Zen 6, a restaurant in the East Village, asked me to paint in their restaurant.
They have one of my paintings hanging in there too, my Hearst Building Plein Air. Technically it is for sale but I hope it doesn't sell!
Anyhow i went and Daya came with me. So I painted her while she did math homework.
Start of drawing:
Daya took pictures of me from the window.
8x10 pastel on sanded paper, about three hours.
I told Daya any stupid pictures she takes of herself on my phone are subject to being shared.
On the way back we found Zoltar.
And of course Daya likes to spin the cube at Astor place every chance she gets.
Well it is Winter Solstice and I'm not doing anything for it. No St Patrick's, no candles, nothing.
Because this year I just don't care. I'm tired of spending holidays alone, everyone is with family and I don't have any so it sucks.
We will have quiet holidays this year and I'll be very glad when they are done.
Daya put her pointe shoes on our little tree along with a special tree topper.
The big tree is up too but neither of us felt like putting ornaments on it.
LISA if you are reading this- did something happen with your Facebook account? Did you delete it and make a new one?
I just want to verify the new friend request and private messages I got from an account that appears to be you but I am not sure.
Daya loves going to the dentist.
She got over being allergic to the light once she realized she could watch her cleaning through the mirror.
Immediately after her fluoride treatment, while she was being told no water or anything for a half hour, she used the water dispenser as a drinking fountain.
So she got a repeat-fluoride treatment.
The dentist said no one has ever done that before. Ever.
Daya had a perfect checkup and her dentist (who we LOVE) was extremely happy.
This is especially weird because on Friday evening I was planning to get up early and make HER pancakes. Neither of us said anything about them..... and she made them for ME!
They came out perfect, she even put berries on top.
******
Daya needed new pointe shoes AGAIN because the last pair she got weren't working. Even though she must have tried on every single pair. So she got new ones and she loves them.
We had a lovely day together and got a lot done in the city.
Daya got a new little friend. It looks like a marshmallow with a cute lion face. She named him KitKat.
I went plein airing on the Pratt campus today for the first tine ever (after graduating).
It's so stupid that it took me so long, but to be fair I was scared.
Not because of other artists, but because of the architecture. This is a difficult plein air painting.
I just wasn't confident enough in my plein air skillz to do it until this year.
Architecture is a whole different thing than landscape; it really has to be right.
My painting is mostly right and I'm happy with it for what it is, especially since I really pushed myself and did something new. Everyone was very friendly and a lot of people stopped by. I had people yelling Loud-Brooklyn-style from the street IT'S GORGEOUS! Someone walked by and said to his friend, "That's crazy. It is very complex." Which it is for a plein air. Another artist would see that. These are nice things to hear when I'm FROZEN, my paint is trying to be frozen, I feel like the whole thing is overworked and I wonder why the hell do I do this. Cheering squads really, really help.
Pratt Libraries on Instagram likes it and asked permission to repost it, which they will do in about a week and a half.
In case you didn't know, dancers are really weird.
They are obsessed with their feet.
When they talk about their shoes it is a whole other universe.
They do strange things, too, most of which look unnatural and painful.
And they have weird conversations, for example:
Daya: My legs are completely numb. Ms Victoria: That's good! It means you are doing it right!
I'm really glad I'm a painter and not a dancer.
Although I suppose one could say a lot of the same things about plein air painters....
Well, we are DONE. High school application nonsense is DONE.
Yesterday Daya had her dance callback for Laguardia, and she feels really, really good about it.
Saturday night after team practice Daya did her audition solo in front of everyone.
She choreographed it herself and had supervision from Ms Shauna. It was wonderful and everyone loved it.
After everyone left we ran through it a second time so I could record it. Daya was numb-exhausted when she did this, and she didn't do her aerial flip and one other move (I forgot what it was).
She felt she did very well at the audition. Now we wait til March.
Her friend Sarah was in the same audition group, which was really nice for both of them.
Sarah's mom and I waited together and had nice conversation. She's a great lady.
Here is a picture of both of them after the audition.
Daya said she didn't smile because she is imitating the statue.....
But the truth is the only time I can get Daya to smile in pictures... .well, actually I can't get her to.
The only time Daya smiles in pictures is when she steals my phone and uses it to take stupid pictures of herself, like these.
Last night we went to parent teacher conferences.
ALL of Daya's teachers LOVE her, and I consistently heard how amazing and fabulous she is.
I was talking to her ELA teacher-- they are starting to read To Kill a Mockingbird.
I read that in 8th grade, too. Ms. Vereb said Daya might want to have her own copy so she could write in it. So I said I still have my copy from 8th grade, and it probably has my notes in it.
Daya was SO EXCITED.
