I Am So Slow and Repurposing Pastels

This Winter has been the lamest excuse for a Winter we have had for a long time.
No snow and it has been eerily warm.

This is a real bummer for those of us who like to go paint in the snow.

Last year my gear held up really well, and it is always an evolving thing.

This year..... well, I really need new boots.

My Big Plan was to get a new pair on the next painting sale, whenever that happens.

But my boots are shot and it's beyond the repairs I have already done with duct tape.

They are literally coming apart and are definitely no longer waterproof.

I got them in September 2019, which I only remember because Daya had just started at LaGuardia and we were talking about it at the shoe store.

I think the reason my boots only lasted 5 winters is because I did not realize I should go up a size to account for layering, and let me tell you when I have sock layers on they are VERY DIFFICULT to get on. (And off.)

Also, they zip up the side and the laces are mostly just decoration.

This is fine if you don't need to seriously layer your feet.

Anyhow I decided not to wait for whenever a painting sells, because my boots are really dead.

This is something I am willing to spend some money on because I need good quality and something that will last. And... they were on sale and I ended up paying only $83!! Less than I expected!! They are less than a pair of pointe shoes!!

These are Columbias, subzero, waterproof, they weigh a lot less than my old boots (that is very important and the #1 reason I never, ever wear my old Sorels), I got them in a size 7 (the old ones are a 6), and they are lace-up so can better adjust for layering.

The other thing I got....... I will never, ever know what the hell took me so long, I am so, so slow it is embarrassing is this:

A BALACLAVA! What took me so long?  Isn't it wonderful? It is very comfy too.

Ski equipment is a winter painter's best resource!

Now I just need a real winter to go with my new gear.

*************
Last night there was an opening for a student show at the Art Students League.

My friend Janette has 3 paintings in the show, and she invited me.

I invited Georgina and Kedrin.

There was cheese and wine and it was a good evening.

My friend's three paintings:

My friend is taking an egg tempera class and............... oh man now I want to try tempera too.

Kevin Wueste says it's like wearing a hairshirt LOL....

But I actually think I have everything I need except for properly primed panels laying around my studio.... including a perfectly-sized glass jar I just moved to my drawing table last week because it was kitchen clutter. (this is for the egg yolk)

Natural Pigments has a pigment powder set, so does Kremer.... but I'm going to skip that and use pastel dust.

We all know I have an absolutely stupid amount of pastels, and I see no reason why I can't use powdered pastel dust to make tempera.

I need to run to Blick anyhow to get a couple plein air paint refills, so I'll pick up some Claybord, which is a good surface for tempera.

How Life Changes

Daya has been accepted into the Pacific-Northwest Ballet summer intensive.

It is a 5 week program in Seattle.

It's a competitive program and I'm proud of her.

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However-- and I told her this several months ago-- summer intensives are not a priority any longer.

From my perspective, they are no longer a "dance need", they are a want.

It has no impact on college prep.

And I'm not paying for it.

Every summer since she was 12, I pay about $3,000 for her summer training.

It's time to lay that burden down.

Well, it's just going to transition to another form because you know, college.

It's time for Daya to get a job. Or two.

Start earning and saving money for college this summer.

Get into the real world a bit.

Experience life and people outside the Magic Dance Bubble.

This is what happens when you grow up.

***************

Daya also applied for the SAB summer program, which no one gets into.

It was also the first summer program she ever auditioned for when she was 12.

I think we both wanted to see if she could get in, especially after LaG and MYB training, so I said ok to the audition and I paid the $40.

Along with that came the caveat that it doesn't mean I'm paying for it if she gets in.

She said ok. She didn't get in so no worries there.

Then one of her teachers at LaG said she should audition for ABT and if she got in they might be able to pull strings for a scholarship. 

Once again I said I'm not paying for it, and also you have to pay the $40 for the audition this time.

Daya got mad and asked why I wouldn't pay for ABT since I paid for SAB.

I said "Consider it a gift."

She didn't like that answer but she went ahead and paid the $40 herself.

She got into a different ABT program than the one she wanted, so that's a no.

Fine by me.

***************

Daya could not audition for PNB in-person on the audition tour because we were in LA that weekend.  

I didn't even know she submitted a video until after it was done.

One of her MYB teachers helped her.

PNB states clearly on their website they do NOT offer financial aid to video submissions.

Her teacher said he has family there that has housed dancers before.

Despite the fact that no one discussed this with me, and my afore-mentioned requirement that Daya gets a job(s) this summer, I acknowledged that she was looking for a way to make it happen that was not through me. 

And that's a good thing. It's a mature approach.

Tuition plus room and board is $6,770.

Plus airfare.

And at least 3-4 pairs of pointe shoes ($3-400).

But let's face it, no one gives free room and board for 5 weeks, even if she stays with a local family.

