Mad: Sparta

I have no idea why Sparta is our theme.
Carey thought it up.

I went classical with it, though I suppose there are many modern "Sparta" things that can be done.
5x7 pastel on stonehenge (unprimed! it is different working on non-gritty paper)

The Box that Sid Made

Sid made me a cigar box/table easel/paint box!
It is so clever and wonderful and I love it madly.

Sid also made an extremely clever wet panel carrier to go with the box.

I broke it in with a little oil painting.
This is what the clouds over the Hudson River looked like when I came home from Hudson on Saturday night.

Heavy Rain and All the Cheeze

It rained yesterday morning so we made a trip to the farmers' market to get fresh croissants, rosemary flatbread, and all the cheeze we could find.

We got back home just as the rain picked up.

Fresh mozzarella
Raw honey fig goat cheeze
Basil garlic farmers cheeze
Porcini brie
Goats milk gouda
Really nice bleu cheeze

The Left-Behinders!

I got a text from Dru Thursday evening.

Apparently I left my panties at her place a couple of weeks ago.

I was appropriately embarrassed, and she said she would keep my secret.

Then I thought, "This is pretty funny" and "I need a blog post with a ridiculous snarky title which is also a terrible pun".

So I promptly lost all my shame and Dru was kind enough to send a pic of my undies (WITH A MODEL) so I could post them here on my blog for all the internets to see.

The Left-Behinders!

Pale Sunset

The sky at sunset was really pretty the other night, and it inspired this quick little painting.
30 minutes-ish
pastel (unisons) on colourfix primed stonehenge paper

Here is the palette I used.

The great thing about pastels is that they force you to make color-value decisions. You have to choose the right color that is ALSO the right value in one stick.

Archaic

Daya and I were waiting for the train and she asked me, "What does 5-10-25 mean? Is that some kind of code or date?"

I had to explain it meant nickels, dimes, and quarters.  And how there weren't many pay phones left anymore because everyone has cellphones.

Daya had a lot of questions about payphones.

There aren't many left throughout the city. I'm not sure if this one still works.

Such Disappoint

1. I have Thursday, Friday, Monday, and Tuesday off.
I HAVE JUST FOUND OUT THERE IS NO SCHOOL ON THURSDAY OR TUESDAY!

I was SO LOOKING FORWARD to some child-free days off!

Stupid-no-school-I am-upset-I-need-a-freaking-BREAK!

I think I will cancel my vacay day on Tuesday and reschedule it for when Daya won't be home.

NOTE: I don't care if this sounds terrible, it's nothing against Daya but I just want some time and space to myself without someone needing something.

2. I was going to do a small painting tonight but it is almost 10pm and...yeah it's not going to happen.

Painting fail. :(

3. Stupid stupid stupid Con Edison took my electric bill and now I'm overdrawn until Friday.

4. There is no picture for this blog post.

5. No thunderstorms today.

Mad: Cute

I have a painting on my easel that isn't done and I was going to finish it for this week's theme.

That did not happen.

In fact, I couldn't even remember what our theme was until this afternoon and I had to look at my texts to Carey to remember it.

I'm in small painting mode.... so instead of the larger easel painting here are some supercute baby trees in clouds.

Cloud Saplings

5x7

pastel on colourfix primed Stonehenge

It Was a Long Day

9am to 7pm.
Volunteers have lots of work to do...taking the little kids to the bathroom, check in, check out, getting the little kids upstairs and downstairs, helping with anything- costumes, etc.

But I took pictures from the wings.
I took a LOT of pictures and I will give the links out to everyone.

Daya is in pain, but she is showered and in bed.
I am completely zonked.

I'll deal with uploading photos over the next few days but in the meantime here is a video of team rehearsal from early morning before the first recital. They aren't in costume for this number- most of them are in dress for the opening act, which this song was not.

Daya is the one who does a flip across stage.

Recital Day & Pink Clouds

Pink Clouds

5x7

Pastel on colourfix primed stonehenge

********

I painted this, and the one from yesterday while binge-watching Game of Thrones season 4.

What an awesome series.

*******

When this posts it will be Sunday, which is recital day. Daya hurt her knee- somehow- on Thursday. She is ok though, between ice packs, a knee brace, tylenol, advil, tiger balm, and some other stinky analgesic cream I can't remember the name of. She had a full day of dance today, two classes and a long team rehearsal and she is fine.

Recital day will be long- we have to be there early and will be there all day.  It is fun though; I really enjoy it.

