I am a brackish oyster

Yesterday I had a facetime call with my aunt to go through some old stuff of mine that has been sitting in my mother's house since before I left for college.

So, a long time.

This whole thing has been absolutely horrible and is dredging up so much trauma.

The house- which has taken 9 months to empty- is almost done.

It has been traumatic for everyone involved except ironically, my mother.

But only because she hasn't asked and also she's mentally compromised/ incompetent.

She also still has not asked about either of her daughters.

She is coherent enough to kind-of converse and yes she recognizes people.

The house literally needs a hazmat cleaning.

It's so extremely bad. A biohazard.

A physical reflection of her extreme mental illness.

Which I got blamed for growing up.

I get a physical revulsion feeling seeing that space again.

My aunt gets it too and says I'm the only one who understands this.

I sure do.

********

We went on a boathouse trip last night to Gansevoort beach.

It's about a mile up the river.

The orange Disco is now my absolute favorite boat.

This trip was a good distraction, it was good to be around fun wacky people and laugh for a few hours.

Ethan did some interviews, here is mine:

And it's true.

I feel like a brackish oyster, constantly filtering the crap of life.

The oyster is my current spirit animal or something.

I'm tired of it.

But it was a very fun evening and I am so grateful for this community.

The water is amazing and so is the Disco. 

It is small and lightweight, fast and very tippy, and glides through the water.

It is a small-person boat. 

The water is very warm and I love being on the river at night.

Coco and Reign