Things that Come Out at NY@Nite

Tonight was the last NY@Nite class.  I don't really have a list of learned-stuff this week, it was practice and putting everything together.

Actually it was stupid-hard and I had help again and it was.... just so hard.
I kept getting lost, couldn't resolve what I was looking at, my head got screwed up.  there was another girl there who put into words perfectly what it was like.... basically I had no idea what I was looking at or how to see it, I couldn't see it, and it was hard.

This is my start, Garin did the foreground.

Garin did a painting too, he was standing in the dark without a light between 2 food trucks painting something dark in food truck fumes and it looked fantastic.   I can't even.  I literally have no words.

Garin came over and looked at my painting.
He pointed to the foreground and said "Hey that's great!"
I said, "YOU painted that!" because he did!!
And I could not stop laughing.

*****
I got to a point of being so screwed up in my head from this painting that I was wondering why I was there, what I was doing, and the meaning of life in general.

*************
We were at Columbus Circle right at the corner of Central Park.
After about 9pm some of the more interesting population comes out.  Here are some bits of humanity we encountered:

A friend's honesty, overheard:
"Frankie you have no game! What the fuck you talkin' about, your shit is garbage!"

(Poor Frankie.)

Bathing Rituals:
There was a water fountain near where I was set up. A drinking water fountain.

Some guy came over and bathed in it.  i'm not kidding.  Face, head, and I think maybe his arms.

For like 5 minutes.

The Glowstick Harness Husky:

A guy was walking his wonderful beautiful Husky.  The harness looked like a big glow stick, it was so freaking cool.

The Governor:

A guy was walking around talking to everyone.  He was friendly enough, said he was the Governor of the area.  He complimented our paintings, and tried to get my co-painter to give him her painting.

He then proceeded to "fire" all of us in individual conversations.  (Garin Baker also got fired.)

**********

The pole and ball head assembly slipped out of my tripod base while I was packing up.

This is not a big deal as tripods are meant to come apart, but I could not get it back in.

Could. Not.  

This tripod cost over $200 (years ago) so it is not a cheap one and it made no sense.

It is an excellent tripod so this was frustrating and baffling.

Garin came over and offered to help which was super-nice of him.

He couldn't get it either.  And he really tried.

Between both of us we must have spent about 15 minutes trying to get the pole back into the base.

We gave up, I packed the parts separately and went home.

When I got home 2 plastic pieces came right out of the base..... they snap around the pole and the whole thing goes right back in.  It took less than 30 seconds.  :/

Jerrys Again!

I got more stuffs again from Jerry's for doing a focus group!

These brushes are surprisingly good!

Changelist

I knew when Daya started high school, it would be a time of great change and transition.

A new chapter in life.

I knew this.

I was ready.

In the last calendar year I have seen a lot of personal change, within a structure of stability.

New Company, we were sold. I work for a new company but I am in the same job, same people (mostly). It is a good situation and I am happy there.

I saw my aunt for the first time in almost 10 years.

Moved off 15th floor at work, where I had been for 10 years. I am now back on 21 where I started in 2006.  It was exactly the refresh I needed and I'm very happy.

New computer. This is also a big change, a Life Upgrade kind of change.  I had been using the same computer since 2011.

New eyesight, it's almost stupid how great a change this routine surgery was for me. My vision is so different now.  It's a dramatic change.

High School, it's a big change.  A culmination of several years' long goal. My child is in high school.

Daya leaves the studio as of today.  I didn't see it coming.  $1,273 says I didn't see it coming.  Now that Daya sent her email out, I'm starting to process this.  I only found out her decision last night. It gave me an actual nightmare and I could not go back to sleep.  I'm caught off-guard, I wasn't mentally or emotionally ready.  The studio has been a centerpiece of our lives since 2011.  I'm sad.  

I'm feeling very sad, actually.

PSA Show & Gapstow Bridge

I went to the PSA show at the National Arts Club as I do every year.
This year I did not get free pastels, so bummer.

The work is, as always, top-notch.

The materials fair was also happening.  Vendors with all the different pastel brands were there with their wares on display for testing and sampling.

It's a good thing I already have that set of Terry Ludwig lights......