I wouldn't do it, nor would I expect anyone else to do it.

**************

The reality is even if by some bizarre miracle she gets what I am estimating is likely to run upwards $7,600, THIS IS NOT THE PRIORITY and she needs to GET A JOB.

Developmentally, she needs to start working. 

A first job is a major part of growing up.

You cannot get a summer job if you're gone for 5 weeks.

I would never pay this much, ever, for a dance intensive.

The only reason she got to go to Chicago last summer was 2 scholarships.

And I still didn't really get a break, because she had other dance expenses, like her solo choreographer.  She needed clothing and new shoes. And dance stuff. There were a lot of incidentals, and this stuff adds up fast.

I was very glad to be able to provide that support, and also get her some things she really had been needing but didn't want to ask for.

********

But this summer, we are transitioning.

This is such a weird year in so many ways.

Recurring

It is Tuesday morning.

I woke up at 7 but I don't have to log into work until 8, and even then probably no one is going to care.

Today Daya starts the Winter Move NYC Intensive which runs through Saturday. 

This is her last Move intensive.

I managed to make my tea before she took over the kitchen.

As I write this post she's in there now.

*********

Yesterday was a total bust, in a VERY annoying way.

It was Presidents day, so I had the day off.

Daya went to Brooklyn on Sunday and slept over so she was gone.

And the weather was gorgeous, perfect for painting.

I was going to go somewhere new, either to Greenwood Cemetery or up to Cold Spring on Metro-North for a change of scenery.

Except.

On Sunday morning something was in my right eye and it was irritating.

I spent the whole day trying to get whatever-it-was out and I think I did but I really irritated my eye.

On Monday I woke up hoping it would be better but I was still sore and completely swollen.

Shit.

I couldn't put my contact lens in and I couldn't go out like that either so I was stuck at home.

Yes I could have painted at home and I thought about it a lot but I just didn't and my left eye wasn't up for it solo.....

What a stupid annoying waste of a day.

This morning I'm not 100% but I'm also not swollen and I can wear my contact lens again.

********

And last night I had my recurring dream again.

I have 2 recurring dreams, one about my ex (it's a nightmare actually, and it is very infrequent) and the other about my apartment.

I have my recurring apartment dream a lot.

The details of the dream vary but it's always the same plotline:

I move out (for various reasons) and then deeply regret it and try to get my apartment back and I can't, and I end up in a worse situation.

Even in my dream last night I said "This is my recurring dream, how can I be so dumb?" and I ended up stuck in a tiny falling-apart studio apartment.

And by tiny I mean TINY and by falling-apart I mean the ceiling was coming off.

And I was stuck there due to finances AND it ended up being even more expensive than my old apartment!

I have had variants of this same dream countless times over many years.

They are always very real and it is always a relief to wake up.

The Juilliard Callback

What a day.

I'm exhausted and glad it's over.

Daya and Amanda went to the callback together.

I am friends with Amanda's mom.

We have been praying all week and trying not to freak out, especially after the cuts last weekend.

On Friday I started a candle.

*******

Dyaa and I left together and parted ways on the way over.  She went to Juilliard and I went to St Patrick's to light candles for her and Amanda.

My plan was to paint, so I walked all the way West from St Pat's over to the park.

I went through Lincoln Center....

Over to Juilliard.....

Past LaGuardia......

And right over to the river.

I looked for a spot....

Almost painted here but didn't because i was such a ball of nerves and couldn't do something too complex.....

I ended up here:

Oh, also, it was pretty cold.

Low 30s, just above freezing.

I was a nervous wreck and it shows in the painting.

Weirdly this only took an hour... and I also got really cold.

8x10 oil

*********

Amanda's mom was waiting at Juilliard so I went over there to wait and be scared.

The student lounge wall is cool.

*****************

Daya had to be at Juilliard at 9:30 and it started at I think 10am.

Because Juilliard pre-screens and you have to be invited to the in-person audition, the day is different than it used to be and there are fewer cuts.

But there are cuts.

So Josie and I were waiting VERY anxiously and having no idea what was going on.

Just after 1pm we heard the first part was over and the audition panel was in deliberations... meaning the first cuts.

Then the girls finally texted us........

PHEW!

More waiting......

Josie and I both left for a little while to run some separate errands.

Getting out of there and walking around helped a lot.

This Juilliard audition was a truly terrifying experience.

We returned to await more news...............

And............

SHE MADE IT!!!!

THEY ***BOTH*** MADE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Does this mean they are accepted?

No.

It means they are on the final list for serious consideration and have not been eliminated.

The day started with 28 people and 12 made it to interviews, so similar to last week.

Juilliard does three days of callbacks in NYC and one day in San Francisco.

They will be done next weekend.

What Daya has done-- getting to this point--- is nothing short of extraordinary.

