Pretty Flowers

Brute Squad & Six Ears

My sister's dog, Cheyenne, turned 10 years old yesterday! So I sent her a present. Every dog needs a "Squirrel Dude" toy. I call Cheyenne "Brute Squad" because, you know, she's BIG.

Here is Cheyenne...Happy Birthday!!!!



I think I've mentioned my sister's mutant cat before?

Well, here she is in true cat-form. Funny, the pic Christine sent me wasn't very accurate- the third ear was missing. So, because I like to represent truthfully, I had to fix it.

Christine calls this pic "Siamese Twins". I call it "Six Ears."

Whitney Finished

Hello out there from Vector Land!

Here is the final version of Whitney. :)

Whitney

Firstly, thank you so much to Julie and Serena who have checked in on me numerous imes since my last post. Your kindness and concern really and truly touches me deeply. Thank you.

Secondly, I'm doing well. My blog has been sadly neglected but what can I say; I have a Gemini Rising- I can be flaky.

Third: this post, juxtaposed with the previous one, is both ironic and very cool. Because, friends, I got an illustration commission. That means someone is paying me to draw, and what is cooler than that????

I have been commissioned to create a character for The Whitney Collection.

Here are the 2 samples I sent to them. They chose the straight haired one, so I'll be working this weekend to finish her in Illustrator.

I started the drawings Wednesday night. When I went to scan the first one in, I discovered much to my dismay that my scanner was dead with no explanation. I tried everything. Re-installed drivers, prayed, nothing. Dead. I tried for an hour and a half to resucitate it. So, since I had to deliver these drawings on Friday, I went and got another scanner yesterday. Bummer. $130. Carried the damn thing all over Manhattan. When I got home, my old scanner immediately started working like nothing ever happened. I guess the threat of replacement put it in line. At least I can return the new one.

Final digital image to come.

Feeling Failure

I had a stern talk with myself a few days ago. Except it didn't seem to make much difference.

See, here's the thing- I am feeling like a dismal artistic failure, and it's all my fault entirely. It's all my fault because I am not producing any work!

Life is short. And I have a gift, an ability. I can draw, I can paint, the art thing is part of my core nature...and I'm doing NOTHING AT ALL with it!

The last painting I finished was over a year ago!

Do I blame having a toddler? Partially- it's hard to do much of anything when she's awake. Or is it more that I am lazy and unmotivated, even more than I am tired? I don't know. If I really wanted to I would, right? And I do want to, I just...don't.

:(

Perspective

A very close friend of mine has a son who was diagnosed with severe emotional and psychological problems at the age of four. Ever since, he's been on different formulas of psych medication, therapy, etc. Last night she told me about something he did in school which is severe and disturbing enough to warrant putting him in inpatient pediatric psych care.

This is a very heavy weight for a parent to carry, on so many levels- physically, emotionally, and mentally. And she's a single mom with no contact/support from the father, too. My heart really goes out to her.

It kinda puts the normal, expected behaviour problems we have with our kids in perspective.

My Gym, it is GONE

My gym that I've been going to on and off for the last 7 years is gone! Since September apparently, but I just found out today. The last time I was there was right before I went to the Dominican Republic in----SEPTEMBER!

Apparently they lost their lease. :(

Last night I went to the gym up the road from me, which boasts free childcare. It was sooooooo crowded, and I found out the hard way that people reserve the equipment for half hour slots. I need more than a half hour. I'm just getting started after a half hour!

So I got rudely kicked off the treadmill and I had been enjoying it so much...seriously, it felt like sex with no orgasm. I don't even want to go to the gym with a process like that. I cannot meditate in boxes. So, I'll have to go during work when I can swing it, to another location that doesn't require you to sign up for a half hour only on the treadmill.

Has it really been a week???

I told myself "I'll post tomorrow," and somehow tomorrow turned into a week!

Here is my week in review:
Sat thru Monday: my friend Ellen came to visit with her daughter, who is three weeks younger than Daya. We had a wonderful time and her daughter is an absolute gem. We put them in the bath together and took the cutest. pictures. ever. I'm not including the super-cute matching butt shots, because I don't put pics of my kid (or other peoples' kids) like that on the internet. Sorry.