Because I volunteer, I can go wherever I want which is infinitely better than sitting in the audience.

Buried Alive

Buried Alive

5x7 

pastel 

colourfix primed stonehenge paper

Field Trip

Daya's class took a a field trip to the Imperial Theater in Times Square to learn about Les Miserables.
It wasn't the full show, just a few musical highlights and they got to see some theater special effects. Stuff like that.

Initially I was surprised they were going to see Les Miz because it is definitely not a children's story.
But that's ok.  Over the weekend Daya got to learn the entire story and listen to all the songs, which she liked very much. I rented the 2012 movie for her which is basically the musical in a movie.
Without the cool revolving stage.

Anyhow, I work right in Times Square so I went to meet Daya's class when they came out of the theater.

Daya was very happy to see me, and it was cool to say hi to her in the middle of the day, too.

Field Trip

Presumptuous

Last Thursday night I bought a bottle of red wine. Just a normal regular small bottle.
It was a nice bottle of wine, from Italy and it cost $12.

I opened it as one opens a wine bottle- with a corkscrew. But my corkscrew did not work.

Odd.
So I peeled off the foil cover to discover that there was no cork.
What passed for a cork was a thick plastic seal.
Not even a plastic cork!

Ok I understand that vintners are proud of their wine but isn't it a little presumptuous to just assume the whole bottle will be gone in one sitting?

It is now Wednesday night. Six nights later and I have just finished the bottle.
I had to cover the top with tinfoil, which is just tacky.

It may also be tacky that it takes me that long to get through a small bottle of wine but I was in Hudson for a couple of those nights and I don't drink wine most nights at all.

So...... cork, please? Is that too much to ask?

It is nice wine but...

no cork.

640,7

For the most part, I'm not a very OCD kind of person.

However, when my OCD nerve gets hit, I go completely insane.
It might not come as a surprise that one of my OCD vulnerable spots is my art...and art supplies.

Soooo...... back in 1995 or so I got my very first artist-grade set of soft pastels.  It is a Rembrandt 60 half stick set, and of course I still have it. When I painted Medusa I used several of the sticks.  One was a lovely turquoise color.

I decided to get a full stick of that perfect turquoise color.  So I looked at the color listing on the box and color charts and it is Rembrandt 640,7.  I got a few others as well. They all match perfectly...except the 640,7...the new full sticks are a teeny bit bluer than my perfect greenish turquoise half stick!

Of course it doesn't really matter, except that it is the end of the world.
THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO MATCH.

Most importantly, I LIKE THE OLD PASTEL BETTER.

The top swatch is my 1995 stick.
The bottom is the newer one.

I went to Blick.
I went to DaVinci.
I went to Jerrys.
I brought my pastel with me and swatched every single brand they had in open stock.
I compared THREE 640,7 sticks.
They all match each other but they are all slightly bluer than my swatch.

I got pretty close but no exact-exact matches.

And it has made me batshit crazy.

Batshit.

Crazy.

********
BOX UPDATE: The super saw my box tossed in the lobby by the window and he took it.
I got it today.

I gave the courier absolute hell.
Amazon was nice and sent a replacement order, but I cancelled it because I did get my box.

Mad: Patterns

I have a completely mad behavior pattern.
When I go to Hudson I must to go Sketch and get pastels.

I added to my Diane Townsend collection.
No duplicates. I did not get all of these this past weekend.
Just 15 of them.

***********

I am out of wet cat food so Monday morning around 5am-ish I did a free-same-day-delivery order from Amazon for wet cat food and a couple of interesting-looking art books. I thought this was extremely clever of me.

I was home late afternoon.

My buzzer rang right around 6pm.

I buzzed the front door open, because I knew it was the mail.

No one rang my apartment door.  I didn't think too much of it because sometimes delivery people just leave the box at my door; they know I am home because I buzzed them in.

A few minutes later I opened the door.  No box.

So I tracked it online- status was "DELIVERED. LEFT AT MAIL".

The driver apparently left my box in an unattended lobby by the mail boxes. 

NO ONE does that.

Of course my box is gone.

It probably doesn't help that someone was moving in and the lobby door was wide open.

But the driver KNEW I was home so why couldn't they just bring it up?

So I don't have my box and the carrier is doing an investigation and I have to wait 24 hours.

SIGH.

A Plein Air!

Pastel on colourfix primed stonehenge 5x7

Dru's Porch

Everyone loves Dru's porch.
I didnt get a pic of the squirrels. 

