Empty Central Park

We had a day off for Juneteenth.

Daya got her glasses they look good on her) and I went to Central Park for a little while.

It was weird.

We are still in Phase 1 reopening.

The trains are still pretty empty and all the ads are a few months old.

So that's pretty strange.  There's no way to not notice the deep abnormality.

Central Park is beautiful and strange.

There are no tourists.

The Zoo is, of course, still closed.

I didn't go too far into the park, just by the zoo and a little above.

A very familiar and loved area.

There are no street vendors, no performers, no tourists....empty, just a bunch of locals hanging out in the best park in the world.

It feels different.

Very different.

The vibe is off.

The grass is lush and our local wildlife is doing well.

I think the pigeons miss us; they are scrounging for food in strange places and I hope they aren't hungry.

I don't know if I want to paint there yet or not.

I probably will but don't know if I want to.

But I probably will.

I don't know.

More Subtractive Drawing

More charcoal with Leah tonight.

Drawing

Here's the 1 hour pose from tonight.
The others were crap.

Diabolical Graphite

Drawings from tonite...
Simon mentioned the powdered graphite we got at the Jerry's focus group another lifetime ago, and I started laughing. It's so messy and Simon HATES it.

So of course I had to use it.
Simon said I was using diabolical materials.

7 mins

 7 mins

20 mins

20 mins

10 mins
I was too lazy to turn the paper around.

Charcoal

Here is a subtractive charcoal drawing from the Reuters Art Group last night.
I love working like this.  It's more like painting than drawing.

Sometimes I forget how much I love charcoal!

Here are my 1 min gestures, the second set didn't survive too well just from being behind my main drawing!

Vine charcoal is so delicate!
I put my drawing in a sheet protector.

****
Daya left last night to go to her friend's place until tomorrow.

****
I'm having some mental-health trouble with the new mandate from work about working from home for the rest of the year.  My living space is so small, I'm already having trouble with being in the same room all the time and no one else around.  And now I'm staring down the end of the year........

My best hope for dealing with this is that the city really starts re-opening in a significant way and I can start at least going out.

Drawings & I feel upset

Drawings of the lovely Kayla last night:

1 hour

7 mins

20 minutes

Daya has been complaining about her vision so I made an eye dr appt for her, but not with my dr.
She has seen this dr before but not for a while, and she was fine.

We took the train and she let me take her picture!

******
Daya needs glasses, but not for all-the-time.  Not ever for reading and walking around, just for seeing distance when she needs to.

Also she has to go back in a month for a visual field test.
That seems odd to me, but it won't hurt.

******
I also wanted a second opinion/measure on my multi-focal hard lens.
My lens is ok but I have a few concerns that haven't been addressed by the dr who does my contacts.
So I had an appointment right after Daya.

And....... I'm so upset, this doctor was really  just.... mean.
Daya thought he was mean, too..... and .... it was such a terrible visit.

I had a full checkup just last Thursday, I know everything is fine.

Instead of just a simple measure for one RGP lens, he wanted to do a full exam on both eyes and wouldn't even do the measuring! He says I have cloudiness behind my implant.

But my eye dr specifically checked for that last week and said I did not have it.....?!

This dr wanted to laser me!!

All I wanted was a measurement and new lens order for a lens I am already wearing and using right this second, but I am unsure if the fit is correct! It's ok it's just not as comfortable as I think it should be and I have light scatter.

He said there is no point to do it because my eye could change in a month and needs to be lasered.....
WHAT?

He wouldn't listen to me, he was very abrupt with me, and he wouldn't address the reason I was in the office to begin with which I verified when I made the appointment.

I'm so upset.
A fitting for an RGP lens is really simple.

I'm just going to keep what I have for now because it does work.
I have another appointment in September and also December with my retina doctor.

I don't know whether to tell my eye dr about this terrible visit or not.
Because I think the other dr who does my contacts maybe needs to retire, it was a weird appointment.
That's why I wanted a second measure.
Although.... I have to say- my regular contact lens doctor is a lovely person.

Wednesday

Here is a cute cat pic of Furball hugging Isis.

And Furball hugging Pebbles.

Here's a cute pic of Daya and Isis from a few weeks ago that I never posted.

******
Yesterday the official announcement came from work that we are working remotely for the rest of 2020.

I was really hoping we would start going back to the office in September.
The other sad thing about this is we are relocating, scheduled to happen one year from now-ish.
We are moving downtown.

