18

Today Daya is 18.

Today I lay down the massive burden of not knowing what would happen to my child should I die.

Yes I have a will but the people named in it have long-since disappeared and there is no contact.  I have no one else to substitute for that, so I have not been able to update it. Now I can.

She can legally receive funds in place should I die now, and she also has succession rights on the lease on this apartment according to rent stabilization laws. She will have a place to live and the means to pay for it, should this happen.

The eventual hopeful plan is to purchase my own place, which she will inherit. I'm nowhere close to that but it's my goal. I need to control my housing expenses... right now it is uncontained with the rent increases. It's scary. In the meantime, should something happen to me, she'll be ok even if she's not ready yet to move out on her own.

This has been an immensely difficult journey and there are things I am now glad to lay down and no longer deal with.  It's time for Daya to officially launch into adulthood. And I do expect and require her to launch into being a stable and functional adult.

I do think I have done a good job in the ways that matter.

My child:

*can make and stick to a household budget- especially in the last few years I have been very open with her about actual finance numbers. She has a realistic insight into expenses vs income.

*knows what is in a household budget

*can do math (I absolutely cannot take credit for this one)

*can grocery shop and price compare- she cares more about that than I do sometimes....

*has a job

*has a wonderful work ethic

*is an amazing artist

*is doing well in college

*can do her own laundry (I taught J to do laundry in college)

*understands the risks of credit card interest

*can self-rescue if she falls out of a kayak (important life skill)

*can bike all around NYC

*can cook

Oh she can do so much more that I am probably forgetting......

She's a wonderful capable person and I truly am confident she will do well as an adult.  

I think she's had enough exposure to not be completely shocked by the reality of it as so many are.

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For her 18th birthday I am giving her a funded Roth IRA.

Yeah, that's so boring-adult... Daya is a difficult person to find gifts for, and this is an important birthday, it needs something lasting and meaningful. Daya will probably really appreciate the IRA, it's kind of right up her alley. And I am happy to start her adult life with the gift of starting compound interest and growth.  She has already shown wonderful financial responsibility; this is a good gift for her. 50 years from now my hope is she'll look at this account and think about how she still has $x her mom gave her when she turned 18.

Yeah, it's a bunch of boring adult stuff.

But once you handle the boring adult stuff you may have the freedom to live the life you want... I want her to have a good functional foundation.

Here is Daya right after she was born at 1:02pm......

And exactly 18 years later she is in class at Juilliard.

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Tonight after school she is going out with friends, and I have mandatory suicide hotline training.

She has an early morning tomorrow.

So later tonight we will have cake and presents... I had one made for her, strawberry shortcake, I hope she likes it.