Mesmerized

After a nice lazy morning yesterday, I took Nancy to Da Vinci.

But first, we had mimosas outdoors by the Flatiron building.  Daya had a mango smoothie.

Nancy liked the window reflections.

Paint everywhere!!

Sargent is today with Sid and Dru!!

Nancy is Here

Firstly,
Thank you all for the lovely comments from yesterday.  It really means a lot to me.  Thank you.
Deeply, I thank you.

It is 12:24AM and I need a blog post! Nancy is here. I don't know how, but I Could. Not. Find. Her. in Penn station.  It took over a half hour and many phone calls.

Penn Station is stupid.

Anyhow we managed to find each other and she is here and Pebbles has adopted her.
We are going to Blick today but only after a very slow morning.

Nance                                     Me

Waning

I have been keeping my blog light, mostly because I'm so internally burnt-out I really can't do any kind of Deep Thought. The days fold over each other and stack up behind me, and I just have to get through them one at a time.

This year has been awful, plain and simple. Awful to the point where I have finally decided that having any hope for the things I always wanted to find or experience in my own life has no point or purpose. It is the closure of a decade, in which life has proved many things to me beyond a shadow of doubt, despite my efforts to bring in positive change. Over and over.

I don't even want very much and I am not high maintenance.

******
Raising a child over the last 10 years has, in and of itself, proven to me in a way that nothing else possibly could, that the people who should care- who are, by default, supposed to care, and the other people who say they care- really truly don't. That point has really been driven home, in many ways, on many levels. Repeatedly.

I already know that I have no control over other people. I don't want to control others. It isn't possible to make people care. If they don't, it is best to just look at that honestly and not pretend it is otherwise. I don't want to be around people who think of me as an obligation or a burden.

I'm too old to indulge in fantasy-thinking, except where painting is concerned. Thank goodness I can paint; if not for that, I really don't think I would be around today writing this blog post.

Life presents facts and circumstance which need to be evaluated realistically and truthfully. I really don't know why my life has unfolded as it has; but at this point I just don't see anything else for my life other than raising Daya, going to work, and hopefully painting when I can. What I have lost is any hope and aspiration beyond that.

I could write the book on Positive Thinking; in general it is excellent advice, but it really hasn't worked out too well for me.  Neither has negative thinking. It's hard to see others get their miracles after their hardships when the same does not apply to my own life; this no longer gives me hope. Especially not after the last three years.

As much as I want others to have joy, and I am very genuinely happy for others' happiness, I wish some of that joy would come my way, too.

However, I have discovered that it doesn't really matter what I do or what I think, the results are always the same. It doesn't matter. So why expend the energy.

*******
It is true that I have covered tremendous distance, broken away from things which needed to be broken. Daya has started well ahead of where I ever was.

Daya's life will certainly turn out better than mine. It already has. She has a good stable foundation. Small, but stable. I have to be for her what I never had. There are a lot of things that have been passed to me through generations that end with me. There are patterns that end with me; she is free of them. She never has to hold them, or even have to know about them.

So she has a better chance than I ever really did.

********
Today is my sister's birthday. She is 13 months older. We haven't spoken in years. Since her hostility towards me has always been so very deeply ingrained- and encouraged- since I was born, I am ok with that. It isn't something I think she really can ever change. Even if she wanted to. Sometimes I still think about her though. I always loved my sister. But I don't need that closely-bound deep hostility. I don't know if I will ever hear from her again, and I don't even know if that makes me sad, or not.

*******
If someone wants to have another person in their life, values the relationship, they will show it.  Act like it. People do what they want to do. That is the bottom line, all the time. If someone does not value a relationship, it will fail eventually, no matter who it is.

******
Nancy is coming to visit me tonight.  She will be here until Wednesday.  It will be good to have some company, as i have felt very isolated lately.

******
No NYC picture.  I will make up for it next week.

I *KNEW* It!

Here is my horoscope, from The Onion.
It is spot-on!

Week Of September 15, 2015

I KNEW IT!!

For reals, no joke, the other morning I came to work and my My Little Pony cup was moved!
I moved it back to its proper place, but I have remained extremely suspicious.

Someone deliberately messed with my MLP cup

Extremely Challenging Day

Yesterday was extremely challenging.
One of those domino-effect days.

1. We ditched the school bus in favor of MTA. Don't know what happened, but the normal 7:38, 7:42, and 7:50 buses never showed up. The bus finally showed up at 8:07.

1 1/2. The trains were also messed up. Don't know why. But I had to cleverly maneuver my face out of some guy's armpit, a lady kept stepping on me, and someone else had LOUD ANNOYING music coming out of their headphones.

2. One of my internal work logins was disabled this morning when I got in.
I literally cannot do my work without it. I have a Friday deadline. No information on why it was deactivated. The department that handles it is notoriously horrendous.

