Holiday Ramblings

I'm not really a big fan of the holidays but I still like to put a tree up.
I'd probably like the holidays better if I had places to go and people to see, away from here, and they were people I liked being around and there was cool holiday stuff to do.

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Daya is done with school until January 2.
I asked her if any of her friends are around and she said no, they are all away on winter vacation.
I said all of them? and she said yes, they all have money and go to warm places.
That's one of the problems with dance.... it's true that most of them really do have money.

I know she's not ok with having nowhere to go, staying home all the time, just us.
She isn't upset with me, she just doesn't like the circumstance.
She compares her life to her peers and finds it lacking.

I also wish we had places to go and people to see.
It's terrible to feel like your best isn't good enough.
It hurts.

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Inevitably- and I need to get better about this- I tend to think of my family around this time.
This holiday stuff is inflicted on everyone everywhere, it's so in your face no matter where you go so it's just hard to avoid it.

Last year I had a hard time around the holidays and while I'm slightly dreading the long stretch of it this year, I'm hopeful that it will be unexpectedly pleasant.

A friend who ended our friendship in end of 2016- early 2017 has reached out and invited me and Daya for Christmas Eve.  I said yes.

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I'm often around parents, since I am one.
The parents I am around for the most part are well-educated and very involved with their kids.
(I guess the involvement part is especially true at LaGuardia because these kids absolutely cannot do what they do at the level they do it without serious parental support and involvement.  It's just not possible.**)

Especially now we are in High School and college stuff is everywhere.
The support these parents give to their kids is astounding- and it is the most normal thing in the world.

It is impossible to be going through this- both as a parent and observing others- and not think back to my own parents when I was at this stage in my life.  It is so vastly, dramatically different.
The way these parents care for their children is so vastly different.  It is taken for granted to take care of their children.

Daya might only have one parent but she got a good one-  and that is so preferable to two crappy ones.

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** Yeah I got to go to Pratt despite massive resistance and a fight against it which lasted for years after I graduated. There were strong feelings that I was very selfish for going to Pratt and the people who felt that way let me know about it, a lot, for a long time.  None of the parents I am interacting with think their kids are selfish for going to good schools, it is quite a contrast. They are proud and excited and happy.

My mother was willing to take out the parent loans so she could "live vicariously"... I didn't care what her reasoning was, it was my way out.  I had grants and scholarships and my loans, too. And I worked through college.  (She was supposed to be putting money aside monthly per the divorce agreement from when I was a toddler but when it came time for college there was nothing.)

Whatever her reasoning- whether it was about me or not- and no matter that it was the only college I applied to (bad idea), and no matter that I had limited help and no backup plan, I do appreciate that support, it was enough and it got me through all 4 years of tuition.  Art school worked out for me and I have a great job situation as a direct result which has flowed directly to my own child's benefit.

Visual arts is different from the other arts in that you can do a lot more with a lot less. Otherwise, not only is serious parent involvement logistically necessary, but it is extraordinarily expensive. Instrumental, drama, vocal, dance..... visual arts is very cheap in comparison!!