What the Hell Is It?

Can you guess what these strange-looking things in my studio are?

THING ONE

This is a two-of-a-kind* (I think?) color checker/isolator thingy that Sid made for me.  He even put stickers on it which was very thoughtful.

You look through it like so:

 And the white spot is for value-checking.

*Sid made himself one, too. I do not recall if it also has stickers on it.

THING TWO

Well, yes, that is a spoon,  This is more a "Why the hell?' than a "What the hell?"

That stuff on the spoon is dried linseed oil.  I use the spoon to mix mediums for oil, usually 2 parts oil and 2 parts solvent.  The spoon works very well for this, as I only mix in small amounts.

THING THREE

I have the XL Derwent graphite and charcoal blocks.  This odd-looking block thing is for shaping the blocks to make different marks.

THING FOUR

The cuuuuutest little grater you will ever see! Also a Derwent thing, for powdering graphite, inktense blocks, or whatever your fine powder needs might be.

THING FIVE

 Turned on its side, it looks like a cat!
 It is a sgraffito tool thingy, for scratching. Like cats scratch.

This is what the package says.  I kept the package so I would remember what this thing is for. Otherwise I will just think it is a cat.

**********

As I write this post, Thursday evening (that was last night), my next door neighbors are BLASTING their TV of a Russian guy talking.  He must be giving a speech or something because no one else is talking and there is no other sound. It sounds like he is right here in my living room.

IT IS INCREDIBLY ANNOYING!!!!!!!!

Found!

I said to Daya, as we were coming home from dance, "I think my missing Lord of the Rings dvd is in your room, because it isn't anywhere else."

Since I have gone through everything I own this year, and purged and organized everything, I can say that with definite authority. And I have been looking for that disc. Almost obsessively.

It has been driving me batshit crazy.

Batshit.

Crazy.

**********
Daya immediately said, "Oh yeah! Is it beige and says Part Two on it?"

YES.

"Yeah, I have it!  It is with my DVDs in my DVD case. Does it have vines on it?"

MAYBE.

When we got home she produced that DVD in less than 30 seconds.

I have been looking for it since EARLY JANUARY.

Batshit.

Crazy.

********
Update on linked post: the smoke detector was replaced a long time ago.

There are no more outstanding "lost things".

Time Capsules

Launna wrote this in a recent post:

"memories of a time I believed in dreams 

that never came to pass"

*******
There is so much I used to believe in that I don't believe in anymore.  I couldn't even if I wanted to. A lot of that is due to just growing up. A lot of it is due to life experiences.

*******
I have been going through my storage bins, where stuff from over the years has ended up. There are about eight bins, containing the last bits of things that needed to be gone through and either kept or discarded.  These bins are where a lot of unsorted items ended up through moving, life changes, etc. They are all pre-Daya. I also found 4 different NY state IDs going back in time through various points back to my first apartment.

The bins were like little time capsules, Going through them was like going back in time.  One bin held junk- literally junk- papers and things- from when I was married/with my ex. All happily trashed. Another was from my witchy coven days, and seminary. Then college.

That's about as far back in time as I go, with a few random exceptions.  Everything from before college that I kept is in my mother's hoarded-out house.  I don't expect to ever go back there, and that's fine. So while it would be fun to show Daya my old school yearbooks and things like that, it isn't possible so it isn't worth dwelling on.

There was a lot I forgot about. And probably even more that has been permanently forgotten with no reminders remaining. To be honest, there is nothing worth keeping from those periods in my life so it doesn't matter.

It's so strange how the stages of my life have definite starts and ends, with little-to-no overlap.  Even with people. Connecticut, Georgia, college, coven/seminary, the ex, and now raising a child alone. The people who have been with me the longest at this point are my rat-friends, Cathy and Drusilla, who I met in 2001.

******
I never really had Life Plans. There were things I wanted, things I wanted to do. I have pursued some interests, but otherwise my life has been a matter of trying to be ok, trying to learn how to be ok, not being ok, and surviving.  I have gone from too many very scary weird negative circumstances to neutral and stable, for which I am still grateful. Stability is very important to me. I am the only one who can be counted on for my stability.