I am sad about that; I really like our office and I have spent the last 14 years of my life there.
It has been a part of Daya's entire life- I was hired when she was 6 months old.

My standing desk is awesome, I have had significant improvement just over the last couple of days.  I can do my standing yoga poses through the day and really stretch.

Apparently a lot of people are hitting the wall of physical pain at the same time- one of our senior managers also got a standing desk and I heard is going to promote offering them to everyone.

I did not purchase mine with the intent of the company reimbursing it, but they will pay for it and I submitted the expense report today! So that's pretty nice.

******
I am still desperate to go to the beach and will probably just take a day off and go by myself since Daya will not go with me.
She just doesn't want anything to do with me.
This makes me very sad, I miss her.
We have had a lot of good times together but she is no longer interested- at all.

0 + 4 Things

Thing 0
I did not go to the beach after all on Saturday, but I did meet Jackie in the park and we shared a bottle of wine, which was very nice.

I'm still desperate to go to the beach though.


Thing 1
Today we start phase 1 reopening.
FINALLY.

Although- there still isn't very much I can do now that I could not do yesterday.
But the more we reopen, and the sooner, provided conditions are safe, the better.
It gives me good hope for school in September.

I guess we'll really know in a couple of weeks after the protests, and honestly if it hasn't caused a significant spike in the virus, just open the dang city. Everyone is already out.

I also think it's silly that it's ok to go to Target or the grocery store but not inside a clothing store.
Or, you know, Blick.
But perhaps minds better than mine have a good reason.


Thing 2
I made a significant adjustment to my computer workspace at home.
(And also a couple of minor ones over the last few weeks.)

Even though I get out and exercise, my entire physical routine is just completely gone.
And I'm really feeling it, physically.
No subway stairs, no hiking around the city- NYC is a very physical place to live and a couple of weeks ago my body really hit a limit.
My body does not want to sit anymore.  My lower back is not happy.

I have a sitting desk job so have to be mindful of moving during the day, but that's a lot harder now.
So I went on Amazon and got risers to convert my setup into a standing desk.
It's not fancy- I didn't get one of the spendy motorized risers- but that's ok.
I am very happy with my new setup.

So is Pebbles, she has a new spot.

Loaf Cat

Thing 3

I have been wanting to take a class but haven't found one the clicked.

Art Students League is offering a bunch of stuff but nothing jumped out at me.

But this morning when I went to register for tonight's life drawing, I saw a new portrait class from Kevin Wueste!!

I'm so excited!

I've known Kevin for years online, we are acquaintances. We have both been co-moderators on Wetcanvas for many years, but I don't think he's active there now. 

He teaches in San Francisco and is amazing.

I have a signed book of his work from years ago.

Thing 4

The first thing I did this morning while waking up was look on Instagram.

I saw a post from an artist friend of mine.

She showed a painting, which she did based on something a friend said to her:

"What are you doing to document my pain?"

My friend said it got her thinking and she did a painting which is incorporating current events.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with this; art is a powerful medium for documenting and visual communication. My friend is fine with using her art for this and she does a fine job.

But if someone said that to me, in all honestly, I would resent it quite a lot.

Unless it was a paid commission.

Because I would not want someone else to tell me what I should or should not do with the focus of my art. Or expect that my art exists to serve their purpose.  That I should be saying what they want me to say. Again, unless it is a paid job. That's very different.

Making art means different things to different people. They do it for different reasons.

In my case, it is the only area of my life where I am completely, infinitely free.

It is so deeply personal, it is so much more than just a skill or pastime.

That's why I would resent someone saying this to me- I am under no obligation to anyone to use my art the way they think I should. I am not obligated to be someone else's voice.  

They have their own voice.

Unless, of course, (again-again) they want to pay me to speak with my art.

I also have no interest in documenting suffering in my art. Not even my own.

What I am interested in is finding beauty, humor, unity, hope, and love.

Overcoming and positive energy.

It's all about focus, because that is what expands.

****
 It is possible I'm reacting so strongly like this because I have been in several past situations where others did think they had the right to direct and dictate how my art was focused. (I'm not talking about commissions or paid work.)

I'm talking about family and friends.
'You should do this..." all their interests, not mine.

All the Jellybeans!

I have gone through all 3 lbs of jellybeans from my quarantine rock-bottom Amazon order.

