Recital!

Daya's dance recital was SO MUCH FUN!  I was volunteer staff again for both shows this year, which I love doing.  I get to move around and go to all the good places.  I like helping out. This year I was the unofficial behind-the-scenes photographer.  I spent a lot of time right in the wings taking nice pics of the dancers.  These will be uploaded for all the parents.

Volunteering is such a great way to share the experience with Daya.  She danced six different dances between two shows, and she was just fantastic.  She loved spending time with her friends.

One things I noticed about all the girls was that they were all so positive and supportive towards each other. In both shows. The things they said to each other, the comments they spoke about amongst themselves about their peers who weren't in earshot- I didn't hear one single negative comment. They were so complimentary to one another and this made me so glad.

The dance studio really is such a positive environment.  The teachers and staff really care about their students and it shows.  This is exactly the kind of environment I want Daya in, and next year it will be even more intense because she will be on the dance Team in addition to all her classes.

I am so proud of her, and I am so proud of ALL the dancers.  It really is such a credit to all the staff.

There is so much heart.

I took a lot of pictures.... 1,802 to be exact. (They are not all good shots but a lot of them are) Amazingly, my camera battery didn't get low until the second half of the second show, and even then it never died completely.

Overall I am pleased with my photos...I did not use a flash for the stage pictures and I also did not use a tripod.

Daya pics

Here are some non-Daya stage shots that I think came out pretty good.

Next year I might try and get away with bringing a tripod.  Maybe.

May Recap

This is the last day of May!  The month went by slowly and quickly at the same time....but time is like that.

Daya has her dance recital today, all day.  She is dancing six numbers in two shows.  I volunteer to help out, which is much preferable to sitting in the audience.  I enjoy volunteering, and Daya likes having me around to share the experience.

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Goals recap:

I did not meet all my goals but I am not being hard on myself about it.

The card deck I used this month, The Enchanted Map, has 54 cards.  I did get some repeats but I chose to just draw a new card.

Anyhow, this has been a positive experience.  A good focus. I have tried to relate all the card meanings to my life in the present, even if I didn't think they really applied.  And I did learn some things, and I looked at some things differently, and saw the relevance.

This was fun.  It is going to feel strange not to draw a card tomorrow.

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Card today is Balancing Act (Reversed)

My Interpretation:  Carrying too much weight, letting things slip, precarious circumstance, too much going on.

Booklet says:  "You are calm within, no matter the fluctuation of outer conditions."  Address areas of discord, take your own inventory, adjust to your environment regarding things you cannot change.

I Have to Destroy A Painting

I have a painting that I started more than TEN (10) years ago.

Back when I was married, before I got pregnant, I had a very special friend from college who was getting married. As a gift, I was going to give them a portrait.  As soon as she told me she was getting married, I immediately went to Blick and got the nicest panel I could find. It was to be a layered glazed painting over a grisaille.  I finished the grisaille.

A lot of time went into this.  A lot of love, too.

Grisaille underpainting

And then I got pregnant.

When I was pregnant, something really strange and unpleasant happened to me. I couldn't make art. Of any kind. It had nothing to do with my materials, it had to do with the energy. Even thinking about painting, or doing any kind of art, made me throw up. Literally. It was so bad I couldn't even sketch in my sketchbook with a pencil.  It was like that part of me, that artist part, was just gone.  I couldn't feel it, couldn't find it. And if I tried I had a violent physical reaction.

Even when I am uninspired and my muse goes on vacation without me, I still am very aware of that core artist part of myself.  It is still there. It has always been there. I thought this is what non-artists must feel like, and it was very strange and alien.  I would never want to go through life like that.

But I knew it was because Daya required that energy. And it came back after she was born.

However, this circumstance prevented me from finishing this painting in time for the wedding.

And then my marriage fell apart while I was pregnant and I had a terrible awful pregnancy and then I had the baby and two weeks after that I had to move in an emergency and I then was alone with a newborn and then the friend whose gift this was dumped me.

She never knew about the painting.

So it forever remains unfinished. I have been holding onto it all these years meaning to destroy it.  I was going to destroy it and throw it out, but it is done on a really nice birch panel.  I don't know yet if I should re-use the panel because of the association it holds for me. It makes me feel very, very sad.

NOTE: Always, ALWAYS destroy a painting before throwing it out.  It has happened to other artists before that they threw out their work and someone else took it and refused to give it back. If you do not want a possibility of your trash-work being out there, destroy it permanently.

Now, though, it is time to put an end to it.  I'm not sure yet what I will do with the panel.  Just in case I reuse it, I'm putting titanium white oil paint over it instead of destroying and rendering it un-useable with gesso.  The under-painting is all thin layers of oils and liquin and has been drying for 10 years, so it's definitely completely cured. (FYI for any paint geeks out there- it didn't yellow at all, even after being in the dark for years!!)

I also did a few glaze layers, apparently.  Having this back on the easel was very, very weird.  It is a relic of a different, distant lifetime, a different person, but still me.

And now it is officially erased.  