3. I have been trying to resolve a very simple issue on my corporate Amex card for a month. It has been an absolute nightmare. Re-submitted requests three times, two agents hung up on me, and this morning an supervisor actually yelled at me when I expressed frustration. You would think they would treat their large corporate clients a little better. I have notified our Global Head of Sourcing Operations.

Issue #2 got resolved late in the afternoon after some serious escalation.

**********
Last night I was walking down the street in my neighborhood, when suddenly a cat darted out.
He sat down right smack in the middle of the sidewalk and started to lick his butt.  (Incidentally, I know of another cat who does this very thing, only in the middle of the floor or where I am walking, not the sidewalk...not mentioning any specific names but it is Isis)

So the cat saw me and stopped licking his butt. He stretched out and- I kid you not- rolled over for a tummy rub.  He didn't get one- sorry, kitty cat.

Hi kitty

It is not possible to be more in-the-way than this

My Cat Won a Makeup Contest

Yes, it's true.
Isis won a makeup contest.

Karen over at Makeup and Beauty Blog does giveaways every week. She is assisted by Tabs, who is awesome.

Isis has a crush on Tabs, so she likes to leave comments sometimes.

Isis left a comment on one of the giveaway posts, and she was randomly selected!  She won a $50 MAC gift card!

My cat won a makeup contest!

I was shocked to see this email:

Hi Jessica (on behalf of Isis the Cat)!

 I hope you like random surprises. :) Remember the September 4th MAC $50
 e-gift card giveaway on MBB? 
Well, you're the lucky girl! You're the winner!

This is nothing like those letters from the FBI!
I know this because Karen did not say "Dear Beneficiary".

Winner

**********
Today I don't have a NYC picture. :(

The New Very Best Escalator

NYC got a new subway Station.  It opened at 1pm this past Sunday.
Since Daya was at work with me yesterday, we both went to check out the new station, Hudson Yards, together. It is now the last stop on the 7 instead of Times Square.

The new station is really cool!

Here is The Gothamist article:

It was a momentous day in the history of NYC subways: the first new subway station in over 25 years opened today at 34th Street and 11th Avenue. The 7 train line was extended by 1.5 miles and its Manhattan terminus is now at the 34th Street-Hudson Yards station, in a gleaming new facility that features the subway system's longest escalator and its first inclined elevator. And it only took eight years and $2.42 billion!

Seriously, the station is cool.  The new escalator is, in itself, a great reason to check out the station.  It has 63rd and Lexington beat! It is really, really cool.

On the 7 heading over

Daya thinks it is cool

 She was very excited that the clock is in military time

Technology

Tunnels!

Daya likes the different 4 font

The baddest escalator in the city!

Bathrooms...... they will be sketchy in about 2 days

or maybe when the novelty of the new station wears off

Looking down the escalator

Escalator angle

This station is also right near Vasari paint!  YEAH!!

I really need to go back just to ride the inclined elevator.

Second Home

Here is my desk at work.
I LOVE my desk.
Since I spend quite a lot of time here, that is a good thing.

It is sunny and comfy.
I have pets (an inflatable blowfish and a small plastic leopard (from Carey)).
And a garden. With two stapeliads, an optunia cactus, and an ivy.

And tea.  And teapots.  Perfectly lined up and organized.

I told my manager that my desk is the Tea Garden of Wonders.
He thinks I need professional help.

Tea Garden of Wonders

Hold Off on Your Emergency

Someone apparently learned this the hard way......

....that sucks....

Wise Investment

One of the best things I ever invested in was a large clear umbrella.  Two, actually- one for me, one for Daya.

Mine lives at work.

There are serious advantages to a clear umbrella:
1) You can keep the rain off and see where you are going, regardless of wind direction
2) If you are short like me, and your face is right at umbrella-spoke-end height, the clear umbrella serves as a very effective armor. Umbrellas are dangerous to short people. Especially short people with contact lenses.
3) Folded up, it makes a great weapon, if necessary.

Times Square,

as seen from inside umbrella

NOTE 1: FYI the absolute most disgusting place in NYC in the rain is Canal Street.
NOTE 2: I don't mind Times Square in the rain, especially with my umbrella armor, because THE CREEPY CHARACTERS ARE NOT OUT.

When in Doubt...

.... wear red eye shadow.

One of the things I love about NYC is that you can really get away with wearing anything.
Sure, people will definitely laugh at you, take pictures, and post it on their blog if you look stupid....

like this girl....

This is not the worst I have seen though.

Not at all.

...and I have been known, like any good New Yorker, to regularly go to Duane Reade (the drugstore/everything store) in my jammas (which are usually black but still...)

But here, in general, you can wear anything and you are fine.

Especially because there is always someone who looks way more bizarre than you look.

It's true that, in general, people probably do dress up more here than in other areas of the country. I am usually over-dressed when I am somewhere else, but I'm comfortable.

So back to red eyeshadow.  It works, and I love it.

I will wear any color, to work or wherever, and it suits me just fine.  It is fun.

Sonic from Urban Decay Vice 3

Carpet Poisoning

The carpet is getting replaced in the office.  This is a great thing because the carpet is very old and very nasty. It pre-dates my employment here, which is just shy of ten (10) years.

