Sunday

 Daya and I are in a fight.

I just can't anymore.
Yesterday was so, so nice and I was just so glowingly proud of her.... then BOOM she gave me a really un-called for nasty attitude over a really basic question I asked her about her intensive.

What did I ask? "Who else from LaGuardia is in the intensive with you?"

And she wouldn't answer.
Said it was a matter of 'personal boundaries" and "Not information I need to know."

WHAT?

This is literally public information....the names are on the program. I'm just not sure who is LaG, aside from a couple of kids.

I just can't. I feel sucker-punched.  I feel like her general attitude is just a huge slap in the face, especially coming after a MOUNTAIN of support I have given her this week. Not to mention the amount of money that has come out of this household THIS MONTH ALONE just for her to be able to dance. This really, really hurts. It makes me feel like garbage to get such a nasty attitude after all the support I give her.

I plan and save MONTHS ahead of time for her to be able to do this.
I go without other things, I can't catch up on certain things because of this.

$950 in tuition, dance clothes, pointe shoes, tickets, recordings, transportation.......JUST THIS MONTH. And I'm not even done yet with summer dance expenses!

And that's all me. My aunt has been helping with year-round MYB tuition, but that summer number is all me.

Daya's classes run til 9:30pm and she gets home 10:15-10:20pm.

So I have helped her. I have made sure she has a nice homemade dinner to come home to every night, I have made phone calls, written emails, sent texts, done paperwork- all oh her behalf for dance- taken time out of my busy work day to get her covid tested, I have been supportive verbally, and I even did her laundry for a last-minute emergency which I never do!!

And she gives me the worst of her heart.
Stinky rotten attitude over something so stupid and simple.
It isn't an isolated incident.
I can't anymore.

I don't mind giving her the support, all I want is to be treated nicely.
Which is too much for her.
So she's on her own this week.  I'm done. I'm not doing anything for her.
Nothing.

Sorry to have a big vent but this is my blog and I'm just really hurting right now.
There isn't another adult to keep her in check, and that's always been a big problem.

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I think my own mother would take great pleasure if she knew I was having a hard time like this.
It would make her glad.
She's mean like that.
I can hear her voice in my head laughing at me- not in a nice way- and telling me it serves me right and I deserve it.
She would really enjoy knowing I'm having a hard time with my teenager.

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I did go down to the boathouse for most of the day and spend my time volunteering and being around really nice people. And I went out on the water which was nice.

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And before anyone says therapy- Daya won't go. I'd love to but she won't.
And yes I have done plenty of it for myself.