Met Sketching & Updates

Last night I met up with a friend from egg tempera class to go sketch at the Met.

We ended up in the Roman galleries, and I sketched that goddess bust- again... this time in Procreate.

It's ok, probably a ton of drawing issues.

Zoe and I both decided the lighting on the statue from my vantage point is weird.

I haven't sketched in Procreate in forever, and it was nice.

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I got a face time tour of my mother's house yesterday.

It's exactly the same as it was 15 years ago except worse.

I do not have to go down there, which I'm glad about, but I would if I had to.

I don't want anything from the house; I can't.

It's such bad energy and I can't have anything from there in my space.

It's a lot to process, but at the same time it's not that bad.

It's sad and I am also very angry at the whole thing, but I am just letting my feelings be when I have them, and they don't last long. I am giving myself the space I need.

I want the whole thing to be over.

Astoundingly, my mother's labs came back normal.

Well except from the mental damage caused by the strokes.

Everyone was shocked.

She has written sticky notes in shorthand on important documents and no one can read it.

This is also not a surprise because she's been doing that my whole life.

But it's a shitty thing to do on important documents that other people have to deal with.

Her mental illness has had a deep and profound effect on my life in every possible way, and none of it is good. It's a foundational early-patterning childhood kind of deep.

A couple of months ago I spoke with someone who said their grandmother killed herself when their mother was a small child, and how that impacted their mother, who never got help.  

And they grew up hearing their mother talk about her own death, and how that impacted them deeply.

Only then did I realize- minus a grandmother committing suicide- I also grew up with a suicidal mother who talked constantly about wanting to be dead. Definitely from about when I was 9-10 years old. Before then I don't know, there was too much family drama happening. She wasn't right in the head though. And it never occurred to me that this was impactful. I have normalized it so much I dismissed it. 

She blamed me for her troubles, very directly.

She did NOT like me, at all, and she told me so on many occasions.

There was no interpretive guessing game with that.

I'm realizing things I never did before, and I'm remembering things I haven't thought about in decades.

It's not the kind of stuff to just "not let it bother you"... which is a bullshit thing to say to someone anyhow.

I'm a stable emotionally mature adult, I have been through a lot of therapy, and it's all ok but is still a lot to process. It's amazing how things come up that were settled and buried for so long. And it's ok that I have my thoughts and feelings. This is a lot and shouldn't just be dismissed.

Will Weston Hands and Feet

I took a class, it was the past 2 Saturdays.  Another Will Weston class.
He really is that good of a teacher.

And with any Will Weston class comes.... homework.

Week 1 was hands... 30 of them.  Here are the hands I did, I think I need to practice a lot more.
The other people in the class who are submitting homework are really, really good.......it's kind of intimidating, so that's a good indication I'm in the right place.

I used graphite for the Week 1 hands.

The second week, which had a homework deadline of tonight, was 24 feet.  I did 31.  And I went digital on my iPad, which honestly I should have done with the hands, too.  I don't practice in Procreate enough and I found this to be very useful.

And again I think everyone else's homework was better than mine, so I need to practice more!
But the main reason I took this class was to force me to practice.  I forgot how many hours the hands took.  Too many. It was exhausting.

These feet took 5 hours over 2 days.
I'll get faster with more practice, it's just a matter of actually doing it.

Critique should be in Saturday morning on the feet... the hands crit was last week.

Parent Observation- LaG Dance

Parent observation was over zoom.

Ballet was yesterday and modern was today.

Daya looked great.

I did a digital quick sketch but didn't post it anywhere.

I wasn't in a good art groove, this was maybe 30 mins in Procreate.

This is Daya's modern class from today.

The camera quality was really poor so you probably can't spot the huge glaring problem with this picture........

.......Daya isn't in the class.

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When she got home, I said to Daya, Your modern class looks fun.

She said I guess.  I think we had a sub today.

I said you did not have a sub today.

She said we didn't?

I said No.  It was parent observation day and I was wondering where the heck you were!

To which she replied...I thought that was yesterday.

me: It was yesterday AND today.

she: I did not know that.

What ensued next was an unpleasant conversation about where, exactly she was.

The locker room.

Why?

She said she was feeling "off".

Of course I was concerned and pressed for more details, but it ended up being that she skipped class 

to do homework, I am hoping that's true because it doesn't make a lot of sense.  Dance is the last period of the day and she didn't have dance after school either. It's a bunch of bs if you ask me.

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Daya has not been managing her time well with homework and she has waited until the very very last minute to do a ton of work. She has missed school AND dance because of it and I am Not Happy.  And I am Not Happy about being lied to.

I mean, it is hilarious that she chose to skip class on parent observation day......... but............

I told her I was going to email her teacher about it, that I wasn't just going to let it go unnoticed.

Daya is VERY VERY angry with me for emailing the teacher.

They have a good relationship though, and the point is not to get Daya in trouble but to give this visibility and not say it is ok to skip class.

Sketch from Amtrak train

Here is a little ipad sketch done with Inspire Pro.

Oasis 1

I started this little sketch while waiting for ballet class to be over, and decided to finish it.  It's just a little practice so I can get used to Inspire Pro on my iPad.

Inspire Pro and Sensu Brush

Whitney Finished

Hello out there from Vector Land!

Here is the final version of Whitney. :)

Whitney

Firstly, thank you so much to Julie and Serena who have checked in on me numerous imes since my last post. Your kindness and concern really and truly touches me deeply. Thank you.

Secondly, I'm doing well. My blog has been sadly neglected but what can I say; I have a Gemini Rising- I can be flaky.

Third: this post, juxtaposed with the previous one, is both ironic and very cool. Because, friends, I got an illustration commission. That means someone is paying me to draw, and what is cooler than that????

I have been commissioned to create a character for The Whitney Collection.

Here are the 2 samples I sent to them. They chose the straight haired one, so I'll be working this weekend to finish her in Illustrator.

I started the drawings Wednesday night. When I went to scan the first one in, I discovered much to my dismay that my scanner was dead with no explanation. I tried everything. Re-installed drivers, prayed, nothing. Dead. I tried for an hour and a half to resucitate it. So, since I had to deliver these drawings on Friday, I went and got another scanner yesterday. Bummer. $130. Carried the damn thing all over Manhattan. When I got home, my old scanner immediately started working like nothing ever happened. I guess the threat of replacement put it in line. At least I can return the new one.

Final digital image to come.

New Toy

I'm allowed to spend a little money frivolously as long as my Minnesota Savings Fund is on track, right?

Good, because I bought myself a New and Fabulous Toy. And I got a very good deal on it. I got myself a Wacom graphics tablet...a thingie that is a pressure sensitive pad with a pen to draw on the puter! Actually I never consider art stuff of any kind frivolous. And the computer is simply another medium.

It doesn't smell nearly as good as linseed oil but I love it. This thing is so cool. So I've been playing in Flash and Illustrator trying to get something done for an actual commission. YAY!

My friend is coming in from out of town tomorrow morning with her toddler. I'm taking her around NYC all weekend. My place is still a mess but I did get a lot of laundry done (and folded!!). And because I'm a little compulsive at times, I also made a nice batch of homemade chocolate almond fudge. Which I shouldn't be eating so I'll prob give most of it away. You want some?

Vector Cat Moves

He's extremely primitive and rough......but fun to do nonetheless.