It really is a very nice panel. Lovely surface, 

Especially now that it is essentially oil-primed.

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Card today: Field of Dreams (reversed)

My Interpretation: Dreams that never manifest, nightmares, too much daydreaming

Booklet says:  "Your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs are always engaging the vast field of pure potential." Are your dreams yours or someone else's?Asess the validity of your dreams, do not be afraid of them. Nature self-corrects.  You can always clear the ground for new and better things.

Duo-Tone Rainbow

Q: What's even better than one color?
A: A color that flashes another color!!

Here is, for your visual gratification, an Urban Decay duo-tone rainbow!

The new Urban Decay 2015 Summer colors.  

Yes I have worn them all.

A WHOLE ENTIRE URBAN DECAY
DUO-TONE COLOR WHEEL

Also, how freaking COOL is this?
I have matching duo-tone eye shadow and duo-tone oil paint.

UD Flipside and (old) Lounge*
*if you have old Lounge DEFINITELY get new Lounge.  It is way better.

DS Saguaro and Aquamarine

 swatches

Paint piles

Canvas panel getting Saguaro as the background color

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Card today: Follow the Leader (upright)
I'm not very good at just following along....unless it is really necessary...I like to know what's off the path,  It is almost always more interesting. I can follow directions but that's not the same thing.  I do tend to wander and just do my own thing...unless I can be the Leader.  Can I be the leader?

My Interpretation:  I just had a Thought.  Maybe the Leader isn't another person.  In that case, I'm on board.  Perhaps the Leader is the Eternal Tao, the Universe, the Path of Life.  All those creatures are heading towards an eventuality (the clock) but they still go their own direction to get there.  I like that. Or, be your own Leader.

Booklet says: "Every life is a teaching tool for others.  Your authenticity and honesty are an example to those around you." Leading others by example, wisdom, bravery in adventures of life. Suffering has been turned into wisdom, time to share it. Lead with love.  Can also mean emulating someone of great character.

Hug-Sit

Ever since Daya was a toddler, we have had a bedtime ritual.  She named it hug-sit when she was just starting to talk.  I had a rocking chair, and we would spend some time there snuggling before she went to sleep.

As she got older, and the rocking chair found a new home, hug-sit evolved into story, prayers, and me laying down with her for a few minutes.  With a "one more minute" notification when it was almost over. (kids really love to know what happens next before it actually happens)  When she started reading on her own, the story time stopped and hug-sit often turned into her wanting to ask questions that really require the space and time for longer conversations.  

Daya decided she is now too old for hug-sit.  She was very apologetic about it, saying she didn't want to hurt my feelings or upset me.  But it didn't, not at all, and I told her so.  I appreciate and enjoy Daya at all her phases, and I know that she is just starting to go through a big transition.  So now, we just say prayers together and I leave.

It is completely ok with me.  I respect her need to assert herself in these small ways.  She needs to test things out.  She needs to know it is safe and ok, Especially with me. And she wants to know that. My reaction matters to her a whole lot. I also told her it is ok for her to change her mind if she wants to.  Growing up is a back and forth process.  They venture out, then run back to safety. Then out again.

I have no emotional need or want for her to stay little.  

In fact, being a parent is not about my emotional needs at all.  It IS about Daya's needs, including her emotional needs.  It is my job to take care of her, not the other way around. It is also my job as a parent to adjust to her changing needs, while remaining consistent.  That is a challenge. Especially because these new phases...err, phase in.  They go back and forth moment to moment.

Here is Daya at the playground from this past weekend.  She has been playing here since she was a year old.

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Card today: One Ring Circus (upright)

My interpretation: Inner chaos/turmoil.  One-Ring meaning internal, not involving other people. Having to manage all aspects of life alone.  Keeping balanced is a juggling act.  Precarious circumstance.

Booklet says: "You are capable and competent."  Booklet talks about independence.  Others don't have the resources you need.  Self-reliance, wisdom accumulated along the way, very competent and capable of moving forward. Creating and maintaining boundaries.

My interpretation against the booklet is interesting.  The booklet's interpretation is ABSOLUTELY DEFINITELY my life. I have no one to help or depend on except myself.  My interpretation is how I feel about it.  It does feel precarious sometimes.

Camouflage

The cats think my brush farm is a jungle where they can hide.

Furball trying to hide.

Oh, look.  Another cat.

 Isis trying to hide.

And another cat.

Pebbles is not trying to hide.

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Card today is Listening (upright)

My Interpretation:  Listening to your inner voice, inner harmony.  Listening to others as well, really paying attention.

Booklet says:  "An open heart will hear the message." There is a time to speak and a time to be silent.  Now is a time of listening.  Deepest messages are not always obvious, use your heart. Fortunate sign of understanding circumstance.

Purple Possibilities

Carey and I were talking about the importance of having lots and lots of art supplies at all times. Because you never know when you might need THAT SPECIFIC PAINT, and life is better when it is right there in your studio. Possibilities are always open.

Having your tools ready to go all the time is definitely essential for any artist.  Art needs a dedicated space.  Of course, your studio is very like an amoeba; it will sprawl out and encroach on the rest of your living space. But that is ok.