As far as Life Plans going forward, I just have to stay afloat. There is a lot I have just given up on. There is a lot of hope I have lost, mostly concerning other people and things changing for the better. I do wish my life was different in that regard, but there is no sense dwelling on the impossible. I don't know what else I can do.

A Horoscope

Nancy sent me a note on Sunday.  Sometimes she sends our horoscope, since we are both Scorpios. I think she gets them from a newspaper in Oklahoma.

Anyhow, this is a cool one:

You elevate simple matters to the level of an art form.

 Others who don't take it quite as far 

will be impressed and inspired 

once they get past being jealous.

Now, it is absolutely incomprehensible to me that anyone would be jealous of me or my life.  But I do tend to take simple things to an artistic level- that is true.

Glass Fibers Iridescence and Flakes

I have some acrylic mediums that I have been meaning to be tested.
These acrylic mediums are cool.

Iridescent

Glass Beads

Blended Fibers

Opaque White Flakes

I have to admit I am a little bit obsessed with the Opaque White Flakes. Aren't they WONDERFUL?

The glass beads are a little hard to see but they give a very interesting texture.  They would be interesting on a light background with a wash over them.

Medieval Faire

Last Sunday (a week ago already!) Daya and I went to the Medieval Fair up in Fort Tryon Park, right at The Cloisters.

I try and go every year, and I have gone for many, many years. Last year we went with my friends.
This year we went alone.

Daya got a leopard marionette, named Theo le Spot. I got incense, as I do every year. We had our annual fried dough with powdered sugar.

Kitty Love

Pebbles and Furball love each other.

Shitty Cheezecake

Yeah I know, that's impossible, except that it isn't.

I saw a recipe for Pistachio Cheezecake.
It had a picture.
I had to make it.
Compulsively.

Oh wow, right??

This is the recipe:

Ingredients (crust)
2 cups flour
1/2 cup ground almonds
1/2 cup cold butter

Directions (crust)
In a small bowl, combine the flour and almonds; cut in butter until crumbly. (I used a food processor) Press onto the bottom and 1-1/4-in. up the side of a greased spring form pan. Bake at 400 degrees for 10 minutes.

Ingredients (filling)
6 – 8 ounce packages of cream cheese, softened
1 can (14 ounces) sweetened condensed milk
2 packages (3.4 ounces each)instant pistachio pudding mix
5 eggs
garnish with whip cream and almond slivers (optional)

Directions (filling)

In a large bowl, beat cream cheese, milk and pudding mixes until smooth. Add eggs; beat on low speed just until combined. Pour over crust. Place pan on a baking sheet. Reduce heat to 350 degrees. Bake for 55-60 minutes or until the center is almost set. Cool on a wire rack for 10 minutes. Carefully run a knife around the edge of the pan to loosen; cool 1 hour longer. Refrigerate overnight

*************

IT WAS THE CRAPPIEST CHEEZECAKE EVER.

Not due to how it turned out- it actually turned out perfectly- but it was so BLAND.
If you are in a state of shock and disbelief, and you compulsively need to try this cheezecake, do this:

1. Add more sugar and taste that batter twice before baking.
2. DO NOT make the crust in the recipe, it is absolutely terrible. Make a graham cracker crust instead. You might not need to add sugar to the cream cheeze if there is a sweet graham crust.
3. I told you so.

There is a Word for It!

Oh My Gosh.

I just learned that there is something called misophonia. I always knew I was nuts about certain sounds, but I never knew there was an actual name for it!

What is Misophonia?

Misophonia, literally “hatred of sound”, is believed to be a neurological disorder characterized by negative experiences (anger, flight, hatred, disgust) triggered by specific sounds.

I DEFINITELY have it.

Here is a non-comprehensive list of sounds I can. not. stand.

Loud chewing/eating noises
Chewing gum
Chewing gum popping
Ceiling thunder from upstairs neighbors
Loud breathing
Nail filing
Nose-whistles (when breathing through your nose makes a whistling sound)
WHISTLING (omg i die)
Tapping

Here is a misophonia quiz!

