start 2026 plein airing.

This will hopefully get my painting engines starting up again.

And if they don't, that's also ok because I am still hibernating after all.

The last plein air I did was Dec 27.

So this is a month and a half plein air break- it might be enough.

I'll find out tomorrow if I have my flow back or not.

**********

Here are some hibernating cat pictures.

2 out of 3 cats are mostly hibernating too.

Guess who isn't hibernating but I wish she would?

Pebbles.

Of course it's Pebbles.

Painting Plans Squelched

Here it is, Wednesday morning, and I haven't left my apartment at all since I got home Sunday night.

As of today I'm off work until Monday and thought it might be a good idea for me to.... leave my apartment.....

So I was going to go to BBG again to paint but the wind is gusting at 34mph so that's out.

Well, I'm on the hotline tonight so I'll have to go out later anyhow.

It's ok, I'm still processing Daya's note.

It was extra-shitty for her to drop that on me for the holidays.

It doesn't make any damn sense but when she's in a bad mental spiral, she's irrational.

I'm angry, very sad, I feel betrayed and used, and at risk of sounding like a little kid, it really just isn't fair. At all.

I have voices in my head saying "I'm the common denominator" in all these lost relationships- mother, sister, father, daughter..... losing all these relationships is significant.  On some deep level I think it is somehow my fault, I have internalized it as something wrong with me. 

On my logical surface, though, I know that isn't true.

The common denominator isn't me, it's the mental illness.

Look at what they have in common with each other.

All the people mentioned, with the exception of my father who has very severe childhood trauma but isn't mentally ill (I don't think?).... all these relationships are with people who have impossible mental issues. People who have trouble with other people and relationships in general.  Well, I don't know about my sister in present time, but she definitely had problems when I knew her.

I was talking to Sharon about it, and aside from.... well Daya, I don't have trouble with people.

I have friends, amazing friends.

Including several long-term healthy deep friendships with a diverse range of people.

I'm able to connect with people in all the different places I go, I don't have problems there.

I don't think I could have kept my same job for 19 1/2 years if I couldn't get along with others??

That has to say something about me?

Even when looking at these failed core family relationships?

Yes I am trying to convince myself.

I truly don't think I was a bad parent.

I think I did the best anyone could have with a horrible circumstance.

And I got my kid to Juilliard.

My mother really was a horrible parent, it's understandable her 2 children separated from her.

But so did everyone else! Even her sister, who she was always so close with.

No one could have a relationship with her.

But I don't think I was such a bad parent, and perfection is NOT a requirement to being a good parent.

So how did I end up at the same place as my mother??

Isis approves of staying in.

*********

When Grace came to visit last week, she brought a little container of microgreens from Whole Foods.

I don't shop there and have never seen them.... 

Oh my god I need to always put them on everything, they are amazing!

So I said to Grace, let's go find microgreens in my neighborhood!

We went for a long walk and stopped at all the places a person could stop that might have microgreens.

No one has microgreens.

So I ended up just growing them myself.

How convenient I still have my old grow light!

They sprouted today.

...I hope the cats don't eat them.....

No More Gallons??

I go through a gallon of solvent every three years or so.

The gallon I have been working through is from November 2022.

(I wrote it on the jug....)

There are only a few inches of solvent left at the bottom, i'm running out and need more so off to Blick I went. Three years ago a gallon was about $52.

I was wondering how much the price has gone up since then.

Unfortunately I never really found out because due to some stupid new VOC law, SELLING AND SHIPPING OF GALLON-SIZED GAMSOL IS NO LONGER LEGAL IN NY STATE.

WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK.

I assure and guarantee you, my artist Gamsol is NOT the cause of environmental pollutants!

Certainly not a mere gallon container of it!

How about we start with all the nasty industrial waste and construction??

And airplanes and cars?

And plastic everything?

And fast fashion?
No, that's all fine, but I am no longer legally allowed to buy Gamsol in a gallon.

I CAN buy HALF the amount for $50 now though.

So this law makes my materials cost more expensive because I cannot buy in bulk which is a bit of a discount.

YES I need a gallon, I always have a lot of solvent settling after each use, which gets to be quite a lot because I'm out plein airing all the time.  I usually have 2 jugs of solvent settling for re-use, plus my gallon jug of clean solvent for when I really just need a refill. 

It takes over a week for it to get nice and clean again. 

The longer it sits the better.

I did try and order online thru Blick, they have it on sale for $60 (down from $80) but they won't ship it to me.

