It's more than I am wont to share to begin with,
honestly, as I am so extremely internal.
This blog, and sometimes my paintings, are my inside-out. It is really ironic that I write internal stuff and it is out there publicly. Because I am such a private person, and I am so deeply internal. I think about this, and wonder.
Perhaps this blog is somehow my balance to that. Maybe on some level it is my way of being brave in a way which I find to be very scary and facing that fear. That fear of internal exposure. Sometimes it does make me nervous. But truly, I'm not scared of very much these days. I have Perspective.
These are the things I fear most:
*A health crisis, either mine or Daya's
*Losing my job. Even though I get regular job offers/leads through LinkedIn, and I have not looked for new employment for the last nine (9) years- but I really like my job and I want to stay.
*Physical disability/dismemberment
*Going blind
As far as the usual fears people have, I'm not really afraid of dying, except that it would put Daya in a very bad place. I have paperwork in place but.....well, there are some issues there and I have to change it but I don't know what to change it to..... So I can't die. At least not until Daya is an adult.
Public speaking doesn't bother me; I used to do that for my job.
Being alone doesn't bother me. I am always ok alone. That does have its scary challenges, particularly with a young child involved, but being alone in and of itself does not scare me one bit.
Public speaking doesn't bother me; I used to do that for my job.
Being alone doesn't bother me. I am always ok alone. That does have its scary challenges, particularly with a young child involved, but being alone in and of itself does not scare me one bit.
Well, that is as internal as it gets.
********
Card today: Golden Palace (upright)
My interpretation: Attaining reward at the end of a long journey/struggle/effort. That Golden Palace does not look like an easy place to get to. But it does look worth getting to. Efforts and struggle being worthwhile, end of a long journey, rewards for efforts, light at the end of the tunnel, struggles and hardships coming to positive end.
Booklet says: 'There is always enough" Good fortune, ambitions fulfilled, emotional fulfillment, a time of happiness that is long-overdue, material gain, tangible rewards. Self worth is not what you have, it is what you are.
I quite like this card.
Card today: Golden Palace (upright)
My interpretation: Attaining reward at the end of a long journey/struggle/effort. That Golden Palace does not look like an easy place to get to. But it does look worth getting to. Efforts and struggle being worthwhile, end of a long journey, rewards for efforts, light at the end of the tunnel, struggles and hardships coming to positive end.
Booklet says: 'There is always enough" Good fortune, ambitions fulfilled, emotional fulfillment, a time of happiness that is long-overdue, material gain, tangible rewards. Self worth is not what you have, it is what you are.
I quite like this card.
I am always surprised how you can express so many personal things on this format. Most all that is internal in me stays there.
ReplyDeleteYes, life is full of ironies.
ReplyDeleteI actually don't necessarily *mind* sharing my internal...but it bugs me when I do and no one gets it, which tends to be most of the time. So usually I see no point to it. I also don't really need much in the way of commiseration from most people...I need it from a select few whom I know can understand a portion of me.
I am very selective in my groups. Groups are still important because I need places to reach out to others, in order to be available to them, but I don't feel much craving for the opposite...though we all need that from time to time, too. (Yay for my neighbors who cleaned up my yard!)
I am usually very happy to be by myself...though at the moment, that is taking on a different meaning than usual that does not make me happy. *sigh*