Siena Drawing Issues

Today several boathouse friends met up at The Met.

Kedrin and I can spend hours there, and indeed we were there for 6 hours.

Everyone else arrived and left at various times.

There is a Sienese show from the 1300s up right now.

It's all religious stuff because that's all they were allowed to paint.

It's also all egg tempera!

Back in those days, perspective and realistic representation wasn't developed yet.  3-d sculpture was more advanced; painters were still working out the 3D optical illusions on a 2D plane.

Also, because everything was religion the physical world, material objects, emotions, etc just weren't important. It was all about the afterlife and transcendence.

People were still greedy and materialistic, but the afterlife was the focus of the times.

Anyhow, sometimes they couldn't draw very well, as seen in this angel:

Aside from freakish drawing issues, the show was lovely and it's nice to see egg tempera on significant display. A lot of these pieces are small and the detail is extraordinary.

The Easel Amputation

Kedrin came over and we took 7 inches off the easel mast!

It's much better.
I can raise the tray higher and have the same functionality sitting or standing.

Hand saw and palm sander.... and Pebbles....

Alone Together

Yesterday I was mostly not doing great like at all even though everything is actually ok.

Daya and I met up at 3pm at H Mart on Northern Blvd, which is a HUGE Asian supermarket.

Then we walked home because that's what we do.

I probably still can't really say this but Daya loves her super long walks in the city and she's just like me with that... neither of us gets tired walking, we can both go forever..... I might be the only person she can tell she walked 15 miles to and back from Lincoln Center to Brooklyn and I'll just say that's a nice walk.  Because I have done similar so many times myself and I understand the peace of city floating.

Anyhow this child ate NINE sushi rolls again and said it's nothing.

I ate three and as of the writing of this blog post next day 11:01am I am still not hungry.

3 rolls                                       9 rolls

We had a nice little Thanksgiving alone together and it was simple, non-traditional, quiet, and wonderful.

Last weekend when we met Daya's aunt...Daya told me I said something that stuck with her and she's been thinking about it... I don't even recall saying it.  She said I told Janine we have always been alone together.

It's true. It's exactly what we have always been- alone together.  

I am so happy for our strong connection.

It's ok that I annoy Daya sometimes, that's what moms do.

But she knows I support her and more importantly- I respect her.

Then I made her watch Planes Trains and Automobiles and she liked it because who doesn't love that film.

******

I have a stack of paintings that are dry and in the varnish pile.

This year I have done 47 plein airs, and I'll prob do a few more in December.

I also have several egg temperas and a few junk studio practice paintings I destroyed.

On the new easel I have a 14x18 painting in progress, and it's coming along.

I am far more self-judgmental on studio paintings than I am with plein air; it's an interesting observation.

*******

Kedrin is coming over later for the Easel Amputation and movies.

I am making lentils.

It starts.....

Not pictured: onions

Just Stuff

On Sunday evening we met with Daya's aunt and the meeting went very well.

It was more intense for me than for Daya; I have trauma from everything and she just doesn't feel connected, which is completely understandable.

Going was the right thing to do.

Her father sure has been up to Some Shit, including Daya having several more siblings I didn't know about and he takes care of none of them. The difference though, is that everyone is over in SA together and connected and Daya and I are the only ones who have been alone. The Other Shit that I was told (and I'm sure there is even more) was Really Bad but I'm not going to write about it here.

Pretty much everyone (including all his children) thinks he's a piece of shit and the anger runs deep towards him over there.

I can say the same here.

It's very validating.

It's so validating that people finally believe me that what happened wasn't me doing something or being somehow unacceptable.

He really threw me under the bus when things happened and none of it was even true, and people believed him. He'll tell any story to make himself look good.

It's also validating for Daya to hear it.

She knows I have told her the truth.

I don't keep any secrets from her and she has a right to know.

If she ever doubted, now she shouldn't.

So I have been processing a lot but it's good because it's finally overdue to have some positive aspects to this whole situation.  Nothing can change what I (and Daya) went through, but maybe going forward there can be a new and positive aspect.

**********

I'm having a not-great mental health week. By not-great I mean bad.

Part of it is the stuff i just wrote about, maybe it's the holidays a little bit, but it's two other things for sure.

1. Netflix has a new documentary called Buy it Now.  Everyone should watch it, even though it will upset you for days and mess your head up. But it is a moral obligation.

I knew about 60-70% of what they talk about on at least a basic level, and I have been saying for years the blame and responsibility for the MASSIVE amount of waste and plastic produced has got to come off consumers (mostly) and go onto corporate and government responsibility.

For a while now I have personally made efforts to reduce plastic waste, especially single-use plastics.