Let's take a moment to talk about HENRI ROCHE pastels.
They were there.
They had their pastels set out NEXT TO TESTING PAPER just like everyone else.
I picked one up and made a mark on the paper to feel it.

The lady guarding the Henri Roche pastels yelled at me.
She said to me, "Let me do the swatches.  These are Very Expensive."

Well fuck you Henri Roche.

I might not look like much, I might look too-young, I might not look expensive as I am literally dressed in painting clothes with well-used plein air gear hanging off my body, but I happen to know my way around soft pastels quite well fuckyouverymuch. I should, after having used them for years, spent thousands of dollars on many different brands (so yes I know all about how expensive they are), I literally have many thousands of Very Expensive Pastels in my studio.

I'll say it again:

FUCK YOU HENRI ROCHE. 

YOU SUCCEEDED IN TURNING AWAY A HOPELESS PASTEL JUNKIE. 

I WILL NEVER BUY YOUR PRODUCT.

*********
I met Carol Peebles.
She is one of my heros.
She is also very, very nice and she even recognized my name from Facebook. :)

A lot of Her Stuff is the same as My Stuff!

*********
Since the day was perfect for painting, I went to Central Park.
I went back to Gapstow Bridge and repainted the scene I did a few years ago.

For this painting I needed to really work with that revolutionary takeaway from my plein air workshop-- not paint thinning! None! Solvent for cleaning brushes only!

And you know what it is AMAZING.  I'll never plein air the same again.  It works SO WELL to just use from-the-tube consistency for the entire painting.  I have seriously never done this before.

I did not do an under-drawing, but I massed in all the basic shapes and worked on top of it.
The tree branches might have needed a little paint-slacking but generally that tube consistency is...... amazing.  It is oil paint feeling like oil paint in a whole different way.

When I was setting up there was someone on the bridge with a bunch of balloons, so I added them in.  It gives a nice pop of color.

8x10 oil on panel, 2 hours

I had company at the bridge.  These Guard Geese hung out with me the whole time.
The bridge is definitely theirs.

They like plein air painters though.

More NY@Nite

This painting is absolutely without a doubt the most difficult painting I have ever done.
My head definitely exploded which is a good thing.
11x14 oil 53rd (or 54th??) and Broadway. 2 1/2 hours-ish. I stopped before I ruined it. I am having trouble knowing what to do next, how to take it further.

*******
NOTES
REALLY Dark wash over panel, pull out lights let it sit for a few mins.
Garin DOES NOT thin his paint with solvent!!!!!! Solvent for cleaning brushes only. The paint handles completely differently- much better!! It still layers wet over wet. This is revolutionary for me.

Palette organization- keep darks with darks and lights with lights (where my white and yellows are)
Think about temperature. He was going to say something to me about this but we got sidetracked.
Will ask next week about temp.
My big oily rag is “unruly”!!! Garin tore my rag into smaller pieces. I think he might have walked away with one.

Garin says "Make a mess!" I sure did.
SQUINT. No detail at beginning. Masses. I thought I wasn't being detailed but he thought I was with the tree.

And then he made a total insane mess on my panel and the damn thing came together and totally worked.

He says no one really understands how much he blurs and simplifies. This scene was so crazy that was incredibly hard to do.
Perspective.

Garin seems to have 2 ways he starts paintings- that dark drippy wash where he pulls lights out and pushes darks back and also just scrubbing in masses without that wash.

I kept my colors dark and gray. The lights were easy to put over especially with the paint consistency.

He said I have a knack for doing this, that was really nice to hear from someone like him.
He liked my painting.

******
One of the reasons this is so, so difficult to do is the total crazy chaos of everything.  It's just complete visual insanity.  It's so hard to analyze the scene and build it... without linear drawing!!

Everyone in the class thought it was incredibly difficult but we all had fun.
We all struggled and went crazy, and then Garin would come over and fix it like it was the easiest thing in the world.

I had a lot of help with my composition- seeing it and laying it out.  I was struggling so much and he came over and mapped it out in about 1 minute.

My head was spinning BUT with that much-needed guidance I *think* I might be able to start practicing on my own. I'm going to do one on my own before next Thursday.

He simplifies.  It's all mental.  This is the practice I need.

This workshop is amazing, it will absolutely change the way I paint.