*******
I travel with earplugs.  Everywhere. Foam earplugs are WONDERFUL and I buy them in jars, like this:

A couple of years ago I sat next to an ice-chewing co-worker.  After lunch every day he would chew through a LARGE cup of ice.  It drove me absolutely batshit crazy, so I started wearing earplugs at work.

Then my desk was moved and I don't have that problem anymore.  It was rough for a while though.

I love these

Pebbles also likes them...to chew on

This image makes me feel very happy and peaceful, and not just because they look like cheeze puffs.

Le Sigh :)

Holey Yoga

On the way to yoga last night, I saw a person ( him? her? I never found out) carrying around what I can only assume is a Minecraft block.

Because I HAD to get a picture on the sly, I followed this person for two blocks like a Creeper (HAHAHA!!! I made a very good funny there) trying to get a picture. This was the best I got.

Last week in yoga, I noticed a small hole in my yoga pants. So I grabbed another pair. Except that I grabbed my REALLY HOLEY pair- not only do they have paint on them, but they are so holey they look like a scary monster,

My yoga pants are watching you

I seriously almost reconsidered going to class, but I just decided to embrace the situation and try to be as decently indecent as possible. It wasn't a big deal, though I was overly conscious about it.

These are the same yoga pants I wore ten years ago when I was pregnant! I won't even go to Duane Reade in them, and that is really saying something. But they are good for painting in.

An Epic Short Film

Synopsis:
Isis and Furball attack each other.
Isis sneezes.
Furball scratches an itch.

It Actually Does Make Sense

I never thought I would say this, but having to apply to middle school (and high school- getting into a good high school is a Big Deal)- actually makes sense.

I thought it was weird and bizarre to have to apply and hope you get accepted into public schools, too.  It is a NYC thing- I never heard of it anywhere else.

We do have zoned schools here.  With some exceptions, you have to go to your zoned elementary school.  Daya does not, because she is in the gifted program and our zoned school does not offer it. That's why she takes the bus instead of walking. So if your zoned elementary school is crap, and many are, you are out of luck unless your child needs a special program not offered at your zoned school.

********
Speaking of the school bus, we ditched it completely.  She just takes the regular public transit bus. The school gave her a student metrocard, so it is free.  I LOVE not having to deal with that stupid school bus- it was a longer walk in the mornings, and we had to stand outside in all kinds of nasty weather and hope it showed up.

Usually the bus showed up more or less on time, but it often did not and there was no way of knowing. If you miss it, that's it.  If it doesn't show up, you just wait for as long as you are willing and then take your child to school anyhow. the MTA is way more reliable, and I can track where the bus it while we wait.

Daya did not like the kids on the school bus; they were obnoxious and annoying.

********
So, back to applying to public schools. Starting in middle school, there are specialized schools. Some schools are just not good, others are excellent.  So if your zoned school is crap, you might not have to go there. If your child is leaning toward a particular area of interest, there's probably a school for it.

Because we have so much public transit, and by middle school students are expected to use it if parents don't drive, having a school in walking distance is not a big deal like it is for the elementary schools. So geographically there are more options.

In our case, I do not want Daya to go to our zoned school.  There is a better one right here in the neighborhood, and they have a performing arts program.  So we will try and get in there. But if we don't get in there, Daya will just go to our zoned school which is still good. Both will work just fine for our logistics. She already has friends in both schools. Either way, she will still receive an acceptance offer for middle school.  Everyone does.

As far as high school- we are both really, really wanting Daya to go to a performing arts high school. And it could be anywhere.  That's really when we will apply to a bunch of schools around the city. She has to keep her grades up.  Getting into high schools can be very competitive.

I am beyond grateful that Daya is very self-motivated.  It does make a huge difference that she wants to excel, of her own accord.  She does well, and I am very proud of her.

*******
Daya assistant-teaches two dance classes.  There was a substitute yesterday, and Daya basically ran the whole class on her own.  Isn't that cool?

This Sums it Up Nicely

The middle school fair was basically a presentation where the man speaking said the same exact thing about 17 times.

