Union Square Paintings

Here are two paintings from the Plein Air event this past weekend.

Both are 9x12 pastel on Colourfix.

The first is a bit complex and took a while, the second was quick, a little over a half hour.

Alphabet City Excursion

I got an email about events happening around the city in many of the community gardens, so we went to the Lower East Side to check it out.  We were at the community garden at 6th St and Ave B.  I really need to go painting there, as well as around the other community gardens.


Daya and I did a scavenger hunt, learned about sugar in drinks, and looked at the different bugs in compost.

                 

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Daya was hungry afterwards, so we found a literal hole-in-the-wall that had 99 cent slices.

There was a kid with his pizza box using the pizza counter as a table at the hole-in-the-wall.  He was not more than 10 years old.  Very possibly younger.  He bit into his slice and exclaimed, "This pizza is fuckin good!"

I thought this was hilarious.

(*NOTE: the pizza was not that great.  Certainly not "fuckin good". Not even regular-good. Just ok.)

To be honest, the kid was total bad news and I have no doubt that if he isn't already involved in some shady street stuff, he will be very soon.

But I still thought it was hilarious.

Then we walked back West to the train. We saw this sign, and a little further down the block, a decorative guillotine.

It's True

ALL the trains home were broken.
We waited and waited and it was hot.  So we gave up and went to my office to recover and wait it out.
It is very convenient to work in Times Square with 24/7 building access.

The signal problems persisted, so we took the LIRR home.
By the time we got home, the signal problems had STILL not been resolved, but Daya and I were happy to have bypassed the whole mess.

Driving is Scary

I have been spending a good amount of time in my driving lessons.  Last week I did three 2-hour lessons, but usually I'm doing 2 lessons a week.  I started in Kindergarten.  Charlie now says I'm in September of 6th grade. And I am a Zen Master of right turns. :)

My yoga training has stepped in strongly in interesting ways.  Because of my yoga, I know how to turn my neck to get a wide range of vision when looking at my blind spots.  I did this automatically yesterday and Charlie asked if I checked my blind spot-  I had and told him- then I taught him how to turn his neck for better vision over his shoulder.  My yoga training reminds me to breathe and relax- which I need to remind myself of, constantly.

But yesterday things got SCARY too...nothing bad happened, but Charlie took me to a new road exposure experience----- I drove over a bridge and then down Adam Clayton Powell Blvd in Harlem.  It's large and busy with u-turns and traffic lights and buses and trucks and oncoming traffic and people behind me and trees and signs and bicycles and dogs and turning lanes and pedestrians and a cop beeped his siren at me for being too slow and there were 10 BAJILLION THINGS HAPPENING AT THE SAME TIME and it was extremely scary.

Charlie says look at the crosswalk (on both sides!!) 2 blocks away to see what's happening down the road.  It is complete visual chaos and I don't know where to look or what to look for and there is no time to look for it.....oh, and the cyclists come out of nowhere too, and people cross in the middle of the street into oncoming traffic, omg it is scary and completely overwhelming.

Also my brain exploded.

I can see things around me just fine as long as they aren't small details. So for example I will see there is a sign ahead but I might not be able to read what it says as soon as Charlie does. I can see the red crosswalk light 2 blocks away but the white one is harder to pick out.  I can't multi-task my attention on the road yet.

I don't know where to look or what to look for in all the chaos and there is no time!

Charlie says we are developing my reflexes and knowing what to look for.  I know I just started but it is so daunting and scary... I do have a fast mind for some things, but I'm scared I won't get this.  Am I too old to learn and is my mind too slow?  Charlie says I have good road eyes- meaning I was doing well on seeing and noticing- he says gaming and bike riding are advantages.  I still game and I biked a lot growing up.  But yesterday was hard. And scary, in case I haven't mentioned that bit.

I'm not very good at seeing small things far away.  And how am I supposed to see everything on both sides of the road, ahead, and behind me all at the same time? I'm scared I will miss Something Important because I didn't see it and Bad Things will happen.

How do people do this?
To be fair, I know a lot of it is the city, the roads aren't nearly so chaotic outside the city- and I'm fine on the side streets- but I still have to learn the busy roads.