We walked across the Brooklyn Bridge, because that's what I do to people who visit me.



I made up for it by taking them to John's Pizzeria, still in the same location since 1929. They have the best pizza in NYC. If you come here, go there.



Then I took them for the best and most famous cheesecake ever at Juniors...original location in Brooklyn, of course.



I got to carry Daya around in the Ergo carrier, too. I miss doing that like I used to. That's what I'll miss most about her babyhood, when she finally gets too big for me to wear her.



Tuesday: went to work.
Wednesday: went to work. Came home and found out my next door neighbor had just passed away. Very sad, he was a really nice guy. I am sad for his wife, who I am friends with.
Thursday: went to work.
Friday: went to Chinatown for tea, incense, and amazing dim sum.
Saturday: The Toddler and I both got our hair cut. I also straightened her hair with the blow dryer. Straight or curly, my daughter has enormous hair. After the haircut we went to spend the rest of the day with my friend and her 17 month old daughter.



Sunday: Went to see Mary, played in the park. Got exhausted and someone fell asleep at 6:30pm! (yay!)



Sunday PM: I don[t want to go back to work tomorrow; I love having days off! There is a candle burning, incense too, and I am drinking a nice big cup of white tea. Once my laptop finishes a software update I'll put a movie on there and do some graphics work on this puter that I've been procrastinating on.

I hope you are having a peaceful evening, too.

New Toy

I'm allowed to spend a little money frivolously as long as my Minnesota Savings Fund is on track, right?

Good, because I bought myself a New and Fabulous Toy. And I got a very good deal on it. I got myself a Wacom graphics tablet...a thingie that is a pressure sensitive pad with a pen to draw on the puter! Actually I never consider art stuff of any kind frivolous. And the computer is simply another medium.

It doesn't smell nearly as good as linseed oil but I love it. This thing is so cool. So I've been playing in Flash and Illustrator trying to get something done for an actual commission. YAY!

My friend is coming in from out of town tomorrow morning with her toddler. I'm taking her around NYC all weekend. My place is still a mess but I did get a lot of laundry done (and folded!!). And because I'm a little compulsive at times, I also made a nice batch of homemade chocolate almond fudge. Which I shouldn't be eating so I'll prob give most of it away. You want some?

Spring Forward

The twice-yearly time change causes me angst (I HATE it) but to switch to Daylight Savings time earlier has really messed me up.

So I don't know if it was sleep deprivation, stupidity, or sheer unconscious rebellion but I mistakenly turned my clocks the wrong way and so was 2 hours late to work. Not that it mattered, no one is here today.

I am not ready for Spring. We barely had winter. Now it'll get light way too early and that means more noise outside my window. Boo.

Mid-Chapter

I think I am going through (*sighs* another) Dark Night of the Soul kind of thing.

My whole life can be prganized into chapters- definite stages of circumstance. And while I am an "appreciate the moment" kind of person, not at all prone to saying or thinking things like "I wish today was Friday" or "I wish the day was over", I can't help wishing that this stage of my life was in the past already.

Wishing life away and rushing through our living moments is not my thing. Each day, each moment, brings us closer to our time of death. And I'm not ready to die. I hope to die at a time when I am ready to go. Now is not that time. So I don't like wishing life away. To me that's like throwing your life away; it goes by fast enough without urging it on, towards the inevitable end.

All the same, I wish I was safely past this period and into my next phase.

Yesterday I went to see my lawyer. She's great, I like her very much. Sometimes I feel a little dumb in there, there's so much to think about, but I've got enough smarts to do what I have to do. It involves having to contact my ex, which I am attempting to do through his parents, as I have no other info. I can only hope (if I can even get a hold of him) that he'll do the right thing for everyone involved and release our daughter of any remaining links to him. I don't feel good about it. It makes me very, very sad. But I want to open the way for her to potentially have a father in the future, should that opportunity arise. Having to go back to this history makes me very, very sad as well. It makes me feel sad and alone. Sad for me that my pregnancy and childbirth was so unhappy, and sad for Daya for being abandoned.