Also I will probably end up in his drawing class on Thursdays.

I'm Turning Japanese

Daya is taking Japanese in school.
For the next 4 years.

Last week I said to Carey, "I'm going to have to step up my Japanese because it is a guaranteed thing that Daya will start texting me in Japanese."

I don't know whether to be proud or miserable about this.

Two Meetings and Three Trains

I had to go to 2 Parent Association meetings last night.  The Dance PA and the General PA.

We'll start with Dance, because it was awesome.  I met the teachers and they are *SO COOL*.  Really, it is a unique magical place, and the dance department is a bubble within a bubble.
Everyone there has had a distinguished professional career.

The class musicians were there as well (all the dance classes have live music, which dramatically impacts the dance training.  This is almost unheard-of for a public school.) and I loved hearing them speak.  They add a wonderful depth of richness, perspective, and experience to the entire teaching experience.  They are wonderful people, decades of experience, very artistic, very distinguished.

I was happy and impressed with everyone, and Daya being there is truly one of the greatest blessings of our lives.  The teachers think it is magical there (yes they used that word); that surely passes to the students' experience.  How many public school teachers would describe their workplace as magical?

Of course they want money.  And it is right to give them money so I did.  They can have $250 of my NYU Langone refund.

The senior dance show last Spring cost $36,000 to produce. Yes that is the correct amount of zeros.
That's just one show.  Doesn't cover a million other costs.  You should watch it, it is astounding.  they consider their competition and peer group to be the working professionals in Lincoln Center and Broadway.

I don't even know how this all happened.  I'm not one of those moms who had her kid auditioning trying to get in stuff from an early age.  I just stuck her in dance class so she could have fun and be involved with something after school.  And it turned into this.  It's astounding.

*******
The General PA meeting started late.  Actually they started on time but it was still late.  My friend Catherine (her daughter is in drama) was there and we sat together.  We were both very tired.  But didn't want to miss anything.

We didn't make it even 10 minutes into the meeting.  We couldn't sit through it.  They did too many slow introductions we have heard before, but when they started giving us a guided tour of the website especially pointing to the donation button, we bailed.  It's stuff we know, it's all repeat, and frankly a waste of time.  I want to be involved but especially so late at night after a long day I want short meetings with non-repetitive info that is important.  And I was done with a crowded event where I don't know anyone.  After Catherine and I made our exit, another group followed right behind us.

NYC Transit had other plans for us which did not consist of getting home quickly.
One train and 35 minutes home turned into walking-transfers to different stations, two fare swipes, three trains, re-routes, lots of waiting, bad musicians, suspicious smells, weirdly empty trains, sitting in tunnels, incoherent announcements, incorrect transit apps,  and I didn't get home til after 9:30pm.

It was still better than sitting through that meeting.

Plein Air at Nite- Brooklyn Bridge

Last night's workshop was a make-up from the rain last Thursday.
We went down to the Seaport by the Brooklyn Bridge.

This isn't somewhere I would go alone at night so it was nice to go with a group.  Actually once it gets dark early, I might go down there after work, it would be ok in the early evening.

Actually the space is great and I should have been going here for a while already.....
Well, this has been an expansive workshop to say the least, in many ways.

So here is Garin's painting.
The man is a real-deal freaking sick WIZARD.
I can't even.

Look at this painting.

Garin's painting NOT MINE

My sorry sad painting. Garin painted on it so the good parts he did.

**********
Notes:

• My new easel lamp is awesome.
• MASSING.  Not lines. (Garin's start to his painting.  He is not really linear drawing but blocking in shapes.  Think shapes and mass. Push/pull values.  He says it's like playing chess. (Knowing beforehand what you will do and planning ahead as you lay strokes down.  It can also be that old illustrator trick of checkering, but I think Garin meant it strategically. That's a really advanced mindset you can only have thru a lot of experience.)
• SIMPLIFY.
• BLUR AND SQUINT
• For the lights- keep values dark, colors grey.  Then later go in with chroma and the lights
• Darker color under the light first, then add the light part of the light over (for glowy effect)
• Tilt panel inward a little to get rid of glare
• Don't go too light too soon
• Sky still lighter.
• Keep darks dark.
• SLOW DOWN.
• Garin does have black on his palette. (glad I brought mine!!)
• INDICATE & let the viewer fill it in
• I think a lot of the reason Garin can do the shapes and masses so well is he can draw better than God so it is just completely integrated into the whole thing.
• Chisel brush- building lights.  indicate.

