Pigeon Risk: A Success

There are five days left of Pigeon Risk Time (PRT) and it worked, but not the way I thought it would. See, the Bad August Things all still happened, but PRT buffered the effects in such a way that I remained relatively unaffected.

For example:

* I previously mentioned that I wasn't getting child support anymore. For 2 months- July and August. The strange thing is that the checks were sent, I just never got them. They both mysteriously appeared in my bookshelf earlier this week. So I missed 2 checks coming in at separate times in the mail (and they're easily recognizable; I never miss them), AND both were on the bottom shelf of my bookcase, which I am constantly cleaning because Daya always unpacks it. Very strange.

*The Washington Mutual ATM ate my debit card. My bank decided to issue no less than three replacement cards with the wrong name on them. I changed my name three years ago and have since replaced the card with nary a problem. After 2 attempts at the branch and one mailed card, they finally got it right on the exact day I *really* needed the card.

*The building super told me I had no account for gas with Keyspan. I thought I had been paying the gas with the electric through ConEdison, like I have been doing for years. Had PRT not been in effect, I probably would have owed them almost $100, but as it stands the account is fine and I don't owe them anything, I'll just pay going forward.

*And this latest...just tonight...I thought I had lost all of my photos of Daya for all of 2007. Seriously, I wanted to throw up I was so upset. They were all just gone, nowhere to be found. If you ever set up a new profile and mess with the permissions, and then discover some of your files are completely gone even though the folders are there, reset your permissions for full access for ALL profiles and your files will come back. My heart is still recovering from that.

And here's a picture just because.

Needles in Haystacks

It seems that I have an ability to find needles in haystacks. It's kind of cool, actually. Years ago when I worked on the trade dispute desk for (X brokerage firm) I had to call the order room constantly. They put me on hold a lot. As hokey as this sounds, there was a lovely oboe piece I grew fond of, possibly because it's a nice piece, possibly because I heard it so much.

It took me about 4 years of on and off searching, but I did eventually find it. Herr Mozart, of course. No wonder I liked it.

This summer brought me another challenge. When I was 7 or 8, I had a book containing a few fairly tales of which I was very fond. It was beautifully illustrated. When we moved, my mother (who never throws anything out) got rid of the book. Now I cannot remember why, but a few weeks ago I decided to search for this book. I did not know the title, author, anything about it really, except for a vague recollection of what it looks like and some details of a story or two.

And I found it. This is very exciting. It will arrive from the UK in a week or so.

Magic Everywhere by Miriam Huber

Ratfest 2007

I used to keep pet rats. I miss them. Six years ago, I teamed up with another rat owner in the region and together we started the NorthEast Ratfest, where a bunch of rat people gather for the weekend and have a lot of fun. The last 2 years I missed ratfest, but I co-hosted again this year and as always we had a blast. I did portraits this year and managed to cover te costs of the trip. Seeing everyone again was so wonderful. Spending a weekend with wacky people you've known for a long time and love a lot is always a blessing.

I call this Rat Butt Font:



Here I am doing portraits:



And here is the cake I made:

Nice

Apparently, I'm nice.

If you don't believe me just ask Serena. I didn't even have to bribe her or anything.

Thanks Serena!

Happy Pigeon Risk!

I must say, PRT has gotten off to a FINE start.

:)

Get Ready...

...for Pigeon Risk Time (PRT)!

It's all explained HERE.

So now I'm all psyched about PRT. I only have 10 more days of being destitute-ly broke, then it gets better! YAY!

I think that Pigeon Risk will be a good time, lots of fun. You should join us, we're non-exclusive.

The Verdict

My iPod has a dead logic board. It can be fixed, but it's not worth the cost. If I wait a few more weeks I can upgrade to a newer model with more storage, and repairing my old one would cost just under half of what it will cost for replacement.