Although I really have nothing to lose with this whole thing, court and the process still scares me. But mostly I am sad about the circumstance- every time I read about or see a man who really loves his child, it suprises me. I get along well with my own father now but my mother did everything she could to kill that relationship and for a long time it worked. So there's a huge gap there, and my younger sister was his replacement for me and my older sister. So, emotionally I am suprised when fathers are involved although in my mind I know my father did everything he could. But he let go; he's even said this to me and my adult mind does not even blame him for it. But as a child I knew it and felt it; nothing had to be said. So, I am still suprised when fathers love their kids.

Vector Cat Moves

He's extremely primitive and rough......but fun to do nonetheless.

Vector Cat

I have decided to make good use of the day at work to make a vector cat.



He's admittedly not great, a little rough around the edges, but since I am on a quest to absorb all things Flash, he was a nice practice experiment. He took me a long time. I could have drawn him in seconds with a pencil. Vector drawing takes me a while; I'm not quite used to it. Maybe a Wacom tablet would help but they're expensive and I am saving everything to move to Minnesota next year.

I am bored with this current stage of my life and the daily cycle. I'm bored with being single. I don't want to be alone anymore because I'm BORED of it. A different experience would be nice. I alternately love and hate NYC. On the other hand I can't really complain about the being single thing because I am putting ZERO effort into dating. I am saving as much as I can to meet my ambitious savings goal so I can leave the city next year and buy a house.

My apartment is a mess- yes I promise its a lot worse than your place no matter what you might say- and I have absolutely no motivation to do anything about it because the cleaning takes a long time and stays that way for about 20 minutes. Longer if Daya is not home. I love Flylady and I certainly could be a better housekeeper but if there is anything I hate it's doing the same thing over and over again without cumulative results or acomplishment. House cleaning is definitely NOT cumulative. A while back I felt depressed and thought that cleaning might help me feel better, so I cleaned everything spotless and I still felt crappy. So, the motivation isn't there. If I want to force myself to clean I invite people over.

The constant focus is on moving. For years I felt so trapped in this city, and I am glad to see a different future. And I won't raise a child here.

There is so much in my environment that is not congruent with who I am as a person. I can say I love nature how much but it's been YEARS since I spent any significant amount of time in it. In that way a deep part of me feels completely drained and I *need* to reestablish that connection.

I miss being in the art world. I have the temperament, ability, and mind of an artist and I work in a very uncreative environment. How did I get here? Being an artist is the single most definitive and constant thing about my entire life- and I haven't touched a paintbush for months. I have no portfolio of recent work to show. I wish I had a job that allowed me to grow artistically and paid me for it. But I suppose I'm fortunate enough to be able to do things like vector cat in downtime.

Maybe tomorrow I'll animate him.

If you need a laugh...

I'll write actual words in a post soon! :)

Don't Touch My Balloon!

Classic Daya Moment from flavopurpurea on Vimeo.

parent.swapChildren(child1, child2);

Serena tagged me.

That was really nice of her. So I'm tagging her back. And Julie too.

:)

I'm still plodding through ActionScript 3. The GOOD news is that little by little, the code is making more sense than it used to. But I still have a looooong way to go. I'm taking it slowly and being nice to myself.

Painting you ask? The closest I have come to painting is *thinking* about cleaning my brushes. Oh, and the palette too. I should paint, I kind of want to, even. But I am in a slump and my inner-energy is at a low. Which is a crap excuse. But do you know how hard it is to paint with a toddler around? And keep a resonably clean apartment, too?

I'm tired.

More from the Met

I will never, ever get tired of the Met. When we leave NYC, it will be one of the things I dearly miss. Here are a few images from today; it was a Greek day and today I didn't get a chance to visit The Penitent Magdalene, Vermeer, or Rembrant. I guess that's ok, I saw them last time and I'll be back soon.

Medusa:


Monet:






I like the shadows on the wall here:


Mosaic from Daphne (Roman):




Athena:

The Met

Sometimes I really do love New York. Especially the Metropolitan Museum of Art, which is one of my favorite places ever. The Met was one of Daya's first ever outings to Manhattan- the first time she was there she was three months old. We go periodically. We went today.

On the way, we stopped to pet pussy willows. (I like pussy willows. When I was Daya's age we had a tree of them growing in our back yard)



Daya appreciated the Greek vases.