**********
I am really struggling with the night time stuff, for a lot of reasons.

I get my block-in down then I kind of get lost on how to proceed.

Painting at night is SO VERY EXTREMELY DIFFERENT than daytime.  I'm really struggling with seeing and the values and getting that correct.  It's really different than daytime.
I'm very insecure about my eyesight.  I still have halos around lights, and vision through both eyes is different.
It's taking me time to adjust to lighting between looking at the scene and working under my easel lamp.
There is too much crap in my head and I'm getting in my own way.  I need to chill and relax.
I'm trying to do things according to previous experience instead of what is needed.... for example I know it is always better to use a larger brush and I was, but Garin's was a lot smaller than I expected.
It's like I'm going thru the motions of what I know I'm supposed to be doing instead of.... flowing I guess.

I don't know, I was really struggling.  It feels like I am in the deep end of a pool and I thought I was ok at swimming but it is a LOT harder than I anticipated.  I knew it would be hard but wow.

I do actually think this is a great thing because that was kind of the whole point, to work differently and expand.  It's just such an uncoordinated experience but I really intend to practice and get good, enough to hold my own with the real pros.  I'll get there.

This stuff is hard.  Plein air is hard.  Plein air at night is even harder.
This is the hardest it gets, really. I do remind myself of this. And I haven't done it much at all before.
Garin's been plein airing for 35 years!

Garin gave me a bunch of corrections but he DID say the bottom part of my painting was "brilliant" (!!) and I'll take all the good feedback I can get.  And corrections too. It was also nice when I was feeling crappy that a very nice man came by on a bike and said something nice.  Sometimes we really do need cheerleaders and that was well-timed.

I want to be a wizard, I want to be in the deep end of the painting ability pool and hold up.
It's a whole different level than being around casual painters.  I want that next level.  Badly. And that's going to take a lot of practice.  Much more than I have been able to do really since college. I want to be good just for the sake of being good.

I want to be at Art Students League regularly.
Those are the people I want to surround myself with- the people who are pretty serious about art in general.  I need the osmosis vibes. My head needs to be in that environment.

Now that I have broken out of Dance Jail (well I'm still on parole) I want my life back, and I want to step up the painting.

******
ALSO AND THIS IS AMAZING.... Daya's hip stuff is through NYU Langone. I had my surgery there.  Yesterday some of Daya's charges for dr and PT came through and I said Oh Shit.....my-out-of pocket costs for her PT were coming to about $700 over the next 8 weeks.

I do have financial aid approval from my hospital stuff which is good for a year.  Yesterday I found the letter while cleaning out my bag and today I called them to see if I can apply it to Daya.  As it turns out, not only can I apply it to Daya but they missed that my household is 2 instead of 1 on the application so I am approved for 100% aid for all costs insurance does not cover.  My hospital bill was literally double their estimate and that was upsetting, but I paid it already.... and that 100% is as of my surgery so I will get a full refund!!!!!!!!!

Thank you Universe!!

Autism Walk

The annual Autism Walk was today, and the dance studio always participates.
I'm a little bit over it, I didn't walk this year.  It was hot and loud and crowded and I felt lazy.

The team did their thing, and Daya said she has no idea how, but she ended up in the wrong place- wrong line and wrong place.  She said she just blanked for a second and was there.... well, I thought it was exactly the right place as I ended up literally right in front of her.

She looks great.

Vision Therapy

My right eye has always kind of done its own thing, and I'm super self-conscious about it.
I know I look funny and I know people notice. Kids will still comment.

I got my hair done last night and I could REALLY see my eye turning in when looking in the mirror.
It's not constant but it is often enough. I know the more I focus on it the worse it probably is but still......

(My hair came out AWESOME tho, I love the girl who does my hair (Eida), she is amazing and I always feel a thousand per cent better after getting my hair done.)

******
Since my surgery 2 people have told me that my eyes look straighter, and I *think* maybe that is possibly true at a certain angle but only up close.  At least from what I can tell in a mirror.  Otherwise I think it is worse.

