Castle Williams & Angst

Today I wanted to paint and go to the boathouse after... I haven't been to the boathouse even once... ALL MONTH! It's been because of travelling and weather.

And I didn't make it to the boathouse today, either, because this painting on Governor's Island took forever.

8x10 oil

This painting took way too long and I got lost and confused in it. 

Start time 10:55am, end time 3:35pm. That's too long.

And I messed up the bottom at the end of the painting session.

People were being very annoying too, I had my airpods in which usually deters people but somehow everyone kept asking me for directions. Like they came right over, got ignored, and then just stood and waited until I stopped painting, paused my audio book, took out my airpods, and said something to them. And they KNEW they were disturbing me. They just didn't care. This happened 4-5 times. Not only that, but there was a parks volunteer answering questions nearby! And they still had to bug me!

And then there was the couple that parked themselves right behind me TWICE.

I was not standing in a "nice" area, so it was definitely deliberate.

Not only that, but there were other nearby much nicer places they could have gone.

I don't like the feeling of people camped out behind me watching me.

It's eerie and distracting and I can feel it.

My looks at them didn't work.

Would you like someone camped out behind you - watching you?

I hate it.

I always account for this when I set up, but wow they were persistent and I truly didn't expect anyone to sit where they were. It wasn't a nice place to sit at all. They were sitting in dirt.

I even moved my setup to take my panel out of their line of sight, but it put the panel in shadow and I had trouble seeing.

They eventually left and I moved back, right in front of them as they were leaving.

They saw.

And then a little while later they came back and did it again!

But this time I got smart and moved my whole entire setup back.

This is not about being self-conscious, I'm not.

It's about the energy, and when people are sitting watching I can really feel it.

It's extremely invasive and I can't get into my zone properly. 

I do keep a physical gear- barrier around me so people don't come too close- because they will- and even then I have to tell people to stay back. 

Well, I guess I wasn't in a people-y mood today.

If you see someone focused and working, just leave them alone!

Have a little respect!

*********

Three paintings I have done lately have been real struggles.

And they have taken a lot longer than they should.

I'm wondering why.

I don't know if it's because I'm growing and am feeling uncoordinated, or if- despite my motivation to paint which is currently excellent- my artistic engines need a short rest. I can't tell.

I always have a yearly goal of 50 plein air paintings for the year, and this is #43.

7 more to go, and I can do it, I can get to 50, but I have to prioritize it.

I lost a lot of time earlier this year because of the weather.

Now sunset is early.

The season is changing, I feel weird today in general.

It's also my long-disappeared sister's 50th birthday.

I don't know if she's even still alive or not.