Cultural Differences

We are having severe cold weather... it will last all week.

It's cold, even for me. I haven't had a good day to paint outdoors yet this month, and I'm feeling it.

So anyhow tonight I met Daya for dinner so she could tell me about South Africa.

We had nice Indian food and I heard all about her trip.

So, I don't know what all her drama was about because dinner was exactly the way it should be- friendly, open, a nice time.  I think the mental health counseling Daya is getting at Juilliard is good, I'm glad she has the support she needs, and I feel intensely glad and relieved I don't have to deal with it.  

Hearing about South Africa was interesting, a little surprising too.

I learned that there are Children #7 and #8 from yet another marriage in Japan.

How many times can a person get married?? Sheesh.

Daya has now met all her siblings except for three of them.

I think the trip was good for her.

It gave her some perspective, she saw things over there that are not to her preference and she was very happy to come home.

Since it is summer there, she couldn't go out during a lot of the day because of the UV index- it gets very bad there. And since Cape Town is very dangerous, no one goes out at night, the house stays locked and barred at all times, behind an electric fence, not everyone even has the key, no one walks anywhere, she says everyone is physically unhealthy due to poor diet. She wouldn't eat the way they do (I am not at all surprised about this), she really experienced a culture gap in peoples' basic education.  She cannot ever see herself living there or even spending her entire winter break there again. She was ready to come home after one week.... then she had another week and a half to get through.  

She says they are taught in school there that NYC has a "100% crime rate" and is more dangerous than South Africa. This isn't even close to being true; SA is a very dangerous country.  NYC has crime like all major cities but it's actually pretty safe.  In general a woman can be out alone at night here, in most areas. (I am mindful when out late but I don't worry about it.) That's very different than a country where it's too dangerous to be out at night at all and you have to live behind an electric fence.

Daya also got terribly harassed by men and there was one failed possible-abduction-attempt when she was out walking... it freaked her out a bit. She was surprised at everyone staring at her, I would have guessed differently because Daya does look very South African so I thought she'd just blend in. She said no, she stuck out badly and her family said she basically looks like a supermodel to everyone.

So, it was good to connect with her, she's being friendly (again) and since she is an adult, she can (and is) getting help for her issues thru means that have nothing to do with me and this is what I have needed and wanted for so many years and it is such a relief and a release to not worry about her problems or be responsible for providing assistance. She will find her way and her growth and I'm not worried about it.

I don't want our relationship to be about her problems and her issues; I want it to be good communication and sharing good times together.