So bad luck does seem to run in threes, and I've run my course.
In the past few months, I've had to replace my camera, my cellphone, and my iPod. Interestingly, all three were liquid-related injuries, though in the case of the cellphone the bathtub was empty; had it been full I think the phone would have been ok.

Good bye, iPod.

Sand Dunes

Serena, thanks for reminding me to post this!

Oil on Canvas
24 x 30 in

15 Hours, 36 Minutes

That's the time it took me to get through all 759 pages of the last Harry Potter Book.
The time includes a large number of toddler interruptions.

:)

iWait

After rinsing out my ipod and letting it dry, then feeling discouraged as it showed no signs of life, the thing came back to life. But the click wheel still doesn't work. So, I sent it for a free repair estimate.

The wheel sounds...er...kind of sticky.

*sighs* I miss my morning subway meditations.

iJuice

My iPod might not be dead.....I'm saying a few prayers.

This morning it turned on, even sync'd. But the click wheel didn't work. I figured the apple juice made things sticky, and since the thing wasn't working anyhow, I rinsed it out a little.

The stupid part may have been plugging it in. I'll give it a few days to dry out, and maybe it's even worth repairing. MAYBE it'll even work on it's own, things I've read online are very encouraging. Except the plugging in part.

I miss my iPod but at the same time it's life and I can't get too upset about it.

Blah Blah Blah

I've really been feeling BLAH lately. Tired. Very tired. The condition of being BROKE has a little to do with it, I think...and wouldn't you know, a leaky sippy cup killed my iPod yesterday.

I cannot afford to replace it for a whole month. A whole MONTH. And I liked my iPod. A basic 4G 20 gig. Nothing fancy. It suited me very well.

Summer just isn't my favorite time of year. I'm really looking forward to the cold weather so I can wear my black boots and take hot baths and have my friends over for homemade soup.

Oh, and also, the few coins that get thrown my way for child support have stopped being thrown. Not good timing...that tiny bit wouldn't have come amiss this month.

Last week I did manage to finish a painting, it came out ok, I'll post a pic later.

Odd One Out

I'm very fortunate that Daya has such an awesome sitter. She has really incorporated into the family there.

But sometimes I feel like the odd one out. I think that there is a good possibility that Daya knows more Spanish than English. She loves being around the other kids there. She even looks like them, much more than she looks like me. Daya's too young to notice anything now, or care, but I hope it doesn't create distance between us when she gets older.

On Poverty

I want to preface this post by saying I am neither unaware of nor insensitive to issues of poverty and hunger in third world countries.

***
Some reactions and thoughts have been flying around in my mind since Friday.
The very nice person I went to dinner with is originally from Egypt. The conversation turned to poverty and living conditions, hunger, etc that exist in Egypt and other countries.

This conversation made me realize that I'm actually tired of hearing about it. Not because I don't care- because I do- but when I was married this issue was shoved in my face and I'm only now becoming aware of my resentment, because it caused so much imbalance and restriction in my life and my mind. Once when I carved a pumpkin for Halloween I got a whole lecture about how it was a waste of food and could feed a whole family. When I fasted for spiritual reasons I got a reaction of "you can choose not to eat, others don't have that choice." My decision to not eat meat was met with "Only the wealthy can choose what to eat and what not to eat. Your choice to not eat something is a luxury." At the time, I lived with a superimposed attitude from the ex that we shouldn't partake in anything while others went without. Meanwhile, my roof was caving in, there wan't enough to go around just to support the household's basic needs. But I didn't want to be selfish.

While I respect the struggles and hardships that growing up in poverty inevitably brings, I also do not think it makes a person noble. It does not invalidate the challenges that the non-poverty people face. Nor do I think that any of us should feel guilty for what we have, because others don't have it. Not taking things for granted and gratitude are essential, but that's another thing altogether.

Where am I going with this? Not sure, but's been floating around in my head. I need a change from that focus. Does that make me selfish? No, I don't think so. It means I am focused on learning how to live the life that was given to me with gratitude and appreciation and awareness of the plights of others. The truth is that I am powerless to stop world hunger, poverty, and war.