Not because I was giving her my book from 8th grade, but she had this idea that since my notes were already in it, she wouldn't have to do anything. I told her don't count on that.
Well, I did find my old copy and there isn't a single note or underlined word in it.
Daya was less than thrilled.
I have so many posts to catch up on.
Literally since September, I still need to put pictures from the medieval faire in September on here.
There are lots of posts I have draft-marked but haven't put together, lots of things I want to track here but I can't make myself do it.
Anyhow.
I was on vacation last week and Ellen came to visit NYC and it was Thanksgiving and Daya had Laguardia audition and callback and a birthday. Oh, and i need to put 2 paintings and Sid's visit here too.
More on all that later.
Anyhow I'm back from vacation and I'm still in a bad weird funk. And I'm glad to be back to work from vacation.
I couldn't get myself to do anything- not even paint- over vacay. Maybe the holidays are getting to me, my neighbors upstairs are still blasting and I'm messed up and trying not to be messed up from it (last night was really bad, I'm so upset), maybe I am stuck in my life being in the same job, same place, same everything and same nothing for so long. But I don't want to move and I don't want to change jobs because they are both good situations..... I'm in a bad rut of same-old. Same old for so many years and my life feels stale. I need new energy, new people, and that is so difficult to find right now because of schedules and everyone's life is full.
So I rearranged my furniture and I hated it so I moved it back for the most part and it is a little different and ok, I guess.
I don't feel like doing anything. I haven't felt like doing anything for a while.
Being at work is actually a relief.
****
Over the last couple of weeks I have been thinking to work more with Buddhism.
I love Buddhist teachings and practices, and truly I think the basic practices are some of the most direct systems that actually work to really, truly deal with our minds and life with practical teachings/applications. And it is compatible with pretty much everything. Not in a religious way, but in a back-to-basics way.
So I have been incorporating that a bit, and I think I need to expand my focus on it.
Buddhism teachings would say my awful upstairs neighbors are my great teachers and I should thank them for being awful so I can learn patience, learn, and strengthen my practice.
This is very difficult. :/
There are some Buddhist centers here in the city and I am going to see what I can find.
I have been looking but it is a little hard right now because of conflict with Daya's dance schedule because I do have to pick her up in the evenings. But I'll keep looking.
Next year, especially if she goes to high school for dance, my schedule will open up considerably.
But the Buddhist community here is something I think I need to explore. I need some help that Buddhist practice can assist with, and it might also be a good place to meet high-quality people.
Ellen came to visit NYC.
I met Ellen in a pregnancy chatroom in 2005 and we stayed in touch.
In March 2008 she and her daughter came to visit us.
Ten years later she came back to NYC for Thanksgiving and we met up again. It was a lovely time. Our girls got so big! Her girls do competitive cheer leading and are flexibendy and flippy like Daya.
I'm just going to copy/paste what I wrote about this painting on wetcanvas so I don't have to re-do it!
*********
My friend and fellow painter Danielle Hatherley is in town for a few weeks. While she is here, she's teaching plein air workshops. Danielle invited me to join the group today even though she knew I would be doing my own thing and not really doing the workshop curriculum.
We were over near Gapstow Bridge-- and there were thousands and thousands of people from all over NYC, the US, and the world all looking for the mandarin duck which has been sighted here. That duck wanted nothing to do with anyone lol!
The fall foliage was perfect, and it was cold but that's ok.
i decided the perfect scene was painting some of the workshop participants. This was an extremely challenging painting for many reasons, one of which being my view was constantly blocked. And also working with the scale of everything.
Lots of passersby wanted to take "clever" photos of them taking a picture of me painting painters. Everyone was really, really awesome.
If you are ever feeling a bit down artistically, I highly recommend going to the most populated place in Central Park and painting. it's really amazing energy, there is nothing like it. People are amazing.
This is an 11x14 and took somewhere between 4 1/2 to 5 hours.
I discovered Daya practicing in her pointe shoes while holding the cat.
So I told her she was doing pas de chat. She got a "look" that clearly said "Um NO what the heck..." then her face changed when she got it.
Although Daya refused to laugh, she did admit I made a very good joke.
(Pas de chat is a ballet move that means cat-step. )
For Halloween this year Daya and I had another party based on The Long Dark.
That's what she wanted to do, and it was the first year in her life she didn't go trick-or-treating.
And it's that time again, new pointe shoes.
Daya likes Blochs and said she needed another fitting, so we went there after work yesterday.
I don't know why she can't stick to the same shoe that worked last time- but she wanted to change something, I have no idea what. Dancers are very weird about their feet and shoes. That's why there are so many different kinds and variations of pointe shoes.
Daya must have tried all of them on!
The lovely men who helped her were so nice, helpful and patient. It's good that dancers work in these shops, because they all speak some kind of dancer-language no one else knows. But she finally found a pair.