Doran

Daisy

Smelly Nelly

Daya & Smelly Nelly

Max

Max

The Plein Air VIRUS

One day, seven years ago, out of absolutely nowhere I got hit BADLY with the plein air virus.
I had heard about plein air but I had no interest.
None.
It wasn't something I was considering at all, on any level.

And all of a sudden it smacked me so hard I never have and never will recover.

And it has been a downhill journey from there.

Plein air has caused me to spend -literally- hundreds of hours and THOUSANDS of dollars.
Not kidding about the THOUSANDS of dollars. (This includes paying for checked baggage on airplanes which I will almost certainly do again)

To do what?

*Experiment and perfect my gear. (always an ongoing process)
*Make a lot of REALLY BAD paintings. (seriously, terrible)
*Embarrass myself in public, repeatedly
*Get into annoying, scary, and uncertain situations
*Lug around heavy gear
*Waft serious oil painting stench on the subway
*Guilt-trip myself for not getting out as often as I should
*Give directions to way too many tourists who think I am a map
*Get horribly bitten by bugs (until I found the only bug repellent that works...more $$)
*Have to call my paintings "mixed media" due to bug bits in the painting

Plein air, more than anything else- has and continues to teach me more about painting than anything else ever has.

It has taught me to be zen about good comments and bad comments.
Though, to be fair, I have never once received a negative comment while painting.
People think it is cool.
One lady tried to critique me once but I blew her off. I don't need her ego. Or mine.

Every single plein air painting I have done has a story, and it is as much part of the painting as the paint itself.
I remember all the stories from all the paintings.
They are different than studio paintings to me.
I cherish them, even the ones not on my wall.

I have only ever given away three plein air paintings.
It is a very, very big deal for me to give away a plein air.
Two of those people are no longer in my life. (I want my paintings back)

My mantra for plein air is this:

I have to want to paint 

MORE

than I care about what people think.

Aside from obvious technique, plein air has challenged me in so many ways.
Because it is HARD.
It is far more difficult than studio painting ever could be.
Even when painting the live model, it is still a controlled environment.

When you are out plein airing, you are standing in your painting.
You have no control over the environment.
You get all your values down, then the damn light changes.
So you have to know how the light will change and plan accordingly.
It forces you to compose.
It forces you to learn how to lay down your paint.
It forces you to make decisions on what is important and what is not.
And you have to make those decisions relatively quickly.

I always feel better about myself after I have gone out plein airing.
Because it is HARD and I have done it.

And I always have the sense that i am doing what I am supposed to be doing.
That every time I go out, I have won the battle of not having enough time, energy, skill, or strength.
That I have, somehow, beaten the odds despite my full time job and raising a child completely alone.
Because I carved out space, time, and money for it over the last seven years.
I made the effort.

Because plein air, more than anything else, has taught me that I CAN, despite everything.

It is obvious that I have 

a particularly fatal case

of the plein air virus

A Story for Friday

Once upon a time there was a video of some really cool plein air gear being packed but it was blurry so DAMMIT.....

Here are some 5x7 colorfix primed Stonehenge papers.

I have done exactly one pastel plein air in Utah last summer and it was terrible so DAMMIT........

Well it's a good thing I don't care. I need to practice.

My pastels are packed...Unisons and Diane Townsends. And some Richesons.

Maybe I will re-shoot the video tomorrow.

Stupid blurry DAMMIT....

The end.

From Tech Rehearsal

My video of the ballet dance is a little blurry!  Boo... :(

Yappy Moved!!!

Once in a while, really awesome things happen.

A few months ago I got some new work neighbors.  

They are LOUD.

One in particular had constant visitors at her desk...social visits that lasted for a long time.  

Multiple times a day.

She also spends about three quarters of the work day on personal phone calls.

HOURS.  Every single day.

The thing is...and this isn't her fault but she has one of those really yappy nasally voices that is just unbearable.

And she never. stops. talking.

Yappy gossipy personal calls.

She would talk to one person about something then call someone else and have the exact same conversation.

I wish I had that much time at work to not work.

Anyhow it was intensely irritating and I did ask several times for consideration about the noise level.

I guess I was interfering too much with her social life. 

So she moved her desk.

I am SO HAPPY.

Mad: Whatever

Ummmmmmmmmmmmm
I'm working on a painting and it isn't done and I just NOW remembered tomorrow is mutual madness day.

So, er, whatever.
I have nothing to show.
Because I was uncoordinated and I do not want to show my painting unfinished.

This is not how I planned Mad: Whatever to go.