There is some neuroadaptation going on and I also think reading glasses make it worse.  As it is, my brain already mostly-ignores my right eye.  My distance vision is now significantly better in my left eye vs right eye than previously.  But I am using my right eye more for close-up stuff, like reading my phone in the morning before I put my contact in.

My eyes feel uncoordinated, and switching the reading glasses on and off makes it worse, that's how I feel anyhow.  It's like my brain doesn't know how to coordinate my eyes anymore.  I know it is temporary but my right eye is crazy and I look funny and I find myself avoiding looking at people because of it.

Years ago I asked my eye dr if there was anything that could be done and he said no.
But I looked some stuffs up and found....

Lazy Eye Tetris...!!!!

What???? I *LOVE* Tetris!!

Apparently this has been in clinical research since 2013 or so with excellent results- much better than patching which I know does not work.  My right eye ran mostly solo for about 2 weeks and all it did was confuse my head.

Website here

So I need to try this.  These games force the eyes to work together.
I ordered my 3D glasses a few minutes ago, and I think I'm going to give it a go even before I get a multifocal contact lens.

I found some other eye exercises here, to strengthen muscles.

I hope I can get some good results, any improvement would be amazing.

Wet Adventures in Plein Air Painting

If I was a meteorologist, I could say anything I wanted with no accountability whatsoever and not only would I keep my job, people would continue listening to me!

It's amazing, really.

Forecast for yesterday first was some rain in the afternoon.
Then it changed to light rain for a few minutes around 7pm.
Than even that went away.

The rain started right as my plein air workshop started.
I thought it would blow over and be done in 15 mins.

My weather app was still saying overcast, no rain right in the middle of a LONG HEAVY downpour.

The rain did not stop in 15 mins, workshop rescheduled to Monday.
That will be better because I think we are going to the Brooklyn Bridge.

Half the class didn't show, some people left, and 4 of us (including the class monitor) stayed to tough it out.  We liked the sky.  We thought the rain would stop.  It only got worse.
We tried to hide in the covered area on 6 1/2 Ave but there was construction and most of it was closed... we all hid under an awning.  It didn't help much.

So here is a painting I will probably just wipe out to save the panel, it's only about 10 minutes of actual painting, is not show-able and shouldn't be kept, I did give speed painting while holding an umbrella a shot but you just can't think when the rain is coming at you like that.

There was an inch of water in my palette.

We laughed a lot and had a good time though.
Will do the Gear Schlep again on Monday, should be fun.

*******
Daya loves school, she says it's "heckin' awesome".... she did get into the level 2 ballet/modern group.  She has friends.  Lots of them already. A solid group of 8 people just at lunch!  She says everyone is really, really nice and she has never experienced everyone around her being so nice and friendly and accepting.

This Week!

I haven't written this week because I have been behind in posting from the weekend, but also because this week has been so busy.

We are adjusting to our new schedule this week.  I'm having a little trouble coordinating my morning with Daya leaving at 6:30am and my morning meditation, but I'll figure it out in a few days.

Her day is long... she leaves at 6:30am, school starts at 8, and she is out around 4:15pm.  Wednesdays are even longer because she is taking the after-school pointe class at Laguardia.  It's a heavy schedule for her, but she has the personality for it and she is where she wants to be.

I went to the eye dr Monday morning.
Everything is good.
I have to wait two more months to get a contact lens for multifocal vision.
All the residual weirdness- "positive photopsia", flares, lens reflections, light flashes, too-much-light, halos, pulsing lights, and everything I told the dr is normal.... annoying but normal.  He said it does go away but can take months.  My eye still does get tired by the end of the day (as compared to the right which is fine) but at least I don't have that severe pain anymore.

I go back in November and will hopefully get a new contact lens at that time.
I'm not a fan of reading glasses. Not at all. They make my right eye weird and in general are extremely inconvenient. But right now I'm not very functional without them. I keep 2 pairs at work, one at my home computer, one at the easel, and I travel with a pair at all times.  It's a real PITA.

As time goes on my brain is adjusting to my new vision, but it is still.... weird. A big change.
Dr says the color vision in my left eye is the same as a person under 25.  After that age yellow pigments slowly collect in the eye lens.  I can see a discernible difference between my left and right eyes.  Not dramatic but noticeable. And I am always wondering if my vision is as crisp as it could be, probably because of the halos.