Then the superintendent showed up and talked to us about "options" for our "little gems". She said apply to many schools, 12 or 20. (what!!!!)

Yeah right.  There is something called Life Logistics.

Anyhow, we will apply to two (2) schools.  Open houses are next week. Whichever school Daya is accepted into, she already has dance team friends there. So that's nice.

Here is the middle school directory for our district.  I think it sums up the education system very nicely: walking up a bunch of stairs when there are elevators.

SIGH

Check out that girl over there at the bottom...

she's thinking serious expletives

Yums

Q-Tip and Munchie love cheeze puffs.

Plunger

My friend Fran found me some-odd years ago through my blog.  Back when our kids were still in strollers.

We used to hang out in the Museum of Natural History, down in the big ocean life room under the whale. We played with play-dough and ate our kids' snacks. We had good conversations.

Amelia and Daya

Museum of Nat History

November 2008

Sometimes I would go to Harlem and hang out with Fran,  We had sleepovers.  She had a beautiful cat named Peppermint. It was fun. Fran is clever and interesting, and our kids got along well.

On one of those sleepovers, I unclogged Fran's toilet, which was old and temperamental, as many things in old NYC apartments are. I taught her how to properly use the plunger.

This was one of those defining moments of friendship.

I will plunge your toilet too,

if you are in need

Fran moved to Georgia.  I miss her a lot. But we are still friends, even though we can't hang out at the playground or museums anymore.

********
In a most bizarre coincidence a few years ago, a former co-worker (FCW) of mine also met Fran because they were living in the same neighborhood.  That would have been really fun, except that FCW and I got off to a difficult start.  FCW got very upset with me on their second day of work because while I was training them, I "didn't let them talk enough".

FCW did many very strange things that first year, including leaving their desk to work upstairs in the cafeteria every afternoon, But the weirdest was going out on medical leave for what they initially said would be less than a week, and it turned into the whole summer.  During that time they had an out-of-town guest staying with them.  Oh, and also during that time, FCW CALLED HR ON ME because they wanted to move their desk. The reason? They just didn't want to sit next to me.

No talk with our manager, no talk with me, just immediate escalation to HR while they were out of the office.

HR is obligated by law to do a full investigation, which went on for too many months. So they asked various people around the office about me.  They made inquiries. No one had anything negative to say. Finally, they asked FCW to produce an incident list of actual things I did or said to justify the case.  FCW said nothing specific had really ever happened, there was no incident list, she just had "bad feelings" about me. Since she could not produce any specific incidents of my offensive behavior (because THERE NEVER WERE ANY), the case was dropped.

At the conclusion of it all, I told our manager that I wanted FCW to know that I knew about the whole thing, because she was not aware that I knew-, my manager told me because she thought it was unfair for me to not know a case was being launched against me. She told FCW I was aware of what happened.

I had to sit next to her the whole time- for months!- and pretend I didn't know anything.

FCW never approached me to make peace, start over, apologize, nothing.

It was extremely stressful and hurtful.  And I never spoke against her to anyone else in the office.  To this day I haven't told people what happened.

*******
So, under different conditions, I would have been hanging out with Fran and FCW and we would have all been great friends.

October Winds

Have you ever wanted something so badly, over such a long period of time, and it just never happens no matter how hard you try, or how much you let go and stop trying?

And then it shows up to taunt you, but disappears, then comes back to remind you, then disappears again?

It's hard.  Too hard.

*******
Two years ago when my ex-BFF was living with me for a month (October 2013) with her two kids and her boyfriend, Archangel Michael showed up very strongly and directly in a very specific and tangible dream. It was energy I desperately needed at the time, and it contained a gift, and a message.

Do angels lie?

*******
The change of seasons always brings remembered resonance of seasons past.
Sometimes that is nice and sometimes it is not.

******
Daya goes to Middle School next year.  We are going to apply to two- one we are zoned for (which will take her no matter what) and another in the neighborhood that would be better.  I have to learn what they want for applications, to see if she can get in on audition for their performing arts program. Either way, Middle School will be fine.  There is a Middle School Fair later today.  Lots to find out.

Orange Tree, Bronx Zoo

October 2013