Ask Questions, Get Answers, Be Confused

Last night before I went to sleep I asked for an answer to a question about something I've been holding onto for while now...and holding on with very good reason. Before I went to sleep last night I changed my candle. The first thing I noticed this morning was this:




That's never happened before. I do take symbols around me seriously, especially if I ask for a specific sign about a specific question. So this leaves me wondering if something changed.

Anyhow, I had a date last night. I approached it with very neutral feelings. He was a very nice guy, great conversation, interesting person. I'm not feeling the chemistry though, but I'm not surprised because I'm just not easily attracted to people in general. What is wrong with me, I wonder. Perhaps I'm just not in a place of romance. I wouldn't mind going out with him again but at the same time I don't want to lead him on to think that I'm interested in a way that I'm not.

So confusing signs...my two candle wicks from last weekend that could be seen as a great portent to something I'm just not feeling and don't think will change, the burnt out brand new candle this morning regarding something I can't talk about but wish I could...I'm confused.

Though all this is coming from the perspective that everything around us is symbolic in some way, speaking to us, reflections of us, I'm also open to the idea that it all means squat.

The Swimsuit Actually Still Fits

Last Year:



This Year:



You weren't really expecting a picture of me, were you?

Incapable

Despite my good and sincere intentions, there is something I am apparently incapable of, as much as I wish I could.

I cannot wake up earlier than I absolutely must. Even though those early hours of the morning are so nice. I could paint regularly. Meditate in silence. Be toddler-free. Last night I was determined to get on a new schedule...but I failed miserably.

These days I'm struggling with frustration. Daya's really starting to turn into Interfering Toddler. I moved all of her stuff from my area into her room. But I'm really frustrated with her getting into everything of mine. Over and over. There is no space that she doesn't get into. Pulling stuff off shelves, pulling towels down, and I find that more and more I crave order. She un-does everything in a second.

I almost evicted her from her room. I still might, I haven't decided. Of course I love my child- there's no question about that, but some days I don't want to be a mom.

East of Ginger Trees

I always considered myself to be a spiritual person, and that is definitely true.
But, once again, I'm in the process of re-evaluating myself and figuring it all out again. The process never ends.

Sometimes I get very discouraged by it all, the odds don't seem to be in my favor. But if nothing else, I'll learn something.

Very soon I'll be finishing the painting that's on my easel. The energy is building; I do wish it would build faster, or perhaps that I wasn't so lazy...blogging when I could be painting. Daya is asleep after all. I wish Linseed Oil came as a room freshener scent. I did put some in my fragrance burner once, but it didn't work.

Two Wicks

The newest candle I put on yesterday has 2 wicks. Never seen that before.

Very interesting, especially because I have a date on Friday.

The Very Good Soup

I have a stuffy nose.

And I'm also momentarily, though very, broke.

Ceyenne pepper is good for stuffy noses. So last night I rifled through the kitchen finding interesting things with which to make a soup. That's economical, so it's good when you're broke. I love soup, and I make it year round.

My soup came out so wonderfully, and I never would have made it if I wasn't broke with a stuffy nose. So it proves that adverse circumstances can be beneficial.

Here is my very good soup, blogged here so I don't forget it.

(No measurements, everything measured to taste)
Veg stock
lots of Sofrito
chopped onion
chopped potatoes
chopped carrots
peas
big spoonful minced garlic
cayenne pepper
frozen shrimp
tiny bit of salt

throw it all together and simmer for a half hour.

Whose Job Is It?

I have just had a wonderful conversation with someone in the corporate restroom.
She told this story:

She and a male co-worker were in a meeting with another male co-worker. He left the room for a moment, and the two immediately started a serious battle over who had to tell him that his zipper was down.

Methinks that's definitely the man's job.