On Tuesday, Daya came to meet me after work... we had a high school open house (PPAS),and to celebrate her braces coming off, we went to Bubba Gump for some nice shrimp.
We watched Forrest Gump over the weekend, so Daya could appreciate the restaurant. She loved it.
We were both completely unimpressed with PPAS... to the point where Daya doesn't even want to bother auditioning. It's a dump. The building is pretty terrible. Some bits of it are literally crumbling. It was probably a nice space once, maybe 60 years ago....The performers were ok, but nothing outstanding from any other high school. The academics are not good. The upside would be taking daily classes at Ailey. It is a tiny school.... 335 kids from 6-12. I think a more "normal" high school environment would be better.
So for performing arts high schools, she will only audition for Laguardia and Sinatra.
If something falls through and she doesn't get into either school (which is unlikely) then she will not go to high school for performing arts.
I broke my fast Friday afternoon. Most of my energy came back immediately, and the rest was back by Saturday.
Friday night I made the most wonderful carrot soup in my crockpot. It is SO GOOD.
******
The neighbors upstairs did... something..... I don't know what.... to muffle their music. Last night I could tell they had their music on but it was coming through the ceiling very vaguely, and is acceptable.
I can only hope this continues and they continue to implement whatever they did. I'm not sure if they were on full volume or not, I didn't go upstairs to check. But I will, just because I am curious.
The good thing about this is that I'm..... slowly.... starting to release the anxiety around it.
The landlord must have really put the pressure on them, which I deeply appreciate. He wasn't keen on my wanting to do soundproofing construction. Especially since they lied about the last time they blasted. They told the landlord they weren't--- but I had sent video proof of the noise coming from their apartment. It is always good to listen to your intuition, even when it tells you to do some odd things. The landlord believed me.
What I truly want is peaceful and harmonious living with those around me.
And honestly I still hope they move but if this is how it will be going forward, and they don't blast my home, I'm fine with it. Time will tell.
******
I'm still driving, and doing very well.
Driving in my neighborhood is totally different from rush hour Manhattan and the Bronx, and I'm pretty comfortable with it, actually. I'm now driving with Mohammed, who has 5% vision in his left eye, so he gets it. AND- it is totally completely fine!
I just need to get on the freeway, then I should be good to go. I feel so much better, truly.
Mohammed is supercool, a great guy, and this is just the last bit of instruction that I need.
He says yes, definitely, rent a zipcar and practice.
Charlie is a good teacher. I do have to say that.
He did give me a good foundation, and a lot of experience in difficult situations.
This makes me more relaxed in a "normal" environment, because I have absolutely been through worse. And I'm so used to looking out for 5 million things, so when it is just 2 million it is a lot easier.
******
Daya gets her mouth-fence off today! (braces)
I will be done paying for it in December.
Sort-of, as I have incurred debt.
I have made mostly through day 7!
6 1/2 hours left, it will fly by.
As far as fasting goes, I know what I am doing.
This isn't my first fast. I did my very first fast over 20 years ago and have done several since.
I have done my research, I re-research for every fast and I know why I am doing this. I also know my limits. For example, I have now lost a little over 10 lbs. That's great, and is still within my normal healthy weight range. But I can't lose a lot more at all- not even 5lbs more without becoming underweight. So I will not do that. I am also well aware of the body's signals to stop fasting. (They haven't happened)
Every single discomfort I have experienced is completely normal.
I tend not to tell people about it in general because of the negative reactions, which are based on lack of knowledge and understanding. I have heard it all, it is oddly a lot of the same stuff I heard and got- literally- yelled at about- when I went vegetarian. You're unhealthy, you are stupid, it's just a little meat, your diet lacks essential nutrients, see you in the hospital, you'll die... believe me I have for reals heard it all.
I'm super healthy and I'm not dead yet.
People have fasted for thousands of years; it is nothing new.
There are counter-indications, but none of them apply to me.
Anyhow.
We live in a society of such abundance that doing something like this is unimaginable to most people.
We are constantly bombarded with messages of food- constant consumption. There is a strong message that if we are not constantly consuming, we will suffer dire consequences.
It's not true.
There is an intensely strong psychological component to food. This is really exploited by all the advertising. Food equals love. Food equals safety. Food equals pleasure. Never feel uncomfortable. Drown your sorrows with food. Reward yourself with food! And it isn't just advertising- relatives do it, too.
Sometimes just because going through a process is uncomfortable doesn't mean it is a bad thing.
But our society pushes comfort and pleasure above all else, and if you are uncomfortable you must... eat something! NO.
