Monet in Venice

I'm glad Kedrin got me to go to the show; I was going to skip it.

There are some absolutely STUNNING Monets in this show!

Pictures:

In a Monet show, Sargent gets ignored!

Goodbye, January

January is over!

I haven't been out plein airing this month at all, due to weather and/or schedule... it feels weird to have not painted in such a long time!  Well, outdoors anyhow. I have been painting at home and also in class.

Grace came over on Thursday and stayed overnight.

It was fun seeing her and we had a good visit.

Friday was my cardiology follow-up.

All those tests were great.

My bloodwork is great.

No need for any medication.

Now I am all done with doctors for a while, thankfully.

I am proud of my Crossrope stats for the month:

This morning I wanted to get a last workout in, and for about 2 minutes I was #1 on the leaderboard!

Later this afternoon I'm meeting Kedrin in Brooklyn, we are going to the Monet in Venice show.

It is closing and everyone has been telling me I need to see it so that's what's happening today.

And here's a good verse:

Cultural Differences

We are having severe cold weather... it will last all week.

It's cold, even for me. I haven't had a good day to paint outdoors yet this month, and I'm feeling it.

So anyhow tonight I met Daya for dinner so she could tell me about South Africa.

We had nice Indian food and I heard all about her trip.

So, I don't know what all her drama was about because dinner was exactly the way it should be- friendly, open, a nice time.  I think the mental health counseling Daya is getting at Juilliard is good, I'm glad she has the support she needs, and I feel intensely glad and relieved I don't have to deal with it.  

Hearing about South Africa was interesting, a little surprising too.

I learned that there are Children #7 and #8 from yet another marriage in Japan.

How many times can a person get married?? Sheesh.

Daya has now met all her siblings except for three of them.

I think the trip was good for her.

It gave her some perspective, she saw things over there that are not to her preference and she was very happy to come home.

Since it is summer there, she couldn't go out during a lot of the day because of the UV index- it gets very bad there. And since Cape Town is very dangerous, no one goes out at night, the house stays locked and barred at all times, behind an electric fence, not everyone even has the key, no one walks anywhere, she says everyone is physically unhealthy due to poor diet. She wouldn't eat the way they do (I am not at all surprised about this), she really experienced a culture gap in peoples' basic education.  She cannot ever see herself living there or even spending her entire winter break there again. She was ready to come home after one week.... then she had another week and a half to get through.  

She says they are taught in school there that NYC has a "100% crime rate" and is more dangerous than South Africa. This isn't even close to being true; SA is a very dangerous country.  NYC has crime like all major cities but it's actually pretty safe.  In general a woman can be out alone at night here, in most areas. (I am mindful when out late but I don't worry about it.) That's very different than a country where it's too dangerous to be out at night at all and you have to live behind an electric fence.

Daya also got terribly harassed by men and there was one failed possible-abduction-attempt when she was out walking... it freaked her out a bit. She was surprised at everyone staring at her, I would have guessed differently because Daya does look very South African so I thought she'd just blend in. She said no, she stuck out badly and her family said she basically looks like a supermodel to everyone.

So, it was good to connect with her, she's being friendly (again) and since she is an adult, she can (and is) getting help for her issues thru means that have nothing to do with me and this is what I have needed and wanted for so many years and it is such a relief and a release to not worry about her problems or be responsible for providing assistance. She will find her way and her growth and I'm not worried about it.

I don't want our relationship to be about her problems and her issues; I want it to be good communication and sharing good times together.

January Hibernation

I have been perfecting my hibernation skills quite a lot this month.

For the most part it has been extremely enjoyable, especially during the snowstorm yesterday, but today I woke up and felt over it. I'm done hibernating.

We have one more week of January left!

This morning, I had a follow-up to check if my new-new-new IUD is still in the right place, and of course it is. It's still in the right place because it was finally put in the right place to begin with.

So now I don't have to worry about it anymore.

Insurance got right on my request to check on overpayment to the gyn, and I am getting $105 refunded.

That's a LOT to overpay!

Don't rely on dr offices to check your benefits and coverage; they often don't check and just go with whatever they guess. It got resolved faster than I thought and all is well.

Tonight I am meeting Daya for dinner. She came home for a little while on Friday to talk.

I guess not talking to me anymore couldn't last, it wasn't working out for Daya.

This is about when I thought she'd probably make contact.

