My Focuser is Broken (Again)

Today was very hot but it didn't rain.

After running some errands I went down to Rockaway to paint.

Being on the beach on a Saturday is not my favorite thing, especially the bus ride back.

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I can't paint these days.

I don't know if it's my crap mental health or the thing that happens where I forget how to paint for a little while because I'm indexing a lot of information.

(I absorbed a lot last fall and earlier this year and was painting a LOT...)

So I don't know what's causing my slump but it's still good I got out.

I have completely lost my mojo.

Pebbles is also on my mind (in addition to Other Things) and there is like maybe a 15 % chance I won't be able to go through with Thursday. It has not fully hit me at all and I have avoided thinking about it.

I have stopped all her treatment except pills.

She eats the regular food because she doesn't like her $$$ novel protein food anymore.

But really the big thing is I can't isolate her, she's miserable.

Which is probably contributing to the peeing.....

Anyhow here is a painting that lacks focus and is a little too chromatic from what I was intending:

8x10 oil, around Beach 120th.

Being Somewhat Useful in NJ

This morning I left early to go to NJ to see my friend Grace.

She's moving to TX and still has a lot to do around the house, so I went to visit and help out.

I'm sad Grace is leaving but I don't think it'll affect our friendship at all.

She'll be coming back and forth a lot, already has been, so we'll still see each other, and of course we'll still chat.

I got to do touch-up paint on the walls with some extremely old goopy paint, and we went for a walk.

I'm so grateful for my good friendships.

It really does help when my underwater self isn't ok.

After NJ I went down to the boathouse.

Bitz and I ended up doing a 102 class for someone who can't make it on Wednesdays.

Otherwise it was a quiet evening at the boathouse and I left before sunset.

Crap-Free Zone

This morning I am off work, and I'm just floating around not sure what to do with myself.

There is some stuff going on, nothing new (mostly) and I need to be busy and hopefully useful to pass the time.  

I don't know why life seems to like to poke me to get my attention and make things look a certain way only to say nevermind, just kidding!

I don't like it, I'm really sick of it, I don't understand the point of it, and it just seems pointless and cruel. So right now currently, I have yet one more heavy thing to get over that I REALLY didn't need. Literally the last thing I needed.

So yes, I'm upset and sad. Life seems to be a series of things to get over without any benefit. It doesn't matter what I do, or don't do, or anything really, I always seem to come up empty even when a situation really looks like it's going to come through.

So, I'm ok on the surface but my underwater self is not ok.

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I got a new boathouse key that works, so I got to the boathouse around 8:30am to go on the water for an early morning paddle.

The oyster people were in our embayment, presumably checking on the oysters.  They were there for a long time, like 4 hours.

The early morning paddle was peaceful.

I'll probably start going on the water before work when I go to the office.

I try to leave my feelings in the river but they still stick to me.

It's nice to be out alone.

I stayed on the water for about an hour, then decided it was time to power wash the dock, which was absolutely covered in massive amounts of goose shit.

There is a sign that restrooms are at Pier 25, but these geese are not good listeners.

And there are so many of them!

It's so gross.

The goose-repellent flags definitely do not work.

The public program was supposed to start at 1, so I had some time.

Look how gross this is.

We can't have the public on the dock in this condition!

The whole dock loading area was like this, all the way down.

Getting the power washer on the dock and working properly is quite a mission.

You have to run a few extension cords from the boathouse, but that's the easy part.

The hard part is hooking up the water... and I had never figured this out alone before.

I kind of knew how to do it...

Basically you have to hook up the water and hose switches properly in three places and hope for the best.

It took a while and much switching of valves happened, but I did finally get it working!

Next time I have to do this it'll go a lot faster, and I am very proud of myself for getting it to work.

Really, it is a very convoluted process!

One of the water hookups that requires a special pipe adapter!

Crap-free zone, for a few hours at least......

I am very proud of this nice clean dock.

After I cleaned the dock, it was about noon.

I went back on the water with a sandwich and a tow rope.

I tied my kayak to a buoy and went for a swim.

Then people started showing up and it was time for me to get off the water and leave the boathouse for the day.

I will probably be power washing the dock a lot this season.

Stupid geese.

Attempted Beautification

Today is Fathers Day which is sitting heavy with me this year.

All the stuff with my mother is dredging up a lot of old feelings, all with family and loss etc.

It is overcast and spitting rain outside but I need to keep busy, so down to the boathouse I went to stay all day.

It was cold and although the public program stayed open, it was slow.

I didn't do much with that though, because today my work was inside the boathouse.

I put a second coat of paint on the shower floor (Bitz did the first coat):

And then it was time to do the bathroom, which has been disgusting for a long time.

Today was exactly the kind of day to do the boathouse bathroom floor.

I washed and sanitized it and wouldn't let anyone in:

I had to get between the toilet and the wall twice- once to tape and once to paint.

I'll have to do it again for the second coat next week....

Definitely a small person has to do it, it's a tight space.

Also, several of the men at the boathouse have horrible bathroom etiquette... seriously, it's bad and gross.

I don't know how men reach adulthood without basic bathroom manners...... it's just so gross.

The first coat.... so much better!!

It was, of course, raining when I left to go home.

The Rain Will Never Stop

Rain all day.

ALL DAY.

I need to move to a different planet or something, this is just dreadful.

The only thing getting me out today is the hotline.... which actually is a good thing.

Oh my god all this rain......

I can't.

Weird things at the Guggenheim

Today I took off work and met Janae to walk through the Guggenheim, have lunch in Central Park, then go on the water after.

There is a lot of crap at the Guggenheim but also some cool things here and there. 

I did like all the hanging plants.

Oh, and since I was packed for going on the water, including a full change of clothes just in case, security wanted to know all about my backpack.

Not my dry bag though, weirdly...

There is a back pouch in my backpack.

The security guard said he wanted to look in there.

I said "My bra is in there..."

He said "I have to check..."

So I had to show my bra to get into the Guggenheim.

Stalking Janae.......

Fork Fish

My key still does not work, the Parks Trust doesn't know why and has called tech support.

And it still isn't just my key......

The water was calm tonight.

Mostly I sat sideways on a Prowler and drifted around, it was just that kind of night.

There is too much going on in my head.