Solstice etc

Last night was the summer solstice...the longest day of the year. From now on, the days slowly but surely get shorter, bringing us back into the sleepy time of year. I know where I was last year's solstice, the year before, the year before that, and so on. Years ago in different places, sometimes walking with company that was appreciated at the time.

I celebrated the solstice by lighting a bunch of candles and enjoying the thunderstorm and rain.

To be honest, I'm not where I thought last year that I'd be at this time. I can't help but wonder about next year's summer solstice. The world is fast changing, with more to come. The streets are scary, with hostility flying around from all directions. It makes people insane. The normality of yesterday and today is fast becoming tomorrow's nostalgia.

The law of energy states that like energy attracts like energy, but I seem to attract none at all, what does that mean?

Solstice

Tomorrow brings us into the summer solstice. The longest day of the year. After tomorrow, the days get shorter as we move back into the dark part of the year.

Daya vs the Lemon

Daya eats a lemon from flavopurpurea on Vimeo

Third Time

I've sort of had this sense lately that I've bunked my life up.

I always wondered why I seem to attract and gravitate towards the Spiritually Weird, and maybe there is a point to it, or purpose, but I'm not so sure anymore. I'm thinking it is more because of bad decisions, and the ways things seem to link in progression are just because of making the same bad decisions.

My life has been lived in separate chapters, one ends and another begins. Very clear-cut. I'm now in the third stage of my adult life after college. Now I am starting out on another leg of my spiritual quest, to discover whatever it is that I need to discover, learn, and do for the times that approach, what I've known about since...I don't even know since when. In this lifetime I am very much a Student. My attempts to learn have always turned out to be dark and scary and demonic...but I learned a lot and came out ok in the end (I think...), so I think maybe this time I'll be ok too, whatever happens. Third time's a charm, maybe?

Potty Power...?

Netflix sent me Potty Power.

Although it's still kind of early, I sat Daya down. Just to give her a few ideas. Start the process. Eerily, the girl on Potty Power not only has my name, but she also looks a lot like me. Thankfully, I don't sing like her though.

Daya was enraptured for about 18 minutes of the 30 minute video. She was totally into it, fascinated by the talking toilet paper, everything. Then she suddenly got bored and went on to other things.

And the only thing that Potty Power has accomplished is that now Daya likes to drink toilet water.

Just some stuff

I haven't been on here for a bit because I've just had nothing to say. Today I'm feeling very bad, hurt, but I don't want to talk about it or write about it, save to say that that's how I am feeling. It may take a few days but I'll get over it, and in the meantime observe it. I'm sure I'm making a mountain out of nothing but that's just where I am right now.

I have this crazy inner child who gets to run amok more often than she should. I've got a lot of work to do with her, and how I'm feeling right now most probably has to do with her and inner child processing/interpretation etc. For no logical reason I can launch into feeling hurtfully rejected over nothing. Case in point: Last week an author that I wanted to see was having a book signing in the evening. I wanted to go, for no reason other than I could. I went home after work, collected Daya, and went. I thought Daya might start winding down, as she hadn't slept all day and her bedtime was fast approachng. She wasn't cranky but she was definitely awake, being curious in the way toddlers are. Anyhow, I was in the back of the room, listening to the author and quietly entertaining Daya, who honestly wasn't being loud or noisy at all. (another woman had a baby who would cry now and then) A lady in the audience asked me to take Daya out of the room, and I complied immediately, beause I'm all into respecting people, especially when little kids are involved. And there was nothing wrong with her politely asking me to leave. But somehow, illogically, it translated to some part of me as leave, you're not wanted here, a rejection. A totally wrong reaction on my part, but it was there so I observed it. No amount of logic and sensibility helped.

I think what I'm feeling now is in the same vein, although a different situation entirely.