It is truly extraordinary and I don't know any other words for it.

****************

How The Audition Works

The Juilliard callback audition consists of three sections.

First- ballet, modern (they did Limon), repertory (to see how they pick up choreography) and improv.

That lasted from 10am-1pm.

Then they did cuts.

Next was solos.

Then another round of cuts.

Lastly they did interviews.

Daya was interviewed by Risa Steinberg who is apparently a legend in the dance world.

Questions she was asked:

Why Juilliard, interests outside of dance, a challenge she had to overcome.

They were all done right around 4.

Now we will wait on an admission decision, we will hear sometime by or before April 1.

*****
When it was all over we went out for celebratory sushi.

__PRESENT

Bethesda Fountain Senior Pictures vs Bubble Guy

It is a LaGuardia tradition to take senior class pictures- the whole class and each studio- at Bethesda fountain.

I volunteered to chaperone when Daya was a Freshman, and I went again today.

It's a fun trip.

It is unnaturally warm for February....

Here is the whole senior class.  this will be a 2-page spread in the yearbook, hence the gap in the middle.

I have no idea where Daya is.

Then all the studios were photographed, Dance went first.

They had to be back at school by 12 because of a rehearsal and an audition.

I was the designated person to being 20 of them back separately if needed, but we all ended up leaving together.  It was good timing because they all needed to have lunch.

Daya is in the back left.

There is a guy who makes his living standing in the center of the circle blowing bubbles.

It's his racket, to photobomb everyone, and I guess people pay him to move.

Bubble Guy would not move for the class pictures, and had to be paid off- TWICE.

I think LaG staff must have anticipated this because someone had cash.

I think this is a shitty fuckwit thing to do to public high school kids.

********

I had keys I needed to give to another dance parent, so I went back to school to figure out what to do.

Security would not take the the keys.

I was not staying til 1:45.

So...... they would let me up to the 8th floor to bring them to the dance office, which I did.

Alll the stairs.....

At least 4 of the escalators were working....

The escalators only go up to the 7th floor, not all the way up to 8.

I don't know how or why that brilliant decision was made, maybe there is no room on 8 because of the dance studios.

This wouldn't be a proper LaG post without stairs.

And... on my way down (the escalators only go up) there were three other people coming down with me from other floors and ALL OF THEM were going down these stairs while looking at their damn phones.

SHEESH.

What have we become, with all this screen addiction, that people can't tear themselves away long enough to walk down a few flights of stairs?

******

There is a lot of art in the building and I like to see what the art kids are up to, in particular the paintings. Some of it is meh, some of it is too-much-photo-reference,  and some of it is really good.

I think these paintings are really good, remember a high schooler did them.

I like the 2 on the right- the plants with the light and the water.

The Fantastic Vat of Toxic Sludge

I have the day off work for a dr appointment, which was kind of a waste of time and I'm left with no answers, $45 paid, and feeling concern where I did not before.

I have a tiny bump in the inner corner of my left eye, right above the lid in the crease.
It's been there for a couple of years, and the classic timeworn approach of "hoping it will go away on its own" has not worked.

It isn't very noticeable unless you are looking for it, but it's definitely something new that isn't going away.

(The dr had trouble finding it but once I pointed it out he saw it.)

Last December I spoke about it to my retina dr because of the location.  (I have a scleral buckle in my left eye from when my retina detached in 1991.)  She saw it immediately nd said it was probably a cyst, and I need an ocular plastics doctor. She gave me a referral.

The dr I saw today said it was not a cyst and he doesn't know what it is.  He also said he doesn't want to take my case on, which I understand. He gave me the name of another dr that might possibly know what's going on but I don't want to do anything without first speaking to my retina dr.

I do respect that this doctor was honest about this being out of his league. I know I'm a tough case.

So... I don't know.

I'm really tired of dealing with my eyes, I'm tired of looking funny, I'm tired of all the things that go along with a lifetime of having something wrong that is visibly noticeable, I'm just tired of all of it. 

Everything is too much.

********

After my doctor appointment I headed over to 3 Times Square to see my friend Janet and pick up a huge vat of toxic sludge!

Yes, I understand this needs an explanation.

Back in the World Before Covid, the Reuters Art group met on-site.

There are leftover supplies from that time.

Including a huge massive jar of used Gamsol.

Janet had no idea what to do with it, nd I will always take Gamsol, so I told her I would take it.

Solvent is reusable. All the junk settles to the bottom, leaving clean clear solvent on top. I need to let it sit for a week or so because there was much sloshing on the way home... some sediment needs to re-settle. Then I will pour off the clean solvent into a new container.

As far as the sludge, I'll keep it by the open window and let it dry out completely for a couple months. It will turn into a rock which can then go in the garbage.