I AM SO TIRED OF LIFE GETTING STUPIDER 

AND MORE DIFFICULT IN EVERY POSSIBLE WAY.

My solvent jars drying out between use, studio and plein air:

Time Change Cats

Phew, I am feeling so much better today!

And it's so nice outside!

I have egg tempera class in a little while, I'm doing a master copy which is twisting my head around. That's ok and normal, it's good learning.

I haven't posted cat pictures for a little while so here they are...

This stupid thing is finally done

Last year Andrew and I won the boathouse regatta.

Andrew did the paddling, I was his pirate strategy coach.

We won by cheating, which is what you're supposed to do.

The winner of the regatta makes next year's trophy.

Andrew had a Vision and we have been collaborating.

This thing is HUGE and has been in my apartment since January or something like that.

My job was to paint the background, and Andrew is doing I don't know what to it... it'll likely be dreadfully tacky but that's what makes it fun.

Yesterday Martin texted me and said we want to have the regatta on Labor Day.

Huh, that's short notice!

Good thing I had just finished this thing over the weekend!

So I brought it down to the boathouse...hopefully Andrew will show up and do whatever dreadful thing he has planned....

Pebbles helped.

Kind-of.

Morning Paddle, Trapped in SA, & Pebbles

I woke up early and went on the water early.

It was windy but the movement and exercise was good.  

I paddled laps for an hour.

Poop Offenders on the water........

I think the grape kool aid is working though, the dock isn't covered in goose poop.

I don't know if this boat is a parks boat or the oyster people again.

ooohhh look who was on the dock......

*******

Daya is stuck in Cape Town now not because there aren't flights- but because now no one has money to get her home.

She starts a job on Monday at Juilliard, if she misses any training she will lose the job.

I'm not getting involved.

I'm the only person who is astounded by the complete lack of planning and last-minute arrangements.

She's safe; I'm not worried.

Also, she's very happy over there.

She can figure this one out without me.

********

Pebbles is no longer on the crazy special diet.

She will stay on the prednisone.

She's eating Fancy Feast Senior and she's gained 1/4 of a pound, and the vet said she's looking better than she has for a long time.

Living around things

I wish I could go back in time to Jan 1 2025.

Maybe I could do some things differently, make some different decisions and protect my feelings a little better.

This whole year has been one thing after another, it's just a lot of emotional stuff and being triggered and also the problem of false hope. Some of it I did to myself- unintentionally but still. 

A lot of it is old stuff coming up very intensely that isn't anything I could ever do anything about (I have tried), and some of it I could have maybe not have been open to.... big maybe there. 

I don't know. I tried. Didn't work.

I don't see any benefit to any of it, just stuff I have to get over that hurts me. 

And I'm tired of having stuff to get over with nothing positive to counterbalance it. 

I'm not learning anything from it, I'm not growing from it.

All that is happening is reinforcement of things I don't want to be reinforced (again) and thought I could overcome. Guess not.

Cumulatively, I'm not feeling good about my overall life experience.

I feel like my life has been all about navigating and living through and around trauma and picking up the pieces and doing the best I can from the fallouts of other peoples' dysfunction, interpersonal wars, severe mental illness, abandonment, foundational rejection on repeat, loss, and lack of integrity. 

The events of my life sound like a bad hotline call.

There is truth in being the hero of your own story, and things are what you make of them, and you are in control of your own happiness and thoughts etc, but this isn't about happiness.  It's also true that we are absolutely affected by other people, for better or worse. No one lives in a bubble.

Through the years I have worked on myself a lot but it doesn't seem to matter, I always find myself in the same place coming up empty. I'm so tired.

**********

I often get feedback from different people in different situations, people tell me I have great energy, people tell me I look good.

My self-care is excellent. I am physically healthy and active, I have wonderful friends, I have my painting, the boathouse, the hotline......I am financially stable, I have a good job....... and while all of this is good, I feel like it all just barely keeps my head above water.

It doesn't seem to matter.

And it isn't a gratitude issue, which is one of the worst things to bring up when someone is having a hard time. I feel like I haven't been able to really live- all I have ever done is survive and piece myself back together from other peoples' effects on my life.

Living is a lot different than surviving.

********

I know that the core of everything stems from old family issues and trauma.

It comes up because of my mother's current state, and other things.

And I have come to realize there are things that never really go away.

They can go dormant and we can live around them, you can be in therapy for many years, but they never really go away and can be seriously triggered no matter how much therapy and self work a person has done. That's what I am finding.

I feel like so much of my life has been focused on getting through and living around things and just coping. And in a lot of ways, no matter how I try to stay afloat and try to overcome, I don't think I really ever stood a chance. The statistics agree with me, unfortunately. 