I drove through these scary intersections:

****
Daya is doing well at Ailey.  She has a new best friend, Sage, who is from Maryland.  They ride their penny boards together during break.  A penny board is a mini skateboard.  (I didn't know that until Tuesday.)

These summer weekends are long and hard, but the weekdays are going quickly.

Saturday Painting

Yesterday I went to a meetup for sketching in Central Park.  It was a nice change since I'm always out alone.

The trains were so messed up and I got there about a half hour late...the way it was organized, we sketched for about an hour then stopped to look at all the work.  There was no critique.

I liked this very much, it was nice to see all the work...there are some good artists there!

Since I got there late I only had about a half hour for my first sketch.

I worked in pastel, 9x12 on black Strathmore Artagain paper.

My figure drawing sessions must have been influencing me, because I NEVER do outdoor paintings this fast!  I average about an hour with an 8x10, sometimes longer. And these were 9x12.

There were pigeons all over this statue, which I thought was fun.

In this first painting I was trying to go fast without it looking messy.  It does look a little messy tho...

This is my second piece...about 40 mins... MUCH faster than how I normally work.

I think this speed painting was good for me. It is definitely an influence from the figure drawing sessions.  My mindset was different than when I go out alone.  I had a work fast around a lot of people mentality, because that's exactly what I signed up for.  When I go out alone I am slower and it is different than being in a group.

Smooth paper might have also made a difference-- I have always taken sanded paper with me, and that holds more layers.  Maybe I am more careful with it...  I don't know.  I'm interested to see how I paint (in pastel) the next time I go plein airing by myself.  Will I slow down as I normally do, or speed paint again? Something in between?

Muscles!

We went to the playground yesterday evening.

There are a few around the neighborhood, but we went to the one by Daya's first elementary school...she has grown up in this playground.  I used to take her here when she was a cute little toddler.

Daya has a lot of nostalgia for the playground, because she remembers being really tiny on the same playground equipment she's a little too big for now (but she will still play on).

Daya usually has leggings on but yesterday she had shorts on and... she has gotten some serious leg muscles from all her dancing!  She is very proud of her muscles and she should be, she works very hard for them.

She's also very happy because Ailey moved her up a level.  Now she will be in pointe class twice a week, which means her new shoes will probably be dead by the end of the month.  :(

Better Numbers?

Here is an ad that is in the subway:

Whoever chose the post to display.... could have chosen a better one.

89 mad people and 8 comments is..... really lame.  

It really doesn't emphasize the message very well at all.

Drawing from Today

For figure drawing lately, I like black and white charcoal on toned paper... I have done this for the last couple of sessions but next time I'm going to mix it up and do something different.  Maybe I will bring pastels.

I also used those new pencils from Jerry's I got a little while back.

9x12 on Strathmore gray toned paper.

End of Week

Weekends have been very hard lately.
I am going to figure drawing tomorrow, just to get out and practice a bit.

Ailey FINALLY got Daya tired.  She is ok with a class or rehearsal in the evenings here and there, but not if it is late.  She starts losing it by 7:30, and is really done by 8pm.  We both learned the hard way that if she goes home and rests before a late rehearsal, she can't get back up.

Seventh grade is finished as of this past Tuesday- last Friday for Daya.
We don't have her report card yet because I have to pick it up at school...hopefully next week.

The noise from upstairs- the BLASTING music is throwing my anxiety through the roof and affecting me really badly.  The tenants renewed their lease this past March and I was pretty upset about it.  The noise is literally making me crazy.  They are nice people though, and I shared my feelings and situation with them.... hopefully it will be considered and they will do something to reduce the noise.

Today it was still bugging me so I wrote them a letter as a follow-up and sent a copy to the landlord.

I wish NYC had better noise guidelines and enforcement- it is the number 1 thing everyone complains about from neighbors.  I can take normal noise with no problem.  But pounding drums and bass on full volume... no.  They freely admit they like their music on max volume.  This is just not a good building for that due to zero insulation and neighbors who care.

Driving is going very well.  I have been driving for 4 hours a week.  Yesterday I was driving in the streets and doing mostly ok.  I'm not near ready to be unsupervised but I'll get there.  I can't wait to be able to drive on my own.