It was a very fun thing to have done, very enjoyable.
I like all the colors.
Part of me really wants another 3lbs of jellybeans, but honestly I don't think I should do it.

I mostly avoided the coffee and licorice ones by squishing suspicious-looking beans.

20/30ish

I went to midtown.
On the train.

When I left I felt very weird, and I thought it would feel weirder than it did to be back on the train.
But it felt GREAT to just be back in my normal environment.

The trains are still empty.

The city is still empty.
Everything is barricaded and boarded up.
So, it's very abnormal and feels extremely strange.

This is by Bryant Park:

On the way to Times Square a local (yes, Black if anyone cares) man stopped me, he was selling his new .... idk, rap? hiphop? cds.

He said he stopped me because I was wearing my Pratt tshirt, so I asked him if he went there, too, and he said no.

I took a few mins to talk to him, because I often do that kind of thing.
Actually that's one of the best things about NYC- cool encounters with strangers.
Most people really are awesome.
And it's easy to tell if something is off.

He was super nice and somehow in 5 minutes he managed to tell me his relationship history, say how he worked on himself and found out you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else, he told me I'm beautiful (several times!), asked if I am married, and asked me out, AND asked for CD donations!

He really was very nice and it was all good.  I'm not at all interested in going out with him, and I don't think he realized he's certainly far too young for me anyhow!

But you know what?
My first time coming back into Manhattan it was really nice to step off the train and find someone nice who told me I'm beautiful, even if he was just promoting his music.

He's a good guy and I wish him well.

******
I went to the office to get a few more things from my desk before my eye dr appointment.
There is no air conditioning on the floors, it is sweltering.

I erased 6 Chinese spam voicemails from my phone and watered all the plants on peoples' desks that are still alive.

Then I headed downtown towards my eye dr, but I had a lot of time.

Michaels was open.
Huh?
They are an essential business?

They are also one block from Blick so I thought..... maybe......
Ah but no.  Blick is completely closed and boarded up.
It makes sense. We only start reopening on Monday.

I don't know how Michaels is open, though.

Sephora on 5th and 19th

There was a sign on the bus shelter promoting something called "Love in the Time of Corona", which is a Love in the Time of  Cholera reference and I thought it was clever.
I didn't get a picture of it though.

It felt so nice to be able to flow through the city, even if the city is so deeply abnormal right now.

****
Eye doctor:
Everything is good except my pressures.  Higher than we want in both eyes, even though I'm on drops and even after the surgery to help with pressure.

The eyedrop I have been using for years is having supply issues- I haven't been able to get it since last December.  But I had a lot of extra and I was down to my last bottle in March.
So I got a prescription for a different drop which is 2x a day and I don't like it s much.

Apparently it also doesn't work as well, which is something my doctor said can be the case in many people.

We are trying to get my other drop back but i don't think it is in stock.

My eye dr said things re bad with healthcare, there are shortages of everything and from his standpoint, he feels like he is practicing medicine in a third-world country right now.

I go back in 3 months.

HOWEVER THE AWESOME THING about my visit is this:
I don't know how, but I somehow managed to read the 20/40 line and a little of the 20/30 line on the eye chart!

(This is with my left eye only, I'm 20/70 in my right eye, that's with correction)

In all honestly it wasn't that clear and it wasn't easy but I did it!!
I have not gotten past 3 letters on the 20/40 line for a very long time, if ever.
But I did, somehow I did!

AND........... my eye dr said he was going to remove all the restrictions on my drivers license!!
So he gave me the form (I have to mail it in every year) saying I was able to pass the Snellen test at 20/40 with no corrective lenses. Now I'm out of the low vision program.

In all honesty I think my visual reality is not too great, I'm having trouble, but I think it is neurological. My head feels different with my adjusted vision after surgery. It's a brain thing. I know it is.  My right eye is so much worse than my left eye and it feels different than before surgery.
A lot of our vision happens in our brain, how the brain interprets what comes in through our eyes.
My brain has felt disoriented since surgery. There are probably some exercises I can do, I just haven't focused on it too much because it gives me a headache!

Flares off lights:  I still have them.
Dr thought it was interesting they are horizontal not vertical.
He said it would be a wrinkle in the membrane that my lens is attached to, and that they can straighten out in time. If not he said maybe he could laser it.

I'm not doing anything right now, I'm not even a year post-surgery.
It's mostly bad at night and in low-light environments.

