Perils of Plein Air #863

This has been an extraordinarily weird week.
I got pulled into a tine warp or something, because all day yesterday i thought it was Wednesday, and only knew it was Thursday before I went to sleep.

I have not been out f my apartment much at all this week and time has blurred together.

Sometimes it occurs to me that I'm living a very strange life. It's very surreal. 

I have to be careful because I'm alone at home too much and it does affect a person's mentality in a really weird way. Maybe I shouldn't skip weeks of going into the office for a day or 2.

Next week is a week where everything is happening at the same time.

There is no balance in my life with this; it's either full on everything or nothing going on at all.

It's kind of like that regarding Daya, too.  All those years where I was running such long days, 7 days a week, no break, no rest, completely exhausted and overwhelmed, and now I basically can't do anything for her anymore, not even help her with food. (I'm just the bank.)

This goes for work too, although to be honest there are many times I wish I was busier with that as well.

But as long as I have projects and can account for my time it's ok.

I do have to wait on people though. So it can get slow.

I wish life was a little more balanced.  

This is an extremely bizarre phase in my life.

I'm dragging.

There are small daily things I should be doing but just... don't.

Like daily 15 minute meditation and even little daily paintings.

I have ideas and sort-of-starts for Topiary cats and I haven't done a series this year.

I also haven't been doing my workouts this week and last week.

And I don't know why except I can't seem to make myself move.

The days feel dense and heavy and life is a fog.

I hate how things are with me and Daya and I'm coming up to a MASSIVE life change and I just feel so internally exhausted. 

It isn't a rest or sleep thing, it's a Deep Life Exhaustion that has been going on for years. 

I am tired in my bones, in a place deeper than my bones.

I'm doing all the right things to manage but it's not getting any better.

(I said that to Robertson once years back when we were dating. 

He said his mom used to say the same thing and he didn't understand what it meant.)

************

Anyhow.

Since I knew in time that today is Friday, I did not forget to actually take my vacation day.

Tonight I have tickets to Chicago at LaGuardia to see the other cast, and I didn't want to be out too long.

So I packed up my gear and headed to Flushing Meadows, which is about a 25 minute walk.

I packed my gear and went over my checklist.

I did not forget my solvent jar today like I did last week for the Central Park Boathouse painting.

Solvent, tape, oily rag, panel, paint, brushes, check.

A voice in my head said "You are forgetting something."

I went over my gear again.

I had everything.

The voice in my head said again, "You are forgetting something."

I said back 'I don't think so."

When I was walking out the door the voice in my head said "You are forgetting something."

Hand warmers! I don't know if I'll need them but it's good to have them just in case.

I closed my apartment door.

The voice in my head said again, "You are forgetting something."

I said it was my hand warmers, I have everything.

The voice shut up.

***************

I got to the park.

Here is where I need to mention that a new big update just came out Monday for The Long Dark, and I have been playing a lot this week.

I have been playing too much because when I saw this stupid trashcan I immediately wondered if it was a fire barrel.

I did not check but probably only because there is no snow.

**************

I found a nice spot to paint.

The reed grasses looked cool and it's something I have never done before.

It's really important to find new problems to solve and new subject matter to resolve.

Plus the grasses look cool.

I started unpacking.

And discovered, to my horror...

I LEFT THE TRIPOD QUICK-RELEASE 

ON MY OTHER BOX 

AT HOME!!!!

I was so mad I texted Carey a bunch of messages in CAPITAL LETTERS.

I said to the voice in my head, "Why didn't you tell me WHAT was missing??"

The voice said, 'You didn't ask."

FUCK YOU VOICE IN MY HEAD.

I almost packed up.

But I didn't want to.

So I taped my gear together as best as possible.

It was extremely precarious and I could only balance things in one exact way but it worked.

8x10 oil, hour and a half.

This is the location picture but due to the harsh light angle and not being able to move the tripod AT ALL, it didn't come out well.