**********
We were at the tech rehearsal for recital until 9:30pm.
We were there for 5 1/2 hours.
It's fun though; I really enjoy it.
Because I volunteer, i can go backstage and wherever I want.
I like that very much.

My blog posted a draft post with a link I saved...sorry about that.  :p  posting every day means I'm bound to screw up once in a while. Whatever.

I got a huge stack of dance pictures and they were very expensive.

Recital was very expensive, by the way.

Daya also got her  palate-expander-retainer which was even more expensive.

Whatever.

Competition Pics & Other Sundries

Here are some pictures from Daya's dance competition.
I did not take any of them.

**********
I cleaned Daya's room on Saturday while she was in team rehearsal.
Her room was pretty bad, and I knew she felt overwhelmed. So I fixed it.
She was very happy and she loves it.

I told her that keeping it up is very simple: garbage goes in garbage, put stuff away when you are done. (which includes laundry)  She likes to put things wherever, especially the floor, and that's the main cause of why her room gets so messed up. I keep telling her it's easy to just put things back where you got them. She says it is hard. (???) Then she says she doesn't understand the point of putting something back if she will just use it again.

Ummmm.... so you can find it? So your room stays neat?

Maybe this is just something she will have to grow into.

In the meantime, I enforce it everywhere else and I'll probably get on her case more about her room.
She has a wonderful room.  It's big and sunny and purple, hardwood parquet floor, and she has a nice dance corner with a barre, mirror, all her dance pictures on the wall.  Her night light is a 5 gallon fish tank. I tell her it is her space, I want it to be a happy room, one she loves and is proud of.  That taking care of it is loving her space and herself.

*********
I have been feeling remarkably better since that past life stuff came up.
Seriously much better, like something finally broke apart that I have had since (before) birth.
I feel different. In a good way.

So we'll see what happens.

Pilot Light

Well, I'm supposed to do this painting so here it is.

Pilot Light
ACEO (2.5x3.5)
Pastel (unisons) on Colorfix

Akashic

....there was a small child, about 4 years old, on the streets of a large busy city. London maybe, it could have even been here in NYC on the Lower East Side in the days of the tenements. (I have always had a fascination with the LES tenements)

The child was on her own, homeless. She may as well have been an orphan except her parents were still alive somewhere. She had been turned out to the streets and abandoned. Possibly turned away by more than one person.

There was nothing wrong with her, she hadn't done anything wrong, it was just her circumstance. She had absolutely no one in the world. Completely unwanted. So she wandered the streets but no one paid attention to her at all. She sat down and cried, and not one single person looked at her or gave her even so much as a crust of bread.

And THEN......

.......she died.
She died alone of hunger and exposure.

Her very last dying thought was, "I am worth less than the shit on the bottom of someone's shoe."

********
Cuti-citta, or death-consciousness, is the last conscious thought upon death.
Some say it impacts reincarnations.

***********
This past Thursday afternoon I was chatting with another artist on Facebook. (A pastel artist, she also went to Pratt)

She told me she was going on a call with an akashic records-reader-person who was offering free half hour readings to facebook followers. My friend said she really didn't know anything about it but it sounded interesting.

Akashic records are the database/record of the earth/us/everything

Well hell, it was free, why not?
I booked a call for Friday evening,
Honestly, I have had intuitive readings before- several actually.  Some were really helpful and accurate and some were nonsense and just dead wrong.

This was a good reading. Very helpful.
I didn't agree with everything 100%,.  Four years ago I would have agreed with the bits I disagree with now, though I do agree mostly.

That past life thing was what really matters and that is pretty much the ONLY thing that really makes sense of everything. And it really does make sense.

...........What an absolutely TERRIBLE past life!!!!!

It is true that I have experienced a disproportionate amount of abandonment and being completely alone. Abandonment from death is one thing; most of the time people don't choose to die.
When someone who is alive abandons you, it is worse in a way because it was their want and choice to do so.

It is true that I am still REALLY angry with my guides.
They know exactly why.

Anyhow the pattern and resonance of that horrible past life really resonates with me. I can see that pattern emerging over and over.

I came in with it.  I do NOT want it. I have been trying to get rid of it.

The absolute crappy thing is- and I know life isn't fair, but this is just REALLY not fair. It's nothing I have caused. There's nothing wrong with me.

But perhaps bringing this into consciousness and dismantling it will cause the energy shift I so deeply need and have been trying so unsuccessfully for so long to change. Because I have tried EVERYTHING and nothing has worked.

