Proverbial Wall, Hit & Splat

I mentioned I'm taking the Will Weston class.
I'm also behind in the homework.

This is causing me extreme stress to the point where last night I had a bad dream about it and woke up panicked in the middle of the night.

I think either I'm in over my head (maybe? I'm not sure, I could probably do it with focus and energy and many hours... I DID have a great idea...) or I'm just too fatigued mentally to take on the project.

And the other thing is that I'm not a digital artist, intentionally. Not for lack of the right software, either.
Hardware is a different story but easy to get if I wanted to.  And I think at this point the work really is best done digitally.

I was on Discord with Cas all day today chatting, she was doing homework for her class and I was freaking out over mine.

I even replaced my 9 year old Wacom Bamboo tablet (I know where the tablet AND the cord AND the pen are!!) because it is so old Windows 10 can't recognize it. 

So I started working in Photoshop and...... I was so miserable.  I could work in Procreate on the ipad but I don't have the Apple Pencil I have been so on the fence about getting, precisely because I'm not a digital artist...... and also Daya ALWAYS has the ipad unless I need it for a meeting.

So I freaked out and cried.
And decided I should not be doing something that is making me so miserable. It is time to stop doing the homework and switch to observation mode. Because I am learning a lot in the class, and it's material I have never had any exposure to before. And it is important to go into uncharted waters and get exposure to things that are beyond reach/ability.

But I put so much pressure on myself and I hate feeling like a failure. I hate not being able to see it through. I never give up on art homework unless it is some weird 3D assignment I could not care less about.

And there's the money part, this was not a cheap class and I want to suck everything out of it that I can.

There are some really, really good people in that class and pretty much everyone is working digital and... they are really good.  Which makes me sink even further into my Well of Artist Despair. It is intimidating. But that's not the reason I hit my wall, which is an important point.

I wrote Will a note, I think my background is different than the rest of the class and I'm switching to observation mode.  Maybe without the homework pressure I can enjoy the last two weeks.