She's going through some stuff, we both disagree about the note.

I think she should never have written it, and it gave her some relief to do it so she's not sorry.

I told her she has to find better ways of finding relief.

Anyhow.

The Juilliard bill is now paid, they were chasing her and she was.... maybe.... buying herself some time.

I do want to move forward in a positive way with her and maybe now we are.

She has people helping her with her difficulties, I cannot ever say the right thing to her and that's ok because finally she's accepting the help she needs. So I'm just.... not worried about it. It isn't my job to fix anything; she's an adult who is free to create her life the way she wants to. And now it really is off me and that is a very good thing. So I feel good.

Here are a couple of snow pictures.

Of course the storm wasn't nearly as dramatic as it was communicated.

Blue Dot

The egg tempera class show was tonight!

The weather was kind of cold, I didn't think as cold as they were forecasting but it was enough to scare people off of coming- this opening was much less crowded than last year. Plus, there was a last-minute date change. Thanks, League!

However- I perhaps single-handedly managed to fill a lot of the room with ...... of course, The Downtown Boathouse.

Boathouse People everywhere!

And Sharon, Catherine, and Palma also showed up!

It is amazing to me to experience such a showing of support.

I appreciate it so deeply.

I'm always a bit hesitant to promote myself like this but then I thought, people like being invited to stuff.

So I invited a bunch of people and almost all of them actually showed up!

Here are some of the pictures.

Most of the boathouse people aren't pictured.

These were just the ones who stayed until the very end.

Me and Jenny...

Me, Kedrin, Jenny, and Bitz

Me and Aimee....

My Lippi painting got a blue dot!

Red dots are best in show, blue dots are honorable mention runners-up.

Here is a picture of Doug taking a picture of my paintings.

********

While I was on the train to get to the show, Daya sent me a video update.

I can't deal with it tonight, I'll deal with it tomorrow.

I'm not going to let anything mess up this evening!

5 Noteworthy Things

Thing One: SNOW!

We got snow!!

Today was not a good day to be out painting though, plus I had places to be.

Thing Two: THIS TRUCK!!

This truck is hilarious, but if you're not in NYC you probably won't get it.

I can't believe someone spent money decorating their truck like this, but it's still great.

Thing Three: HAMMERHEAD SHARKS!

This is the best bit of art from all of 19th century Japan.

Note the adorable teeth.

Thanks Dru!

Thing Four: HANGING THE SHOW

I dropped off my three paintings for the show.

Our class is SO, SO GOOD... it's really special to see everyone's work together.

It really is an exceptional class.

I made sure to show Doug (and several other people- whoever would look, actually) the Japanese hammerhead sharks.

They were universally adored.

Thing 5: TEN MINUTES!

I had no idea I could jump for 10 minutes straight until I did it... it wasn't intentional, I just kept going.

Upcoming Winter Camping!

This month has been quiet and routine so far, I haven't been on any adventures and I don't have much to write about. There is something nice and stable about normal days though, I'm not complaining.

Just hibernating a bit and looking forward to warm bright days ahead. Staying positive.

Our annual sales conference was Wednesday and Thursday, and for the first time in years, I didn't have to go in-person! I was not personally involved this year. That's ok. I wouldn't have minded, I always enjoyed it when I had work to do for it, but last year I was in-person with nothing to do and it was brutal.

So this year I got to stay home and attend remotely.

*****

Tonight Sharon invited me to her daughter's performance at LaGuardia- the Winter Dance Showcase.

Her daughter is a senior this year... this will probably be the last one I go to, since I don't know anyone else at the school anymore.

I'm trying to not think about Daya.

*****

Aimee texted me and asked if I want to join a winter camping trip at the beginning of Feb.

OF COURSE I DO!

AND I don't have an interfering hotline shift- YAY!

It's 6 boathouse people.

We are renting a cabin.

However, Aimee and I want to do gear tests for winter hammock setups, but if we need to we can go in the cabin.

I do not plan on doing that.

Aimee and I both got cold-weather hammock covers, and I found a great price on a subzero sleeping bag that is rated to 10 degrees.  Some of them get very pricey- hundreds- I'd love to have a super nice subzero sleeping bag one day but I think the $55 one I ordered will do just fine.  That, plus my hammock under-quilt, plus the hammock cover, plus my super warm camping blanket plus wool underlayers... hell, I'll probably die of heat stroke!