I should be painting but I lack the heart to do much of anything, really.  That doesn't mean I won't, but it is a lot harder.

The weather is terrible, in the 90s.  YUCK.

Did you know Amazon Prime has several Japanese drama series?  I. Love. Them.  Even though they are so incredibly melodramatic and sappy... I love them!!!

Ailey

Daya's Alvin Ailey summer intensive started on Monday and she loves it.

They are doing level assessment all week, and Daya is hoping to be moved up as she thinks her classes are too easy. Her jazz teacher pulled her aside yesterday and said he was making a note to see if she should be moved up.

It is a fantastic environment.  Daya has only found one other person from NYC.  Everyone is from all over the country, and there are also several international students.  There were fewer students in orientation than there were at her audition!!!!  And Ailey goes around the country looking for people to attend the intensive.  So I'm very proud that she got in.

Ailey hours are 9-3 and I was all worried about her being tired AND SHE IS NOT TIRED.

So her evening competition rehearsals are probably ok, and she's going to take acro at the studio Thursday evenings.

I can't believe she isn't tired.

Maybe evening rehearsals after Ailey will make her tired?

Matthew, an Oil Sketch

A couple of months ago I wanted to do oil sketch practice portraits...and Carey had posted some pics of her kids.  I asked her if I could paint Matthew and she said yes.

The intention for this was not to be a long painting, but an alla prima sketch, one sitting. Quick.

The first one I did was a total bomb because the drawing was off.  And it was also taking forever.  So I scrapped the panel and started over.  I did the drawing in charcoal and it has been sitting around for several weeks waiting to be re-painted.

Which I did today.

Kids are very, very difficult- the younger the harder, and it is a bit nerve-wracking to show the painting to the child's mom...but I made Carey promise we would still be friends anyhow.

For what this is, I am pleased with it.  It fulfilled my intentions of being a sketchy alla prima oil child portrait.  This is hard stuff and I should practice more. I learned a lot doing this little painting. Mainly, if something looks weird, that something might be fine but something else around it might be off, making it look weird.  That happened a few times.

8x10 oil on panel, 4 1/2 hours-ish.

The palette is very simple.
I used my Williamsburg Italian earths, a Rembrandt ivory black, Vasari ruby red, Ultramarine blue, and good old fashioned flake white.  There is nothing like lead for skin tones, especially for a child.  I wanted the look and feel that lead brings.  Lead is toxic in powdered form, if inhaled or ingested, but I don't see any issue at all painting with it.

The charcoal drawing for placements.

(I had to fix the shoulder)

Solstice

In celebration of the summer solstice, and also in preparation to start her Alvin Ailey intensive on Monday, Daya went to the emergency room in a neck brace.

She fell off a swing at the playground and landed on her head.

Since it was a head injury and her neck was hurting, we had to go to the hospital in an ambulance.

Not only was I really scared, I was really angry because I know she was likely doing something a little dumb.

I wasn't there so I didn't see it happen.

And it is fine that she was at the playground on her own, she always is.

Thankfully she was right across the street from Eva, and she went right there.

Daya has so much happening right now, and to mess it all up by falling off a damn swing.........

In the hospital...... after the doctor did an exam and Daya could turn her neck with no pain, and she said she was starting to feel better, I stopped being worried.  In fact, she made a complete recovery in the four hours we were stuck in the hospital.  They didn't even call for an xray or any scans.

Daya got very, very lucky and I made sure she knew it.

While waiting to be released, we got bored.

Then they made me pay $191.64 and we left.

Seriously, VERY LAST THING I need right now.

This has been such a hard year.

But I am intensely relieved Daya is fine.

Mudcrabs

Carey and I had a painting date last night to get us both moving.

I have not really had the motivation to paint, and I still don't, but I forced my way through this one.

Started last night and finished today; it took a lot longer than I hoped.

I needed to do a low-stress easy painting, and I thought that might help me get my painting vibes back, but it didn't this time.  Sometimes that does work though.

Mudcrabs

9x12 pastel (all Unisons) on Mi Tientes.

I am still making friends with smooth paper.

Some progress shots.

Spare Floor & Poster

This past Sunday the dance teams performed in the annual street fair.

