Terrace Painting- Night

I did a leftover paint painting at night.
it will not photograph and I need to wait for it to dry properly.

I am so, so exhausted, I haven't been sleeping well here although it is very comfortable.

Work is insane and I'm pretty stressed.

Terrace Plein Air-Day

Here is a painting from Sharon's terrace, 8x10 oil

I left my box outside overnight and it was fun to see it from the street. (Third floor)

Guinea Pig Studies

I am kind of treating my time guinea pig-sitting as a mini artist retreat.
The guinea pigs (and the fish) don't require much, I just make them a little salad in the morning.
And I am almost done with all the planning work (digitally) for the remaining 4 paintings in my in-progress new Topiary Cat series.

It was very nice of my friends to let me stay here, they know I need a change of scenery.
It's also nice that they are so close to home- 15 mins on the train/bus, or a half hour walk.  I have been stopping home every day.

They adopted a cat 2 months ago and it turned out the cat had FIP which is fatal, and the cat had to be put down the same day they left for vacation.  I was originally going to watch the cat too, then they were going to take the cat with them.  And then he got very sick. So they have had a very hard time with that, and I wanted to do something nice, give them something to make them happy. 

I used some sketching pencils, Jerry's jumbo sketch pencils, on grey paper.  

Each of these studies took around 20 minutes.

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The cat story is sad.
I know my friends because our daughters used to dance together.
Sharon and Matthew's daughter.
They are absolutely wonderful people, just.... very kind, good people.
The guinea pigs are technically their daughter's but in reality all the pets are Matthew's.

He REALLY loves those guinea pigs.

There is cat stuff everywhere here.  They went all-out, there is even a custom-made food mat with the cat's name.  I feel awful for them. Their daughter immediately fell in love with the cat at the shelter.  Sharon thinks the cat knew he was sick and chose them because he knew they would give him the best short life he could possibly have.  I agree with her.  It's still hard.

Art Show on the LES

I went down to the lower East Side to go to an art opening.

David Nakabyashi had some cool collages in the show and he gave a wonderful art talk.

It was a nice thing to go to.

Part of one of the art talks was drawing our fortunes with a quote from an artist in the show.

I really relate to this.

Quote was from David! ha

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And also attached to the fortunes was some adorable Japanese candy. 

House-Sitting

My friend is going out of town and I'm taking care of the guinea pigs and the fish.
I have been staying over there, but they live in the neighborhood so I'm also going back and forth.
It's nice to have a change of scenery.

I like the guinea pigs; they are nice peaceful creatures.

They are named Oreo and Buttercup.

They have adorable guinea pig blankies they like to hide under.

This is the fish.

I will be watching them until Wednesday morning.

Well I Tried

 Going into the office was nice...... except the internet is so bad it is not really useable.
I made it until 1pm then went home so I could actually get stuff done.

It was nice to get out though.

The views are good.

Tuesday Thoughts

I have been SWAMPED at work for the past couple of weeks.
But I don't mind. It was slow for a while and I was starting to get a bit nervous.

Also, I have a new series of Topiary Cats in progress.
.... i have actually been doing studio work!!
Like, for real! Three of 7 are completely finished!
I'm planning all of them digitally in Procreate.

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Not sure if it is this stormy humid summer weather or what, but I am also feeling incredibly lethargic.

So are the cats.

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Tomorrow--- for the first time since March 2020...... I am going back to the office to work.
Just for one day. I can book a desk whenever I want, but there is no requirement to go back.
And I will be working a hybrid of home and office, balanced however I want.

Going back feels... weird, like a gap I have to step over to end this 15 months of covid working from home. A milestone, an end to being stuck alone in a 236 square foot room all day every day.

It feels like a new phase, and honestly it is.

New office. And new company sort-of because we got bought in Feb, lots of changes there.
It's completely different. It's not like I'm going back to something familiar. I'm going to something totally, vastly, completely different. I even have a new work laptop. (Which actually is really nice, but change.  Nothing is the same.)