I am so ready to sleep outdoors again in my wonderful comfy hammock!

And of course I'll bring oil paint because that's what I do.

But I need to figure out a few things, because subzero painting is not as straightforward as warmer weather and I'll have a lot to carry.

Really, this trip is all about the camping tea kettle I ordered in December in anticipation of camping this year!

It can go right on the fire!

********

We have rain in the forecast tomorrow, which is a bummer because I'd really like to get out and do my first 2026 plein air.

We'll see.

I also have to be at the League at 4pm to drop off paintings for the show next week.

So anyhow, that's life right now.

It is nice to have something to look forward to.

I am happy my life has been set up to have these good days and good people, I would never have imagined it through all those hard years. I am very grateful.

Blessing the Boats

Blessing the Boats

By Lucille Clifton

(at St. Mary's)

may the tide

that is entering even now

the lip of our understanding

carry you out

beyond the face of fear

may you kiss

the wind then turn from it

certain that it will

love your back

may you

open your eyes to water

water waving forever

and may you in your innocence

sail through this to that

Updates on the 10th!

Whoa we're in January double-digits already!

That was slow and fast at the same time......

Days have been normal days, just work and friends and working out and being peaceful.

Uneventful.

So... having passed thru the New Years Portal out of 2025 into 2026- I am feeling so much better.

Refreshed. Hopeful. Positive.

********

While I do have an almost instinctual strong urge to reach out to Daya- I'm leaving her alone.

She has left her location sharing on, so I did make sure she got back to NYC safely, which happened on Thursday. She can move back into the dorms tomorrow. Because I know where she is, and that she's safe, I'm not worried about her. Thank goodness for location sharing, and I hope she keeps it on.

Normally I don't look at where she is, I don't generally feel the need or desire to do that, but I did want to make sure she got back to the USA safely.

I did tell her she needed to find another place to stay in these few nights before she can go back to the dorm.

And she found a place and it's costing her money I know she doesn't have but that's not really my problem. And soon she'll realize that Juilliard bill is not paid.....

While I wish things were different- I very much want a good connection with her- she's not in a place right now where that's possible. For whatever her reasons, she needs to walk her path and do what she needs to do. I'm not going to push against it and I'm leaving the hurt of that note in 2025.

If she needs to make her life harder than it needs to be (in my perspective), that's her freedom and her choice. If this is just an experience she needs, ok. She's been desperate to get out on her own since she was 11 or 12 anyhow, so let her. She is free to do what she wants.

The other part of it is- and I have been saying this for a while- and it really hit home in Aug 2024 when she went to the dorms- I do much better mental health-wise when she's not staying here.  Daya is a very negative person and I have trouble being around negativity and I really have trouble with that kind of energy in my home.

I am extremely protective of my home environment.  When it's just me, it's very peaceful here.

Friends who visit comment about it.  I have a good-energy home environment, which I require for my own peace. Daya does disrupt that with her energy.

If she hadn't gone no-contact, of course this home would be open to her and it would be fine.

In fact I would prefer for her to have the option to be here if she needed to be, because she's my child... and I want to help her-- but I do have the relief of peace in my environment.  It was tough for so many years, a decade actually, and I need my peace. 

I need to separate from her negativity.

So, I'm feeling better and not looking back on 2025... it's time to look ahead with positive energy and positive expectations.

********

The annual boathouse party is tonight!

It will be so good to see everyone.

I did get pulled into the End of Year Video Team, which was fun.

We had a nice working dinner on Wednesday, which was a good time.

It is good and important to be out and see friends. 

Last night I saw the finished video, and it was such a nice reminder of all the fun and good times ahead of me this year.

********

I have my cardiologist follow-up at the end of the month, and in the meantime I have to keep a blood pressure log.

I'm not on any medication, my system is completely clear of everything (except caffeine), and my readings have been normal! Perhaps feeling better has helped with that?

I do not want to go on medication and as of right now I see no reason why it would be indicated.

******

So, we'll see about everything. No point in worrying.

I do believe in having a positive mindset and having positive expectations.

Sometimes I need to go through the difficult feelings, and sometimes it can take a while- but I generally bounce back eventually.

I'm taking life one day at a time and prioritizing feeling good.

1|1|2026

Ok, it's 2026.

I have expectations.