All I can seem to manage is barely keeping my head above water and it is exhausting. I can't stop though, I have to keep my external structures going. For me and Daya.

I don't know how to overcome the effects of foundational trauma, doing everything right doesn't work.

Positive intention, personal energy cultivation, faith, prayer, stability, self awareness and self esteem... all seem to fall short when it really matters.

********

Maybe part of the reason I am on the hotline is to be for others what I never got in the times I needed it the most. 

To make it exist in the world somehow. 

To be able to just be comfort in a dark place with someone and not try to make it better or "fix" it, or tell them what they should or should not do, or think I know them better than they know themselves.  

People do not need others to analyze them, unless they are in therapy.  Leave that to therapists.

Because of the hotline I have gotten very sensitive to other people deciding to analyze and problem-solve my life if I express upset, or stupid assvice comments that are just very dismissive and invalidating. None of it is a good way to respond to people. People trying to "fix" others are generally talking out of their clueless asses, and it's very dismissive. That's not what people need.

*******

I am off work tomorrow and Friday.

Daya is not home, tomorrow was going to be Pebbles' last day in this life, but it won't be.

I don't think she's ready yet and I have to wait for Daya anyhow.

I do think it is just a matter of time though.

I think tomorrow morning might require an early morning paddle and maybe a swim in the river.

Maybe the river will take my feelings out with the tide.

My Focuser is Broken (Again)

Today was very hot but it didn't rain.

After running some errands I went down to Rockaway to paint.

Being on the beach on a Saturday is not my favorite thing, especially the bus ride back.

***********

I can't paint these days.

I don't know if it's my crap mental health or the thing that happens where I forget how to paint for a little while because I'm indexing a lot of information.

(I absorbed a lot last fall and earlier this year and was painting a LOT...)

So I don't know what's causing my slump but it's still good I got out.

I have completely lost my mojo.

Pebbles is also on my mind (in addition to Other Things) and there is like maybe a 15 % chance I won't be able to go through with Thursday. It has not fully hit me at all and I have avoided thinking about it.

I have stopped all her treatment except pills.

She eats the regular food because she doesn't like her $$$ novel protein food anymore.

But really the big thing is I can't isolate her, she's miserable.

Which is probably contributing to the peeing.....

Anyhow here is a painting that lacks focus and is a little too chromatic from what I was intending:

8x10 oil, around Beach 120th.

102 Class & Pebbles Update

Tonight I taught the 102 patrol/self rescue/assisted rescue class at the boathouse.

I also got my yearly self-rescue done in 2 boats which is nice.

(We have to certify being able to self-rescue every year, and it's different in different boats.)

The water is still a little cold but wasn't too bad.

Soon I'll start swimming on Fridays, especially when it's hot.

If it ever stops raining.

***********

On another note, here is a Pebbles update:

I have reached the end of my sanity.

Pebbles peed on my bed this morning, right in front of me and right next to Isis.

Isis even got mad-she growled at Pebbles and left.

If you have ever seen a cat give off a "WHAT THE FUCK" expression that was it, from Isis to Pebbles.

My bed was covered so I only had to wash the 2 blankets but still.

Pebbles is also peeing on Daya's bed. (which is also protected)

It is not from a medical problem, it's her anxiety, and I have been putting up with this on and off for all 12 years I have had her.

I broke this morning. Just.... broke. Finally.

The appointment to put her down is June 26.

Daya wants to be there and that's literally the only day she can do it.

The other thing is she isn't responding to treatment.

She is not a healthy cat, not with the digestive stuff and her heart issues.

She doesn't weigh enough and the only thing really keeping her appetite up is prednisone, which is already messing up her liver.

Pebbles is definitely sick and Isis knows and is attacking her. (cats will do that)

It's only a matter of time....she's not actively dying but she's not doing well and I think if I leave it alone it'll be a slow expensive process. I don't think she will make it through the year.

Either the prednisone is going to ruin her body or she'll essentially starve to death from not eating/absorbing her food.

I do not want her to be in pain, and I do not want to prolong anything just for the sake of prolonging.

It's time.

I have a few weeks to process it... it hasn't hit me yet and there are a lot of feelings because I do care about the cat but also she has caused me SO MUCH stress and I'm just done.

Pebbles Update

Today pebbles went back to the vet for a follow-up appointment.

Despite everything, she has only gained 1/10th of a pound which is bad.

This is a very Pebble-thing to do.

I thought she had gained more; she sure feels more solid but that scale doesn't lie.