****************

3 Times Square is like a zombie office building.

It's freaky-weird.

This place used to be full of life and people, so vibrant, now it's just empty and dead-feeling.

The elevators got upgraded to touch pads, like in our office downtown.

I never thought I would take this picture again.

I forgot Janet is on 19 so I went to 17.

Yep this looked more familiar.

My old spot on the platform at Times Square.

__PRESENT

Some Juilliard Stuff & Other Sundries

This morning I thought I would go to the park and paint with some leftover paint from yesterday, but I ended up just walking around.

Exercise, I suppose.

**********

Four (4) kids from LaGuardia got Juilliard callbacks.

That in itself is a big deal, almost no one gets a callback.

Daya's friends E and K had their callback audition today.

They both got cut.

The audition is all day and Juilliard cuts people as the day progresses.

If you make it to the interview at the end, then you wait until April 1st to find out if you made it in or not.

If you get cut you're out, the end.

I'm a bit freaked out that K and E got cut, to be honest.
Both of them are scary-good. K won Young Arts this year and that is a Very Big Deal.

And she got cut!

The day started with 29 people, 11 made it to interviews.

Daya and her friend A go in next Saturday.

This is all very nerve-wracking, and dealing with this stuff isn't in ANY of the parenting books!

We basically need an Act of God.

Getting into Juilliard is truly an Act of God.

No one knows what they look for or how they find it.

************

This is a very similar situation to when Daya was auditioning for LaGuardia, which is also impossible to get into. The thing about it is- there is a perspective balance between dreaming big but not being allowed to crash if it doesn't happen.

LaGuardia was like that and so is Juilliard.

Daya really, really wants it- and I want it for her as well.

It would be a good fit, she is the same kind of crazy as Juilliard.

I do think it is a good energy match.

Do I think she can do it?

Yes. Yes I do.

But she can't crash if she doesn't get it. She just can't.

It's like... you can't be devastated if you don't win the mega-millions jackpot.

Life doesn't end.

***********

Anyhow A's mom and I are both extremely nervous this week, and freaked out that E and K got cut.

***********

Jackie and i met tonight to go see the new magic Mike movie.

It was really fun.

Highly recommended for a goofy night out.

New Wave Pier & More Pencils

Today was a quiet day, I had no particular plans and the weather was good, so I went out painting.

I'm trying to find some new spots- today I went over to New Wave Pier which is all the way East, right by the UN building.

8x10 oil, about 2 hours

This is the strangest statue...

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After painting I went for a good walk over to Blick on 20th and 6th.

I need more tiny Princeton brushes (I always need them) and I wanted a set of those Chromaflow colored pencils.

I don't really understand why the set of 24 was $26.08 but the set of 36 is $46.58.

So 24 pencils comes out to 1.17 per pencil, but if you get 36 of them it's 1.29.

That's at Blick.

There's an Amazon listing at $26.58 for 24 and ... $54.53 for 36!

This is bizarre pricing and it doesn't make any dang sense to me.

I honestly don't need or want more than 24 of these pencils.

They are quite nice and I like them, they are fine for general sketchbook stuff, travel, and mainly for non-serious relaxing.  There is a good range of colors in the tin.  I'd like a light blue but whatever. It's not like I don't already have too many pencils.

*********

Daya is at a sleepover tonight so I have the apartment to myself plus the cats.

__PRESENT

USC Again

This week has been a haze of ... I don't even know.  It's been a weird haze.

Work is slow. For the whole team, not just me. I don't like being so slow at work.

I did go to the office on Wednesday to break up a week of being in my apartment day after day.

This morning Daya sent me an email that she got from USC, asking for missing financial aid info.

The thing abut USC is... they use the CSS Profile, which is like the FAFSA on crack.

They had a hard deadline for submission on ... Jan 9th, which is stupid-early.

I didn't even know about it and I missed it, so I never submitted the CSS profile to them because the lady I spoke to said it was a HARD deadline.

Also I have mentioned my feelings on USC before.

Well, I called them this morning and they said yes go ahead and submit it, they'll accept it.

So I did.

I guess USC is back in the running, I keep trying to pull the plug on this school and I keep failing.

Taco Tuesday

 Jackie asked if I wanted to meet up for Taco Tuesday.

That's a no-brainer YES.

I'm still feeling really crappy.  

In fact, I'm just slogging through life in general and it's a hard walk.

I'm doing all the things I know to do to keep my energy up but they aren't really doing much.

But tacos always make a Tuesday better!

**********

Dru sent me a video.....

This woman is batshit-crazier than I am.

I actually did watch the whole thing to see if there was a point other than how batshit nuts she is.

There mostly is not.

It did make me want to get a small 24 set of Derwent Chromaflow pencils, which I absolutely do NOT need at all whatsoever... I'll think on it.

__PRESENT