The Unplanned Tuesday

You know how you think your day will go but it doesn't?

That was today.

Today was supposed to be my nice peaceful back-at-home-and-work day.

Daya is out all day at Move|NYC intensive, six days a week.  

She leaves at 7:15am and comes home a little after 7pm.

She called me around 11am.

Something is wrong with her foot.

It started yesterday afternoon.

Not better today.

Hurts to put pressure on it.

She's scared she has a stress fracture and wants imaging.

I do not think it is a stress fracture because it only hurts when she puts weight on it.

Fractures hurt ALL THE TIME and are pretty excruciating.

So I spoke to Nigel and he said she could be excused for the day and go to CityMD to rule out a stress fracture, which he also did not think it was. Daya needs to start handling this stuff the way a professional dancer would handle it.

Nigel did say all the kids are like this, they can't tell the difference between minor discomfort and I broke my leg.

That is Daya, emotionally too.

It is one thing after another after another after another after another and I never get a break from this neverending stream of problems.

Remember, Daya is on-track to go professional with dance, and physical pain is part of that package.  She needs to learn how to deal with it from a very different perspective. So, I did not go get her, I confirmed she is physically able to get from there to here, and left her to it.

********

So Daya came home and we went for imaging.

I was not allowed to take a picture of her feet but I really wanted to.  

Her dancer feet are something else.

I hate how unfriendly Daya is to me. All the time.

We could have so much fun if not for that.

We had a bit of a fight while waiting for xrays, and it was a stupid one.

Nigel said Daya probably should have PT for this if there is no fracture.

PT again.

We just did PT and MRI for her hip.

I don't even know when Daya CAN go to PT, she's in dance all day every day.

It is a scheduling nightmare. She'll have to work it out.

City MD will NOT give a PT prescription, they said we have to get that from the orthopedist. (We have one.) Ok, fine. I get that.

*********

Anyhow.

I have finally met my out-of-pocket maximum for all of Daya's in-network medical expenses.

Now, I don't even have a co-pay anymore because I have paid out cash and maxed out my payment responsibility through my health insurance.

That should give you some idea of how much cash I have been paying towards Daya's medical in a relatively short amount of time. A lot of it was end of May through June.  All at once. We are talking thousands in cash from January.

AND I have to pay 100% for contact lens fitting plus contacts because insurance doesn't cover that at all.

So now, I absolutely REFUSE to pay medical if I don't have to.
And as long as a provider is in my insurance network, I don't have to. (For her.  I still have to pay for me.)

********

So, back to PT.

There is a physical therapist in Brooklyn who helps the Move kids sometimes at a discount.

Of course Daya thinks she can ONLY see him.

I told her she can see him only if he'll see her without an rx AND insurance will cover it.

Otherwise we'll go back to Dr Han and get a PT prescription if needed.

(And City MD said ..... she needs an MRI.)

Daya got so ... angry.

She said I lied to her because I have told her she will get the care she needs and don't worry about the money.

And that IS still true.

She HAS gotten the care she needs, and will continue to receive it, and there is no worry about the money because it is covered. It just might not be the exact person she wants. Which in her mind means she isn't getting the care she needs.

We are going through this same stupid thing AGAIN.

But she is mad because if the Brooklyn PT person doesn't take my insurance, I'll say no let's see someone else.

Somehow this translates into me lying to her about providing the care she needs???

Look I know this is just a teenager reacting who has no context of How Life Really Works but it really sucks to be providing everything and being treated like this. I think I do an excellent job of providing excellent care and support to this child.

I don't like this nastiness, I don't like being yelled at, I certainly don't like being told I'm lying to her about providing medical care. This way of twisty-interpreting in Daya's mind is why she has so much anger towards me, and it isn't isolated to this particular incident. She doesn't understand how life works and won't hear anything other than what she thinks (knows). 

I need to be more like my friend Sharon- this kind of teenage stuff doesn't bother her at all.

But the things that bother Sharon don't bother me at all, like Daya's room being a mess.

I just don't care.  At all.

It really bothers me though, I hate it and it's this big heavy thing that is present all the time.  I hate living with someone who is always just so hostile and her reasoning behind it is crap like I mentioned above.

It really affects me. I try and offset it, and to an extent I do, but denying it probably isn't healthy either.

It just feels so.... unjust... to me.

What's the balance there in trying not to be so affected but acknowledging I'm really affected?

How do I not be affected and is that really the right answer?

Yes she sporadically sees a (very good) therapist but it doesn't help.

I kind of wonder if Daya is one of those people that therapy doesn't help.

I have no solutions.  Nothing works.

********

Here are Daya's wonderful feet.

I wish I could show you how they look on the outside, too.

Dancer feet have such a visual story.