Ugh holiday crowds

I always warn people when they come over they will get Pebble-Love-Bombed.

Pebbles stuck to my guest as much as she could.  Slept with her. Sat on her. Hung out with her.  

I got a Pebble-Break.

We had a nice time and also I am trying to figure myself out a little.

My friend likes yarn so I found a yarn store and we went Saturday morning.

Then braved the terrible crowds for the Bryant Park holiday market and the tree at Rockefeller.

I don't care about yarn even a little bit so I sat in a chair and read while my friend looked around.

Every year I seem to find myself in the holiday markets on a weekend, which is, generally, a terrible idea.

The crowds are so bad.

******

It was our first time meeting in person.

My friend was a lovely guest and my energy held up until Saturday evening.

Not my physical energy- my social battery energy. 

I am completely drained, despite having slept well both nights she was here.

I can't tell if it's being out in the crowds (but not my first time doing that) or... and I feel terrible saying this because my friend is lovely and was a great guest.... maybe it's her energy. And I feel awful saying that because I really like her and do want to see her again but maybe it was just a lot on me because she really can't physically (and maybe also mentally) handle the city. And there is also a bad travel-anxiety issue (though she is well-traveled) and unavoidable environmental ptsd triggering.  And it made me nervous a few times. She's old enough that she knows how to self manage but yeah... it made me nervous.

I really do want my guests to be comfortable and have a nice time.

And I also want them to be safe and have a good experience.

I want to be caring and supportive and at the same time I don't want to be in a position of handling someone else's extreme anxiety.

I'm feeling guilty for writing this but I'm also trying to figure out why I am so drained after this short visit, and what these unidentified feelings are that are coming up for me. I'm slow; it takes me a while to sort myself out sometimes. I certainly have my own issues. Why do I feel so awful to have these feelings about someone I like?