My flares look something like this, and they are off most lights, the size changes with distance:

******
The Reuters Art group met, I got a box from Jerrys with some new brushes.
I got some synthetic Robert Simmons from the Simply Simmons line- I have been using them for years, and the new ones look and feel different.

I use a combo of my super nice handmade Rosemary brushes and cheapies. There are things in underlayers I don't like using my expensive brushes for, like scrubbing in.
The Simply Simmons line is my favorite for cheapo brushes.
I have to find out why the ones I got are different than my normal synthetics.

So I wanted to try them out. They are fine.
Here is an 8x10 imaginary cloud study in oil. I think my clouds need a lot of work.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow I'm going to take the subway and go into Times Square and east midtown Manhattan.
The last time I did either of these things was March 21 when I walked to Manhattan.
It feels like years have passed.
But I have an eye dr appt that I want to keep, I'm overdue since mid-March.

Current events have left me deeply sad and hurt, as I think they should anyone who is even a little bit human.

Protests are good, looting notsumuch- and this hurts, too.
I do not like seeing my city wrecked like that.

I'll be in midtown during the day, everything should be fine.

It is going to be surreal and weird, once again taking my once-daily path.

Over the last couple of days I have been going through the Harry Potter movies; they seem to fit how I feel.

The Last Page!

I met Jackie at the park.
It was SO NICE to see a friend in-person, outdoors.

Of course I brought paint...... this is the last page in my sketchbook, it's finally done!
Painting my friend is a great way to finish the book.

I originally wanted to finish it within a year..... I didn't manage that but I was close.
March 1 2019 to May 30 2020....

I do have another book ready to go.
This has been a real learning journey and I'm ready for a new volume.

AND ALSO I AM GOING TO THE BEACH NEXT SATURDAY!!!

I'm desperate to go to the beach.... I didn't go last Summer... I didn't do anything because of my eyes, I was out of visual commission for all of July and most of August, and still getting my bearings after that for a while.

Week 12

I have an eye dr appt coming up next Thurs and I want to go.
It will mean taking the train which I have not done since March 21.

We are still closed here but will hopefully start reopening very soon.
And I'm really overdue on my eye appt.

I need to see how the trains are.
Because if it's ok and service is ok (I don't think it is yet) it might be time to start venturing out as soon as reopening starts and go painting in Central Park.

Tomorrow I'm meeting Jackie IN PERSON (omg) and we are going to go sit in the park and it will be wonderful.

I'm so tired of absolutely everything.

Salt Beach

I started this painting on Memorial Day and finished it tonight in the Reuters group.

The reference is from Stranded Deep, a wonderful game I got back into lately.
9x12 pastel on (yellow ochre) Richeson.

The color in this panting was actually quite difficult and I didn't get it exactly the way I intended, although it still works.

This is the ref:

It is very, very grey and I was going for that greyed-down look.

That's what drew me to this particular image.

My painting is much higher chroma, even though there is still a surprising amount of grey in there.

I used a very large palette range for it.

I'm actually wondering if it would be easier to get the color I wanted in oils since it's so easy to knock down the chroma by adding black. Pastels by nature are very glowy. 

                         

*******

A few rambly words on reference....

I have a weird mental hangup.

What I mean is.....

When I don't work from life, I use photo reference like everyone else.

But I'm extremely picky about it.

It must be my original composition, and with rare exception, also has to be my photo.

This reference is from the game Stranded Deep.

Is a game screenshot the same as me taking my own photo from life?

Because it is from a more "filtered" and pre-processed/stylized environment than a photo directly from life.

However- I approach a game screenshot the same way, I look for a good composition, lighting, etc.

There is nothing random about it.  I also changed the sky for better comp. (This is where training in working from life really kicks in, and I have plein air painted on beaches.)

There is so much work that goes on behind that photo.

There is a lot of thinking comsidering and problem-solving that goes into it- for this painting I really had to be mindful of perspective and composition, it's never a matter of copying something straight. 

Even in nature we often have to fix stuff.

Maybe it is a little bit of a grey area, or maybe I just have a weird mental hangup.

Sometimes I discount it to myself. Like the painting isn't as valid or something.

Like it's of less value.  That's the right phrase.

Isn't that stupid?

I know it is and yet I still do it.

But I do think a game screenshot is definitely more originally "mine" than using someone else's photo!! However artificial the environment is, I'm still looking at it through my own unique viewpoint.