Long Monday Rambling

This week will see the end of January.
Thank goodness.

I know it's not good to rush time, life is short, but this time is really like wading through mucky mud.  Cold mucky mud.

I'm making a massive effort to keep moving.  For me and Daya. It is exhausting.

I hate not having people.  So maybe I have mentioned I'm making serious efforts to find people, which is slow-going.  And logistics are hard.  For example I'm free Monday nights now, and there are a few events I could go to but they start later- like around 7pm.  So while I can do that, it gets me home very late and I still need to be present for Daya.  I can't really get home after 10pm on a school night.

So I'll just keep looking.

There are a few people I have met over the past few months that have wanted to go plein airing together.  I'm absolutely up for that.  But I never hear from anyone.  I did meet a lady in the painting class who wanted my info, so maybe that will work out.  It would be nice.

Finding friends takes a lot more than just meeting someone and having similar interests.  There has to be life overlap, and if it is unplanned the better.  That's why it was so easy to have friends when Daya was in elementary school.

My people-problem isn't unique at all but solving it takes seriously massive effort, some of which I can't do because of needing to be present for Daya.  It isn't her fault, it is just the circumstance.

Because I am alone too much I think too much and get stuck inside my own head, which is awful.
I really believe my whole life would have been different if I had had One Good Adult when I was coming into adulthood.  And looking back there are things I should have done differently, but I can't blame myself as I didn't have the skills to do it.  Maybe I should have had roommates instead of insisting on living alone.  I didn't have connections when I was in the environments set up to do that.  I wanted to, but didn't know how. I was too withdrawn.  I was too.... a lot of things.

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I think when a person is alone too much as a child, for whatever reason- and even if you don't like it- it becomes all you know how to do.  That was the problem with Rob, he couldn't transition from being alone, and he developed too strong a  preference for it. Even though it hurt him.

My situation is a bit different from his because even though I was also abnormally alone from a very young age, I have a child.  So my life isn't just about me, and that's a good thing. I'm glad for it.

I guess I have to just keep trying and see what happens.