*******
If you want info on a reading go to Akasha Unleashed (facebook).
Direct website is here.
She is very good.
My free reading was supposed to be for a half hour but it ended up being 50 minutes.
At no time whatsoever did she try and sell me anything.

Black Mirrors

I went to high school with a woman named Stacey Dratch.
Recently we have re-connected on Facebook.

She posted something, said something in such a clear concise way, better than I have been able to say it:

People will inevitably apply their own 
angle, agenda, or motivations 
to your actions and words - 
this is how people reveal their true self
 to those who are paying attention.

                                                                                    - Stacey Dratch

This has been my experience more often than not.
It is the cause of 2 out of 3 best friend losses last year.

They both happened right around this time and I guess I'm still not over it.
Maybe that's silly but it really affected me.

It was just the final nail in the coffin, so to speak.
Year after year, one loss after another.
Relationship deaths.
No new life comes after.

It seems in this life I have no choice but to walk alone.
I have been alone from the start.  From day 1.
As difficult as it has been, I don't mind it- what I mind it that it persists past the point of teaching, of usefulness. After that point, which I am long past, it starts to cause only damage.  Erosion.

I have given up any hope that it will change.
No matter what I do, or do not do.
And I have no energy left.

Surveillance

The surveillance is unnerving.
They are definitely judgmental, except for Furball.

I am so Dumb

I need a remedial course in Life.

So...Daya's June trip to Wisconsin got postponed.
Why? She has a dance team commitment
I cannot find the team calendar.
Anywhere.
I strongly suspect a certain 10-year old nabbed it.
That means locating it is utterly hopeless.

I had plans to visit Drusilla while Daya was away.
So I made an Amtrak reservation for Daya, too.
And I forgot about the dance team commitment, AGAIN.

What the heck is wrong with me??

Amtrak was really nice about it though. They must be used to dummies like me.

ALSO...before I got Daya from dance I stopped at the Japanese grocery.  They have some nice matcha pudding I have been wanting to try.

The last time I got some our bags got locked in the dance studio.

And wouldn't you know it, I LEFT MY BAG IN THE STUDIO AGAIN.

That matcha pudding is cursed or something. It seems I will never get to try it.

Mad: Fabric

This week was about fabric. Sort-of.
Carey is probably sewing, and she probably made something really cool.

For the fabric theme, I offer my Oily Rag.
It contains oil, pastel, acrylic, and possibly oil pastel too.

My oily rag is like my studio blankie. I don't really use paper towels like many people, because I prefer my oily rag.  It does a good job.
I have a bunch of them, and I change them out now and then.

Here is my current oily rag.

Competition

Yesterday Daya had her first dance competition.

She only danced in one dance but she. killed. it.

On a new stage, in with hundreds of strangers from many schools- I think mostly from Long Island.
Big flashy schools.

In comparison, Daya's studio is small...but they are so amazing.

Seriously, I was just overwhelmed watching her.  She turns into a different person on stage...Stage-Daya. She is incredibly commanding and precise.  She has such presence. Commanding stage presence.

She does work very hard at technique etc but stage presence isn't really a thing you can practice at home. She was just so good.

No photos or video allowed, but she will do the dance for recital.

Some kind friends drove us out to Long Island.
We were parked next to this person.

Well ok, then.

When we got home Daya had to wash off her makeup and wash her hair.

There was so much gunk in her hair it stayed in place by itself.

Daya thought it was hilarious and insisted I took pictures.

Medusa

Here is a painting I have worked on over the past week.
I got the image while coming home on the train after work

Medusa gave me a bit of a hard time.  We had a fight, because of communication issues.  Meaning she wasn't communicating properly. But we worked it out and the third time I did her snake hair worked. Also, I didn't use any reference which always makes things harder.

I learned a lot doing this painting.

Medusa
9x12 pastel on pastelmat

Gigantor

Drusilla has the biggest rat in the world.
Fittingly, he is named Gigantor.

When people say, "That rat was as big as a cat!" they are talking about Gigantor.
Seriously, he is ENORMOUS and I love him madly.

If he wasn't so incredibly lazy he would rule the world, but he can't be bothered.

Gigantor
ACEO 2.5 x 3.5 (times three)...(he would not fit on one card)
pastel
colurfix primed bristol

A Great Find

Jerry's has Colourfix ACEOs!

I guess they go pretty fast because they are out of stock a lot.  Good thing I have my jars of Colourfix primer!

**********

This has been a really hard week and I'm glad it is coming to a close.