I'll keep my phones for years... until they are obsolete beyond repair and replacement.

It really bothers me... and I'm getting more and more bothered.

Even in my art I am very conscious of waste, for years now.

Even though the fine art world in all honesty is so tiny compared to everything else.

When I plein air my total waste is 2 pieces of biodegradable palette paper.

Almost 0% of any pigment goes down the drain.

I re-use my solvent for YEARS.

I recycle old clothing for oily rags and use it until I just can't anymore.

My paint tubes are metal, except the caps but I can't control that unfortunately.

I would like for Gamblin to switch back to metal and glass jars, and I might email them about it (again).

Acrylic painters, by the way, are pouring tons of pigment AND PLASTIC down the drain.

Acrylic paint is PLASTIC.

Oil paint is just plant oil (linseed, walnut, poppy, safflower) and pigment.

2. Rent.  My rent went up. I got the new envelope yesterday. And they accidentally gave me the wrong one, for the people above me who have been here like 2 years.

18 years in a rent-stabilized apartment and I'm $160 less a month than they are.

(I don't know when their next increase is though)

And their place is new and renovated--- my apartment is old... either original 80 years old or from the early 1990s. I live very simply; nothing about my place is fancy. It's just a basic 80 year old NYC one bedroom apartment.

This bothers me... I have always known I'm not far from market value here.... even though people think because I'm stabilized and have been here so long my rent must be really low.  It isn't.

I'm absolutely terrified at rent increases and cost of living going forward.

And I'm in a GOOD situation... and it's like this.

Housing costs in the future scare me more than anything else.

The rent increases terrify me.

I have anxiety attacks over this that last for DAYS.

I'm in one right now.

I'm trying to remind myself that everything is still ok, I can afford the rent, I really am ok...

I'm so scared for the future.... with housing costs and the destruction of the planet... because over the last 20 years it's gotten exponentially worse and no one is stopping the business practices and overproduction and waste that's fueling sales and profit-driven businesses that do not care after they sold you whatever.

And Gen Z for all their "Consciousness" "Sustainability" and "Awareness" and some of the biggest problem contributors with their consumerism.  SHEIN. TikTok.  Influencers. Fast Fashion. Uber Eats and delivery. They say all the right words and do nothing in actual practice to live a more environmentally sustainable life. Then complain about anxiety and despondency over it.

*********

Today is Thanksgiving and Daya is coming over later and we will have a quiet nice day.

I don't feel like doing anything except hiding from the world.

Snow Painting & Things Coming out of the Woodwork

This past week has been very strange, basically Daya's aunts overseas (not her father thank goodness) have come out of the woodwork to contact her. One of them is in NY for a few days on business.

It was extremely triggering and I needed time to process and settle.

I'm ok now.

But their intentions are good and interestingly-- and this says a LOT- they haven't been in contact with him for years, for "numerous reasons"...... He was very close with his family so he really must have been up to Some Shit over the years. Well, I don't know and I don't care as long as I have no connection in any way with him.

Daya is an adult and can make her own decisions.

But because it's a very strange experience for Daya, she doesn't feel a connection to them at all, and she has been up to her eyeballs in rehearsals and performances, the honest truth is that the initial connections wouldn't have happened without my assistance. Daya can be unresponsive if she doesn't know what to say and she's so busy. She did ask me for help.

And no I don't have to do it.

But I do think it is the right thing.

I don't know how interested Daya is in establishing and maintaining a relationship with them, but that's her choice. I'll help if she wants me to, but aside from that it's not my place (and they haven't asked) to tell them anything about her.

We are meeting one aunt later today and Daya does want me to come with her, so I will do that.

********

Yesterday I went up to Thendara Mountain Club, it is near Tuxedo NY/Bear Mountain area for a boathouse volunteer trip. There is snow so of course I painted it.

8x10 oil on Canson paper

Painting time about an hour and a half

Temps were cold but still above freezing.

I only brought lavender spike oil and the CCS Lean medium, probably didn't need both.

As much as I love my linen panels my winter equipment is a lot heavier, so I used the paper instead, it is significantly lighter. I also left my solvent jar at home. Any extra weight to shed is good.

I do prefer my solvent jar to clean brushes but honestly it's optional; I can do without it.

My feet did not get cold! At all! Boot-coats, electric socks, toilet rug, and extra warmers for the win! Gear held up well.... I hope to paint subzero again soon and see how long I can last standing out there!

19

Today Daya is 19!

She just wanted to come home for dinner and watch a movie.

Which was fine by me.

We ordered sushi.... this child ate NINE (9) rolls.

I don't know how she can physically do that, but she did.

Said it was nothing.

NINE ROLLS

She liked all her presents.

