I took Daya to see the Rockettes. They are so amazing.
The last time I took her she was three years old, we had amazing seats, and the onliest thing she cared about was..... popcorn.
But this year she liked them.
We went over to the tree at Rockefeller Center but it turns off after... I don't know when. This is the first time I have seen the tree off!
We went to the museum on Monday, and it was good to get out. It was a nicc time.
There is a great ocean exhibit on right now, so we did that, the senses exhibit again- which is closing, and the current 3D Imax movie, which is always quite good.
Cool ceilings:
Kinetic sand to play with topography.
The floor had projected fish on it which are motion-sensitive and move away from you when you walk on them.
Daya drove a yellow submarine.
This year's origami tree:
Tacosaurus socks (we didn't get them but we like them a lot)
Daya looks cool
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I dragged Daya to midnight mass which she hated.
It's ok that she hated it. It reminds me of my grandmother, and also I had to endure going when I was a kid. But I doubt we will go again.
While I'm glad I raised my child free of institutionalized religion, I feel I have been unsuccessful in finding something to take it's place. I guess she will have to work it out for herself as she gets older.
Really I just needed to have plans of some kind, it's hard holding together right now.
And it seems there is a bad case of crappy holidays going around..... 2 deaths, and there was a fire in the building right next to me. Fire is extremely scary and disturbing, and I hope everyone was ok.
I'm Facebook friends with one of Daya's first dance teachers from 9 years ago.
We aren't in touch otherwise, but I saw this post on her page:
"[Don’t be a good actress - a reminder to myself or anyone else who is not happy right now] I can act my way through a bag when I’m trying to hide how hurt I am.
Do not do this.
It will prevent you from living your life to the full list and that includes feelings of sorrow. As painful as it may be to acknowledge the pain you are experiencing, you must allow yourself to feel it. Otherwise, it bundles up and burns inside. It makes the pain more painful. Getting things done become more difficult and the days seem to never end. That is what happens when you shove away your feelings.
There is a light. Even if it doesn’t feel like it right now, you will eventually feel better and be happy again. Don’t force it and be patient with yourself.
If you are going through a hard time during the holidays, message me or even call me. I’m here."
*****
Wow.
That is seriously- exactly where I am right now.
I actually did send Jenna a private message on Friday but didn't hear back.
Anyhow, this holiday season is hitting me seriously hard and it sucks and I have to get through it while still making it nice for Daya. She's really truly fine though- she's very happy to be on vacation and rest, and she was on the phone with her friends earlier. Me, I'm having a hard time with no people and no plans.
Tomorrow I asked Daya if she wants to go to the museum and she said yes, so we'll do that.
I also decided to take her to Midnight Mass. We aren't Catholic and she has never been, but I used to have to go sometimes as a child and if nothing else, it is very pretty and something to do.
I also got us reasonable but still good tickets for the Rockettes... if you go to a 10pm show the prices are much better. So we'll do that on the 26th.
Last year I was so happy to be on vacation, and I really enjoyed the holidays... and this year it is exactly the opposite. I can't wait to go back to work. It's lonely there too, especially since Nicole left, but it is preferable to being home on vacation right now. Isn't that weird to say?
Zen 6, a restaurant in the East Village, asked me to paint in their restaurant.
They have one of my paintings hanging in there too, my Hearst Building Plein Air. Technically it is for sale but I hope it doesn't sell!
Anyhow i went and Daya came with me. So I painted her while she did math homework.
Start of drawing:
Daya took pictures of me from the window.
8x10 pastel on sanded paper, about three hours.
I told Daya any stupid pictures she takes of herself on my phone are subject to being shared.
On the way back we found Zoltar.
And of course Daya likes to spin the cube at Astor place every chance she gets.
Well it is Winter Solstice and I'm not doing anything for it. No St Patrick's, no candles, nothing.
Because this year I just don't care. I'm tired of spending holidays alone, everyone is with family and I don't have any so it sucks.
We will have quiet holidays this year and I'll be very glad when they are done.
Daya put her pointe shoes on our little tree along with a special tree topper.
The big tree is up too but neither of us felt like putting ornaments on it.
LISA if you are reading this- did something happen with your Facebook account? Did you delete it and make a new one?
I just want to verify the new friend request and private messages I got from an account that appears to be you but I am not sure.
Daya loves going to the dentist.
She got over being allergic to the light once she realized she could watch her cleaning through the mirror.
Immediately after her fluoride treatment, while she was being told no water or anything for a half hour, she used the water dispenser as a drinking fountain.
So she got a repeat-fluoride treatment.
The dentist said no one has ever done that before. Ever.
Daya had a perfect checkup and her dentist (who we LOVE) was extremely happy.
This is especially weird because on Friday evening I was planning to get up early and make HER pancakes. Neither of us said anything about them..... and she made them for ME!
They came out perfect, she even put berries on top.
******
Daya needed new pointe shoes AGAIN because the last pair she got weren't working. Even though she must have tried on every single pair. So she got new ones and she loves them.
We had a lovely day together and got a lot done in the city.
Daya got a new little friend. It looks like a marshmallow with a cute lion face. She named him KitKat.
I went plein airing on the Pratt campus today for the first tine ever (after graduating).
It's so stupid that it took me so long, but to be fair I was scared.
Not because of other artists, but because of the architecture. This is a difficult plein air painting.