I could have gone to Europe on the amount of money I have spent on this cat.

And Pebbles is VERY difficult to live with.

No other cat has stressed me as much as Pebbles has, consistently over the last 13 years.

I'm at the end of my rope with it.

I'm at the end of my stress limit, I'm definitely past the end of my financial willingness.

Especially since IT DIDNT EVEN HELP.

I'll get an update on Saturday.

*******

A guy came into the vet office while I was waiting.

And I was waiting for a long time because the office was running behind.

It's normal for people in the waiting room to talk to each other but this guy was something else, and he immediately hit my radar in a bad way.

He has a calico cat.

Who is the "only calico cat on the planet with perfectly spaced colors like this" because Howard Stern's wife told him so.

The guy was absolutely completely unhinged. 

Fantastical bragging, fantastical drama about his life, WAY oversharing with complete strangers, WOULD NOT SHUT UP about himself. Also he was a college professor since 17 years old, has a computer science AND a martial arts background, was born with "hypersensitivity" whatever the fuck that is (probably schizophrenia), has had dramatic near-death experiences a few times etc etc etc.......

I closed my eyes and pretended to nap so he would not engage with me.

I had to hear his dumb stories twice, and they kept getting weirder and weirder.

He spoke like a narcissistic schizophrenic weirdo who wanted to just talk fantastical shit about how special and divine they are and the great dramatic depths of their suffering that no one else can possibly relate to.  

Awful.

The Pebble- Update

Today Pebbles had an abdominal ultrasound.

To prepare for the ultrasound, she had to fast from midnight.

I had a hotline shift last night, a particularly brutal one- and got home a little after midnight.

Pebbles would NOT let me sleep.

And then- because she was tired from keeping me up all night, she got to sleep all day while I had to work.

We went to the vet around 5pm.

I was there until almost 7:30.

Pebbles now has a shaved belly.

*******

Pebbles has inflamed bowels, I guess the cat version of IBS.

Vet says she's not in pain but probably has discomfort.

It's treatable but not curable.

The treatment is a pain in the ass for me.....

Basically, she's going on prednisone for a month and I have to bring her back to get her kidneys checked on May 1st.

(Pebble-fact: even for a little cat, Pebbles has tiny mini kidneys)

The prednisone will bring down the inflammation and definitely needs to be short term.

That's not the PITA part of the treatment.

The PITA part of the treatment is that now Pebbles can ONLY eat "novel protein" food.

Meaning she can't eat anything else, like ever, including the prescription kidney diet I have a brand new $60 bag of. Or her favorite thing ever, Temptations Cat Treats, which I have 2 big unopened tubs of.

Of course.

Novel protein food is stuff like duck and rabbit and venison and it's not OTC, it's prescription and it is $6 a can and $90 for a 8.5lb bag of dry.

The reason we are doing this is to introduce a food into her system that is completely unfamiliar to change the immune response.

Here's the other PITA thing: my other 2 cats can't eat any of it ever, because if they have issues in the future the food will no longer be a novel protein for them. (and also because it's stupid expensive)

So now I have to separate cats when I am not home and no one can have food out whenever they want.

********

I had to order more plein air linen panels from Jerrys because a couple weeks ago I realized I painted through almost all of my supply. They were on sale, nice surprise!

While I'll work on a white panel if I don't have any toned ones, of course I prefer a toned surface.

I usually tone them in bulk batches.

So I pulled out an assortment of Rublev natural earths and made some nice toned panels...arent they pretty?

******

Here are Furball and Isis snuggling.

Pebbles Lost Half a Pound

Vet Day......

Pebbles lost half a pound.

This is alarming.

She's down to 6 1/2 lbs.

Acts normal, eats... she's going on an appetite stimulant (mertazapine) and i have to measure her intake.

It will make her eat more and also yell at me even more than she already does.

Fun times.

Fur Study

A few weeks ago I got a Jennifer Gennari course on Drawing America. 

She is a fantastic painter, specializing in animal portraits.

For a while I have been interested in seeing her workflow.

And since I went through the course, I have been wanting to try her workflow.

Interestingly it's very similar to how I have been working lately- oil only, no solvent.

She works in a VERY similar way to Patrick Okrasinski!

Here is Isis sleeping in the bathroom with her head upside-down, a big lump of fur.

This painting only took an hour and a half... I was surprised; I thought it would take longer.

The painting in the course was also done alla prima and took about the same amount of time.

9x12 oil

Her palette is also interesting and I approximated a few colors, which I definitely think are Good Enough.