The cats were happy to see her, and it was a nice quiet evening.

I hope all her birthday wishes come true.

Mixing It Up in The Ramble

Today I went to paint my favorite tree in The Ramble.

There was a guy and his dog doing...??????? there, he was in the spot I wanted.

I complained to Mark and Janae via text, and gave it a few minutes in case he was willing to leave.

HE LEFT!!!

I quickly claimed my spot.

So..... honestly, my Tree has had better-looking days but she is my favorite for better or for worse (it is for worse currently...)

I did bring solvent but also committed to practicing this new workflow with just linseed oil so I didn't use it.

It went a little better this time because I cleaned my brushes with the oil... I don't know how Patrick does this with no rag; maybe he just has more brushes.

Actually using the straight oil, especially in the top layers, is better than solvent.

I'm going to practice more, because I want to bring less crap with me, not more......

I will work in Patrick's way for a little while, then balance it and adjust and incorporate in the way that works best for me.

8x10 oil, about 2 hours

I had some struggles and also there are things about this painting I am quite pleased with.

And as always I learned a lot.

This is my 46th plein air for 2024; That's a good number with more to come.... cumulative practice makes a difference.

As long as I am moving forward and learning......

And I will not think about the people half my age who are better than me.

(Well, I'll try....)

Central Park is beautiful right now.

The Cat

I had a couple errands around Union Square, and I was going to take the bus downtown but it was so crowded... So I walked down 5th ave from 79th to 60th and saw this wonderful tree.....

This is why you should walk instead of taking the bus.

Trees like this. (around 72nd st)

Experiments on Rockaway Beach 98

Lately I feel I have gotten a little too routine with my plein air workflow.

(I'm not saying it's easy, it never will be... but I'm feeling too routine.)

That's not good; it's important to re-evaluate and change things up now and then and try new ways of working. It's important to be uncomfortable.

So I have been looking at how Patrick Okrasinski works because I love his plein airs.

It also seems that 9 times out of 10, the people whose work I like have a classical atelier background.... as Patrick does. (That takes money.  A lot of money.)

Anyhow my palette is 90% the same as his (we both use black, and we use it in the same ways, so take that black-haters!), mostly with the exception of his cadmium lemon (which I use only occasionally) and my PG50 cobalt turquoise, which is definitely not traditional.

Patrick also paints on paper more than I do.

I have a bunch of Arches oil paper and I do love it.

But I generally don't use it for plein air; I love my linen panels.

If I had to travel and was going to do a bunch of paintings, I'd use paper too.

But one other main thing that is different is he doesn't use solvent- only straight-up linseed oil.

Yes I know a lot of people paint solvent-free, but I don't. In general the claims about oil paint and toxicity are way overblown, now that actual turpentine is out of the picture for the most part.

Solvent is just another tool that gives a wide range of technical ability.

But a few days ago I watched one of his plein air videos and decided to try this workflow.

I found it challenging mostly because I still have no idea how he keeps his brushes clean between colors.

I don't even see him wipe them on a rag.

I brought 2 rags.

So anyhow, even though I had the overnight shift on the hotline last night and am half brain-dead, I needed to stay awake so I went to the beach to paint.

I felt a little uncoordinated with the paint handling, my biggest challenge was switching colors and keeping the brushes clean. And layering the paint feels different. This is something I may have to practice a bit in studio, and it's worthwhile to do so.

While I am unlikely to give up solvent, painting like this may give me easier travel options.

Also, the paint feels nice working in this way. I need to try again when I'm not completely brain-dead.

8x10 oil on Arches paper

This pigeon came right over to say hi.

The ocean is magical.

I Am Unreasonable, A Labyrinth Dilemma, and ...REALLY?

I went to the office today and made tea, because i am always making tea.

Usually the kitchen has nice small teaspoons.

Not today.

They were all gone.

So I had to use the shovel pictured below to stir my tea.

I work for a British company and this would never fly in the London office!

The reason I am unreasonable to complain about this is that I have a spoon of the correct size in my backpack.

I always carry one. Because you never know when you will need a spoon.

I just didn't feel like washing it.

**********

There is a little labyrinth in Battery Park, and I want to paint there.

So today I took a walk at lunch to scope out the location.

I couldn't find it......

It's been a while since I was in Battery Park and it is a fuckcluster (and also a clusterfuck) of construction.

I am so embarrassed for my city.

It's so bad.

After texting with Kedrin, commiserating about the construction, and admitting defeat, I finally found the hidden secret entrance, which looks like it is barricaded by construction.  You'd never find it unless you were specifically looking.

I can't believe I found it!

It is a very peaceful adorable clearing- or it would be without the construction.