Then they went to hang out at the studio's street booth.

In front of the booth were 2 spare bits of floor from the studio so the kids could show off, do dance stuff, and hand out flyers.

Daya enjoyed handing out flyers:

I left her there to do her thing, and she had rehearsal after.

When Daya got home I opened the door to see this:

Ms. Rysa gave Daya one of the spare floor bits.  Daya asked if she could have it...and she got it!

There has never been a child so excited about a piece of spare floor.

Daya carried it home on the subway by herself, (it is big and weighs around 30lbs!)  so now she has a good story about Carrying Weird Things on the train and getting really strange looks from everyone.

She is very proud of this.

As soon as she got home she scrubbed that floor front and back, put her jazz shoes on, and practiced turns.

WHY DID SHE WANT THE FLOOR?

This is a good question since we have wood floors and that's what is in dance studios right?

The spare floor is made of something called marley and is (apparently) better for practicing turns because it is less slick than wood.  The studio doesn't use rosin on shoes because it messes up the floor.  One of the floors there is wood but the other floor is this marley stuff which is apparently special dance floor material or something.

Now Daya has a marley floor from the studio to practice turns.

*****

I have been on painting break since May was so crazy.  I did 2 paintings and a poster for the studio.  It was ;printed on metal and was presented by the teachers to the owner as a 10th anniversary gift.

The image was a collaboration.   I added some design input and put the whole thing together in photoshop.  It was a lot of work but it came out nice and they love it.

Facing Major Fears

I have a fear that it is time to face.

Driving.

I was told by everyone when I was growing up- including an eye doctor- that I would not be able to drive, that it wasn't an option in my life.  And that's why I came to NYC and stayed here, and that's ok I don't regret it.

But driving- and not being able to do it- has left me with a feeling of being trapped.
I wrote a bit about it here.

As I get older this bothers me more and more.  And it's really a major head-thing to get around.

I found out in 2006 that I could get a drivers license and I did. Everyone was wrong who said I couldn't.
And I haven't driven since that test.
I don't know how to drive.
I'm REALLY SCARED because I don't trust my eyes.
I really only have one that works, my right eye is Moral Support Only.

HOWEVER.

I went to the eye doctor this week and since my license is up for renewal, I asked him about the vision form and if I can renew. He said yes but it has to be a restricted license.

He filled out a form for me which I have mailed to medical review in Albany.
They will send me a letter back and I have to bring that to the DMV.

It is a restricted license in that I can only drive in daylight, but that is better than nothing.

SO.
I sat myself down and said--- Jessica, your eye dr says you can drive and the state of NY says you can drive so why aren't you?

I answered myself that I really don't know how and I'm very scared because of my eyes.

To which I said, 'You just need the right teacher. You need someone to spend a lot of time with you and work with you.  Someone used to working with people who are scared.  Someone who will be able to make any adjustments you might need and be very patient.  Not a driving school, you already did that and even though you passed the test, it wasn't enough.  So you need to find someone who can spend a lot of time and knows how to teach."

I looked on craigslist AND I FOUND SOMEONE.

He teaches driving privately, is used to working with nervous people, and he will spend as much time with me as I want.  I told him about my eyes and he says it's fine!  So I'm probably going to be his best client for a while, and I'll figure out the money.

Tuesday is my first lesson!!!

I AM GOING TO LEARN HOW TO DRIVE FOR REALS!!!!!!!!!!!

Releasing Paintings

I released a painting and I'm sad about it.
I should not be sad about it, and I didn't think I would be.
Nor do I have any clue why I am sad about it.

Recital was yesterday and we raffle off stuff for fundraising.  I donated a painting...this one:

Dusk in Auridon
9x12 pastel

Someone named Paul bought a bunch of raffle tickets and was so! excited! about the painting-- I didn't meet him but one of the other moms told me.

And I love making other people happy with my art!

Releasing the painting was absolutely the right thing to do, some paintings need to go out into the world and it sure wasn't doing anything in my home.

Now it will be loved and appreciated and it made someone happy.
What is better than that?

So why is it surprisingly bittersweet?