I just wasn't confident enough in my plein air skillz to do it until this year.
Architecture is a whole different thing than landscape; it really has to be right.
My painting is mostly right and I'm happy with it for what it is, especially since I really pushed myself and did something new. Everyone was very friendly and a lot of people stopped by. I had people yelling Loud-Brooklyn-style from the street IT'S GORGEOUS! Someone walked by and said to his friend, "That's crazy. It is very complex." Which it is for a plein air. Another artist would see that. These are nice things to hear when I'm FROZEN, my paint is trying to be frozen, I feel like the whole thing is overworked and I wonder why the hell do I do this. Cheering squads really, really help.
Pratt Libraries on Instagram likes it and asked permission to repost it, which they will do in about a week and a half.
In case you didn't know, dancers are really weird.
They are obsessed with their feet.
When they talk about their shoes it is a whole other universe.
They do strange things, too, most of which look unnatural and painful.
And they have weird conversations, for example:
Daya: My legs are completely numb. Ms Victoria: That's good! It means you are doing it right!
I'm really glad I'm a painter and not a dancer.
Although I suppose one could say a lot of the same things about plein air painters....
Well, we are DONE. High school application nonsense is DONE.
Yesterday Daya had her dance callback for Laguardia, and she feels really, really good about it.
Saturday night after team practice Daya did her audition solo in front of everyone.
She choreographed it herself and had supervision from Ms Shauna. It was wonderful and everyone loved it.
After everyone left we ran through it a second time so I could record it. Daya was numb-exhausted when she did this, and she didn't do her aerial flip and one other move (I forgot what it was).
She felt she did very well at the audition. Now we wait til March.
Her friend Sarah was in the same audition group, which was really nice for both of them.
Sarah's mom and I waited together and had nice conversation. She's a great lady.
Here is a picture of both of them after the audition.
Daya said she didn't smile because she is imitating the statue.....
But the truth is the only time I can get Daya to smile in pictures... .well, actually I can't get her to.
The only time Daya smiles in pictures is when she steals my phone and uses it to take stupid pictures of herself, like these.
Last night we went to parent teacher conferences.
ALL of Daya's teachers LOVE her, and I consistently heard how amazing and fabulous she is.
I was talking to her ELA teacher-- they are starting to read To Kill a Mockingbird.
I read that in 8th grade, too. Ms. Vereb said Daya might want to have her own copy so she could write in it. So I said I still have my copy from 8th grade, and it probably has my notes in it.
Daya was SO EXCITED.
Not because I was giving her my book from 8th grade, but she had this idea that since my notes were already in it, she wouldn't have to do anything. I told her don't count on that.
Well, I did find my old copy and there isn't a single note or underlined word in it.
Daya was less than thrilled.
I have so many posts to catch up on.
Literally since September, I still need to put pictures from the medieval faire in September on here.
There are lots of posts I have draft-marked but haven't put together, lots of things I want to track here but I can't make myself do it.
Anyhow.
I was on vacation last week and Ellen came to visit NYC and it was Thanksgiving and Daya had Laguardia audition and callback and a birthday. Oh, and i need to put 2 paintings and Sid's visit here too.
More on all that later.
Anyhow I'm back from vacation and I'm still in a bad weird funk. And I'm glad to be back to work from vacation.
I couldn't get myself to do anything- not even paint- over vacay. Maybe the holidays are getting to me, my neighbors upstairs are still blasting and I'm messed up and trying not to be messed up from it (last night was really bad, I'm so upset), maybe I am stuck in my life being in the same job, same place, same everything and same nothing for so long. But I don't want to move and I don't want to change jobs because they are both good situations..... I'm in a bad rut of same-old. Same old for so many years and my life feels stale. I need new energy, new people, and that is so difficult to find right now because of schedules and everyone's life is full.
So I rearranged my furniture and I hated it so I moved it back for the most part and it is a little different and ok, I guess.
I don't feel like doing anything. I haven't felt like doing anything for a while.
Being at work is actually a relief.
****
Over the last couple of weeks I have been thinking to work more with Buddhism.
I love Buddhist teachings and practices, and truly I think the basic practices are some of the most direct systems that actually work to really, truly deal with our minds and life with practical teachings/applications. And it is compatible with pretty much everything. Not in a religious way, but in a back-to-basics way.
So I have been incorporating that a bit, and I think I need to expand my focus on it.
Buddhism teachings would say my awful upstairs neighbors are my great teachers and I should thank them for being awful so I can learn patience, learn, and strengthen my practice.
This is very difficult. :/
There are some Buddhist centers here in the city and I am going to see what I can find.
I have been looking but it is a little hard right now because of conflict with Daya's dance schedule because I do have to pick her up in the evenings. But I'll keep looking.
Next year, especially if she goes to high school for dance, my schedule will open up considerably.
But the Buddhist community here is something I think I need to explore. I need some help that Buddhist practice can assist with, and it might also be a good place to meet high-quality people.
Ellen came to visit NYC.
I met Ellen in a pregnancy chatroom in 2005 and we stayed in touch.
In March 2008 she and her daughter came to visit us.
Ten years later she came back to NYC for Thanksgiving and we met up again. It was a lovely time. Our girls got so big! Her girls do competitive cheer leading and are flexibendy and flippy like Daya.
