When my child engages me in a battle of wills, as tired and exhausted and NOT IN THE MOOD as I am, I have to show her that I am in charge. I hate it. I will not allow my child to overpower me. I hate pissing contests. I thought we were past this shit when she stopped being a toddler.
Almost nine years of doing this all by myself...I am so exhausted I am completely numbed out to pretty much everything. I can't feel anything.
I'm just having an abrasive overwhelming moment. Since there is no one else to check myself against, and i have no close family relations to ask, I wonder if I'm doing the right thing after all.
Maybe I am just messing everything up.
I am so tired, and so alone and it has been going on for so long I can't even feel it anymore. And there is still such a long road ahead.....
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