She growled at the ancient Greek lion...


...and ran around sculptures...



...and tried to break into the library....



...and climbed marble stairs...



...and then passed out on the bus!



Then we went to Barnes and Noble and played in the kids' section.



You can read lots of things at Barnes and Noble. It's always a meaningful and enriching learning experience.

Nice

Here is a story, I'm not sure how to start it.

On Saturday or Sunday morning, I was getting dreessed. Daya was, as she often does when she is awake, hovering and being generally clingy. So anyhow, I was getting dressed, which I don't mind doing in front of Daya. As is the general way of women, I put on a bra and a shirt.

As soon as I finished getting dressed, Daya walked over to me, put one hand on each of "The Girls", and said "Nice!"

(So sorry, I'm *not* posting pics so you can decide if she's right or not)

How to Clear A Busy Popular Restaurant

What you need:

A toddler (number of toddlers doesn't matter)
1 discount on-sale-for-half-price princess CD player for toddlers with little microphone (around $2.50)
A busy popular restaurant with a sound system (Dallas BBQ is a good choice)

Directions:

1. Open cd player, insert batteries.

2. Plug in little tiny toddler microphone. Pack cd player in your bag when you are called to be seated.

3. Wonder where that awful glass-breaking screeching is coming from. Discover that the awful high pitched feedback-screech is coming from the restaurant's sound system.

4. Make the staff scurry around to find the cause of the problem.

5. Get really annoyed, along with everyone else in the restaurant.

6. When finally seated, suddenly realize that the tiny microphone from the tiny toddler cd player is interfering with the entire speaker sound system, causing that awful noise.

7. Very discreetly and quietly, unplug microphone. Under no circumstances should you take it out of the bag.

8. Act innocent and leave a big tip.

Security Cheese

Many little kids have a security object- a lovey, a blankie, something they must sleep with and have at all times.

It appears that my daughter's security object is cheese.

I wish I was kidding.

Lately she has been insisting on taking a piece of cheese to bed with her. It's disgusting, I know. While I do discourage it, sometimes...well, sometimes I want to sleep too. She does not eat the cheese, she just wants it to be there.

Perhaps this weekend I may decide that Ma'mselle has outgrown her Security Cheese.

Hey, do Beanie Babies make a cheese beanie?

From Last Weekend

More Actionscript

I seem to have found something else I am really terrible at...this scripting thing. Today was the second day of class. It's so frustrating to try and learn something that your mind just can't seem to grasp.....especially something you really want to learn.

I'm a designer...not a programmer....but I'd like to be able to do both. Except my head is spinning....

:(

Cryptic

var verytrue:String = "help and errors are cryptic";
var alsotrue:String = "you are not a dummy!";


Um, I'm in a three day Flash ActionScript course.

I don't think I'm very good at it.

:(

JULIE!

I was very very sad to read that you stopped blogging- again. I will miss your great writing and your amazing photos very much and I am extremely bummed.

Maybe one day soon you'll change your mind again and start your blog...but in the meantime I DO wish you wouldn't delete the old one!

It's ok to take breaks!

Anyhow please at least leave me an email address so if you disappear I can try to contact you...

Thanks for the link, I'll check it out but it sure won't be able to replace you!!!

Hugs!

The Very Expensive Mutant Cat that My Sister Bought From the Internet

My sister has a cat.

It's a.....well I can't remember what it's called exactly, some purebreed offshoot of a Siamese. So in my book that makes it a mutant. Anyhow, my sister found a reputable breeder online and got the cat. Which means in my view she got an expensive mutant cat off the internet.

Now, that would be all well and fine except you never know what you're going to get with a mutant cat. This cat? She has three ears and her very own real live pet snake. Not only that, but this cat actually knows how to use a toilet. (the cat has a better track record than my toddler...hmmm...)

The picture below proves that the cat really does have three ears. Photoshop proves it. And Photoshop NEVER lies, I promise.

A Funny and a Sad

Funny:
I have a friend who is pregnant and lives in North Carolina. She's a country girl. And she found a diaper bag at Macys that she fell in love with.



Unfortunately it's $300.

So, since Macys is here in NYC and they always have pretty good sales, I went to 34th street to look for my friend's bag.