Purple Amoeba

TRUE FACT: 

It is not possible to have too much paint 

or too much purple.

Here is some very nice purple paint- acrylic, pastel, panpastel, and oils.  I have other purples in other media but I was too lazy to dig all of it out.

Carey has purple possibilities today, too.

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Card Today Into the Unknown (upright)

My interpretation: New paths, not knowing what is before you, uncharted territory, new adventures and experiences, going into the unknown in a positive way. Going on faith alone.

Booklet says:  "Trust...and all will be revealed." New opportunities that you won't know how to deal with.  Trust.  New wonders and miracles.  You are a path maker. You are safe, stay aware.

Someone at work told me once that I am a new-path-forger.

Two More Paintings

I painted both of these yesterday.

5x7 Acrylic on canvas panel

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Card today is Spirit of Place (upright)

My Interpretation:  The place around us has its own energy, especially places of nature.  Knowing where you are is really important- knowing where you are in life, relationships, etc.  Knowing where you are and coming to terms with it can help in deciding where to go from here.

Booklet says:  "Authenticity is the essence of power."  Every place has a spirit looking after it or embodying it.  Theme of your circumstances.  Embosy the essence of what you want.  Let go of the need to control.  Once you find the essential truth that underlies your question and then name it, you'll discover what you have been seeking.

Field Trip

Daya has been asking to go to Ellis Island, so yesterday we went.  She is studying Ellis Island immigration in school, so it is very relevant.  I like taking her on supplemental field trips. So, I got Statue of Liberty pedestal reservations.  Reservations are fantastic because you skip the really long lines for the ferry.

I firmly believe in skipping long lines, if possible.

I left all my explosives and firearms at home.

I love boats and I LOVE the water. I could ride that ferry all day.  It just circles around Battery Park, Liberty island, and Ellis Island.

We went to the Statue of Liberty first.  I have been there many times, but I haven't been since before Daya was born.

I have always loved the Statue of Liberty, since I was a kid.

We went up the pedestal.  From there, you can see the statue's armpit.

The old torch from 1912 (? forgot the exact year) is there.  I remember when they did all the renovations back in the 1980s.

 I thought this sign was very ironic, somehow

Before we went to Ellis Island, I asked Daya if she was hungry. She said no. I said are you sure. She said no.

As soon as we got to Ellis Island she was positively starving.

They are doing a lot of construction on the grounds, so the cafe was closed.  We walked around a little, but it just was not worth being there with a zoned out and unpleasant child... so we called it a day and went home.

We'll go back, it is no big deal. Ellis Island is really incredible and wonderful, and it is worth spending a whole day there. Honestly, going around both the statue and Ellis Island is a lot for one day, if you want to look at all the exhibits. I think I'd rather go when Daya is in a place to appreciate it and pay attention.

I will pack food next time and hope it doesn't count as an explosive in security.

Lower Manhattan

from Ellis Island

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Card today: Compass (upright)

My interpretation: Stopping to find your direction, True North, choosing your direction, getting out of being lost, seeking guidance.

Booklet says:  "As long as you orient your compass to True North- the direction of your Higher Self, you will never be lost." Entering new uncharted territories, positive new experience,keep aligned with Spirit (True north). Spirit is working in your life, even if you feel lost temporarily and everything seems dark.

Actually I do kind of feel like that right now, a bit lost. Floating around through life. So it is good to have a compass.

Glow In The Dark

Last Tuesday after yoga, I accidentally wandered into Blick.  It really was an accident, honest. Since I found myself there (by accident), I decided to check out that iridescent acrylic medium that my gorgeous and amazing friend Rolina made me aware of.  Since Rols likes it, I knew I would too.

After yoga I tend to be a little slow and spacey. So I was walking around Blick in a very happy daze, being very happily dazzled by all the wonderful colors and brushes and Assorted Array of Art Things.

Normally, I don't wander into Acrylic territory.  And when I am in Acrylic territory, I stay in Golden range. But...Liquitex has the FUNNEST mediums!  They dooo! As a matter of habit I did wander into Golden territory and I might have adopted some more paint. By accident, of course.

Including glow-in-the-dark paint.

Well, I needed it.  And I always get 10% off at Blick.

Nancy asked me what am I going to do with it, and the only sensible answer is, of course, that I will look around and find things that do not glow but should.

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Here are two paintings. There is interference paint in them which is pretty and fun to work with.
5x7 acrylic on panel

Interference Gold paint blob

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Card today is Movement (upright)
I cannot ignore that this card very directly reflects the painting series I have been working on. Cool!

My interpretation: Ostriches can run very fast. this one is large in proportion to the ground he is moving over, and there is nothing on the ground to impede his progress. He is carrying a nice, natural little world on his back but it doesn't seem like a burden.  Movement forward with good things. That red balloon is flying along.

Booklet says:  "You are in a time of positive forward motion." Positive momentum after coming out of a period of restriction.  New adventure and discovery. Compelled to move forward.  Doors previously shut open. Movement is also a state of mind.