What I do NOT have is a cataract, and that is really nice.

I feel like 5 years have passed since now and surgery.

******
Monday evening I saw Eva and I made the decision to stop going.
Eva has been a constant literally for the last 9 years but I'm at a point where I need to open my evenings and I don't need or want to talk about things. My own inner guidance is excellent. I'm doing extremely well and have been for a while. This is a time of change and it feels right.

******
Tuesday Daya started physical Therapy.  Her hips are really messed up, very inflamed.
She will be going 2x a week for about 6 weeks but probably a little longer.  I had to go with her Tuesday but she can go alone from now on.

Daya is in a new phase of growing up and I really feel it this week.  High school is different than middle school.  I'm involved with her differently. I don't even know how to describe it as she has always been so independent (with my encouragement) but the high school environment is... different.  It all just feels different to me and I feel her being more grown up. Yet at the same time she is not.

*******
Last night I went to yoga for the first time since the end of July.
I didn't intend to be gone for so long but between my eye not feeling well and then some scheduling stuff the last couple of weeks, it has been that long.  Going back felt so good. My body needs it. So does my mind.

Tonight I have night 2 NYC plein airing at night!
I schlepped all my gear to work.  Tonight I am using my large setup.

*******
We got competition pictures and videos yesterday from August!
Here are 2 pictures of Daya in her chef role.  She looks so great.

Not Too Old

We had to get some school supplies on Saturday, so off to Staples we went.
It took a while and when we were almost done, Daya decided she was still young enough to ride in the shopping cart and get pushed around.

Because she is a teenager she not only sat in the cart while I pushed it, she also told me where to go and how to go there.

It is hard to steer a cart full of teenager.

Friday Nite in Williamsburg

Daya and I went to a sweet 16 party for one of the girls who used to go to the studio.
It was a great party, but was a very late night.

The venue was right on the waterfront in Brooklyn and was stunning.
Pictures don't do it justice.  The sky was all dark.

*******
Today Daya had an audition at school for level placement.  The freshman class is divided into 2 groups- the first is people who have had either less previous training or have bad habits needing correction.

The second group is (I guess) a higher level.  They all even out by the end of the year though.
Daya wants the ballet 2 group, of course.

Plein Air at Nite Week 1

Last night's workshop was excellent. I'm looking forward to next week.

We met right around the corner from Art Students' League, across from Carnegie Hall looking at Times Square.

Here's my bullet list of things I learned, things I knew but forgot that got re-activated, and general bits:Push/pull values-- we heard this a lot at Pratt and I kind of forgot the phrase until last night.

• Indicate- I need to work on this.
• Mass in large shapes, dark thin values, look for the overall scene
• Garin laid in a wet drippy dark tone over a white panel, it wasn't pre-toned but only because he had just bought it to show the class.
• Perspective (I always think about this already)
• FOAM CORE MOUNT/HACK for larger panels held on box (!!!! this really solves a problem I have been trying to figure out about panel size limitations!!!) I will have to get a separate wet panel carrier now but I see 16x20s in my future..........
• Everyone liked my pochade light.
• Optical effects, darker values then the light.  (Street lamp glow in Garin's painting)

Mostly I felt really uncoordinated and in new unfamiliar space. This is a good thing.  I need to break my approach and get exposure to new things, and this is always awkward at first but that's good.

Plein air at night is REALLY different than during the day.  The colors are different.  I need more paint, I'm running low on some key colors.

Changes in the sky before dark:

Garin's setup. He's using an OpenBoxM.

(He likes my box.)

This is Garin's painting, with a detail of my favorite part, the street lamp.

                       
                                                GARIN BAKER'S PAINTING NOT MINE

Here's my painting, I don't like looking at it after Garin's painting. :/
8x10 oil, this was too small a size. I'm bringing my larger box next week.

*********************
Daya had a great first day. She loves her classes and her teachers.

The only thing she doesn't like is her bottom locker, so she's going to request a top locker on the basis that..... getting to the bottom one "hurts her back".....

I told her go for it, ask for what you want but since you are a dance major be prepared for them to laugh at you.....