Lighter

I can't believe how light I feel.

I'm not even sure what exactly happened to clear out all that trauma/trigger energy, but it happened.

It's just gone.

Granted, I was sitting in it and feeeling it and processing it for about three months and it was very intense.

I feel like I have been underwater for three months and have just resurfaced.

At least I had the sense and self-awareness to know that I was triggered, how triggered I was, and why.

This isn't something I have had to deal with for a very long time, and never dealt with fully, not like this.

So it makes sense that it would be overwhelming to hit me all at once like it did and would take me time to deal with the overwhelm and just feel my feelings.

After that post from the other day it all seemed to come to a head and exit.

There was something for me about releasing it externally, especially since when I am going through stuff I do it privately.

Everything looks different now, in a better way.

I am not looking at things through the lens of old trauma.

I am definitely back in my power and feel a shift.

I might lack grace and be a mess sometimes, but at least I have the sense to know that it's something about me that I have to process and deal with.   And I do not judge myself, no matter how ridiculous I am in my spiraling. The core of self-esteem is just being friends with yourself.

Something I do for myself is to give myself safe space to just be where I am without self-judgement, and express how I am feeling, no matter what it is. This is what Morning Pages are for.

It helps a lot.