Oddly Prepared

Last night I was all alone on the hotline.

No one else there.

That's rare these days but in my early hotline months was common.

I enjoy being all alone on the hotline, especially on the overnight, because it's a specific kind of peaceful and safe solitude. I can't really explain it. Some of the other volunteers feel it too and also like it.

There is just something about being at the hotline alone that is very comforting.

Anyhow, it was nice last night because I needed that peace, it gave me a rest from thinking about Daya.

Also I did have a very serious call, the kind the hotline exists for, and I was able to help them and because of it, they didn't do what they were going to do.  At least not last night. (hopefully)

And knowing I made a difference between someone's life and death- however momentary- helps me to not feel like a complete failure.

I anticipated maybe being alone on the hotline, so I brought my new Sennelier pastels and the cigar box setup Sid made for me years ago. I did a little sketching, then decided to read.

There have been a couple of minor physical changes at the hotline, a place that never changes, and one of them involves re-used plexiglass.

It's an interim solution, probably?? (hopefully??)

Well anyhow the interim plexiglass had brown tape residue on the back, which was bothering me.  

A lot. It looked messy and contributed to a lack of visual clarity.

And as it turns out, because I had my cigar box with me, I also had my razor scraper, because it lives in there. So I cleaned the plexiglass and thought, wow that's really crazy that I had a razor scraper with me and specifically needed it!

*******

Today I am going to the movies with Sharon, then dinner at her place, and then I really just want the day to be over. Daya has left me with logistical questions now, but I have decided to not do anything and leave it alone until the new year, not make any decisions until then. I need to get through the last days of 2025 and everything is too much right now. It hangs over me, but I'm on pause.