Today

Today was nice. mostly.

Quiet.

We had a lot of heavy rain.

My housework is in good order.

I wanted to start clean, and that was accomplished.

Eva gave me an extremely generous gift, which means I can get a new tripod for plein airing.

Daya was supercool and wonderful until she had to go to a dance Halloween party and she wanted to leave but I made her stay. The dance teams sponsored the party and everyone had a job to do...her team's job was clean-up afterward...that's why I made her stay.  She's pretty mad at me for it but she must honor her commitments. If she hadn't been on clean-up crew I would have said fine, leave.

Rob got me a gift package to a fantastic upscale spa in Tribecca which I am really looking forward to.

Then we went out to a French place in Chelsea we love but haven't been to for a long time.  It was amazing. I love spending time with Rob.  Because of our schedules we don't get to see each other as often as we did last year, but we still talk all the time and he is always good company and conversation. I am very grateful to have him in my life.

We had nice desserts:

I didn't hear from my father (wasn't expecting to) and it is strangely ok. I have completely given up on that and it is the right thing to do.  I know this because I really am ok with no contact or acknowledgement. There is no looming expectation or question, no empty going-through-motions. The first time is hard and then it is fine.  I was wondering how I would feel and I'm completely fine so this is really good. It;s a hard thing to resolve and going through empty motions is much worse.

But you can't keep trying to be connected to someone who doesn't want to be connected.  Letting go is best.

In some ways I feel like I have a clean slate going into this next part of my life.....like I have cleaned out or resolved things that don't serve my well-being.  My 30s were really, really hard. But I learned a lot and I hope going forward I can move into positive changes and circumstance and not have to repeat any of the nonsense.