Today I am 47.
I took the day off to paint the giant pigeon on the High Line, and since it gets so crowded up there, I was positioned and ready to go right a sunrise, 7:23am.
The pigeon took around 4 hours to complete.
8x10 oil
I LOVE the pigeon!
He's hand-painted and lives up at 30th and 10th, but not permanently.
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DRUSILLA sent me the best card ever, here i am painting on a snailchicken!!
It's amazing
Painting by Drusilla Kehl
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My aunt sent me a very unexpected and generous check for my birthday.
I sat with it for a moment, processing.
And then I told myself in a very stern voice that I am not allowed to pay the vet bill with it.
All I ever do is take care of things.
And if there isn't something immediate to take care of, I stash anything extra away because I know something will come up that needs taking care of, which always does happen.
I do small stuff for myself here and there but it's been a long time since I did something just for myself of any significance.
So, I sat there looking at the check and said "You can do anything with this. You don't have to save it, you don't have to take care of stuff with it. What do you want?"
I replied, "..... I dunno."
And that's not a good thing.
It's not good to be at a place in life where you have forgotten how to want anything and have no idea what you do want.
I mentioned this to Kedrin and she completely understood. She got it.
(This is also something I told Daya in the summer.... we went over her numbers and I told her to take x amount of money and do whatever she wants with it.
Both of us are unbalanced with money in this way; we're not over-spenders, we have anxiety spending too much, particularly on ourselves. She probably learned this from me, unfortunately. She's more of a tight-wad than I am, actually.)
So I said to myself, "Just think about it."
The next morning I realized there is something I really do want and need, although it's more of a want.
It's been so long I actually have forgotten that I need/want a new studio easel.
Part of the reason I haven't been doing much studio work is that my workspace is uncomfortable.
So I ordered a new easel from Jerrys with a crank system, and it should arrive tomorrow! How exciting!