Artist Problem

I'm having an artist problem that was running in my emotional background, and yesterday at Cathy's it just surfaced in a big strong intense bubble that hit me sideways and left me feeling rotten.

I do not like feeling this way but I am needing to look at it.

Here it is:
Over the past couple of months I have gotten two separate unrelated invitations from people to come visit them, they say come and paint! And the invitation to visit also comes with an expectation to give them a painting.

I do truly believe they don't realize this is inappropriate.

I also need to state that it isn't Cathy.
She's very respectful in this regard, and she also buys original art.
Over our visit she wanted to ask me a question from my artist perspective about a question she wanted to ask an artist she bought some work from, and if I thought it her question would be ok.  It was just a very respectful thing to do, even seeking an artist perspective.  

But Cathy is like that; she is never trying to get something for nothing. While she isn't an artist herself, she is very respectful.

This is one of my favorite things about Cathy because she is so respectful, and most of the time people are not.

Why this is a problem for me:

1. If I am your friend and you invite me to visit you, I hope it is because you want to see me, not because you are trying to get something from me.
2. Do you expect other friends who visit you to essentially compensate you for the visit to the value of a few hundred dollars?

People who are not artists do not understand artists. You don't, don't even try, we really are wired differently, and that is ok. 
But please have a little mindfulness about it.
It is not casual to me. While I am not a professional, meaning only that I do not earn my living income from painting, it is a vocation.  Not a casual hobby. I cannot stop. I have to do it. It is 24/7 for me, I am always thinking about it even when I'm not painting.

I also think that through the years- the completely stupid amount of life hours and energy I have put into my art- my work is decently good. And it has value. It is part of me and carries strong energy. I know what goes into it. It's not a casual past-time and people do not understand this because it is casual to them.

I have also had some bad experiences with "friends" regarding my art, so perhaps it influences my sour feeling.

Sour 1: Years ago my dear friend commissioned a portrait of her daughter's dog for her daughter's birthday. I did that painting for a VERY low price, and she was happy to pay it. But our other friends gave me a lot of backlash that I charged her for it in the first place. They thought it was very wrong for me to take money for a commissioned oil painting because it was my friend.

Sour 2: One of those same friends asked me once what I do with all my paintings. I answered they are either hanging or in storage in my studio. She told me I should be giving them to my friends because they are just sitting around and I'm not doing anything with them.

Sour 3: I was once invited by a friend (not a close friend) to their parents' anniversary party (I am not a family friend) and along with the invitation came the request to paint their portrait. I said no, and they didn't even try to hide their disappointment. I know I was only invited to the event because they wanted a painting.  (I declined the invitation as well.)

It is NEVER ok
to feel entitled
to other peoples' stuff/abilities etc
based on your relationship.

So, I recognize I am carrying past sourness into this present situation.
These are people I love and want to feel good feelings about them.
But I do not like other peoples' expectations overlaid onto my painting.

Very occasionally I'll give one as a gift but it's usually a really, really special circumstance, or it's another solid artist friend like Carey and it's just a different dynamic.

If someone thinks I *should* give them a painting they will probably never get one.

******

I spoke with Dru, Leah, and Beth, who are all wise and powerful professional artists.
ALL of them reacted the same way I am reacting, so that validation was really good.

Leah put it in really solid terms for me, and she said that especially here in America, people don't understand art.  She said it's really about the time (not hours it takes to do a painting, but lifelong time) and you have to equate it with money.  

Leah said people see it differently in my case because it isn't how I earn a living.
And not all my paintings are for sale. Some I don't mind, others- nope.
She also said there are a lot of really good artists who never sell because they just don't ever want to, and she's right.

She helped me come up with a response that is basically "If you would like to be compensated for my visit I'd rather just give you cash than a painting." 

That puts it in the right framework, because I am essentially being asked to compensate them for visiting.

(Leah will tell people directly to fuck off when necessary with no apology, and I love this about her.)

******

I don't want this issue I am having to strain friendships.
But I need to set a boundary.
People don't like that; they think you are being selfish because you're not giving them what they want and they think you should, or they just don't view it the same.

I think I could also bring the matter up in a way that doesn't target anyone specifically, but just say I have been having some problems with people wanting paintings in exchange for whatever (true), and I'm taking an official policy that I don't do it.