So, yay new carpet. The floor was sectioned off and every night a new section gets new carpet.

Except.

It stinks. I had a spinning pounding headache yesterday.  I did not connect it to the carpet until my manager came over and said he was having a bad reaction to the carpet, bad headache etc.  Another co-worker also has a bad headache.  Can't be a coincidence.

It should clear up in several days, but in the meantime we have been poisoned by the new carpet.

New Toxic Carpet

Nasty Old Toxic Carpet

Fifth Grade!

 

Quick!

Quick!  Look at this picture- what is it?

They are round canvases.
But they totally look like toilet seats, right??

I saw these at Da Vinci art supply.

FWIW, I have exactly zero interest working on a round or other strange-shaped canvas.


*******
Today is the first day of fifth grade!

Seeing Things

Here is a spot of I-don't-know-what on the subway platform at Times Square.

I see a ballet dancer in it.
Do you see it, too?

Dead Beach

Daya's foot is feeling much better and she is back to practicing dance.
We stayed in again yesterday, which gave me some time at the easel.

Here is a dead beach painted with a dead palette.

6x8 oil on canvas panel
About three hours

Apparently watching me paint is extremely boring. Pebbles was supposed to be supervising and providing technical expertise, but she fell asleep in the Brush Farm.

Here are all the paints used in the dead beach.
I love my Williamsburg Italian Earths. They are earth pigments from different regions in Italy.

It is what is called a "dead palette" - traditionally an earth red, earth yellow, black and white.
Dead palettes are very fun. They are far more versatile than they might appear at first.

Injury

Daya has sustained her first dance-related injury.  On Thursday afternoon in class she landed wrong from a jump and bruised a ligament in her foot pretty badly. She has had to stay off it as much as possible, and keep an ice pack on it.

Thankfully she says it is feeling much better this evening.
I'm so glad it wasn't worse like a break or a fracture.

***********
Here are some very pretty sunset clouds.

Cobalt Lights

Here is a little painting I did last night, about 4 hours.

6x8 oil on canvas panel

I did not go out at all yesterday, so here is a picture of the paint I used on the painting instead of a NYC picture.

Williamsburg Cobalts

Notice

Last night as I was going to get Daya from dance, a stranger stopped me in the subway.

I thought she was going to ask me for directions, because EVERYONE asks me for directions.  I am Directions Central.  Everywhere I go.

But no.

She stopped me to tell me my dress was great and I was rocking it. Wow.  She said that especially New Yorkers, who are in such a rush all the time, need to take the time to notice and appreciate the beauty in the people around them.

And wow, she stopped me to tell me that!

She wanted to know where I got my dress....I got it a few years ago on ebay I think, for $15-$20.

I gave her a big hug.  She made my whole day.  My whole week.

And it is so true...we need to stop and notice the beauty in the people around us, and tell them about it.

If you see a stranger and you notice something great about them, tell them about it!

Extremely rare pic of me

A Perfect Solution

The very best place in my apartment to put wet oil paintings to dry is on top of my bookcases.
I have not been able to do that, because the cats.....

(Furball) 

......like to go up on top of the bookcases.  They step on wet paintings and knock things over, usually in the middle of the night.


BUT LOOK! The rats fit perfectly on the cabinet between two bookcases!
This is an effective cat-block, so far.

Please pardon the irony of the Fancy Feast box in there

Perhaps the cats (Furball) will eventually get coordinated and smart enough to jump from the floor to the top of the cage, But in the meantime the bookcase tops are cat-free, which is good for wet paintings.

*********
And the picture of the day..........

.....Because you never know when you might experience a fork shortage.

Frightening

The streets are scary.
Times Square used to be a pretty seedy place.
Then Disney took over, and it is scary for different reasons.

Because things like THIS are out there, roaming around!

Creepy Mutant Elsa

Her face peels off.......

This is even more disturbing.

Logic-Defying

It is September THANK GOODNESS.
The equinox is in less than a month.  Phew.

So, this month I am going to do a daily image of life around me.  Granular details of everyday life.

This will force me to look for newness in the daily routine, in the daily mundane.
It will help me to focus on the small positive details.

Or strange. I do live in NYC, after all.

*********
I had to go to the post office to mail a package.  My favorite thing about the post office is that it is a block and a half away. And the postal workers are generally pretty nice.

Also, R2-D2 and Spiderman live at the post office.

I wanted to use my credit card to pay for the postage. The post office lady rejected my card because the back wasn't signed.  That's right, it's not. I either don't sign, or usually I write See ID.

I gave her my state ID and that was not good enough for her to accept my card, because I had not signed the back.

She told me to sign my card, right then and there.  Anyone could do that!  And somehow that would have been more valid and secure than my un-signed card along with my ID.......

Well, I did not sign my card, I used my debit card instead.

But it is absurd.
How is my ID not good enough to prove my identity to use my own credit card?