When I start a painting that I know is destined to leave, I am never sad about releasing it.
I'm happy to do so.
I have sold paintings before that I didn't know would go when I painted them, and I wasn't sad about them either.  I was happy to see them go.

I do have paintings I will never sell, I think we all do.

And there isn't anything particularly personal about this painting.  It doesn't have any particular significance.  I knocked it out in 2 hours last December while on vacation.  It is from a screenshot from Elder Scrolls Online.

And before anyone says, oh just paint another- yeah I could but it is highly unlikely I will.
I don't make duplicates of my own work.  It doesn't feel right to me.  Besides, I already painted this image.  There are others waiting.

Being an artist is really weird.

(I asked Carey if she ever experienced this and she said yes.  Of course she understood.)

Aesthetics of Painting and Photography

These are just some thoughts that are my own opinion and perspective as a painter about painting and photography, why they are different, and why no one seems to know they are different.

They are both art forms, but they are different media and not necessarily interchangeable.

If you don't believe me, ask yourself "Why is it so hard to photograph a painting?"
Because we all know it is.
Because a camera can't get everything.

******
A good photograph does not necessarily translate into a good painting.
This is something that people learning to paint from photographs often discover the hard way.

The other day on Facebook someone posted a photo as reference for a portrait commission, asking for advice.  It was a very nice professional photograph, and it would make a terrible painting.

This situation is so common.

WHY?
* Lighting.  Lighting in a painting is so important, most especially in a portrait.  You want good lights and good shadows.  A well-done professional portrait photograph is fully lit from all angles.  This is great for photography and awful for painting.

*Composition: As a painter we really have to think about what makes up a good composition. It needs a focal point, it needs shadow and light, it needs to convey something unique. A snapshot where you can see someone's face is just that- a snapshot.  A painting wants to be more than that.

******
Paint can do things photography cannot do.
When working from photographs, information is lost. A camera has one eye and so we have to know about and correct lens distortion.  Additionally, a painter must choose what to focus on and a lot of that is done in edges.  Paint can capture subtle details that one generally does not see in photography.

Look at these paintings, none are mine.

Katherine Stone

She is so good it is sick.

This is representational painting at its finest.

This is painting aesthetic, this is what paint does.

Anna Rose Bain

She is also so good it is sick.

I don't think a camera could ever replicate her work.

Jeremy Lipking

IMHO Jeremy Lipking is one of the top 5 greatest living painters.

I have had the pleasure of seeing Jeremy Lipking's work in person, and I assure you, it is drop-dead amazing in a way that no photograph of his paintings can ever convey.

And his work is photographed by the best of the best.  It comes close but the real thing just blows you away.

******

Your painting looks like a photograph!

Painters don't really say this to each other. People who don't really understand painting say it, and it is a nice compliment, well-intended and appreciated, but if another painter said this to me I would think something was wrong with my painting.

WHY?

Because the intention of most representational painting is not to look like a photograph.

The intention is to look like real life.

That's why we work from life. That's why we observe so closely.

That's why we study.

A photograph is the interpretation of real life through a camera lens.

A painting is the interpretation and representation of the real world through the human eye.

It is more direct.

The skill set needed to create the painting is much different.than a photographer's skill set.

Have you ever said to a musician playing live music, "Wow, you sound just like a recording!" ?

Probably not, and this is the best way I know of to sum up why "It looks like a photograph!" is....., well, I love when people like my work, and I truly appreciate when people make the effort to compliment, but if you really want to appreciate a painter's work, maybe leave photography out of it.

A photograph is NOT the highest attainable standard to represent the real world.

The real world itself is.

A good representational painting does strive to be lifelike- as compared to the real world, not a photograph.  Even if we do use a photo reference....believe me, all that working from life practice and training gets used.  I can tell, for the most part, when someone has faithfully rendered a photograph and they have never worked from life. It .... looks like a photograph....and in this context that's not really a good thing because they have copied all the errors the photograph may have had, and the lighting is flat.

*****

So this is a bit long and congrats if you made it to the end.

Truly, nothing makes me happier than making someone else happy with my work.  And it is always good to be gracious and accept a well-intended compliment for what it is.  But now you have some insight into the mind of a painter who would never say that to another painter, and why.