Bitch Goddess

I had my voice lesson last night, and there's always an hour or so between my lesson and when I get off work. During this hour I like to walk around the city and just enjoy everything. There was a poster on a bus stop for a new tv show out called In Dog We Trust or someting like that. It got me thinking about how things are fed to humanity backwards, as Stuie suggests (and which makes sense). Dog, of course, is God backwards. The cliche for Dog is man's best friend. I think that fits God pretty perfectly, too. But the most interesting thng which came at me in a flash was bitch. Which of course is a female dog. Goddess backwards. And how it's an insult in vernacular language, to call someone that. Degrading, derrogatory. It's just an interesting observation about the whole yang imbalance and how it reflects in our language. Very much in the same vein as Witch.

In certain rather violent street cultures the word bitch is routinely used to refer to a woman. This degradation of women- of the feminine- look at the violence and hate that emerges without Her soft touch.

Bendy Straws

Because Daya is a toddler she is constantly in awe and wonder at eveything in the world. Her latest New Thing is juice boxes. And straws.

I'm quite glad abut the juice box thing- they are so easy to travel with.

This morning she howled for a while...I think...because she wanted her toothbrush and I have no idea where it is. She's such a perfect angel around oher people, and I get most of the yelling and tantrums.

Peace

Today in the news one of the top headlines is Cindy Sheehan's withdrawal from the peace movement. In the article in CNN it is mentioned that she camped outside Bush's ranch in Crawford TX, and he ignored her. That's sad. How much effort would it have been for him to take 2 seconds and just acknowledge her and express sympathy for her loss? In other words, to be a human for about 30 seconds. Compassion.

Compassion should be a requirement in leadership. But I'm not writing to speak about politics; I digress.

Dr. Wayne Dyer has a fabulous quote about peace: "Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity."

One day maybe we'll get there as a species. In the meantime, I'll work on maintaining peace and calm in my own tiny corner of existence.

The Stinky Ghost

I think there was a ghost in my apartment last night. I think it followed me home from the subway. I don't know much of anything about ghosts, as I've only seen one once. But I think I had one.

On the subway coming home the car smelled bad. No suprise. Normal. But then I walked into my apartment and...well, nothing in my apartment smells like THAT. It smelled like a sweaty person who drank too much beer. And it moved around.

I talked to it, told it that if it had negative intent it had to leave. And it had to tell me what it wanted. I told it that it couldn't loiter. Unfortunately I said that last bit out loud in the hallway, facing into my apartment, on the way to pick up Daya. I didn't realize the neighbor was in the hallway.

Oops.

So, Stinky hung around all evening annoying me with its smell. Right before I went to bed I told it that it had to leave becasue I just couldn't take the smell and I'm not a medium, so please go find one.

This morning the smell was completely gone.

Powerful Intention

Remember my elephant neighbors?

My intention to stop the noise with a positive outcome worked.

There is a 2 bedroom next door to me. The people who lived there got a house and it's a really good living situation for them and their kids. So, my noisy neighbors are taking that apartment and will no longer be living above me. And everyone is happy.

:)

Tuning In

It's now the third day after my conference in Las Vegas. I'll write about it in bits and pieces. I'm feeling a difference- more in touch, less cloudy. I'm still having some sort of issue with my heart chakra, but I suppose that'll resolve itself in due time as well.

Anyhow. It seems I have finally gotten to the source of my agitation at work. I've absorbed too much of someone else's tension. My very nice co-worker who sits directly next to me, facing me. I dislike the setup at work; it's too open and close-quarters for my comfort. But I've been wondering why I've been so irritable, especially towards a certain person, when they've done nothing wrong and certainly don't deserve such a response from me. They do face me, and they do throw a lot of energy (unknowingly). They are tense often, very full of mental activity, and they project it. Unfortunately, my placement puts me directly in the line of fire.

On Monday, thankfully, I was able to work in isolation- a good thing because I was still so open from the weekend. I did some cleansing, and actually shielded for the first time in years. It worked tremendously. I felt the difference today, when I had to be at my desk all day.

On a totally different note, my home needs more light. I'm getting the message loud and clear to fix it, and how. My apartment, while a nice space, does not have good light or air flow. I'm working on it.