Ivory Black

Venetian Red**

Fake Vermillion**

Alizarin

Cobalt Blue

Emerald Green**

Yellow Ochre

Cadmium yellow Light **

and Cremnitz White (lead)

Now, I'm all for fancy high-end oil paint but Ms Gennari beats me (and most people) with that.

If her system was my system and I was famous like she is, OR I was her student and only worked exactly how she works I would also use her exact palette.

Venetian Red **
She uses English Red which is the same thing.

I do have an actual "English Red" around somewhere but my Vasari Venetian Red is already out and it's the same pigment anyhow. They are interchangeable.

Fake Vermillion**

Oh my gosh she uses real Vermillion.... Michael Harding...

If you can find it, a great price is about $85 on Blick... Jerrys has it for $95 and the store at the League has it for $110 AND THEY ARE OUT OF STOCK. I think Rublev also makes genuine Vermillion.

Real Vermillion is also extremely poisonous and me myself personally...well, I don't think it is necessary.  I don't see the advantage. I'm gonna stick to my fake Lukas 1862 vermillion or Cadmium Red Light.

Emerald Green**

She uses a Michael Harding which is just a 3-pigment phthalo-based mix.

I have an old Utrecht tube that is exactly the same thing, same 3 pigments.

Cadmium Yellow Light **

Oh my gosh she uses ONLY Vasari Naples Yellow which is different (and better) than all other Naples Yellows in the whole entire world. It's about $71/tube and will last forever.

I kinda want one, to be honest.

...I could see myself getting it one of these days............

****

I did pull out my Michael Harding Cremnitz. (pure lead)

It's been a couple of years since I used lead and it takes some getting used to from Titanium White.

I feel like I used way more white than Jennifer did in her video.

I had to refill my palette 3-4 times; she never had to.

Now I have to watch that course again and see what else I can get from it.

"Train Air Painting" & Coping

A few emails were going around between my uptown plein air friends, and Francis mentioned he was going to paint in the 181st St A train station. He invited us to join.

This was the first time painting in the train- despite wanting to for a very long time. 

It's interesting because there is so much in the environment to work with, and different compositions than can be found in the parks or on the streets.

It was fun to be uncomfortable, and important, too.

I decided on my view and composition, then changed my mind last-minute and painted a portrait of Francis painting instead.

8x10 oil, 2 hours

*****

Some notes: I didn't bring or use any solvent because I'm trying to get used to that workflow.  

I missed solvent a LOT for the block-in. I struggled. The reason I am not using solvent is not due to any philosophical or health issue, it's simply because I'm studying workflows of a couple people right now who don't use it. It's solely due to a learning process.

I was originally going to paint this and I still want to:

I like that it's the A train, and I wanted the challenge of keying the whole painting to the fluorescent lights.  Next time.

Painting start:

*******

After painting, I got on the downtown A.

At 175th St, a man got on who kept kneeling down and .... kissing the floor of the train... then he stood up and did it again... over and over and over....

And my initial thought was "oh good, someone is weirder than I am."

********

I am coping with life right now* and have come to the realization that one of the ways I cope with life is buying brushes.

It's ok; it could be a lot worse.

Patrick Okrasinski uses these, and I spent $26.

Yes, I really am that boring.

********

* Life that I am Coping With

I got another call yesterday.

My mother had another stroke.

This one caused her to fall and she was laying on the floor (we don't know how because there's not enough space in her hoarded house for anyone to lay on the floor) for 4 or 5 DAYS before the mail piled up and the neighbors called the cops for a well-check.

She's still alive, unbelievably, and in the hospital.

It has been determined that she is incapable of making any decisions for herself (duh) and she will go... somewhere??... next week probably after leaving the hospital.

She is pissed off beyond belief at still being alive, and also now she thinks it's 2005.

I do not need to see her before she dies.

I just want it to be all over with. It's time for this horrible awful situation to end, for everyone.

All this junk that has been in the background of my life is coming to the foreground and it's a little bit to process. I am doing that and it is ok but it's just something to go through.

Painting Sale & Cat Pictures

I sold a painting!

That's always nice.

I'm a little surprised this one sold, because it was just a quick experiment on oil paper from November.

You never know what people will like.

Anyhow, I had to mount it, which I did on archival hard board with archival glue with my brayer, and it came out really nice and i am quite pleased with the result.

It took me almost as long to find my old brayer as it did to paint this painting.... it was in my paper cabinet, and i found it the third time I looked in there.

8x10 oil, sold!

*****

Here are some cat pictures from the last few days.