I'm not sure if I want to paint here or not (yet) because that dumb construction wall is such a bummer.

I could move the landscape at the left over, but I don't know.

It does affect the light, and not in a good way.

Something to think about.

********

This train notification just came in....... REALLY? SERIOUSLY?

THIS is what we have come to???

Monster Easel and Not-Good Evening Thoughts

I assembled the rest of this monster easel after I got home from my shift last night.

I got home around midnight, and the assembly was done right before 2am.

It had to happen.

Today I didn't leave my apartment.  Although I didn't get everything done that needs doing, I did get my studio in good working order and I did start a new painting.

I also pulled out an old Topiary Cat series I started in 2018 (!!!); I'd really like to finish it.

This easel is a monster! It hits the ceiling but so does my old one so I expected it.

Kedrin is coming over in a few weeks with her hand saw and palm sander, and we're going to chop a few inches off the mast so I can raise the tray a little higher.

My space is still tight but much cleaner and more organized.  I needed this; I didn't realize how much.

I had years of buildup; it happens.  I threw out a bunch of stuff I never use and cleared a lot of space.

My easel area is organized and functional.

I LOVE the crank system on this easel!

And it has that front tray, which is removable.

Maybe I'll use that, maybe I won't.

New easel and old easel

Coming Soon: Easel Amputation!

Isis is very pleased.

And the end setup with Brush Farm moved to the window.

I put Rocco under the window so the cats can still go up there.

*******

I painted a little tonight and it felt good and also weird to just paint from my head and know I can take my time and work in layers. I haven't done a larger layered studio oil painting in a while and it feels so different, like I don't know what I'm doing. I feel artistically wobbly.

And maybe that's why what something a friend of mine said on Facebook really bothered me tonight......

My friend X, who I have corresponded with for many years and have taken a class with, is a true master. As in scary freakishly good. They are also a wonderful teacher. I respect them immensely and love their work.

And out of nowhere they posted a dvd class another artist has on their website and trashed the guy's work. Said it's B-level school work and he shouldn't be taking money from people.

The painting on the DVD is not the guy's best work.

So of course I went to the guy's website.

He's a working professional painter, has a lot of work and an impressive educational resume.

He has studied with some top names in the American Fine Art World.

He has 5 or 6 galleries representing him.

He's a signature member of OPA.

He's not just some guy calling himself "self-taught" who paints from photos.

Is he as good as my friend?

Not even close.

When you're at the master level X is, I can see how it would be bothersome.

Hell, *I* roast bad art all the time, especially in museums.

But unless the person was being mean and arrogant somehow, I wouldn't do that to a current professional working artist.

Do I personally care for his style? Mostly no.

He's got some nice stuff but honestly- mostly it's not my favorite.

But I don't think he deserves to be trashed either.

His work is not so compelling I would study with him, but in all fairness, he's WAY more accomplished than I am.

What do other really good artists see in my work?

All my mistakes?

Maybe I'm that crappy too.

I'm not accomplished at all; I'm just some girl who has a corporate job, paints in my apartment (and everywhere else) and is thrilled at a $300 sale.

Maybe I've fought against brutal life to keep painting and working all these years just to never get beyond mediocre.

It's Difficult & Miserable to Paint in Strong Wind

Even though we have a Red Flag Warning today, I couldnt just stay home and not paint.

But I was really dragging this morning, and I have a hotline shift tonight so I have to time everything.

Last night I woke up in the middle of the night to the smell of fire.

Everything seemed ok so I went back to sleep, only to learn this morning the palisades were on fire last night.  That's bad.

I got myself together and went down to the Jamaica Bay Wildlife Refuge, hoping for an easy trip and some solitude in nature.

Of course there was a school group there.......mostly I was able to stay away from them.

The wind was really bad and I was miserable, regretting my decision to go out and paint.

The painting is a little messier than I wanted, however it was physically impossible to hold the brush steady with the wind; it was so strong. Also the wind blowing on me had me crying for the whole second half of the painting.  It's difficult to paint through tears. oh well.

8x10 oil

I am feeling very overwhelmed, chaotic, and stressed, so being outdoors painting in nature is helping me stay afloat, even if I still feel unbalanced. Hopefully next week will be better.

AND... look what was waiting for me when I got home...!!!!!

FINALLY.

Now I can finish assembling that damn easel.

As dumb as it sounds, I feel like everything in my apartment has been on hold since a week ago Wednesday because of this. It's a wreck in here.

I need it out of the way (and it is taking up a LOT of floor space), I need it in its space so I can arrange everything else, purge, and clean. I need my studio to be functional again.

Of course the assembly has to wait now because I have a hotline shift...... ugh....