I expect to:

* Drink a lot of tea

* Paint some pictures **

* Receive personal growth in a few areas I am specifically working on

* Swim laps 2x a week (it has been good to be back in the pool lately)

* Get to 1 million jumps with Crossrope ***

* Focus on expectations, receiving, positive life experiences, and rest

* Keep my shit together, most of the time

** I kind of don't have any specific personal art goals except to keep going.

I can't think of anything specific I want to work on, although I know that sounds un-ambitious and flat.

Since I am always exploring artistically and learning, I'm sure I'll have things come my way that are interesting and new. I do feel I'm being a bit "small" here in mental scope and ambition, but I have such a wall of exhaustion that needs to be considered. So, I'll just keep doing what I'm already doing for now.

Prints? Yeah I should do more with that. Maybe.

Gallery submissions? I did get approached by a legit gallery last year, but it would have cost me hundreds up-front if I got accepted. If the work sold I'd get the hanging fee back, but this is where painting starts being like dance- it's pay to play. And also a lot of work that I don't want to do.

So I don't know.

Thinking about all of it, the non-painting stuff surrounding painting makes me feel overwhelmed so I'll stop for now.

*** Crossrope- getting to 1 million jumps might be a stretch.

Right now my all-time count is 422,411. So I'm just under halfway through.

I'll try, let's see how close I can get. If I jump every day- which I will not- I would need about 1644 jumps a day which actually is nothing for me. I can do that in 13 minutes. I like to do at minimum 3K jumps but ideally my standard workout is 5k, it just depends on how much time I have in a given day.

So maybe I can get to 1 million this year. We'll see.

I just want to hold steady this year, maintain what I have, and do the things that bring peace and good moments in this life. Keep my excellent friends. Be in and on the water. Paint and grow artistically.  Go camping. Explore. Lead kayak trips, think of new boathouse activities for the community. Sit on the hotline, take calls, and watch volunteers come and go.

I need to rest after 2025, last year was way too much.

Dec 31

Oh my god there are only a few more hours left in this year..... phew that was a slog to get through.

Today I did the afternoon shift on the hotline which has really messed up my head because I'm NEVER there in the afternoon so now I don't know how to place myself in time.

Ok, something that I came across and want to carry forward is the idea of expectations, and how our expectations- conscious and unconscious- shape our lives.

I always have new years intentions, but that's not quite the same thing as expectations.

Expecting outcomes, expecting positive. It's more of a command than a hope.

So, I am working on this energy shift.

On new years eve last year I got 2 of those big gold chocolate coins from Trader Joes- the ones that say YES on them. I got one for me and one for Daya.

So, last year I was meditating on saying Yes to good things coming in.

And I did do that.

I did that very well, actually, I think.

To several things.

Now, with meditating on expectation, I am contemplating that saying yes doesn't necessarily mean receiving. 

And that can be a bummer.

So, I'm having expectations for 2026.

I am leaving the ghosts of 2025 here in 2025 where they belong, and I am carrying forward positive expectations instead.

Hanging out with Fra Filippo Lippi

I like to do a master copy every year in egg tempera class.

The medium suits master copies, plus Doug is there to talk me off my many inevitable ledges of artistic despair. And tell me what my issues are and how to fix them. And I had much despair and many issues while painting this.

This year I scrambled my head with the famous Madonna painting by Fra Filippo Lippi (1406-1469).

I wanted to do a long portrait, slow, very opposite of all my plein air work.  It's good balance.

So, I started this at the beginning of October and thought I'd work with it and finish sometime in Jan-Feb.

Nope, Doug announced our class show hangs on Jan 17th for the opening on Jan 20th!

So I got all stressed out and thought I'd have to work on her at home... but it turns out I ended up finishing her last week in class. Phew!

Yesterday she got framed. She looks good.

I learned a lot from doing this painting.

There is something about doing master copies that puts you in a different mindset, a journey through someone else's process. It's very intimate. I absorbed- downloaded- a lot, but I'm not sure how to put it into words.

In class we have unofficial spots where we always sit.

I like to sit right next to Karen because she's amazing and a much better painter than I am, so I suck up her painting vibes. She has plenty of those to spare.

9x12 egg tempera and metal leaf on Ampersand Claybord, about 25-30 hours.

*******

Here are some progress shots:

Snowy Beach

We got snow so I went to the beach and did a painting.

This was one of the coolest landscapes I have seen!

6x8 oil