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So much change over the last 15 months.... so much change I'm fatigued from all of it and it seeps out in weird ways, like.... my toaster oven started dying. It wasn't heating up reliably anymore. I have been using it almost daily since 2013 and it has definitely without a doubt run its course. (It was a good one, a Breville.)

So I got a new one, which I like quite a lot, and it is also an air fryer which is awesome.

But the change of.... a freaking toaster oven.... kind of stressed me out as yet another change and I was sad about it. Just another familiar daily thing that has changed.  My friend Janet said I'm not crazy for having a reaction to it, as silly as it is.  (And yes I did dispose of the old oven. I'm not crazy enough to keep that around!)

Reservoir Birds

Back up at the Central Park Reservoir.
8x10 oil

Wednesday Drawing

More Game of Thrones!
I was pretty happy with my work tonight.

7 mins, 20 mins, 1 hour poses

July 4

Today for July 4th I went to the boathouse for a potluck dinner and fireworks from the pier.
Daya actually came with me but did not stay for fireworks.

We found roses in the Hudson River.
This was a very nice July 4th.

EMIA Second Week Performance

Daya's 2 week intensive with Earl Mosley ends today and she had three more performances.  I went to two of them.

They were really, really awesome and I am very proud of Daya.
And I'm so glad I actually have pictures of her! I have NO pictures of her these days, ever. :(

June 30 Drawing

Here is the 1 hour pose from tonight, still going through Game of Thrones.

Graphite on grey paper

Sunday

 Daya and I are in a fight.

I just can't anymore.
Yesterday was so, so nice and I was just so glowingly proud of her.... then BOOM she gave me a really un-called for nasty attitude over a really basic question I asked her about her intensive.

What did I ask? "Who else from LaGuardia is in the intensive with you?"

And she wouldn't answer.
Said it was a matter of 'personal boundaries" and "Not information I need to know."

WHAT?

This is literally public information....the names are on the program. I'm just not sure who is LaG, aside from a couple of kids.

I just can't. I feel sucker-punched.  I feel like her general attitude is just a huge slap in the face, especially coming after a MOUNTAIN of support I have given her this week. Not to mention the amount of money that has come out of this household THIS MONTH ALONE just for her to be able to dance. This really, really hurts. It makes me feel like garbage to get such a nasty attitude after all the support I give her.

I plan and save MONTHS ahead of time for her to be able to do this.
I go without other things, I can't catch up on certain things because of this.

$950 in tuition, dance clothes, pointe shoes, tickets, recordings, transportation.......JUST THIS MONTH. And I'm not even done yet with summer dance expenses!

And that's all me. My aunt has been helping with year-round MYB tuition, but that summer number is all me.

Daya's classes run til 9:30pm and she gets home 10:15-10:20pm.

So I have helped her. I have made sure she has a nice homemade dinner to come home to every night, I have made phone calls, written emails, sent texts, done paperwork- all oh her behalf for dance- taken time out of my busy work day to get her covid tested, I have been supportive verbally, and I even did her laundry for a last-minute emergency which I never do!!

And she gives me the worst of her heart.
Stinky rotten attitude over something so stupid and simple.
It isn't an isolated incident.
I can't anymore.

I don't mind giving her the support, all I want is to be treated nicely.
Which is too much for her.
So she's on her own this week.  I'm done. I'm not doing anything for her.
Nothing.

Sorry to have a big vent but this is my blog and I'm just really hurting right now.
There isn't another adult to keep her in check, and that's always been a big problem.

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I think my own mother would take great pleasure if she knew I was having a hard time like this.
It would make her glad.
She's mean like that.
I can hear her voice in my head laughing at me- not in a nice way- and telling me it serves me right and I deserve it.
She would really enjoy knowing I'm having a hard time with my teenager.

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I did go down to the boathouse for most of the day and spend my time volunteering and being around really nice people. And I went out on the water which was nice.

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And before anyone says therapy- Daya won't go. I'd love to but she won't.
And yes I have done plenty of it for myself.