I had to ask the sales lady where the bag was, and I described it and said I was looking for my friend. The sales lady knew the bag I was talking about, started laughing, and said "Oh girl, we don't have that, it's too country for here!"

****
Sad:
After the next two weeks my Breck Tuesdays will end. I'll really, really miss that...but saving money is a top priority now. Must move.

2008

2007

The year is drawing to a close. It's been an odd year, a little disappointing, a little annoying, but it has been stable. And stable is what I needed. It's been the year of Signs From Above that never panned out, or were outright WRONG. (Yes I'm a bit peeved about that)

I think I need a new Spirit Guide. I'm convinced that mine took off with my muse. But I digress.

While the year was less fruitful in many ways than I thought it would be, there is still so much to be thankful for (in no particular order):

*My daughter's health
*My health
*Stable home
*Good job
*I am able to properly care for my daughter
*I am not in jail
*I am not on drugs
*I am not in the hospital
*Peaceful home
*Amazing friends
*Creative tendencies (although currently in a lag)
*Positive future outlook

I have kept a pink candle burning all year, since the first day of 2007. I'll continue that, but I'm switching to a white candle.

Same as last year, I don't set resolutions. I intend. And 2008 is the end of my "vacation" and the start of the initial stages of preparing to leave NYC. In the immediate action that means saving money, which I have not been doing at all this year. Today I chose my destination (which I'm not mentioning here yet) and I can now let the energy start building. There is still time, but now is the time to begin focusing.

So far, quite a few of the things that ***** mentioned have come to pass. There is still time for the rest that have not, so that's good. But I am making my own path, doing what I need to do for my child and myself. And we need a life upgrade.

Life is such a strange thing, and it's passing all the time, coming closer and closer to its end. The power to change is the power to grow and experience.

Pesonal Potty

Apparently a certain toddler now hates diapers... and as much as I want to wait until summer, she got her own Personal Potty.

So far, I think it's going very well, wouldn't you agree?

Wanted: New Muse

After reading Serena's blog it occurred to me that I need a new muse. Because mine's been gone for MONTHS and now hers is too and I bet mine was involved.

So here's my want-ad:

Wanted: A New Muse
Must be:
Reliable, consistent, loyal, inspirational, energetic, wacky, and open-minded. Muse must have a propensity towards the visual arts and especially oils. Knows how to regulate inspirational flow at just the right speed. Computer skills and mad scientist tendencies a good plus.

Must not:
Take vacations longer than 2 weeks at a time (or at least check in and let me know!!), be flaky, have bad ideas, forget that they are my muse (dammit!), fall asleep on the job, leave things unfinished, or have a passion for sewing.

Please apply in dreams or in the aluna.

Thanx a million.
Hugs and kisses,
J

The Lobotomy

Last night I gave my computer a lobotomy.

See, even though I purchased this computer and Windows brand new from HP, I had a bad system crash in early 2006. The guy who saved my computer had to wipe the drive and reinstall everything. Trouble was he installed a bootleg version of Windows XP professional, when I was supposed to have a genuine copy of XP Home.

Time passed. My system wasn't running properly and I couldn't do any updates due to the bootleg version. Then I lost a bunch of accessories, like the volume control. So, the inevitable. Of course I never had XP install disks, so I got some from HP. And I figured, since I had to start from scratch anyhow why not get a new hard drive too. Because between both my hard drives I was running out of space.

Last night was the lobotomy. I was really nervous about switching out a hard drive because they're fairly delicate (the static thing). But it worked!! Except for the fright I got when I realized I left my old C drive in instead of the backup hard drive where all my data was...when i swapped out the correct drive everything worked!

And still works!

Today was spent updating software, finding and installing updated drivers, everything. My system is running so much better. And my new hard drive?

400 gigs!!!!

Friday

I took Friday off and went for a massage. I wish massages weren't so expensive, because they sure are awesome. If you have the opportunity to get a massage with hot stones, don't hesitate. It's just beyond awesome.

Afterwards I went to my favorite Japanese restaurant- one I've been going to for years. It was my spot to go, have a quiet meal by myself with a glass of plum wine and a good book. I miss being able to do that more often...........