Fasting is incredibly cleansing. It is extremely mental, and getting through it is a major accomplishment. I'm really, really proud of myself for getting through it despite the discomfort. Also, I have been sleeping SO WELL throughout this entire fast. I'm a good sleeper in general, but I'm *really* sleeping well.
And FWIW this morning I feel pretty good, my energy is good, and I am really excited about my 2pm watermelon and pears.
I'm ready for this fast to end.
The only issue I really have right now is extremely low physical energy. Otherwise I feel ok.
it's weird, in previous fasts I had good energy levels.
I went to yoga last night, but modified the poses to be restorative, and I also rested a lot.
I'm not used to being so physically weak- this is a new experience for me and I can't say I like it very much.
But it has given me a depth of empathy and understanding for people who are physically weak all the time, and how difficult that is.
Tomorrow I will break this fast right at 2pm. I'm not going longer than that physically or mentally.
Although I did not weigh myself before starting the fast, I am estimating that as of last night I have lost close to 9lbs. I am at a weight I haven't been at maybe since high school or college, or I guess my early 20s. It is still a safe weight for me to be at.
I have read that the average person, depending on how much extra weight you have, could fast for 6-8 weeks. But I'm not sure about that for an average normal-weight person. I could probably fast safely (at my pre-fast weight) for about 10 days, but after that I might cross the line at being underweight, and underweight people should never water fast. I guess it depends on your body.
I know I'm still ok because hunger has not returned. I know I can safely lose a few more pounds without becoming officially underweight.
When you really critically have to break a fast, the body switches on an intense hunger mode. I have never experienced this. Generally, fasts should end before this occurs,
7 days is a good time frame for my body, going by my pre-fast weight.
I have really cleaned out my body's pantry! And that is a great thing. I feel so good about it, although weight loss was absolutely NOT my intention for water fasting.
There are many scientifically-;proven benefits to water fasting. From my research to get the deep cleaning/regenerative benefits, you have to go for more than three days. It really starts after day 3.
Intermittent fasting is also extremely healthy, but it isn't a full system re-boot like what I am doing.
There are counter-indications to undertaking something like this, and you have to do your research and know how to do it safely and what to expect. And it is extremely mental, it makes your mind so strong.
The only thing that I wish could have been different with this fast is being away from my normal environment, because my mind needs to take a break and it hasn't been able to. I desperately need a (child free) vacation.
And it seems I have survived the layoffs that happened this week.
I'm 2 1/2 hours away from the start of day 6.
Mostly I feel ok, just very low physical energy.
My system must have a lot to do... but I'm not in discomfort anymore which is nice.
Just feeling physically weak, but I can go about my normal day in slow-motion.
Layoffs are happening at work... I think I'll survive another round, will know for sure at the end of the day today.
One very positive thing to be said about the fast is my physical anxiety symptoms disappeared- and quickly. Thinking about specific stressors still bothers me, but I am not having any physical reaction and it is toned down to a vague bother.
Upstairs neighbors have been quiet thank goodness... maybe pressure from the landlord helped.
And I hope writing this doesn't jinx it or something.
This year I intended to do an extended water fast, and I had a vague concept it would be in October.
Then October ca,e and I still didn't know when I would start.
My body has been telling me to fast. It has been a few years since I did a long fast, I think I did my 5 day fast in 2014. This has been a really hard year and my anxiety is bad. It is hitting me physically on a level that is new. I suspect it did some damage in my body. Normally I pick a date to start in advance and mentally build to it, because fasting is so very, very mental.
I need to shut my system down for repairs and essentially do a full re-boot.
My goal is 7 days, but I might go longer if I feel like it.
But it hit me on Friday- do it NOW.
Friday morning I had 2 cups of tea with milk and sugar, plus some peppermint tea so that's not a pure fast and I don't count it because I am an absolute purist with water fasts.
2pm Friday was my official start and that's where I am counting from.
Now I am in Day Three and to be honest this is the hardest fast I have ever done. I mean it has really, really SUCKED. I have been so weak and nauseous. Saturday I had a massive headache that completely disappeared by Sunday. Saturday night was the worst with the nausea. I have fasted several times before and never had that reaction. My body is getting rid of stuff.
Sunday was better.
This morning was better, and I am taking some pink salt with my water for electrolytes, which makes a huge immediate difference in feeling better. (it must be pink salt because of the minerals and magnesium)
I am almost through the hard part. Almost there.
Day 4 starts at 2pm, and from there things get better. That's when the good part starts. It's just getting there that is very difficult.
*****
I had a driving lesson Saturday afternoon (before my headache set in). It went well, I was nervous and I have a few minor bad habits... but overall it was fine. I'll have a few more lessons then I should be ok to go.
I got out of work early on Friday, so went painting after work.
I was up in Central Park next to Gothic Bridge-- which I ought to paint one day, it is very pretty.
